Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

  • 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
  • 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

Am I opposed to marriage? No.

Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

Continue reading “Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy”

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Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing by R K Bussel

Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing by R K Bussel

(Link): Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing

Excerpts

  • I used to wonder why my childfree friends were so adamant about what they didn’t want—but I get it now
  • We talk a lot about freedom of choice when it comes to reproduction, but there’s still one choice that women face an unconscionable amount of backlash over: the decision not to have kids. In an essay for (Link): Marie Claire, writer Starre Vartan details the opposition she’s faced in the dating and medical arenas over her choice to remain childfree, with a gynecologist telling her “That’s what we’re here for” and two boyfriends deliberately removing condoms during sex in a disgusting attempt to force her to change her mind:
  • “I…explained how terrified I was, physically and mentally, to be pregnant, to care for needy small humans. Two different, otherwise wonderful, handsome, and brilliant men said they ‘understood’ after I opened up about my fears. And then they each promptly sabotaged the birth control that I was very strict about.”
  • Assuming that all women automatically want kids is insulting—to everyone. It insults those who do plan to have kids or are parents already by diminishing the sheer amount of physical and emotional labor that goes into the undertaking. It insults those who don’t want kids, or aren’t sure, by elevating motherhood above every other option….
  • …Nobody wins by coercing someone else into becoming a parent, or making someone feel guilty, damaged or ostracized for not wanting kids.

Continue reading “Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing by R K Bussel”

James Dobson’s Flawed Take on Population Decline (no.1: We’re Not in Decline) by T. Grant

James Dobson’s Flawed Take on Population Decline (no.1: We’re Not in Decline) by T. Grant

As this report notes (link is much farther down this blog page), more pressure is placed on WOMEN to marry and have children than is placed on MEN.

I know that culture and Christians can treat single / celibate / childless men like trash, but they are TEN TIMES worse on Christian WOMEN in these regards.

Women get far more pressured to marry and have kids than men do or ever will.

Women get more shamed and insulted by Christians (and at times, secular culture) for staying single, celibate, and childless than males ever are.

Just because most women are capable of carrying a baby inside them, society and churches think it’s their DUTY to have a baby (as though women serve no other purpose in life), and if they choose to opt out (or cannot have a kid), they are still marginalized or insulted for it.

Men don’t face nearly as much insult or pressure to have kids as women do.

I am right of center – but I agree with this left wing (liberal) guy that other right wingers such as Dobson’s real goal is to be against what he perceives as liberal threats to the church or culture. That is one very real motivator some right wingers have, in why they do things like harass women to have children.

I also want to say how utterly moronic I find this approach by Dobson.

Continue reading “James Dobson’s Flawed Take on Population Decline (no.1: We’re Not in Decline) by T. Grant”

A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates

A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates

I may have blogged on this before. I apologize if this is a repeat. I’m pretty sure I already read this, or something very similar to it, about a month ago, and I may have blogged on this before.

(Link): A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates

Excerpts (I have a few comments to make below this long series of excerpts):

  • We obsess over fertility as if women are slot machines who simply need to be primed and pumped at the optimal socially acceptable moment for a baby to shoot out like a prize
  • When Michigan-based writer Emily Bingham took to her Facebook page to vent her frustration at intrusive baby questions, she probably expected a few of her friends to share or “like” her post. Accompanied by an ultrasound photo she had found online, (Link): her post implored:
  • Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single thirtysomething if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop.

    Please stop.

    You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues.

    You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids.

    You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration.

    But instead of reaching a few dozen of her friends, Bingham’s post went viral, shared by more than 77,000 people and liked by more than 42,000. It’s not surprising that Bingham’s message struck such a chord.

Continue reading “A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates”

Maryland: Woman Charged For Contaminating Her Family’s Milk With Dead Skin Shavings From Her Feet – Happy Mother’s Day 2015

Maryland: Woman Charged For Contaminating Her Family’s Milk With Dead Skin Shavings From Her Feet  – Happy Mother’s Day 2015

I can’t say as though I plan on making Mother’s Day related posts every year. I just saw this and it fit – and I believe Mother’s Day is tomorrow.

You can see my previous posts on how terrible Mother’s Day is for people who are infertile, for women who never married, etc., and how churches wrongly hype motherhood year round only to make it worse on Mother’s Day.

Evangelical Christians like to teach that becoming a parent automatically confers godliness and maturity on to a person, but it does not.

Evangelical Christians, in addition to other types of conservative Christians, like to point to getting married and/or having children as markers of maturity, when the Bible itself does no such thing.

Jesus never married, never had children, but I doubt many Christians would consider Jesus an irresponsible, selfish, backwards, dolt, yet they do this constantly with the followers of Jesus who never marry, or who are childless or childfree.

Here’s yet another example of how motherhood or marriage does not make a person more honest, godly, loving, or mature (the woman in this story is a mother, I think, and I believe married, too. I could be wrong, though, as the story does not explain who “family” is… these could be her aunts or nephews – most of the time, culture and reporters equate the word “family” to mean “married person who has kids”):

(Link):  Woman ‘put dead skin shavings from her feet in her family’s milk’

(Link): Maryland: Woman Charged For Contaminating Her Family’s Milk With Dead Skin Shavings From Her Feet 

  • Sarah P. Schrock, 56 of Mechanicsville, Maryland, was arrested on Wednesday. The charges against her are connected to an incident where she served her family milk that she contaminated with dead skin shavings from her feet.
  • The Mechanicsville woman was jailed in lieu of 10 percent of a $10,000 bond related to food contamination, as well as second-degree assault on Allison Depriest and Jessica Whitney Hurry during an incident at her home located off of Golden Beach Road.
  • According to the Southern Maryland Newspaper Online, Schrock was home alone until around dinner time when Hurry and Depriest arrived. Schrock served milk with dinner. Depriest began to choke and coughed up what appeared to be human skin.
  • Court papers state that Hurry also gagged while drinking the milk. An unnamed witness found dead skin in the milk after pouring it into a strainer.

Continue reading “Maryland: Woman Charged For Contaminating Her Family’s Milk With Dead Skin Shavings From Her Feet – Happy Mother’s Day 2015”

Marriage, Parenthood, Judgment by Christians and Non Christians – You Can’t Win No Matter What Choice You Make

Marriage, Parenthood, Judgment by Christians and Non Christians – You Can’t Win No Matter What Choice You Make

I have noticed in the past several years, since visiting Christian forums about marriage, parenting, and singles, and even in reading secular articles about these topics, that while there is pressure applied to people to marry and have children, that having kids or getting married is still not enough for some people.

I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I have been to blogs or forums where single adults – sometimes, some of whom are celibate and hence have no children – try to explain the stigma they face by churches (or wider culture) over being single or childless or child free.Invariably, a married person or two will jump in to such comments to say, “If you think that is bad, it does not let up after you marry.

If you marry and have no children, you will be criticized for that too.” Some married people say the criticisms and unsolicited advice doesn’t stop there.

Even though they have ONE child, they have been pressured by society, parenting articles, or by family and friends, to have another child. I blogged on a similar topic several months back:

It’s not enough you marry and have a child. Oh no, you have to have the EXACT right number of children, according to some people. Your Reformed Christian guys, Southern Baptists, and conservative evangelicals are not satisfied with people marrying, oh no. It’s not good enough you marry at all, but that you have to get married by a CERTAIN AGE. Continue reading “Marriage, Parenthood, Judgment by Christians and Non Christians – You Can’t Win No Matter What Choice You Make”

Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic

Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic

(Link): Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic

Excerpts:

  • As detailed in essays by 16 different writers, both male and female: because they don’t want to, and because not wanting to is perfectly reasonable
  • by Sophie Gilbert
  • Pope Francis is widely believed to be a cool Pope—a huggable, Upworthyish, meme-ready, self-deprecating leader for a new generation of worshippers. “He has described himself as a sinner,” writes Archbishop Desmond Tutu in Pope Francis’ entry on Time’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world,  “and his nonjudgmental views on … issues such as sexual orientation and divorce have brought hope to millions of Roman Catholics around the world.”
  • But there’s one issue that can make even Cool Pope Francis himself sound a little, well, judgy. “A society with a greedy generation, that doesn’t want to surround itself with children, that considers them above all worrisome, a weight, a risk, is a depressed society,” the pontiff told an audience in St. Peter’s Square earlier this year. “The choice not to have children is selfish. Life rejuvenates and acquires energy when it multiplies: It is enriched, not impoverished.”
  • Ignore the irony of a man who’s celibate by choice delivering a lecture on the sacred duty of procreating, and focus instead on his use of the word “selfish.” This particular descriptor is both the word most commonly associated with people who decide not to have children, and part of the title of a new collection of essays, Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed, by 16 different writers (both female and male) who fall into exactly that category.
  • While the association appears to be so deeply embedded in the collective psyche that it’d take dynamite to shift it, if the book reveals anything, it’s that there’s an awful lot more to not wanting children than the impulse to put oneself first.

Continue reading “Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic”

Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry – from New Life Blog

Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry

I have done many blog posts about topics mentioned in this other blog post from New Life Blog, which I have linked to farther below.

A lot of conservative Christians sound no different than the secular culture they criticize in terms of the subjects of sex, a woman’s physical appearance, marriage, and so on.

For example, conservative Christians will tell single women who desire marriage that they shouldn’t be too wrapped up in their looks, that any man worth his salt will value you based on your character and brains, remember that Jesus loves you for who you are, not what you look like, so don’t burn yourself out on dieting…

Yet, these same Christians will turn around a moment later and tell Christian single women something like, “But remember, God created men to be visually oriented, so you MUST stay thin, pretty, and attractive, and wear make-up all the time, if you hope to attract and keep a man, and here are some dieting tips for you.”

Yes, Christians often speak out of both sides of their mouths on this topic.

Another annoying tendency I have seen from male Christian speakers, authors, and pastors is to refer to a biblical woman character’s physical appearance, even if it’s a tangent to the text at hand.

Male Christians will sometimes pause in the middle of a sermon or discussion on Adam and Eve, for example, to go on and on about how surely, since Eve was the only woman created directly by God, she must have been a sexy, babe-a-licious fox, yum yum.

Seriously, one Christian guy – a famous author who has his own weekly TV show – I’ve seen who brings this topic up about every time he discusses Adam and Eve practically starts to salivate when thinking about how hot and sexy Eve must have been.

I suspect this guy must have a porn addiction problem, or something of that nature; his extreme fixation on Eve’s appearance makes him seem creepy, perverted, and sexist.

I notice these male idiots never mention that Adam must have been a smoking hot, sexy, hunk of man. And believe you me, most women, even Christian ones, are also “visually oriented” and prefer a hot, good looking, buff man, to an ugly, scrawny, obese, or bald one.

At any rate, I present to you a link  to another blog page which discusses some of these topics and other ones:

(Link): Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry from New Life Blog

This blog starts out by describing how women are frequently depicted in the Old Testament: often, women’s physical beauty or virginity is mentioned, and women are usually identified in relation to a man, such as their father, brother, or husband.

Here are excerpts:

  • Women in the New Testament
  • So, how many New Testament (NT) women are described as being beautiful? None. Not one.
  •   Moreover, Paul and Peter dissuaded women from concentrating on their appearance; instead they encouraged women to focus on their character and good works. Admittedly these instructions were given mainly to wealthy married women, and not to potential brides.
  • [cut pertinent Bible verses the blog author cites]
  • Women in the New Testament are mentioned primarily in reference to their Christian faith and ministry, and not in terms of their beauty or marriageability.  We simply do not know whether any NT woman was particularly good looking, or not.
  • Also, many NT women are not mentioned in connection with a male relative. This is unlike OT women who were (Link):  typically identified as either a wife, daughter, mother or sister of a certain man.
  • We don’t even know the marital status of several NT women.

Continue reading “Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry – from New Life Blog”

Sounds like Christian Patriarchy or Extreme Christian Gender Complementarians – Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs

Sounds like Christian Patriarchy or Extreme Christian Gender Complementarians – Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs 

(Link): Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs 

This is quite similar to some Christians, who push early marriage and baby-making for everyone in America. I have more posts about it (please see the “related posts” section at the bottom of this post for those links).

I bet Southern Baptists, Reconstructionsists, and other types of Christians wish they could enforce this on American women.

I used to be a Southern Baptist, and I still have pretty traditional values, but, some Southern Baptists and other right wingers are way more strident than I am on some topics, and some of them are more severe.

This article mentions that this ban – which is obnoxious and sexist to start with – would also penalize women who are UNABLE (due to physical issues) to have babies.

See, this comes up among conservatives and Christians in the United States constantly – they tend to automatically assume that if a woman is still single past age 30 or 35, and is childless, that she deliberately chose to not marry and chose not to have children.

Please realize I have nothing against women who choose to forgo marriage and/or children. I do not have a problem with those choices.

However, I am someone who had wanted to marry but never met Mr. Right, so I am still single in my 40s. I never cared one way or another if I ever had a child or not, but I wasn’t intentionally avoiding having one. If I had a kid, it would have to be while I was married – if I don’t have a spouse, I cannot have a kid.

I find it very insulting when I read articles and editorials by Christians (especially Southern Baptists) who immediately assume that every last unmarried (or childless) woman is single (or childless) due to deliberate choice, or from being too picky when younger –

Christians – and Republicans and social conservatives – often assume that women get hundreds of marriage proposals by the time they are 30 years old but turned them all down, because they were too demanding and refused to marry a man unless he had the income of Bill Gates and the looks of actor Brad Pitt.

I got one marriage proposal in my entire life, it was after I hit the age of 30, and I had to break up with that guy, and no other proposals have been forthcoming. It just makes me infuriated when so many other Republicans, social conservatives, and Christians assume I CHOSE to be single this long, when such has not been the case.

Continue reading “Sounds like Christian Patriarchy or Extreme Christian Gender Complementarians – Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs”

The Global Flight From the Family – from the WSJ

The Global Flight From the Family

This is from the WSJ. You might have to log in to read the whole thing. I visited their page three different times. The first two times, I was told to subscribe if I wanted to read it, on the third visit, I was granted full access.

As a celibate, middle aged, never married lady who never had kids, I don’t care if marriage rates are falling and people are refraining from having kids. This is another one of those panicked, hand-wringing editorials about how people are not marrying or having kids.

As Melanie Notkin pointed out on Twitter in regards to this WSJ editorial, not all people are deliberately choosing to delay marriage or avoid it altogether – there is a huge number of women who want to marry and have no idea why they’ve never been married.

Such women did not plan on being single and childless into their 30s and older, but there they are – and yet, they get blamed for it, by commentators who assume they intentionally avoided marriage and motherhood, for selfish reasons, or to worship career, or whatever.

These types of editorials almost never mention the scores of women who had planned and hoped on marrying (and/or having children), but it did not pan out for them because they never met a suitable partner.

(Link): The Global Flight From the Family 

Excerpts

  • Much the same has been taking place around East and Southeast Asia for at least a generation. From South Korea to Singapore, China is rimmed by countries where marriage is being postponed or, increasingly, forgone; where networks of extended kin are withering due to extreme sub-replacement fertility; and where childlessness is on the rise.
  • Nowadays about one-sixth of Japanese women in their mid-40s are still single, and about 30% of all women that age are childless. Twenty years hence, by Mr. Kaneko’s projections, 38% of all Japanese women in their mid-40s would be childless, and an even higher share—just over 50%—would never have grandchildren.
  • To be sure, unlike Europe and the U.S., Japan still severely stigmatizes childbearing outside marriage. Childlessness, on the other hand, is socially acceptable.
  • Japanese women are availing themselves of these new choices. Given recent trajectories, demographers Miho Iwasawa and Ryuichi Kaneko project that a Japanese woman born in 1990 stands less than even odds of getting married and staying married to age 50.
  • Contemporary Japanese women have lifestyle options that were unthinkable for their grandmothers, including divorce, separation, cohabitation and remaining single.
  • Lest one suspect that there is something about this phenomenon that is culturally specific to Western countries, we have Japan, whose fabled “Asian family values” are now largely a thing of the past.
  • But it is not primarily driven by the graying of European society, at least thus far: Over twice as many Danes under 65 are living alone as those over 65.
  • The rise of the one-person home coincides with population aging.

Continue reading “The Global Flight From the Family – from the WSJ”