views and thoughts on topics, especially ones pertaining to christianity – with an emphasis on how most christians either ignore or discriminate against unmarried christians – and how christians have turned marriage and parenting into IDOLS and how there is no true support for sexual purity, virginity, or celibacy among christians – this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don't debate dissenters ————-
Stop Assuming Dads With Daughters Must Be Disappointed by R. P. Payne
I’ve never understood men who are obsessed with sons (with having one – with being upset if their wife turns out to be pregnant with a girl rather than a boy). Or mothers who are obsessed with having daughters.
When my mom gets asked about our family, she’ll say she has “four grown children.” She omits the fact that all four of those children are daughters.
“I’m just tired of it,” she said. “The dismayed facial expressions, the pity for your dad. I’d rather just not go down that path.”
Fathers of daughters—even one, but especially three, four, or more—know this reaction all too well. Corey Widmer, pastor of Third Church in Richmond, Virginia, is the father to four young girls. He noticed that “90 percent of the time, when I tell people I have four girls, the reaction is negative. If it is positive, it’s usually because they came from a family of all girls.”
We assume, on some level, that having so many daughters must be a disappointment for dads. Ask nearly any of these fathers, though, and it’s far from the truth.
Friends say couple can’t be busy if they don’t have kids
Yes, people who are parents tend to have all kinds of condescending assumptions about the childless or childfree.
Parents do tend to assume that those without children have buttloads of free time where all they do is sit around sipping margaritas or twiddling their thumbs, or, some of them assume that your life lacks true meaning or depth unless and until you have kids.
Here is another example (for those of you parents who do NOT make these snotty assumptions about your childless or childfree friends, thank you).
Friends say couple can’t be busy if they don’t have kids
Dear Carolyn: I am a childless woman. My husband and I work hard, and we like the way things are in our life.
So how do I respond when my friends say, “You can’t be that busy, you don’t have kids”? I am on call 24 hours per day, seven days a week, and my husband works mid-shifts so we are quite busy.
We also run a small business from our home, and have pets and other hobbies.
I am stunned when I hear this and always feel like I am being excluded on purpose.
Here we go again. Women who are childless or child free are treated like selfish jerks or weirdos by most Christians. Women are only valued by Christians if they have gotten pregnant (even if said pregnancy resulted in abortion).
Doesn’t seem to matter to these jokers HOW these women treat the children they give birth to.
Some Christians also teach that being a parent causes a person to become more loving, mature, and godly, while staying childless supposedly makes a person endlessly immature or stunted.
Please explain to me how I’ve managed to make it to middle-age without harming or murdering so much as a lone child, but almost DAILY, I see stories of women who starve their own toddlers, women who burn their infants to death?
How can Christians keep teaching this bull that being a parent makes a woman more godly or giving, when it sure as hell is not preventing things like this from happening:
A MUM who throttled her 10-year-old son to death because she thought his big ears were ruining his life is facing murder charges in Turkey.
Nuray Sacan, 37, had paid for the boy to have cosmetic surgery in Gazi Hospital in the capital Ankara, but when she turned up to see the results she told surgeons she was unhappy with the way it turned out.
So she took the youngster to the women’s toilet in the early hours of the morning and choked him to death with her own scarf.
She was caught when she fled the hospital in her car but hit another vehicle and confessed to the killing while she was being taken back to hospital in an ambulance.
….Gazi Hospital chief surgeon Dr Kadri Altok added: “We can’t understand it. The boy’s mother did not seem to have any psychological problems and the operation went perfectly.”Police spokesman Alper Tore confirmed: “A 37-year-old woman is in custody over the death of her son.”
I think the young lady in the story – who was about 17 years of age when the “relationship” (as in sex and dating) started with her biological father – bears a tiny bit less of the responsibility in this than her father, who was about 35 or 36 when this began. But she should still know better, so I’m not giving her a pass.
I think the girl is an idiot, in addition to being a sexual deviant.
Due to immaturity, insecurity, admitted sexual and relationship confusion on her part, and lack of life experience, she is being made a fool of.
Her father, who was mid 30s when this began, is exploiting her. I do not even care if, from the girl’s view, that this is “consensual”.
It is so damn easy for anyone over the age of 25 to emotionally manipulate someone who is under age 25 – and make that double if the older person is age 35, 45, or older. Older adults can manipulate and scam the hell out of you if you are below 25, and you won’t even notice it at the time.
I don’t think this girl understands she cannot trust her father. She thinks he is more trustworthy to date precisely because he is her dad (you can read her rationale below).
That her father is willing to have sex with his own biological daughter indicates he is a predator, not a trustworthy father. A real, caring father is NOT going to step over this line and have sexual dealings with his own kid.
But she confuses things, to thinking, well, this is the man who gave me Barbie dolls and teddy bears when I was a girl, ergo, it’s safer for me to enter a romantic relationship with him than with a guy I’m not related to.
She has it all wrong. If her dad was truly a stand up guy, he would never, ever have touched her sexually, and it is irrelevant if she agreed to it or not.
When asked about these issues in the interview, she says no worries, her mother taught her self defense, like how to kick a man in the crotch.
She is so effing naive… she is being EMOTIONALLY (as well as sexually) manipulated and exploited and does not even recognize it; she equates being abused only with PHYSICAL abuse. Her father just wants in her pants, like any horny boy her own age who she’s not related to, and she’s permitting it. She doesn’t even see what is happening.
As someone on another site astutely observed, sex before marriage is now considered even more passe’ since this girl says in her interview about the incest that she and her biological father began having sex and THEN afterwards began dating.
Yes. So. People are having sex first and THEN dating and THEN marrying.
One of the interesting or amusing things I see in some articles that are critical of her relationship (and under comments about the story of the man who is married to a woman, but he claims to have sex with a horse regularly), are the number of pro-homosexuality persons who get upset by this.
By the way, in the interview with the man who has sex with a horse, he says that his horse consents to the sex. He claims that. Go read the article, don’t ask me to explain or defend it. I don’t agree that a horse can give consent to having sex with a person.
It angers homosexuality advocates that the men who want to have sex with horses, or their own daughters, use the same, exact claims and arguments that the pro homosexual lobby does, such as, “I was born this way,” and, “as long as its consensual, it’s okay,” and, “who are you to judge.”
As for the idiot who left a comment under the Science of Us article: that the Bible mentions incidents of incest does not mean that God approves of incest. Duh.
I also think this story goes to once again show that the Christian propaganda that being married or a parent makes a person more mature and godly is false. Being married or a parent is not an indication of someone’s morals or ethics or maturity. Here you have a man who has been married, has a biological daughter, and is having sex with her.
Also, if, as Christians maintain, married sex is so “mind blowing,” why did the father in this story divorce the mother and end up having sex with his own daughter? If the “mind blowing” propaganda were true, would this man not have been sexually satisfied with his wife, (or later, with the adult girlfriend he had) – why is he having sex with his biological daughter?
Before proceeding reading this, you may want to have a trash can handy so you can throw up.
…Consensual incest between fathers and their daughters remains the least reported and perhaps the most taboo sort of GSA relationship. Keith Pullman, who runs a marriage equality blog, has personally talked to over 20 GSA couples and notes that he’s only had a few father-daughter couples speak out, speculating that many of them fear that others will assume the daughter must have been abused in childhood (it should be said that when these unions lead to children, those children can face potentially serious difficulties as a result of the genetic implications of incest, even if some online communities downplay these risks).Here, an 18-year-old woman from the Great Lakes region describes her romantic relationship of almost two years with the biological father she met after 12 years of estrangement.
What was your family like when you were growing up?
My parents had me when they were 18 — they met in high school and I was conceived on prom night. They were serious for about six months but broke up while my mom was still pregnant with me. My dad wasn’t there when I was born. [Her dad had hardly any contact with her as she grew up because her mother would not permit it]
…. Can you remember much from your time with your dad when you were little?
I have some memories. He spoiled me rotten. I had this giant storage tote of Barbie dolls and I had my own Mary-Kate and Ashley bedroom. It was a little girl’s dream. We’d sit in the yard blowing bubbles together, and he took me to the zoo where he bought me a stuffed animal that I kept until I was 16. I ended up washing it and stupidly put it in the dryer, which melted all its fur. I remember he gave me a miniature tea set. I still have it.
…Do you think it triggered the abandonment you felt from your own dad?
Yeah. I think I was subconsciously replaying what I’d been through.
…Did you date when you were a teenager?
I didn’t really have a social life. I stayed home a lot because my mom didn’t trust me, and most of the kids my age were hooked on heroin, so it was hard to find friends. I lived in such a small town where there was nothing to do. In fifth grade I dated a boy for two years.
But one night he got drunk and had sex with a girl who ended up pregnant. It f-cked everything up. I told him he had to go and be with this girl and take care of the kid.
…Did you have sex with that boyfriend?
No. I had a girlfriend in middle school and that was the most major sexual experience I’d ever had. But she was very religious and every time we were intimate she would sob and read me verses out of the Bible.
It made me feel like I’d hurt her. The second time we did it she cried and said we’d done something wrong and she was worried her grandmother would find out.
I was done after that. No more crying, and no more Bible transcripts. She had me in tears because I felt so guilty.
How do you define your sexuality? I’ve always identified as bisexual.
…So can you remember what it was like the moment you and your dad were reunited? Was there an instant attraction?
It was so weird and confusing. I was seeing my dad for the first time in forever but it was also like, He’s so good-looking! And then I was like, What the hell are you thinking? What is wrong with you? I saw him as my dad but then also part of me was like, I’m meeting this guy who I have been talking to over the internet and really connecting with and I find him attractive.
Was there a single moment you realized that you were sexually and romantically attracted to your dad? After I had stayed with him for about five days.
What happened? He was living with his girlfriend. On the first night he slept on the couch and I slept on the floor, just to make sure that I was okay.
…That night we were play-wrestling in the room I was going to sleep in and I bit him. He was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top and after I bit him I could see goose bumps pop up from his toes to his shoulders. Then he pinched my inner thigh and I got goose bumps.We stopped and said that we didn’t know what was going on but admitted that we had strong feelings for each other. We discussed whether it was wrong and then we kissed. And then we made out, and then we made love for the first time. That was when I lost my virginity.
Did you tell him you were a virgin? Yes. I told him I wanted him to be the first person I made love to. We talked about how it could be awkward if it didn’t end up working out. He also said that if I didn’t feel comfortable at any point I should tell him.