The False Teachings Regarding Celibacy from City Church of San Francisco

The False Teachings Regarding Celibacy from City Church of San Francisco

Here we go again. I’ve seen this issue come up before with other Christians, other churches, who hold all sorts of falsehoods about celibacy.  I will be offering comments and criticisms of the views presented in this letter from a San Francisco Church – a link, with excerpts from the page, is below.

The Bible teaches that abstaining from sexual behavior is for all single persons, regardless if they are hetero, bi-sexual, or homosexual, or of some other orientation.

Furthermore, the Bible does (Link): not teach that God “gifts” people with celibacy or that only some, only a few, will be celibate, or that (Link): life long celibacy is an heroic feat possible for only a minority.

Review a bit of my life story: I am over the age of 45, a hetero-sexual woman who long desired marriage, marriage did not happen for me (and it may never), yet I am a virgin, but God did not remove my sexual desire. I still have a desire for marriage, and also a libido.

If I can remain celibate this long, and I have in fact done so, there is no reason for this San Francisco church to imply it is cruel, impossible, or unrealistic for LGBT persons to remain celibate over a life time.

While being celibate over a lifetime is not always easy, it is in fact possible.

Remaining celibate for a long time comes down to self-control and choice, not some magical rare gifting where-in God only zaps a few people with celibacy and removes a sexual drive. The Bible says all believers in Christ (Link): have self-control but churches such as this one operates under the assumption that this is not so.

(Link): A Letter from the Elder Board of San Francisco

Excerpts:

A Letter From The Elder Board

…..WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS NOW?

1. God is bringing LGBT Christians through the doors of City Church.
As you read this perhaps you, your friend, or family member are one of them. They desire to follow Jesus, and are eager to live faithfully to the gospel and desire spiritual growth. Some have been living celibate lives and want to know if we can talk out loud about this.
Others report they have become Christians at City Church. Some report that while they were raised in the church, they left it, but have returned and experienced great renewal.
And many hope for a life long partnership one day that will fulfill their basic human need of belonging, companionship, and intimacy.
Others are already married or partnered and know this is a safe place for them to grow in their relationship.

2. Our pastoral practice of demanding life-long “celibacy”, by which we meant that for the rest of your life you would not engage your sexual orientation in any way, was causing obvious harm and has not led to human flourishing.
(It’s unfortunate that we used the word “celibacy” to describe a demand placed on others, as in Scripture it is, according to both Jesus and Paul, a special gift or calling by God, not an option for everyone). In fact, over the years, the stories of harm caused by this pastoral practice began to accumulate.
Our pastoral conversations and social science research indicate skyrocketing rates of depression, suicide, and addiction among those who identify as LGBT. The generally unintended consequence has been to leave many people feeling deeply damaged, distorted, unlovable, unacceptable, and perverted. Imagine feeling this from your family or religious community:
“If you stay, you must accept celibacy with no hope that you too might one day enjoy the fullness of intellectual, spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical companionship. If you pursue a lifelong partnership, you are rejected.” This is simply not working and people are being hurt. We must listen and respond.

3. We feel a growing sense that this counsel is not necessarily the way of the gospel.
While members of the LGBT community have always been welcome at City Church, we prevented people from joining our church if they were unwilling or unable to practice lifelong celibacy. ….

..SUMMARY: WHAT HAS ACTUALLY CHANGED HERE?

…On the other hand, we want to be clear what this now means. We will no longer discriminate based on sexual orientation and demand lifelong celibacy as a precondition for joining. For all members, regardless of sexual orientation, we will continue to expect chastity in singleness until marriage.

/// end excerpts from City Church web page

If your church position is that any and all sexual behavior is fine and peachy, so long as the person is married, AND you’re arguing you are now hunky dory with homosexuality, that would mean, I take it, that you are saying  you are fine with LGBT marriage, and are saying LGBT persons may have same-sex relations so long as they are married to their same-sex partner?

And what if marriage never happens?

I’ll tell you what happens and what should happen:

The person has to remain celibate, if they claim to be a Christian who wants to respect God, God’s morals, and what the Bible has to say about it.

Look, guys at San Fran church, I would dearly love to marry, but no “Mr. Right” is materializing on my front door step.

I may never marry.

If I were still completely a Christian (I am quasi agnostic currently), I’d have to sexually abstain. And I am HETERO. You should expect no less from LGBT persons.

In my time blogging or Tweeting about being a hetero celibate, I have heard from other other HETERO celibates, some in their 40s, 50s, and older, all of them to date have been Christians, I believe.

These heterosexuals are still abstaining – many of them wanted to marry, but they never met the right person, so they remain single.

Please stop acting as though life long, or decades-long, celibacy is so very difficult that it’s this impossible standard nobody can achieve, so you drop it as a biblical sexual ethic.

Just because something is difficult does not mean it stops being right or possible.

Just because it seems that everyone else is doing something (i.e., sex outside of marriage) does not mean you should just say, “Aw, screw it, nobody is living this celibacy stuff out any more, let’s just drop this expectation!”

Where does the Bible say to base morality on popularity or on how many people are doing or not doing something?

If everyone began robbing banks tomorrow, would your church start saying,

“We no longer demand our members to be honest, and work for a living to pay their bills, but it’s okay if they rob banks.”

If you wouldn’t slack off on other biblical mores such as stealing and robbing, why would you do so in the area of sexuality? Why is sexuality an exception here?

Due to liberal political correctness, is that it? That’s not a solid reason, either.

I have to laugh at all the liberal Christian and ex-Christian accounts, blogs, and groups I follow on Twitter, Facebook, and elsewhere, who keep arguing that Christians have turned virginity (or celibacy) into idols – oh no they don’t. This post serves as another example of that.

Christians are ditching and dumping celibacy and virginity teachings faster than you can blink and eye.

There is no so-called Christian “idolizing of virginity” going on, as liberal and ex Christians proclaim – spare me.

Christians should be among the forefront of society defending sexual abstinence, but here they are, acquiescing to culture. Or they (Link): don’t want people to be angry with them, nor do they be perceived as “mean”

They are fine with fudging on biblical ethics in the process.

I have to say, every time I see these types of web pages – such as the one published by this San Francisco church – all I can think is that they are robbing some Christian celibates of a motivation to continue sexually abstaining, since they continue to chip away at a basis or rationale for anyone to remain a virgin or celibate.

Churches like this one are sapping hetero celibates of the the strength to keep going and holding on. Churches such as “City Church” are supporting LGBT persons at the expense of hetero celibate adults – enough of that! They should knock that off.


By the way (and I’ve already tweeted them a link to this blog post)…

the (Link): San Fran City Church Twitter account

@CityChurchSF


Related Posts:

(Link):   Typical Erroneous Teaching About Adult Celibacy Rears Its Head Again: To Paraphrase Speaker at Ethics and Public Policy Center: Lifelong Celibacy is “heroic ethical standard that is not expected of heteros, so it should not be expected of homosexuals” (ie, it’s supposedly an impossible feat for any human being to achieve)

(Link):   False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): “God’s gifting of singleness is rare” – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage -and- God gifts only the rare the exceptions the few with the gift of Marriage

(Link):  Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it

(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Singleness Is Not a Gift

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link):  The Myth of the Gift – Re Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): Pastors avoid ‘controversy’ to keep tithes up, author says – Confirms What I’ve Been Saying All Along, Re: Churches: Contrary to Progressive Christians, Churches / Christians Do Not Support or Idolize Sexual Purity, Virginity, or Celibacy – they attack these concepts when not ignoring them

(Link): Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

(Link):  Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions

(Link):  Christian Preacher Admits He Won’t Preach About Sexuality For Fear It May Offend Sexual Sinners

(Link): No, Christians Do NOT Support or Idolize Virginity and Celibacy, they attack both)

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions

(Link): Christians Selling Out Hetero Celibacy By Defending Homosexual Behavior – Re: Jars of Clay Controversy

(Link): Editorialist at WaPo Argues That Single Christian Adults Can Have Sex So Long As They are Chaste About It – Also Speculates that Jesus Was “Probably” Celibate

(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Sometimes the Bible is Clear – Regarding Rachel Held Evan’s Post

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Christian Author Dan Navin

(Link): Nobody Bats An Eye at Condemnation of Hetero Sexual Sin – Observations from Duck Dynasty Controversy

(Link): Southern Baptists open to reaching out to LGBT – but still don’t give a flying leap about HETERO CELIBATE UNMARRIED ADULTS

(Link): Church Touts Homosexuality as a Gift, Not a Sin

(Link): The New Homophiles: A Closer Look (article) Re: Christian Homosexual Celibates and Christian Homosexual Virgins

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): The Activist Who Says Being Gay Is Not A Sin – double standards for homo singles vs hetero singles

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Why Do Christians Ask if Homosexuals Can Change Their Orientation – Why Not Explain that Celibacy is an Option?

(Link): Being Against Gay Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Homophobe (editorial by a homosexual man)

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

Evangelical Russell Moore Criticizes Other Conservative Christians For Supporting Sexually Smarmy Donald Trump but Moore Has Attacked Adult Virginity

Evangelical Russell Moore Criticizes Other Conservative Christians For Supporting Sexually Smarmy Donald Trump but Moore Has Attacked Adult Virginity

In the midst of the current election season, we have some conservative Christians who are upset with other conservative Christians for supporting Republican nominee Donald Trump.

The media have been reporting around the clock the last couple of weeks with all sorts of allegations that Trump has groped women and so on. In spite of some of this questionable to clearly sexist behavior, some conservative Christians have spoken up to defend Trump in public, which really angers Russell Moore.

Considering that Moore has criticized adult, Christian virgins in the past (see this post and this post), I find it pretty rich that he wrote an editorial, which was carried by the Washington Post recently, criticizing other Christians for not supporting biblical sexual ethics in light of Donald Trump’s smarmy behavior towards women.

I have additional commentary below this long excerpt:

(Link): If Donald Trump has done anything, he has snuffed out the Religious Right by Russell Moore

Excerpts:

…Journalist Mark Halperin (Link): noted this weekend that virtually all of the “reaffirmation of support” for Trump, following the disclosure of his sexually predatory recorded comments, were from religious conservative leaders. This is a scandal and a disgrace, but it should not be a surprise.

…We know nothing new about Donald Trump. He has told us about his view of women, his view of sexuality, his views of marriage and family for more than 30 years. He has gloried in reality television decadence before reality television was even invented, in his boasts to tabloid reporters. He reaffirmed who he is over and over again, even during this campaign — from misogynistic statements to racist invective to crazed conspiracy theorizing.

And yet here stands the old-guard Religious Right establishment. Some are defending or waving this away, with the same old tropes they’ve used throughout this campaign.

Continue reading “Evangelical Russell Moore Criticizes Other Conservative Christians For Supporting Sexually Smarmy Donald Trump but Moore Has Attacked Adult Virginity”

Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

The majority of Christians will disregard this study, because it does not fit their culturally- based gender stereotypes that men are sexual animals and visually oriented while all women are supposedly, basically uninterested in sex and only interested in emotional closeness, weeping at beautiful poetry, and knitting scarves.

It is true: for all their bloviating on how they adhere to “sola scriptura,” many Christians take their secular-cultural based assumptions about women and read them back into the Bible. The Bible no where teaches that “God designed men to be visual” or that “men are more interested in sex than women are.” Christians get those assumptions from their culture or perceived personal experiences – not from the Bible.

(Link): Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show

Excerpts

  • by E. Bernstein
  • Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals
  • Rarely are researchers’ findings so satisfying. Women may want more sex than their husbands or partners think.
  • New research by psychologists at the University of Toronto and the University of Western Ontario, (Link): published earlier this month in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that men in long-term relationships often underestimate how often their wives or girlfriends want to be intimate.
  • The research consists of three studies, following a total of 229 long-term couples, most of whom are heterosexual. (The sample of homosexual couples was too small to be statistically significant, the researchers say.) Participants ranged in age from 18 to 68 years old; the couples had been together six years on average, and they reported they had sex an average of one to two times a week.
  • ….All three studies showed the same thing: Men consistently underestimated their female partner’s desire, while the women had an accurate read on whether or not their partner was interested in sex. And on the days when the men thought their partner was less sexually interested than she actually was, the women reported being more satisfied in and committed to the relationship.

Continue reading “Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals”

If You Were Sexually Abused, You Cannot Work At These Churches

Some churches are refusing to hire people who admit on their job applications to having been sexually abused

If You Were Sexually Abused, You Cannot Work At These Churches

Not only is child sexual abuse addressed on some of these employment forms, but according to these articles (links farther below), some churches ask applicants about their views on fornication, or if they’ve ever been accused of homosexuality.

I find this pretty hypocritical. If you’ve followed this blog before, you know I was waiting until marriage to have sex – as a result, I am now over 40 years of age and still a virgin, because I never married.

What I have observed as I’ve gotten older is that while many Christians pay “lip service” to respecting adult virginity or celibacy, that in practice, they do not.

Sometimes, some Christians (conservatives, no less, but also most progressives) ridicule and mock virginity, and they ridicule or put down adult virgins for being virgins. (Please see the links under the “Related Posts” at the bottom of this post for examples.)

Not only is there little to no philosophical, theological, or intellectual support for adult virginity (and by extension, adult singleness past one’s mid 20s or so), but there is no concrete support – churches and Christians seldom have ministries to meet the needs of adult single celibates.

There are rarely sermons preached on a regular basis on adult single celibacy – compare that to the topic of marriage. Most churches offer a “ten steps to a stronger marriage” type sermon series once every few weeks but never sermonize about singleness.

Continue reading “If You Were Sexually Abused, You Cannot Work At These Churches”

If condoms are OK for Zika, why not Aids, Pope Francis? by B. Ellen

If condoms are OK for Zika, why not Aids, Pope Francis? by B. Ellen

This editorial: “If condoms are OK for Zika, why not Aids, Pope Francis? by B. Ellen is farther down the page.

I have explained before on this blog that I am not Roman Catholic, and that I disagree with their theology (ie, their rejection of sola fide, sola scriptura, etc).

However, I find that Protestant attitudes on topics sometimes parallel what Roman Catholics (specifically, the Pope) says or thinks, so I do occasionally post about sexuality, dating, marriage, etc, as it intersects Roman Catholicism.

There are some Baptists and Protestants who seem to feel that the only purpose for sex is for pro-creation. If I am not mistaken, that is the Roman Catholic position on sex as well – all sex is supposedly meant to create pregnancy, that a person isn’t to have sex just for the sheer enjoyment of the act. I disagree.

Anyway, I found this interesting. Some in the media are framing the current Pope as saying it’s acceptable for women to use birth control rather than risk getting pregnant and having a fetus with Zika.

I find this a bit confusing, as a p_r_o_Life Twitter page I follow, which is Roman Catholic, if I am not mistaken, believes that a celibate woman is just as bad as a woman who gets an abortion.

These types of P_r_o_Life Catholics really feel it is a woman’s DUTY or only value in life to have a baby – it’s absolutely contrary to what the Bible teaches and is incredibly sexist. I have blogged on that before here:

(Link):  Pope suggests contraceptives could be used to slow spread of Zika

  • (CNN) Pope Francis suggested that contraceptives may be used to prevent the spread of the Zika virus, despite the church’s longstanding ban on most forms of birth control.

Continue reading “If condoms are OK for Zika, why not Aids, Pope Francis? by B. Ellen”

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman

We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman

And left wing, secular feminism actually encourages some of the very behavior that so many women find hurtful and damaging that is described in this editorial. This is one area where feminists really do deserve some blame.

There is nothing liberating, feminist, or empowering or freeing about women having casual sex with men at any age.

Nor is there anything feminist about feeling pressured into having sex because some left wing feminists insist women of all ages should be engaging in casual sex to be “real women” or to be sexually liberated, or whatever nonsense they spout.

(Link): We’re casual about sex and serious about consent. But is it working? By Jon Zimmerman /  October 13, 2015

Excerpts:

  • … That’s a question about intimacy, not just about consent. And the discussion about emotional connection and communication is mostly missing from the endless role-plays, workshops and online courses that we foist upon our students when they get to college. In fact, it’s the great contradiction at the heart of our college sex wars.
  • University administrators take it for granted that a certain amount of sex will be “casual,” that is, devoid of intimate emotion or connection. But our rules now require the sharing of feelings, even in an encounter that is by definition divorced from them. We simply assume that virtual strangers will be having sex. But we urge them — or, even legally enjoin them — to communicate openly and explicitly about it.
  • Good luck with that. We might succeed in cajoling more students into some kind of verbal consent. But that’s a script, a bedroom contract between sexual vendors. Yes, it will make the whole transaction legal. But consensual? Really?  If you met somebody an hour ago, how can you tell what they want? And  since you know so little about them, aren’t you more likely to do something that they don’t want, no matter what kind of “consent” they have given?

Continue reading “We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman”

Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference – Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)

Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference –  Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)

This editorial is aimed primarily at Millennials, or is primarily about them, but as someone who is Gen X, I can tell you that the attitudes towards sex that this article attributes to Millennials also holds true for individuals who are older than the Millennials.

I, too, have noticed that our culture disdains judging any and all forms of sexual behavior except for virginity (or celibacy): both right wingers and left wingers, and many Christians and most Non-Christians, are very disparaging and disrespectful towards the concepts of virginity, and towards adult virgins themselves.

Virginity (and celibacy) is shamed, ridiculed, and mocked in our culture by just about every one in every age group, regardless of political affiliation or religious beliefs.

I do not see an author’s name on this page, but it comes from the Millennial Evangelical blog. (Edit. There is someone named Chris Martin listed at the bottom of the page; I assume he is the author?)

(Link): Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference –  Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality by Chris Martin (?)

Excerpts:

  • ….The only thing Millennials are black-and-white on when it comes to matters of sexual morality is that you aren’t allowed to be black-and-white on sexual morality.
  • Before, it was stigma to sleep with someone before marriage or with a partner outside of your marriage. Today, college students are shamed as cowards and prudes for retaining their virginity on campuses across the country.
  • Before, you kept your sexual activity quiet for fear of shame; today, you keep your sexual inactivity quiet for the same reason.

Continue reading “Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference – Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)”

Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Very interesting editorial.

(Link): Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Excerpts:

  • The Genesis account of creation reveals that God created only one species of human. He said, “Let us make human,” and not “Let us make humans.” What essentially makes one a human then, is being created in God’s image, in God’s “likeness” (Gen.1:26-27). What defines us then is the ruah (Hebrew word for spirit) of God in our bodies (Gen.2:7).
  • God is a spirit. Therefore, when he said, “Let us make man in our own image,” he wasn’t speaking of bodies, but of essence.
  • God created the human body out of dust, a decomposable substance, but what is really human—the soul—is indecomposable. This is the God-like property that dwells in humans. The body is really the “house” or “clothing” of the soul.
  • So if we are the same underneath the “clothing” of our bodies, in our souls, why are so many arguments for gender hierarchy based on that outer covering?

Continue reading “Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann”

Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

I’ve never heard of her before – Megan Good.

At least she isn’t running around promoting use of terms or concepts that annoy me to no end, such as “born again virgin” or “spiritual virgin” (see this link for more).

I’ve not started having sex yet myself, so I find it funny that a portion of this headline reads, “why you should stop having sex”.

It’s sad how even this 30-something actress seems to assume that all unmarried women are boinking outside of marriage. Not all of us are.

There is no acknowledgement among Christians (and Non) that there are any virgins over the age of 25 or 30.

Christians continually assume all singles past a certain age are fornicating. I find this continual assumption unfair and possibly discouraging to adults who have stayed the course on biblical sexual ethics, Christians who are virgins over the age of 25 or 30 and beyond.

I’m not having an easy time following this story I am linking to below.

Based on what I’ve read before, it sounds to me (and yes, I could have this totally wrong),  is that she was NOT a virgin before she married.

It sounds as though she was fornicating (with other men), but when she got engaged, she and her honey pie (who she eventually married, or will marry) decided to stay celibate with each other until they married. Maybe I have that wrong, but that’s what it sounds like to me.

Anyway, here is the link.

(I have a few  more comments below this long excerpt):

(Link):  Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

Excerpts:

  • “Minority Report” actress Meagan Good is speaking out about the importance of encouraging young women to abstain from sex in a way that’s seemingly not religious.

Continue reading “Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex”

True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page

True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

I think this was published about a year ago. I just saw it today. It showed up on my Twitter feed.

The woman who wrote this says she is 27 years old (or was at the time this was written). I am over the age of 40 and am still a virgin due to many of the same reasons this author cites for her situation, though I never joined or took part in “True Love Waits.”

If she thinks lack of support from the Christian community is bad when she is 27, it only GETS WORSE the older you get.

Her generation is not the first to struggle with this lack of support – again, I am Gen X, and the church does not, and has not, supported virgins who are over the age of 30 now.

She writes,

  • We need help navigating singleness in our twenties and thirties.

Anyone and everyone over the age of 30 needs help with this.

I’m in my 40s and would have appreciated help at “navigating singleness” as a 40 something. You don’t suddenly stop needing support as a single once you hit 40 or older.

I have additional remarks BELOW this long editorial:

(Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues by  Rachel Mueller

  • In an era of delayed marriage and open sexuality, how does advice to “wait until marriage” still make sense?
  • I have a confession to make: I am a twenty-seven (and a half) year-old virgin.No, I was not homeschooled. I was raised in a fairly normal household. I attended a public high school and a private liberal arts college. I like to drink red wine and tequila.
  • … I’m pretty much your typical Evangelical Millennial.
  • Except, according to a December 2009 study by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, I’m in a minority of people: those who have kept their virginity, even among those who claim to be religious.

Continue reading “True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page”

Porn and Video Game Addiction are Leading to ‘Masculinity Crisis’, says Stanford Prison Experiment Psychologist

Porn and Video Game Addiction are Leading to ‘Masculinity Crisis’, says Stanford Prison Experiment Psychologist

(Link): Porn and video game addiction are leading to ‘masculinity crisis’, says Stanford prison experiment psychologist

Excerpts

  • A leading psychologist has warned that young men’s brains are being ‘digitally rewired’ by unprecedented use of video games and pornography
    DOUG BOLTON
  • Saturday 09 May 2015
  • …A leading psychologist has warned that young men are facing a crisis of masculinity due to excessive use of video games and pornography.

    Psychologist and professor emeritus at Stanford University Phillip Zimbardo has made the warnings, which form a major part of his latest book, Man (Dis)Connected.

    In (Link): an interview on the BBC World Service’s Weekend programme, Zimbardo spoke about the results of his study, an in-depth look into the lives of 20,000 young men and their relationships with video games and pornography.

    …He said: “Our focus is on young men who play video games to excess, and do it in social isolation – they are alone in their room.”

    “Now, with freely available pornography, which is unique in history, they are combining playing video games, and as a break, watching on average, two hours of pornography a week.”

    …Zimbardo gave a TED talk in 2011 outlining the problems facing young men’s social development and academic achievement, which he puts down to excessive use of porn, video games and the internet.

    Continue reading “Porn and Video Game Addiction are Leading to ‘Masculinity Crisis’, says Stanford Prison Experiment Psychologist”

Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

I don’t normally discuss atheism a lot on my blog, though I do sometimes write posts about my quasi-agnostic status, but I couldn’t help but notice this phenomenon.

My time on Twitter has taught me that some atheists – especially the ones with an irrational hatred of all things theist, especially Christianity – are just as stupid, prejudiced, or narrow-minded about adult singleness and celibacy and adult virginity, as are many Protestant Evangelical Christians, and other types of Christians.

Liberal, progressive, and feminist Christians are also biased against adult celibates and celibacy itself, as are secular, left wing feminists.

I normally don’t usually go looking for fights with total strangers on Twitter.

A few days ago, I was looking for Tweets with the hash tag “single” or “celibate.” You never know if you do what may turn up – you may come across some links to some good articles that way.

In the midst of skimming the tweets with the “celibate” hash tag, I saw two tweets that were very dismissive of celibacy, by two different people, one apparently an atheist, and I think the other guy was an atheist as well.

I was polite in my replies to their Tweets. I was not rude. I didn’t insult either one.

I heard back from both guys.

One guy was definitely an atheist, and I’m not sure about the second guy – though I think he was atheist too, or maybe agnostic.

The second guy wasn’t so bad. He was cordial, so there wasn’t much back and forth with him.

However, first atheist guy, with the handle @atheistic_1, either tagged his buddies in the exchange, or of their own volition, they started to chip in.

The other guys were @JeffMunroe51 and a @lobsterchin.

I don’t remember the JeffM guy being too obnoxious, and he tried to bow out of the discussion after awhile.

The lobsterchin guy began acting like a jackass, and I banned him after a few tweets.

First off, these jokers assumed I was a man. I had to correct them on that.

These atheists who were tweeting me, particularly the “atheistic_1” guy, do not understand biblical views on celibacy or singleness or natalism any more than most Christians do.

As a matter of fact, the atheist and his Twitter buddies sounded remarkably like the ignorant conservative, Reformed, Baptist, fundamentalist, and evangelical Christians whose writings about celibacy, virginity, and singleness I have been regularly criticizing and correcting on this blog the last few years.

Continue reading “Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians”

How long SHOULD you wait to have sex after you meet? Only 15% of Women Say They Would Have Sex on a First Date (from Daily Mail)

How long SHOULD you wait to have sex after you meet?

(Link): How long SHOULD you wait to have sex after you meet?

  • A new survey has revealed that women wait three weeks before having sex
  • Women wait til their fifth date before jumping into bed
  • In fact, only 15% say they would indulge in sex on the first date  

Related:

(Link): I’m a 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken

When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken

She basically says the same things here I’ve been saying on this blog the last three or four or however many years I’ve been blogging here (edit: note: people in the comments say that the woman who wrote this article has written on other sites that she is no longer waiting for marriage to have sex, but for a long term relationship):

(Link): When True Love Keeps Waiting – What celibacy feels like for older singles by A. McCracken

Excerpts (use link above to read the entire page):

  • At 15, I took a vow of celibacy, “True Love Waits.” I stood in front my church, alongside teens who’d betrayed that promise before it began—including a girlfriend who (I later learned) was secretly having sex and my high school crush, who’d proudly told me he’d hooked up with a girl at church camp.
  • … At 37, I’m still waiting. And while I recognize that my strong sense of self-discipline and self-worth has created a possibly endless quest, I can’t deny what I feel in my heart to be spiritually sacred.
  • For women who remain virgins into their late 20s, 30s, and beyond, it feels like our choices are constantly called into question. From the church, we hear: Why haven’t you gotten married yet? From the rest of society, it’s: Why don’t you just do it?
  • When my essay “Does My Virginity Have a Shelf Life?” was published in November 2013 in The New York Times, I went through a roller coaster of emotions: fear, pride, shame, vulnerability, and excitement. A female writer from Slatesupported me. A female writer from Cosmopolitan tore me apart. Secular media seems to be fascinated with my experience, though with each story, editors have downplayed my church ties and Christian roots.
  • I’ve since written about my virginity for Glamour and appeared in a segment on Katie Couric’s talk show. (Even Katie told me off camera I had “fairytale princess syndrome” and I should go ahead and have sex.)
  • Following the publicity, several of my Christian girlfriends in their 30s reached out to me. Some, still virgins, were thrilled to hear someone who had a similar story. Others shared their experiences giving up the conviction to wait.

Continue reading “When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken”

Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls

The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover

Asexuals are not the same thing as celibates. Asexuals either experience little sexual desire, or none. Celibates experience sexual urges but chose not to act upon them, or cannot, if they are single and believe sex prior to marriage is wrong.

I find it sad I need to explain this up front, but many Christians are very ignorant about celibacy and often confuse it with asexuality: they assume that celibates and virgins over 30 have no sexual desire or urges, or, many Christians assume that celibates find staying celibate easy breezy, that God has “gifted” older virgins so that the older virgin experiences no interest in or desire for sex – which is a wrong view. Totally wrong.

This also goes to show that married sex is not, as Christians teach, “mind blowing.” Christians try to offer incentives to people to stay virgins until marriage, one of which is, “Once you marry, the sex will be frequent and awesome.”

In this article, you have a virgin woman who is also asexual. She wants male companionship minus sexual activity, so she is allowing her husband to have sex with other women.

This is yet another reason why Christians need to emphasize that sexual self control and celibacy is for everyone, even married people, not just for teen-aged girls – but Christians, when they do bother to address the issues of virginity and sexual self control – often only frame it in terms of teen-aged girls. They do not usually remind married couples that they too need to practice sexual self-restraint.

I would also like to remind Christians that married couples do in fact engage in sexual sin. Often times, Christians think that marriage is a cure-all for sexual sin, that if only people marry and marry by the time they are 25 years old, that the couple will not fall into sexual sin.

Christians seem to assume that any and all un-married adults over the age of 25 or 30 are having hot panther sex with a different person every week, which is not so. Yes, our culture is sex saturated, and there is a lot of pre-marital boinking going on, but at the same time, there are people who are sexually abstaining.

The people who are over 25 and 30 and older -who are celibate or who are virgins- could use examples of themselves on television, in sermons, and in books, so they can see they are not alone, so they can have figures in the culture that represent their lifestyle who they can relate to.

Adult celibates and virgins could maybe use some encouragement at remaining chaste, but Christians give them none. All of the Christian community’s energy is directed at supporting “the nuclear family,” and defending “traditional marriage” from homosexual marriage advocates. There is next to no effort at giving practical or emotional support to adult celibates and adult virgins.

(Link) The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover

As to the news story above. I do not agree with adultery (or “open marriages”) even if both partners agree to it or know about it in advance. I have posted several stories on this blog of married couples who “allow” their partner to cheat on them, or who are “swingers.” This whole thing is awful and makes a mockery out of marriage.

Excerpts from the article.

Asexual Woman Repulsed By Sex Allows Her Spouse to Sleep with Escorts

  • By GEORGINA BISVAL FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
  • Erica Holloway, 30, has known that she was asexual since the age of 15
  • She and husband Andrew, 30, have been married since 2012 but have never had sex
  • IT consultant Andrew has slept with ten other women, including a number of professional escorts, since he married Erica  
  • In the one and a half years they have been married Andrew and Erica Holloway have never argued, have no secrets and are more in love today than the moment they met.
  • Yet incredibly this Melbourne-based couple, both aged 30, have never consummated their marriage – and Erica admits that she has no intention of ever doing so.
  • For while Andrew would love to rip his wife’s clothes off, Erica is in fact still a virgin and reveals to the Daily Mail Online that the very idea of making love to her husband is a complete turn off rather than a turn on.
  • ‘I wish I wanted to have sex with my husband,’ Erica, a graphic designer, explains.

    ‘But I don’t and I know I never will as, while I love him, the idea of sex repulses me.

    ‘We are still very affectionate with each other and love to hold hands and kiss and cuddle, but that’s as far as I could ever go.

    ‘People might think our marriage would be a disaster because of this, but we are as happy now as the day we met.’

    She added that she has known since the age of 15 that she was asexual, after realizing she had never felt sexually attracted to anyone.

Continue reading “Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls”

Christian, or Feminist? from The Atlantic (discusses sexuality, virginity, other topics)

Christian, or Feminist? by Emma Green

(Link): Christian, or Feminist? by Emma Green, March 4, 2015

Excerpts:

  • A new book about purity culture shows the difficulty of reconciling women’s liberation with evangelical faith.
  • But the tension between political feminism and political Christianity is fundamentally philosophical, Anderson argues: Whereas feminism relies on the idea that individual women should have control over their bodies, certain Christian theological traditions have more of a communal focus.
  • By way of example, she points to the theologian Stanley Hauerwas, who wrote in 1991 that Christians “do not believe that we have a right to do whatever we want with our bodies … because when we are baptized we become members of one another … In the church, we tell you what you can and cannot do with your genitals.”
  • Despite being at odds in their politics, evangelical Christians and feminists share a fixation on sex. Arguably, the focus on “purity” in evangelical culture arose in response to a secular, sex-obsessed American culture; for example, the first purity ball was hosted in 1998 by a Christian family in Colorado Springs as a celebration of father-daughter relationships and girls’ virginity.
  • “Endeavoring to claim the title of counterculture, the modern evangelical church responds to what it sees as a sexually permissive culture by locking down on purity and virginity,” Anderson writes.
  • Yet even the language Christians and feminists use to talk about sex is different. While being “countercultural” in the 60s might have involved orgies and free love, in the evangelical world, it means preserving one’s emotional and sexual purity despite the mores of “mainstream” culture.
  • For that matter, “the way we talk about intimacy is less about physical intimacy—it’s about emotional intimacy,” Anderson said. “When people talk about affairs [in secular culture], they usually mean the physical relationship, but in evangelical culture, there’s a discussion of the emotional affair, the emotional giving-away-of-yourself.” Growing up, Anderson’s youth-group leaders would warn against the temptation of sexual “petting,” and they cautioned against “solo sex”—”Christianese for masturbation,” Anderson writes.
  • Although her book is all about sex and sexuality, Anderson maintains that a single-minded focus is counter-productive. “Sexual purity—rather than a relationship with Jesus, caring for the poor, or loving one’s neighbor—has become the marker of a good Christian,” she writes. Conversely, at times, “sex becomes the god we worship, and we will go to any length to obtain it.” The solution, she writes, is to recognize that “sexuality is not the center of a person’s life, faith, or health.”
  • … But it is probably more honest. Anderson really wrote Damaged Goods because, as she puts it, “I felt like a freak because I was a feminist, a Christian, and a virgin.” For the next generation, this might be a useful framework for engaging with both Christianity and feminism, and one that will probably resonate: understanding the work of Jesus and the identities of women not in abstract political terms, but as glimpses of truth people use in shaping their own lives.

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Related Posts:

(Link): Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh

(Link):

John Morgan Continues to Report Inaccurate Information / Copy Cat / Other Critiques

John Morgan Continues to Report Inaccurate Information / Other Critiques

I have read over the last few posts on Morgan’s blogs. In some of his posts, he makes some decent points, but I see several glaring errors or things I disagree with, and I’ll mention those things.

In his post entitled,

Morgan again states that “single MEN” have been banned from this park or another. Yet, I have corrected this information before. The news story says that both single men AND WOMEN have been banned from the park, not just men.

See this post for more information about that:

Morgan apparently lives in a world where single, celibate women have easy-breezy lives and face no problems, but poor, old, downtrodden single, celibate men have all the problems. I’ve written of that before, too,

When earlier today, I just posted about a single woman being discriminated against:

(Knowing Morgan, he will probably take that story from my blog, post it to his own three months from now, not credit my blog, and spin the story so that the center figure (a female) will be re-cast as a poor, downtrodden MALE who was barred due to being single.)

—–Other Critiques—–

In that same post, Morgan writes:

  • How many sermons have you heard on it (celibacy)? How many have you heard that addressed marriage, the role of husbands and wives, two becoming one flesh, the husband being the head of the household, etc.? I would estimate 99.95% of Protestant pastors have never mentioned celibacy from a pulpit.

Maybe I am misunderstanding him, but if not, what rock is Morgan living under? I assume he means that one will never, ever hear a Christian minister discuss topics such as “the husband being the head of the household,” etc

There are entire groups of Christians (such as CBMW and Southern Baptists) who do nothing BUT  argue and debate those very things! Continue reading “John Morgan Continues to Report Inaccurate Information / Copy Cat / Other Critiques”

What Celibacy Means – “Living without sex doesn’t mean living without love” by W. Hill

What Celibacy Means – “Living without sex doesn’t mean living without love”

My one-time stalker, blogger and professed Christian celibate and sexual purity apologist (though not one in reality – regarding the apologist part, that is), John Morgan (link), will have a hissy over this article I am linking to in this post (he visits my blog and/or Twitter on occasion to steal blog post ideas and concepts), because he thinks celibacy is non-applicable to homosexuals, an idea I have refuted (Link): here.

(If Morgan feels that yes, celibacy is applicable to homosexuals, he needs to go back and re-word one or two of his essays to clarify.)

Morgan should be glad that homosexual celibates are speaking up about celibacy and presenting it as an option for singles, because the heterosexuals in the church are not!

Rather, the hetero preachers and Christian writers and bloggers continually -and incorrectly- depict celibacy as a special super power that God grants to a tiny few, and that most are not capable of, when the reality of it is that the Bible says all adult believers are capable of sexual self control (see link and link), not just a small, tiny, specially gifted group of singles.

(Link):  The Gay Catholic Writer Who Changed My Life [A discussion of celibacy] by W. Hill

  • Eve Tushnet taught me that living without sex doesn’t mean living without love.
  • ….Tushnet is a gay Catholic writer who embraces her church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality.
  • By the time I learned about her, I’d been admitting to myself for a few years that I was gay, though I hadn’t told many other people yet. I was still too frightened and unsure of what kind of welcome (or lack thereof) I’d receive.
  • You know those novels and movies about the yearning, aching twentysomethings who are trying to disentangle and sort out their erotic and religious longings, while dreading loneliness and rejection above all else?
  • That was me. Imagine Charles Ryder from Brideshead Revisited, all angsty and insecure, but with a small-town-USA upbringing, and you’ll get the picture. I needed a lifeline. I was hungry to know I wasn’t alone.
  • What Celibacy Means

    In the years since reading Tushnet’s article, I’ve come to think this isn’t only my question. It’s the same question asked by a growing number of people who identify as gay and Christian.

Continue reading “What Celibacy Means – “Living without sex doesn’t mean living without love” by W. Hill”

Hypocritical Preacher Ed Young Jr Throws Tantrum About 50 Shades Of Grey Book And Tries To Make Buck Off It At Same Time

Hypocrite Rev Ed Young Jr Throws Tantrum About 50 Shades Of Grey Book

(Link):  Megachurch Pastor Ed Young to Baptize Copies of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey;’ Calls Book a ‘Perverted Attempt to Trap Readers’

I cannot figure out why so many Christians get themselves in a bother over whatever the current hot topic is in culture.

I remember when Christians had a fit about 10 or 15 years ago when the Harry Potter books exploded in popularity. A few years after that, I saw preachers frequently warn parents about how Potter books were demonic and evil.

Anyway, this is the same Ed Young Jr. who had a sermon series several years ago called “Sexperiment,” where he put a bed on the roof of his church, and he and his wife climbed in that bed to deliver a sermon.

Young Jr. also did something several months after that, where he challenged his married congregation to have sex every single day for 30 days in a row, or something. Never no mind that half of his congregation consists of single adults, which would be like Rev. Assh_e doing a sermon on the deliciousness of chocolate cake for a congregation half made up of diabetics.

Where does someone who promotes and pushes sex from the pulpit and to make a profit and in front of a room of 50% singles get off criticizing Hollywood over a sex movie? He’s a hypocrite.

Also, given America’s short attention span, two months from now, nobody will be talking about “50 Shades of Grey,” so there’s no point in getting worked up over it anyway.

Megachurch Pastor Ed Young to Baptize Copies of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey;’ Calls Book a ‘Perverted Attempt to Trap Readers’

Excerpts:

  • BY LEONARDO BLAIR , CP REPORTER
  • February 5, 2015|4:40 pm
  • Just over a week before the steamy “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie opens on Valentine’s weekend, controversial founding pastor of the popular Fellowship Church in Dallas, Texas, Ed Young, says he will baptize copies of the book on which the movie is based, calling it a “perverted attempt to trap readers.”

    “There is a cultural epidemic out there that is wrapped up in complete fantasy. The book, Fifty Shades of Grey, is a perverted attempt to trap readers and leads them to a misunderstanding of what intimacy and connection are all about,” said Young in a press statement Wednesday.

  • “It is a pathetic distortion of a more powerful reality about relationships. God is not anti-sex, and he isn’t grey when it comes to relationships. I want to wake people up to the reality that God’s purpose and plan for their lives is so much greater!” he added.

    Young, who’s a New York Times best-selling author who wrote the book Sexperiment, addresses the power of healthy relationships in his latest book, Fifty Shades of They.

  • ..The megachurch pastor says he’ll be raising awareness about the perversion of Fifty Shades of Grey by baptizing copies of the book at locations in Dallas, Miami, Florida and London, England.

How about shutting up already? How about not trying to make a buck off a Christianized version of whatever secular culture is selling these days? That is so greedy and LAME.

———————–

Related posts

(Link):  The Odd Evangelical Obsession With Sex and Its Ramifications: article from The Atlantic: The Warrior Wives of Evangelical Christianity