Advice Letter – 41 Year Old Never Married Woman To Marry Twice Divorced Guy, Her Mom Worried
Oh. All sorts of bad things going on here. I’m not a supporter of May-December relationships.
Then you have the fact that this dear lady so sick and tired of being single, she’s willing to marry the first man who has a pulse who shows interest, even though he sounds not only too old for her, but possibly like a user. Red flags all over this.
I also have to say this is a switch – before on this blog, I have copied in letters from parents who are freaked out or disappointed that their adult child is age 30, 40, or older and hasn’t married yet, so the parent is begging the kid to marry anyone, just marry.
(Link): Hax Advice Column
DEAR CAROLYN: My smart, successful and never-been-married 41-year-old daughter has recently become engaged to a twice-divorced man whom she has nothing in common with except a desire to not be alone anymore.
I am worried she is his “retirement plan,” as he can’t wait to retire early from his job and live the expat lifestyle with her overseas. They have only known each other for a year, and six months of that have been long-distance.
My daughter complains he won’t stop seeing his “ex-girlfriend/best friend” who lives in the same apartment complex as him — on a different continent — and it is making her insecure.
How do I support my daughter? They have a 13-year age gap, and I just want her to slow down and think carefully about what she is getting herself into. Wanting to “check the marriage box” off your to-do list is not a reason to rush into this.
(Signed), Just Want Her to Slow Down
You say: “I love you and worry about your safety.”
She will hear: “My mother thinks I can’t take care of myself.”
You say: “You barely know this man and are rushing into marriage for the sake of it.”
She will hear: “My mother thinks ‘single and 41’ = desperate and pathetic.”
You say: “He can’t wait to use you to retire early.”
She will hear: “My own mother thinks a man can’t like me for anything but my money.”
You say: “He’s obviously still seeing his ex, right under your nose.”
She will hear: “My mother thinks I’m an idiot.”
You have a message problem, one that stems from the even bigger problem of trying to be a parent to someone who is 20 years into being an adult.