Emotional Labor and Female- On- Female Emotional Exploitation

Emotional Labor and Female- On- Female Emotional Exploitation

I was thinking about possibly writing a post or two more about the concept of Emotional Labor in the future.

First, here is a primer from another site explaining a little bit about what this issue is about, with a few comments by me farther (way farther) below it:

(Link):  50 Ways People Expect Constant Emotional Labor from Women and Femmes

Excerpt:

Emotional labor is the exertion of energy for the purpose of addressing people’s feelings, making people comfortable, or living up to social expectations. It’s called “emotional labor” because it ends up using – and often draining – our emotional resources.

Now, don’t get me wrong: Asking friends for advice, reaching out to people in your line of work, and other actions I’m about to mention can be part of a healthy relationship. The issue arises when it’s not reciprocal.

Many marginalized people can tell you that people frequently make demands of them that cross the line from participation in a mutual relationship to work – and unpaid work, at that.

Because we’re assumed to be naturally emotionally intelligent and nurturing, people don’t always understand that this is work for us. And because we’re expected to put others before ourselves, a lot of people don’t even care.

Here are just a few of the many ways that women and femmes, in particular, are expected to perform emotional labor without compensation or acknowledgement throughout their lives:

2. Friends offload their problems – sometimes serious problems that we’re not equipped to handle – onto us before we have agreed to talk about them, often expecting an immediate response.

3. Casual acquaintances and sometimes complete strangers do the same, often over the Internet and often sharing triggering details

6. When we have relatives or friends with physical or mental illnesses, they and their loved ones are more likely to reach out to us than men to take care of them.

Continue reading “Emotional Labor and Female- On- Female Emotional Exploitation”

Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ by D. L. D’Oyley

Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ by D. L. D’Oyley

If you are not already aware, Steve Harvey, whom this author discusses, is a Christian. He is sometimes a guest speaker on Christian network TBN.

(Link): Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ (page 1) (Link to Page 2) by D. L. D’Oyley

Excerpts:

  • Feb 2016
  • She Matters: If they’re men who hold shoddy views about sex and women, it follows that their advice to women will also be shoddy.
  • …It’s a common theme among men, including many so-called relationship experts. And that’s a huge problem.
  • It should be obvious why that’s an issue, but in case it isn’t: You have men who hold screwed-up views about sex and women telling women how to be better women to land a man.
  • If the perspective with which they view women is shoddy, then it follows that their advice to women will also be shoddy.

Continue reading “Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ by D. L. D’Oyley”

Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Very interesting editorial.

(Link): Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Excerpts:

  • The Genesis account of creation reveals that God created only one species of human. He said, “Let us make human,” and not “Let us make humans.” What essentially makes one a human then, is being created in God’s image, in God’s “likeness” (Gen.1:26-27). What defines us then is the ruah (Hebrew word for spirit) of God in our bodies (Gen.2:7).
  • God is a spirit. Therefore, when he said, “Let us make man in our own image,” he wasn’t speaking of bodies, but of essence.
  • God created the human body out of dust, a decomposable substance, but what is really human—the soul—is indecomposable. This is the God-like property that dwells in humans. The body is really the “house” or “clothing” of the soul.
  • So if we are the same underneath the “clothing” of our bodies, in our souls, why are so many arguments for gender hierarchy based on that outer covering?

Continue reading “Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann”

A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates

A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates

I may have blogged on this before. I apologize if this is a repeat. I’m pretty sure I already read this, or something very similar to it, about a month ago, and I may have blogged on this before.

(Link): A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates

Excerpts (I have a few comments to make below this long series of excerpts):

  • We obsess over fertility as if women are slot machines who simply need to be primed and pumped at the optimal socially acceptable moment for a baby to shoot out like a prize
  • When Michigan-based writer Emily Bingham took to her Facebook page to vent her frustration at intrusive baby questions, she probably expected a few of her friends to share or “like” her post. Accompanied by an ultrasound photo she had found online, (Link): her post implored:
  • Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single thirtysomething if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop.

    Please stop.

    You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues.

    You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids.

    You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration.

    But instead of reaching a few dozen of her friends, Bingham’s post went viral, shared by more than 77,000 people and liked by more than 42,000. It’s not surprising that Bingham’s message struck such a chord.

Continue reading “A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:

Background:

  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Rebuttal To Anne Marie Miller’s Post About Modesty

Rebuttal To Anne Marie’s Post About Modesty

This post is sort of a continuation of my previous post (link to my previous post)

As to my previous post:

I tried the FlowerDust.net link (under the Singles category) which brought me here:

http://www.annemariemiller.com/

I have skimmed over some of her posts, and I’ve stopped to read the modesty one a bit more closely at this point.

DOUBLE STANDARD: CHRISTIANS TEACHING MODESTY IS PRIMARILY FOR WOMEN BUT NOT FOR MEN

At least, I take it that she is primarily concerned about female modesty, which itself is problematic, because if one is going to scold and lecture women not to be “immodest stumbling blocks,” one needs to give the same lectures to men, because there are visually oriented hetero women such as myself who get turned on by hot and sexy, near nude men, or men in swim trunks, or in-shape men in well cut suits, or men in T-shirts and tight jeans.

But Anne Miller doesn’t care about me and my temptation struggles – she only cares about men.

Here’s a link to her post:

(Link) Why All The “Modesty Conversations” Miss The Point

Begging your pardon, but 99% of Anne’s post misses the point about modesty discussions.

Here are some excerpts from her page:

  • You do have freedom. And I think the greatest freedom is to choose to say no to your freedom for the sake of another person.
  • That, my friend, is not freedom.
  • Let’s call it for what it is: entitlement. Many of us feel entitled to do what we want, to wear what we want, and to behave how we want to behave. Loving another is not about how we feel or even embracing our freedom.
  • True freedom is laying down your life for another.

PROBLEM IS MALE ENTITLEMENT

The real problem is Christian male entitlement, not an entitlement attitude by women. A woman simply choosing her wardrobe for the day is her going about her business, she is living life, she is not engaging in “entitlement.” I address the concept of male entitlement a little bit farther below, so I won’t get into that more here and now.

CHRISTIAN DOUBLE SPEAK AND REDEFINING WORDS

Christians constantly redefine the meanings of words so that they end up being the opposite of what they are.

Christians are forever shaming and guilt tripping one entire gender – usually females – and telling them that freedom is not really freedom.

Or, some Christians, such as Miller, define the word “freedom” to mean something akin to, “allow your life to be limited by what men want, feel, and need.” Telling me to give up my rights and preferences for another group of people, due to their potential weaknesses or for whatever other reason, is not freedom of any kind, no matter how you couch it.

These sorts of Christians – like Anne Marie Miller in this example – say that inhibiting yourself and your rights is actual freedom.

No, it’s not, I beg to differ, once more: you are  being a codependent doormat, allowing your choices in life to be dictated by other people’s wants and preferences and their potential to sin.

Continue reading “Rebuttal To Anne Marie Miller’s Post About Modesty”

Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic

Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic

(Link): Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic

Excerpts:

  • As detailed in essays by 16 different writers, both male and female: because they don’t want to, and because not wanting to is perfectly reasonable
  • by Sophie Gilbert
  • Pope Francis is widely believed to be a cool Pope—a huggable, Upworthyish, meme-ready, self-deprecating leader for a new generation of worshippers. “He has described himself as a sinner,” writes Archbishop Desmond Tutu in Pope Francis’ entry on Time’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world,  “and his nonjudgmental views on … issues such as sexual orientation and divorce have brought hope to millions of Roman Catholics around the world.”
  • But there’s one issue that can make even Cool Pope Francis himself sound a little, well, judgy. “A society with a greedy generation, that doesn’t want to surround itself with children, that considers them above all worrisome, a weight, a risk, is a depressed society,” the pontiff told an audience in St. Peter’s Square earlier this year. “The choice not to have children is selfish. Life rejuvenates and acquires energy when it multiplies: It is enriched, not impoverished.”
  • Ignore the irony of a man who’s celibate by choice delivering a lecture on the sacred duty of procreating, and focus instead on his use of the word “selfish.” This particular descriptor is both the word most commonly associated with people who decide not to have children, and part of the title of a new collection of essays, Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed, by 16 different writers (both female and male) who fall into exactly that category.
  • While the association appears to be so deeply embedded in the collective psyche that it’d take dynamite to shift it, if the book reveals anything, it’s that there’s an awful lot more to not wanting children than the impulse to put oneself first.

Continue reading “Why Women Aren’t Having Children – from The Atlantic”

This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum / Double Standards By The Anti-Celibacy Crowd About Friendships and Sexualization of Everything

This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum / Double Standards By The Anti-Celibacy Crowd About Friendships and Sexualization of Everything

You’ll have to use the link below to read the entire page entitled, “This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough”, because I don’t want to copy their entire post here on my blog.

One thing I want to point out is a bit of a double standard going on here.

First of all, I first became aware of this “Nice Guys” article by way of Facebook group SCCL (Stuff Christian Culture Likes). Sometimes I agree with some of this group’s views on some issues, sometimes I do not.

SCCL is a group that regularly mocks or criticizes the traditional Christian position of upholding or defending the notions of celibacy, or of being a virgin until marriage – sometimes these concepts are all lumped together by them, and by others elsewhere on the internet, under the term “purity culture”.

I have argued on my blog the last few years that it is possible to be celibate, to refrain from having sex, and for men and women to be platonic friends.

I have also argued that it is society, both secular culture, as well as conservative and progressive Christian culture, and most secular feminism, which perpetuates the sexualization all male-female relationships (or even male-male, or female-female relationships).

For doing all this, for defending my choice, or the choice of others to be celibate, and for pointing out that not everything in life has to be sexual or is about sex, I sometimes get insulted or mocked by other people on the internet.

Everyone from secular feminists, to ex-Christians, to conservative Christians, to atheists (yes, ’tis so, click here to read), to political liberals, to political conservatives insult me or ridicule me for all this.

All these groups, who normally loathe each other – the atheists cannot stand conservative Christians, the liberals don’t like the conservatives and so on- all never- the- less totally agree that there is something bad, wrong, or weird about adults who choose to stay celibate, whatever their reason.

All these disparate groups fight like cats on dogs on many other topics, but they all come into agreement on this: they despise and ridicule celibacy (and sometimes, asexuality).

Do these people in these groups ever stop to consider, “Hey, other groups I normally disagree with on fundamental life choices happen to share with me a suspicion, dislike, or fear of celibacy, does this mean something, like maybe I’ve been wrong in my views about celibacy?”

I think it does. That your arch enemy chooses to fight with you on all other issues yet mocks celibacy right along with you might indicate that both of you are either misinformed about celibacy or terribly biased against celibates. Yeah, you might want to ponder that one for awhile.

There are more comments by me below this long excerpt:

(Link): This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum

Excerpts:

  • There are a lot of really wonderful, well-intentioned men who have a difficult time understanding the difference between being nice to women and being an ally to women and women’s causes.
  • Then there are other men who pretend to be nice in order to validate their manipulation of women for sex and romance. These are the people who I like to refer to as Nice Guys.
  • While this article is dedicated to helping nice men become better feminist allies, I want to take a second to clarify the difference between an authentically nice guy and a Nice Guy.
  • (Link): Nice Guys, as many of you know, have become the object of  (Link): much loathing in feminist circles and among women and girls in general.Online, this is the guy who posts hashtags like #NotAllMen and (Link): #ReverseSexism, whenever we publish articles about (Link): street harassment,  (Link): rape culture, and (Link): male privilege.
  • He is the exaggeratedly faux timid (read: passive aggressive) dude who still complains about the girls that didn’t date him in high school on message boards and in every other status update.
  • Though the most stereotypical incarnation of the Nice Guy is a fedora-clad dudebro who spends too much time on Reddit and would probably push a six-year-old girl out of the way to get his hands on My Little Pony merchandise, the more garden-variety Nice Guy can be more difficult to spot. 
  • Basically, he’s anyone who regards sex as the ultimate goal of interacting with women, and in turn views the idea of a nonsexual friendship with a woman as an abysmal failure.
  • Trademarks of a Nice Guy include trying to guilt trip women into having sex, claiming that sex should be the inevitable reward for basic acts of friendship, and only being interested in building a friendship until the woman in question rejects them romantically.
  • When he gets rejected, he cites every single time they did something nice for her, repeatedly asks her out (as in stalks her), and calls her a coldhearted bitch if she refuses to magically reciprocate his feelings within an almost instantaneous period of time.
  • A Nice Guy™ truly cements his status as soon as he begins to complain that (Link): “women only date assholes.”

Continue reading “This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum / Double Standards By The Anti-Celibacy Crowd About Friendships and Sexualization of Everything”

Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry – from New Life Blog

Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry

I have done many blog posts about topics mentioned in this other blog post from New Life Blog, which I have linked to farther below.

A lot of conservative Christians sound no different than the secular culture they criticize in terms of the subjects of sex, a woman’s physical appearance, marriage, and so on.

For example, conservative Christians will tell single women who desire marriage that they shouldn’t be too wrapped up in their looks, that any man worth his salt will value you based on your character and brains, remember that Jesus loves you for who you are, not what you look like, so don’t burn yourself out on dieting…

Yet, these same Christians will turn around a moment later and tell Christian single women something like, “But remember, God created men to be visually oriented, so you MUST stay thin, pretty, and attractive, and wear make-up all the time, if you hope to attract and keep a man, and here are some dieting tips for you.”

Yes, Christians often speak out of both sides of their mouths on this topic.

Another annoying tendency I have seen from male Christian speakers, authors, and pastors is to refer to a biblical woman character’s physical appearance, even if it’s a tangent to the text at hand.

Male Christians will sometimes pause in the middle of a sermon or discussion on Adam and Eve, for example, to go on and on about how surely, since Eve was the only woman created directly by God, she must have been a sexy, babe-a-licious fox, yum yum.

Seriously, one Christian guy – a famous author who has his own weekly TV show – I’ve seen who brings this topic up about every time he discusses Adam and Eve practically starts to salivate when thinking about how hot and sexy Eve must have been.

I suspect this guy must have a porn addiction problem, or something of that nature; his extreme fixation on Eve’s appearance makes him seem creepy, perverted, and sexist.

I notice these male idiots never mention that Adam must have been a smoking hot, sexy, hunk of man. And believe you me, most women, even Christian ones, are also “visually oriented” and prefer a hot, good looking, buff man, to an ugly, scrawny, obese, or bald one.

At any rate, I present to you a link  to another blog page which discusses some of these topics and other ones:

(Link): Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry from New Life Blog

This blog starts out by describing how women are frequently depicted in the Old Testament: often, women’s physical beauty or virginity is mentioned, and women are usually identified in relation to a man, such as their father, brother, or husband.

Here are excerpts:

  • Women in the New Testament
  • So, how many New Testament (NT) women are described as being beautiful? None. Not one.
  •   Moreover, Paul and Peter dissuaded women from concentrating on their appearance; instead they encouraged women to focus on their character and good works. Admittedly these instructions were given mainly to wealthy married women, and not to potential brides.
  • [cut pertinent Bible verses the blog author cites]
  • Women in the New Testament are mentioned primarily in reference to their Christian faith and ministry, and not in terms of their beauty or marriageability.  We simply do not know whether any NT woman was particularly good looking, or not.
  • Also, many NT women are not mentioned in connection with a male relative. This is unlike OT women who were (Link):  typically identified as either a wife, daughter, mother or sister of a certain man.
  • We don’t even know the marital status of several NT women.

Continue reading “Beauty, Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry – from New Life Blog”

Why Can’t We Accept That Some Women Don’t Want Kids? / We suffer from ‘Mom-opia’

Why Can’t We Accept That Some Women Don’t Want Kids? / We suffer from ‘Mom-opia’

I think at least one of these was written by Melanie Notkin – I first saw these articles mentioned on her Twitter feed. There are two different articles below.

(Link): Why Can’t We Accept That Some Women Don’t Want Kids?

(Link): We suffer from ‘Mom-opia’

Excerpts below each link.

(Link): Why Can’t We Accept That Some Women Don’t Want Kids?

  • There Is No ‘Normal’ American Family Anymore. But Heads Still Shake When It Comes to Women’s Reproductive Choices.
  • It used to be that the Cleavers—dad working an office job, mom raising two boys full-time—were the model American family. But the past several decades have seen dramatic changes—recent studies find that only about half of American adults are married today, compared to around 70 percent in 1960.
  • A Pew Research Center study from 2010 found that 20 percent of American women now end their childbearing years without having borne a child, compared to 10 percent in the 1970s. During that time, the public has become more accepting of these women, but 38 percent of Americans surveyed for that study felt this trend was bad for society.
  • …In advance of the Zócalo event “Why Have Kids?, we asked a panel of experts: If Americans have come to accept a range of non-traditional family structures, why does a woman’s choice not to have children still elicit skepticism and judgment?

(Link): We suffer from ‘Mom-opia’ (I believe the author for this is Melanie Notkin)

Excerpts:

  • We have “Mom-opia” in America—the myopic view of motherhood as womanhood. And yet, the latest U.S. Census Report on Fertility shows that 46 percent of women of childbearing years are childless.
  • This all-women-as-mother view generates “black and white” assumptions for why women make their choices, ignoring nuances and shades of gray. I worked closely with DeVries Global PR on a 2014 national demographic study entitled “Shades of Otherhood,” inspired by my book, Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, to better understand this cohort of modern women.
  • Of the 19 million childless American women ages 20 to 44, over one-third (36 percent) are childless by choice. Some never felt motherhood was for them. Some don’t feel financially secure enough for parenthood. Some enjoy the freedom to live life to what they envision as its potential. And 18 percent of all childless women are on the fence, having not yet made a choice on motherhood either way.
  • And then nearly half (46 percent) are involuntarily childless, some by biology, and more often, among the cohort I explore more widely in Otherhood, by circumstance.
  • The women of the Otherhood are often single, often not by choice, and they choose to wait for love before motherhood.

More U.S. Women Are Going Childless (2015 Report)

More U.S. Women Are Going Childless (2015 Report)

(Link): More U.S. Women Are Going Childless (2015 Report)

  • The percentage of U.S. women in their 30s and 40s who are childless is rising, new data from the U.S. Census Bureau show.
  • Some 15.3% of U.S. women aged 40 to 44 were childless in June 2014, up from 15.1% in 2012.
  • (Link): Changes in Census’s data processing likely affected its estimates for 2010 to 2012. But even before that, the trend was up: 9.6% of women in this age group were childless in 2010, up from 9.2% in 2008.
  • For women in their late 30s, the rise in childlessness is sharper. Around 18.5% of women 35 to 39 were childless last June, up from 17.2% in 2012.
  • All told, 47.6% of U.S. women aged 15 to 44 were without children last year, up from 46.5% in 2012.

Continue reading “More U.S. Women Are Going Childless (2015 Report)”

Sounds like Christian Patriarchy or Extreme Christian Gender Complementarians – Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs

Sounds like Christian Patriarchy or Extreme Christian Gender Complementarians – Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs 

(Link): Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs 

This is quite similar to some Christians, who push early marriage and baby-making for everyone in America. I have more posts about it (please see the “related posts” section at the bottom of this post for those links).

I bet Southern Baptists, Reconstructionsists, and other types of Christians wish they could enforce this on American women.

I used to be a Southern Baptist, and I still have pretty traditional values, but, some Southern Baptists and other right wingers are way more strident than I am on some topics, and some of them are more severe.

This article mentions that this ban – which is obnoxious and sexist to start with – would also penalize women who are UNABLE (due to physical issues) to have babies.

See, this comes up among conservatives and Christians in the United States constantly – they tend to automatically assume that if a woman is still single past age 30 or 35, and is childless, that she deliberately chose to not marry and chose not to have children.

Please realize I have nothing against women who choose to forgo marriage and/or children. I do not have a problem with those choices.

However, I am someone who had wanted to marry but never met Mr. Right, so I am still single in my 40s. I never cared one way or another if I ever had a child or not, but I wasn’t intentionally avoiding having one. If I had a kid, it would have to be while I was married – if I don’t have a spouse, I cannot have a kid.

I find it very insulting when I read articles and editorials by Christians (especially Southern Baptists) who immediately assume that every last unmarried (or childless) woman is single (or childless) due to deliberate choice, or from being too picky when younger –

Christians – and Republicans and social conservatives – often assume that women get hundreds of marriage proposals by the time they are 30 years old but turned them all down, because they were too demanding and refused to marry a man unless he had the income of Bill Gates and the looks of actor Brad Pitt.

I got one marriage proposal in my entire life, it was after I hit the age of 30, and I had to break up with that guy, and no other proposals have been forthcoming. It just makes me infuriated when so many other Republicans, social conservatives, and Christians assume I CHOSE to be single this long, when such has not been the case.

Continue reading “Sounds like Christian Patriarchy or Extreme Christian Gender Complementarians – Iran aims to ban contraception and stop childless women from getting jobs”

The Failure of Macho Christianity – from NR

The Failure of Macho Christianity

The church is not “too feminine,” nor does it cater to women. If it did, you would not see so many Christian women leaving the church. I am only partially Christian now, I am a woman, and no, I don’t get my needs met at churches. Most churches cater to men.

(Link): The Failure of Macho Christianity

Excerpts

  • By Elizabeth Stoker Bruenig
  • In an era of things coming undonefamilies from their traditional bonds, populations from their places of origin, genders from their longtime rolesthe impulse to retreat into the lifestyles of steadier times is detectable in discourse and media, from our fascination with costume dramas to our encounters with ever more reactionary conservatisms.

Continue reading “The Failure of Macho Christianity – from NR”

Three Female Ghosts That Haunt The Church from TGC blog by Jen Wilkin

I am usually reluctant to post anything from TGC site or blog, but this piece wasn’t too bad. It covers some ground I’ve discussed on my blog before. I am only copying part of it here. If you’d like to read the whole thing, please click the TGC link to read the rest.

(I originally found this via DefendTheSheep’s Twitter account)

(Link): Three Female Ghosts That Haunt The Church from TGC blog by Jen Wilkin

Excerpts

  • …If you’re a male staff member at a church, I ask you to consider a ghost story of sorts. I don’t think for a minute that you hate women. I know there are valid reasons to take a measured approach to how you interact with us in ministry settings. I absolutely want you to be wise, but I don’t want you to be haunted. Three female ghosts haunt most churches, and I want you to recognize them so you can banish them from yours.
  • ….These three ghosts glide into staff meetings where key decisions are made. They hover in classrooms where theology is taught.
  • …. The three female ghosts that haunt us are the Usurper, the Temptress, and the Child.
  • ….. 2. The Temptress
  • This ghost gains permission to haunt when a concern for avoiding temptation or being above reproach morphs into a fear of women as sexual predators. Sometimes this ghost takes up residence because of a public leader’s moral failure, either within the church or within the broader Christian subculture.
  • If this is your ghost, you may behave in the following ways when you interact with a woman, particularly an attractive one:
    • You go out of your way to ensure your behavior communicates nothing too emotionally approachable or empathetic for fear you’ll be misunderstood to be flirting.
    • You avoid prolonged eye contact.
    • You silently question whether her outfit was chosen to draw your attention to her figure.
    • You listen with heightened attention for innuendo in her words or gestures.
    • You bring your colleague or assistant to every meeting with her, even if the meeting setting leaves no room to be misconstrued.
    • You hesitate to offer physical contact of any kind, even (especially?) if she is in crisis.
    • You consciously limit the length of your interactions with her for fear she might think you overly familiar.
    • You feel compelled to include “safe” or formal phrasing in all your written and verbal interactions with her (“Tell your husband I said hello!” or “Many blessings on your ministry and family”).
    • You Cc a colleague (or her spouse) on all correspondence.
    • You silently question if her comfort in conversing with men may be a sign of sexual availability.
    • ….we must move from a paradigm of wariness to one of trust, trading the labels of usurper, temptress, child for those of ally, sister, co-laborer.

——————————————–

Related Posts:

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link): Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

Court Upholds Firing of Spiritual Director by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Because She Failed to Save Her Marriage – Example of Christians Making Marriage Into An Idol

Court Upholds Firing of Spiritual Director by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Because She Failed to Save Her Marriage

Talk about Christians making marriage into an idol – so much so, they’ve fired a woman for getting a divorce.

Irony: even if divorce is a sin, God will forgive this woman of being divorced – but apparently not her Christian employer.

Haven’t yet read article. Curious – maybe the woman did not want the divorce, but her husband forced this on her (edit: okay, I read the article, and it says, yes, the husband filed for the divorce).

Or, maybe he was an abusive a-hole, and for her own peace of mind, she had to ditch the loser.

None of that is an excuse for them to fire her, near as I can tell.

Almost any time I see a story like this, the WOMAN gets treated unfairly.

I bet dollars to doughnuts that this same employer has DIVORCED MALE employees working for them, but they only fire WOMEN for divorce. Men always get exceptions or preferential treatment in stories like this. (Edit 2: yep, that is the case. This same organization has two divorced men working for them.)

I will say though that she made a HUGE mistake telling one of her bosses or co-workers about her marriage. The article says she confided in a boss that her marriage was rocky.

You should never, ever discuss personal shit about yourself at your job.

Never, ever… there are so many reasons to not do so, one of which is that the a-holes you work with may use that private info to sabotage you on your job, even on secular jobs.

Your employer – and I care not what their religious views are – is not entitled to you know about your personal life, like, that status of your marriage. It’s none of their damn business.

I am appalled that this company has something called a “requirement of the Separation and Divorcing Staff Policy”.

It’s none of their damn business how your marriage is going or not going, and I do not care if they consider themselves a “Christian” business. This is totally inappropriate and an over-stepping of boundaries.

How is this divorced woman supposed to pay her bills and buy food without an income? (Edit. I re-read it, this was a non-profit, so I guess she got no paycheck from them.)

I do have mixed feelings on some of these situations.

I don’t know if I agree with churches doing things such as giving financial rewards and giving free diapers and so on to fornicating women who get knocked up – to me, that’s a debatable point.

You have churches giving free weddings to couples who are “shacked up.”

Maybe all that wouldn’t bother me so much except for the hypocrisy: that if you are a single adult, living a clean life style (no sex, no drugs, etc), churches are hesitant to help you out, to do favors for you, pay your rent for you, or buy you a  month of free groceries if you’ve fallen on hard time.

However, many Christians and churches JUMP in a heart beat to help knocked-up, single, 14 year olds.

I don’t get it. Christians will snub or neglect single adults (including elderly widows) who are living godly life styles, but fall all over themselves to help drug addicts, etc.

Anyway – I don’t think it’s a Christian employer’s business on how your marriage is going. I don’t in this case think it’s entirely fair or ethical to fire a worker over something in his or her personal life (in particular, divorce).

(Link): Court Upholds Firing of Spiritual Director by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Because She Failed to Save Her Marriage

  • BY LEONARDO BLAIR , CP REPORTER
  • February 10, 2015|2:04 pm
  • A federal appeals court in Michigan upheld the firing of a former spiritual director at InterVarsity Christian Fellowship last Thursday because she failed to save her marriage.

    InterVarsity Christian fellowship is an evangelical campus mission that establishes and advances witnessing communities of students and faculty at colleges and universities across the U.S., according to the (Link): organization’s website.

    Alyce Conlon began working with InterVarsity in 1986 and served at the organization’s spiritual director in Grand Rapids from 2004 to 2011 until she was fired after her marriage fell apart, according to a (Link): mlive report.

  • Conlon had contended in a (Link) 2013 lawsuit against InterVarsity that she was treated unfairly because she was aware of two male employees who had divorced their spouses and were not fired or disciplined by the nonprofit.

    According to the lawsuit, after she informed Marc Papai, her supervisor at InterVarsity, that she was having marital problems in 2011, she was placed on paid leave and encouraged to work on her marriage.

  • In May 2011, Papai and Fred Bailey, regional director of InterVarsity’s Great Lakes Region, became “heavily involved in plaintiff’s attempts to reconcile her marriage,” according to Conlon’s attorney, Katherine Smith Kennedy, in the lawsuit.

    “During this leave of absence, plaintiff followed each and every requirement of the Separation and Divorcing Staff Policy, including counseling sessions and continuing communication with her supervisors as to her progress,” she noted.

  • During the absence, Bailey and Papai contacted Conlon’s then husband, David Reimer, without her consent to discuss their marriage. Papai reportedly issued Reimer a “staff only confidential policy” then asked him to write a letter about his marriage to Conlon who was later ordered to see a counselor of her husband’s choice.
  • “Despite plaintiff meeting all of IVCF’s requirements for her return to work, IVCF refused to allow plaintiff to return to work because she was not successful in reconciling her marriage,” noted Conlon’s lawsuit.
  • Records show that whenever employees have marital problems InterVarsity “encourages employees to seek appropriate help to move toward reconciliation. IVCF will consider the impact of separation or divorce on colleagues, students, faculty and donors.”
  • …Her husband, David Reimer, filed for divorce in January 2012.
  • …Legal teams on both sides accepted that the ministerial exception applied to Conlon’s dismissal but Conlon’s team argued that InterVarsity had waived that exception highlighting on its website that it’s an equal opportunity employer that hires without regard to marital status, gender or other factors. Conlon also pointed to two men who had divorced and kept their jobs.

————————–

Related posts:

(Link): Bias and Discrimination Against Singles and Females – Woman Fired by Christian Employer for Being Divorced but Her Male Divorced Co-Workers Not Fired

(Link):  Single, pregnant mother fired from church for not being married

(Link): Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan 

(Link): Discrimination Against Singles in Spain – and Ageism

Similar Views of Women Between Christian Gender Complmentarians and Islamic Group ISIS

Similar Views of Women Between Christian Gender Complmentarians and Islamic Group ISIS

Today, Feb 9, 2015, Facebook group SCCL posted a link to this:

(Link):  Who Said it? The Gospel Coalition, ISIS, and Gender Roles (by Tyler Tully, published Feb 9, 2015)

I find this interesting, because a few days ago, I tweeted a link to a news story about the ISIS manifesto for women saying something like, “this sounds very similar to what Christian gender complementarians believe about women too.”

Let me see if I can find that Tweet. Yes, here it is, from February 7, 2015:

Here are some links about the ISIS manifesto that were obtained by Western media:

This is from The Daily Mail:

(Link):  Married at NINE and brainwashed into thinking beauty parlours are the work of the devil: ISIS manifesto aimed at recruiting women reveals the misery they can expect to endure

This is from The Christian Post:

(Link): ISIS’ All-Female Manifesto Tells 9-Year-Old Girls to Marry Jihadis; Women to Be Hidden Inside ‘Cell in the House’

Excerpts from The Daily Mail article – note that some of the attitudes about women, gender, marriage, sexuality and purity are similar to what Christian gender complementarians teach:

  • ISIS report details life of extreme oppression faced by women joining ISIS 
  • Women are forced into life of cooking, cleaning and childbearing for jihadis
  • All-female police force said it is fine for adult men to marry girls aged nine 
  • Al-Khansa Brigade insists that all ‘pure’ females should be married by 16
  • Beauty salons and shops selling fashionable clothing are also condemned as satanic in the group’s ‘manifesto’ for women living under ISIS
  • Militants working for ISIS’ all-female police force in Syria have released a manifesto on the role of women – claiming children as young as nine should be encouraged to get married and condemning beauty parlours as the work of the devil.

    The chilling document, titled ‘Women in the Islamic State’, demands women live a completely ‘sedentary’ lifestyle and that their role in life should be primarily to remain ‘hidden and veiled’ and at the service of men, who are described as their masters.

    The manifesto urges ‘pure’ females to ensure they are married by 16, ‘while they are still young and active’, but insists that children as young as nine can ‘legitimately’ marry adult men.

    It goes on to state that beauty parlours and shops selling fashionable clothes must not be tolerated as they are both instruments of the devil designed to encourage women to spend vast amounts of money to change God’s design.

    The document is the first of its kind to be released by ISIS’ all-female Al-Khansa Brigade and while it claims not to have been written or approved by ISIS’ leadership, it provides a disturbing look at the way women living under the terror group’s barbaric regime can expect to be viewed and treated.

  • The document was originally released by the Al-Khansa Brigade last month but as it was written in Arabic, it failed to make an impact on Western ISIS jihadis or supporters. To avoid the crucial information being lost to English-language terror experts, the counter-extremism think tank Quilliam has now fully translated the manifesto and released its own analysis of its contents.

    In stark contradiction to the way life under the rule of ISIS is portrayed on social media, the document explains that the primary duty of Western women who join the terror group is to marry a jihadi, then spend their life cooking, cleaning and raising a family.

  • It suggests that young Western women who spend their time online boasting of leading an exciting and fulfilling lifestyle under the rule of ISIS are lying, possibly under pressure from the group’s leadership who want to encourage a greater number of women to travel to Syria and marry fighters.

    The document describes how women in the once relatively Westernised Syrian city of Raqqa are now ‘liberated’ by laws demanding they are fully covered in public, as it prevents their ‘humiliation’.

I refer you again to

(Link):  Who Said it? The Gospel Coalition, ISIS, and Gender Roles (by Tyler Tully, published Feb 9, 2015)

—————————-

Related

(Link): Extremist Muslims Like Family Values Too – Muslims are joining ISIS / ISIL (extremist Islamic group) because they believe it supports “Family Values” – When Christianity and Islam sound alike

(Link): Duck Dynasty TV Show Star and Conservative Christian Phil Robertson Says Men Should Marry Girls ‘when they are 15 or 16’

(Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link): Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

(Link): Mormons and Christians Make Family, Marriage, Having Children Into Idols

(Link):  Islamic Group ISIS Stones Women To Death For Not Being Virgins

(Link):  Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

(Link): Hypocrisy of Left Wingers and Atheists and the #NotAll Hash Tag or “Not All” Rhetoric

Modesty and the Lust of Men from God Is Love Blog

Modesty and the Lust of Men from God Is Love Blog

I believe I originally saw this on @DefendTheSheep’s twitter.

(Link): Modesty and the Lust of Men

Excerpt:

  • [Quotes from 1 Timothy 2:9-10]
  • There you have it. Women should dress modestly or they will cause men to look at them lustfully and commit adultery. Right?
  • Wrong.
  • What is the author of 1st Timothy concerned about? “Elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls, expensive clothing.” Nowhere does the author of this passage talk about covering up so that men will not lust. Evidently, the concern here is related to displays of material wealth.
  • …“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:13-15, NIV).The temptation to sin comes from within a person, not from without. It is also important to recognize that we can always say “no”: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” (1 Corinthians 10:13, NLT).
  • Click Here to Read The Rest

———————————-

Related Posts:

(Link):  When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence from NatePyle.com Re: Modesty and Purity Teachings

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

(Link): Male Modesty and Male Shaming

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan at Desiring God Site

A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan 

Someone on my Twitter feed linked to this post by Matt Regan at the Desiring God site a few weeks ago. Apparently, the original title was “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl,” and was later changed to, “Do Little Girls Outgrow the Twirl?”

Original post,

(Link): Is It Sexist that Women Twirl (via Way Back Machine / Internet Archive, January 23, 2015)

The URL to that:

https://web.archive.org/web/20150123215444/http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/is-it-sexist-that-women-twirl

Newer(?) post,

(Link): Do Little Girls Outgrow the Twirl? by Matt Reagan, January 23, 2015

A woman, Eugenie Bouchard, won an international tennis match. A journalist asked her after her win to twirl for him and/or for the audience.

Several media outlets characterized this as being sexist.

Here is some of what MR, Reagan, has to say about the incident; I will quote him, then offer my observations below each quote:

  • Therein lies the problem. When Roger Federer was a little boy, he didn’t run into the living room, call for his parents’ attention, and twirl his outfit in front of them (he wasn’t wearing something twirlable to begin with).
  • But Serena did. Eugenie did. They were little girls, who were made to display the beauty they were given and to have that beauty honored. My daughters are perpetual twirlers, even to the extent that they are searching out the most twirlable skirts and dresses.

My response:

First of all, if a woman or girl of her own accord chooses to “twirl” around in a dress for her daddy in the privacy of their home, that is HER choice.

For a grown man, a so-called professional, to ask a grown woman to “twirl” around in her tennis outfit before a stadium of people after she wins a match, is not treating that woman as another professional. It is not the man’s place to ask a woman in public to “twirl.”

Continue reading “A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan at Desiring God Site”

Christian Man to Pregnant Girlfriend: Convert to My Religion or Have an Abortion

Christian Man to Pregnant Girlfriend: Convert to My Religion or Have an Abortion

I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it: there is no advantage or benefit to Christian single women to keep following the “Be Equally Yoked” teaching in regards to dating and marriage when so many (I did not say ALL but MANY, or a significant portion of) Christian men turn out to be so deviant.

I would hope and assume if a man claims to follow the teachings of Jesus, he would be a person of integrity, compassion, and grace, but more often than not, that does not seem to be true. Here is another example.

(Link): Christian Man to Pregnant Girlfriend: Convert to My Religion or Have an Abortion

  • Jan 23, 2015
  • A Christian man got his girlfriend pregnant and urged her to have an abortion. He said that he would marry her and let her have the baby only if she would convert to Christianity for him.
  • However, she was hesitant, not wanting to embrace a religion for the wrong reasons. Therefore, he continued to pressure her to have an abortion. He was afraid, he said, what his church would think. And even though he was fine having sex with her, he would not marry a woman who was not a Christian.
  • [long quote by the woman about the situation]
  • Sadly, she had an abortion.

——————————

Related Posts:

(Link): Christian Single Women: Another Example of Why You Should Abandon the “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching: 21-Y-O Christianity Student, Children’s Minister Charged With Murdering Fiancée He Was to Wed in August; Made It Look Like Suicide

(Link): Christian Women Sexually Assaulted by Christian Men At Christian College – College Blames The Victims / Re: Patrick Henry College

(Link):  19-Year-Old Student at Christian College Bleeds to Death After Secretly Delivering Stillborn Baby in Dorm Room

Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

(Link): Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

Excerpts.

  • Jan 21, 2015
  • When I saw the latest statistics suggesting that the majority of British men don’t believe in God, I wasn’t surprised. Saddened, yes. Shocked, no.This is an issue the Church of England has been struggling with for years.
  • From a purely anecdotal perspective, wander into any Anglican church these days and you’ll likely as not be struck by the gender gap, with females accounting for the majority of the congregation. Dig a little deeper and you’ll probably also find that a core of thoroughly capable women are quietly but determinedly running the joint and keeping the whole place afloat.This is backed up by various reports over the last 10 years, which indicate that women outnumber men at UK churches by up to 15 per cent.It’s a headscratcher, and, like with all sets of data, you can read into it what you will. Around the time the people in this specific study were coming of age (they’re all now in their early 40), there was a bit of an influx of what are jokingly referred to as “Jesus is my boyfriend” worship songs – the type that go something like:
  • “Ooh, I love Jesus so much, I give my heart to him, he is sooooo dreamy.” Admittedly, having to sing this type of nonsense in church might have felt pretty emasculating for a young man, maybe even enough to put him off our Lord for good….What worries me far more about statistics like this being released is the potential response from Christians and the Church.
  • They’re always grist to the mill for dyed-in-the-wool traditionalists who like to wave them around shrieking: “See! We told you this would happen if you let women have opinions, and stand at the front of church, and be vicars. We told you the men wouldn’t like it. You’ve feminised the Church! Of course the men are leaving!”
  • This sexist hysterical crew seem to think that, in slowly but surely embracing equality, the entire Church is being transformed into one long episode of Loose Women. That by letting women lead, it naturally follows we’re creating an environment that is “toxic” to men. What a load of tosh.However, there has been a far darker reaction when we’ve seen reports like this before: a move to create a toughened-up, more masculine Church.

Continue reading “Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey”