An Update On My Self-Absorbed Ex Friend “Doug” – The Friend Who Made My Mother’s Death All About Himself

An Update On My Self-Absorbed Ex Friend “Doug” – The Friend Who Made My Mother’s Death All About Himself

Here is the background on this post – if you want to know more about Doug (not his real name), and why I am angry at Doug, please see this previous post for the details:

(Link): People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine named “Doug”)

The very, very short of that post is that…

Doug was a Christian guy who is very self-absorbed, ever since I knew him back in our twenties when we went to college together, and he later made my mother’s death all about him.

He sent me an insensitive reply to my e-mail telling everyone on my e-mail account that my mother had passed, and I had sent this e-mail within a few days of the funeral.

He wrote back to send me a very chipper, upbeat response going on and on about how great his life was going.

“Doug” didn’t care about me or what I was going through. He didn’t hardly comment on my mother’s passing – his e-mail reply was mainly about him, him, him, and him.

For the next two to three years, I stopped all contact with Doug, until I finally sent him a link to a page about how NOT to talk to someone in grief.

I told him in that e-mail he was guilty of doing to me what that page said NOT to do.

Doug wrote back, defended himself, dug his heels in, and he actually had the audacity to lecture me on how he thinks I should be handling and reacting to my own mother’s death.

(At that point in time, he had not even lost anyone close to him, so he was in no place to offer such condescending advice.)

I wrote him back, chewed him out over that, and told him never to write me again.

Doug Tried Contacting Me Again in June / July 2018

I heard from Doug (not his real name) a few weeks ago (July 2018, or maybe late June).

He sent me some kind of private request on Facebook.

It was not a friend request, but some kind of request to talk to me privately on Facebook’s messenger system or something.

There was an “accept” and a “decline” button attached to that notification.

I Was A Potted Plant. Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance

Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue   – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance

I don’t think getting married is enough. You have to marry the right person, someone who makes you feel valued, someone with whom you’re compatible. The woman’s husband in this letter (which I copied much, much farther below) is not doing any of that for her.

Before I get to her letter, I wanted to talk about the situation with my ex fiance. I am going to spend a good long portion of the intro of this post griping and explaining about my ex, Fred.

I also posted this letter to my blog because this woman’s husband reminds me of my ex fiance.

I wrote about my ex in (Link): this post, about half way down that page, under the “Personal Experiences” subtitle.

My ex, let’s call him “Fred,” never stopped yapping. He was a talker.

During the several years we were an item, Fred never stopped talking.

The very few number of times I tried to talk about myself, my job, or topics I thought both of us would find interesting, or topics I felt passionate about, Fred would get a glassy-eyed stare as though he didn’t care about what I was saying.

He would not say hardly anything in response to anything I said, and he wouldn’t ask me clarifying questions about what I was saying.

Or, if we were chatting over the phone (about one third to 1/2 of our relationship was long distance), he would go deadly quiet.

Deadly quiet as in, Fred was bored listening to me talk about anything. The moment I would go silent again after an incident like that, he would resume talking as though I had never said anything. I endured several YEARS of that behavior, which I found hurtful, strange, and incredibly RUDE.

Fred would not show ordinary behaviors most people show when you are in conversation with them.

He would talk about himself, his family (mother, uncles, brothers, etc), and his job.

But Fred would not even pause to ask me questions about this stuff he was talking about, like, “So, what do you think of my Uncle getting a new job at Acme Inc.? Do you think he should have taken the job at Spacely Sprockets instead?”

Nope. Fred would talk endlessly about whatever he wanted to but then never ask me for my thoughts on whatever he was yakking about. He didn’t ask for my input.

As a result of that (and a few other elements of our relationship), I didn’t feel valued by Fred, my ex. There was no emotional connection because he did not take an interest in me, my career, my hobbies, my opinions, or my life.

I often would sit in the same room with Fred yet feel all ALONE.

I was “emotionally single,” even though I was dating the guy, in a relationship! I might as well have been single. I did not feel as though I was part of a couple.

People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)

People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)

(July 2018 update below)

I had this friend who I shall call “Douglas” (not his real name) who I met while in college.

This post will probably not be nearly as long as (Link): Part 1 of this series about the ingrate and hot head, Ellen (the other ex friend of mine).

Doug is about four or five years older than I am.

Doug is a devout Christian guy and a Republican. (Though he didn’t fixate on politics and go nuts about it the way Ellen did, who I mentioned in my last post.)

Like almost everyone I am blogging about in this series, he was self absorbed.