So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine)

So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine)

The author comes down more on the side of singleness- she believes that singles have life a bit more difficult in the overall scheme of things, since they have to do everything alone.

Some of the comments by the singles in the comments section below are annoying. Some of them are the sort who were single until the age of 29, so they’re like, “Hey man, I know how tough it is to be single, I didn’t marry ’til age 29.”

I’m like, shut up. I’m in my 40s and have never married, my dear. Being still single at age 40+ is not the same as getting married off once you hit age 29, 30 or 35.

Just because you didn’t marry until you were 29 doesn’t make you an expert on what extended singleness is like.

People who marry by their mid-30s who act as though they know how hard or frustrating it is to still be single at 40+ annoy me to no end, and they piss me off.

Then you have your adult singles in the comments on the ‘Relevant’ magazine page whining things like, “Aw jeeze, you make singleness sound so terrible. Speak for yourself, I be lovin’ the single life.”

To those people, I in turn am like, why don’t YOU shut up, because some of us are tired of being single and would like to be married? Great for you if you have reached full peace and contentment in your singleness, but some of us still would like to be married.

Here’s the link:

(Link): So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine) by Lizzy Harford

Singleness is often viewed as an undesirable life stage. If you ask anyone in the Church, for the most part, they despair at their single years. Singleness is hard, often lonely and unwanted.

When you’re married, you’re working and living in tandem.

You and your spouse, though separate individuals, are living together, moving along the same path with the same goals. While God is the true source of our comfort and reliance, there is an added feeling of security in marriage that singleness does not have.

…But singles are inevitably going to encounter multiple instabilities not once, not twice, but perhaps numerous times, for as long as they are single and unable to afford living on their own.

Continue reading “So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine)”

Charlize Theron, Bella Thorne & More Celebs Who Totally Get the Dating Struggle

Charlize Theron, Bella Thorne & More Celebs Who Totally Get the Dating Struggle

As I said a couple of years ago, even if you, by the world’s standards, are perfect and great dating material – you’re wealthy, famous, successful, and sexy – you are still not guaranteed an easy or great dating life or marriage.

Look at all the celebrities who meet all the criteria that Christian and secular dating advisors tell us we should gain before we are worthy to date, yet who can’t get a date, or they go through one break up after another.

(Link): Charlize Theron, Bella Thorne & More Celebs Who Totally Get the Dating Struggle

Excerpts:

BRITNEY SPEARS (pop singer)

The next time you’re sitting there, trying to find a way to get out of a really awkward, terrible date without being obvious about it, just think to yourself: Britney Spears has to deal with this, too. “I had a really bad date. I mean, it was really bad,” she recently told Marie Claire. “I’ve been single for ages and had a date with a guy I liked. I was getting anxious, worrying he wouldn’t like me.”

Continue reading “Charlize Theron, Bella Thorne & More Celebs Who Totally Get the Dating Struggle”

Single Men So Desperate For Girlfriends They Call Up Random Women

Single Men So Desperate For Girlfriends They Call Up Random Women

Yeah. Good luck with that. I don’t see myself dating some guy who randomly dials me up. Do they not have dating sites or apps in India?

I have a few more comments below these excerpts….

(Link):   Indian men unable to find a girlfriend resort to ringing wrong numbers in hope of striking up a relationship as police report 700 complaints of ‘phone romeos’ each day 

  • Around 680 million Indians have mobile phones and many are lonely hearts
  •  Single men often ring random numbers and try to strike up a conversation 
  •  Victim Geetika Chakravarty, 24, said: ‘I do not know what their mindset is’ 
  •  One gang in Uttar Pradesh sell ‘beautiful’ girls’ numbers for 500 rupees (£6)

by Chris Summers

March 23, 2017

Lonely Indian men are so desperate to find girlfriends they are resorting to calling random phone numbers in the hope of striking up a relationship with a potential future wife.

The ‘phone Romeos’ have become a scourge in India and neighbouring Bangladesh.

Continue reading “Single Men So Desperate For Girlfriends They Call Up Random Women”

More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

I don’t know how accurate this type of story is. Sometimes the media like to report ideas and leave the impression there is a huge crisis going on, because it generates panic and makes for good click-bait and gets them more views and hits.

For example:

(Link):  When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry

This story is in a UK-based paper. I’ve no idea how common this is in the United States vs. the UK. Some of the folks who left comments below the (Link): Twitter post felt that the article is “victim-blaming.” I don’t know if I took it that way or not.

I have posted other stories to this blog before of women who were killed by men they had met online, and one story about a guy who was robbed (and I think killed) by a woman he met on a dating site (she brought her male friends with her to the man’s house, and her friends killed him – she was part of the plot). I don’t think it’s necessarily “victim blaming” to remind people who use dating sites to use caution when meeting people through sites.

(Link):  The tragic story of Helen Bailey’s murder shows how easily an unscrupulous character can fool a lonely romantic by J. S-Porter

“At 49, I met and married a man within three months. It was a disaster, and I quickly realised I’d been hopelessly naïve. Sometimes the dream gets in the way of reality”

Excerpts:

A successful middle-aged woman was murdered by a partner she trusted implicitly. Helen Bailey’s story is shocking because it reveals how little she really knew about her partner of five years. How can such an intelligent person be so oblivious to the dark side of her lover’s personality?

Continue reading “More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)”

Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”

Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”

 I would encourage anyone out there to take any dating or relationship advice from complementarian Matt Chandler with a huge, huge grain of salt, as I’ve written of here:

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

Chandler is head pastor at a church where he (and a few of his elders at his church) was going to discipline a woman for annulling her marriage to her husband for being a pedophile.

Off-site information on that:

(Link):  Mega-Church [run by Matt Chandler]: Stay With Your Kiddie-Porn Watching Husband or Face Discipline

I am personally not going to take dating or marital advice from some dude who thinks a woman should stay married to a pervert. -Which is what Chandler did.

About the only positive thing I can say about Chandler’s commentary about singleness, when he addresses the issue, is that he is supportive of (Christian) single women who desire marriage – he does acknowledge that too often Christians downplay this desire, or shame women for having it, or feed them platitudes (as if feeding a woman a platitude on this issue is going to help them – it is not).

Having said that, let’s take a look at this page from The Christian Post (I have more commentary below this long excerpt):

(Link):  Matt Chandler: Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak’ Feb 13, 2017 by W Showalter

Pastor Matt Chandler has some advice for young Christian singles on Valentine’s Day: Compromising a devout Christian spouse just for the sake of getting married will almost always result in more heartbreak.

Continue reading “Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak””

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married 

I just re-watched a re-run I had forgotten about. It really resonated – maybe not so much at the time, when I was in my 20s when it first aired, but now that I’m in my 40s and still single, like the character in the skit is, I totally relate.

I will embed the scene below in this post, that someone posted on You Tube (I so hope the video is never pulled down. Sometimes, videos are removed due to copyright infringement claims.)

“Everybody Loves Raymond” is a television situation comedy show that started around 1996. I used to watch it every week and still remember the characters and one or two of the episodes.

This show takes place, starts out, in the late 1990s, before many Americans had the internet – dating sites were still a good ways away, and cell phones didn’t really catch on until around the year 2,000 or a bit later.

Even when dating sites first came out and caught on, many singles did not want to use them.

Even up to around 2005 or so, there was a stigma attached to dating sites. If you used one at that time, you didn’t really want anyone to know, because they might think you were desperate or a loser.

I started watching “Everyone Loves Raymond” again in re-runs about two weeks ago – it comes on some of the local cable channels. If you’re like I am – single over the age of 35 and had expected and wanted to marry – you might really relate to the embedded video in this post, too.

To set it up for you if you’re not familiar with the show:

The show is about a guy named Ray who is married to Debra. Ray’s parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street from Ray and Debra.

Ray’s older brother, Robert (a.k.a. “Robbie”), is a police officer who lives with his parents – the guy was married to a woman name Joanne(?), and if I remember correctly, she won the house in their divorce. Joanne dumped Robert for a guy Robert arrested.

For a long time, Robert was too broke and too depressed to live on his own, so he lived with his parents. Eventually, Robert meets Amy, and they get married. But for a good long time, Robert, who is in his early 40s, is single, can’t seem to meet the right woman, and hates being single.

Continue reading “‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married”

Wendy Griffith’s Singles Material on 700 Club Christian Show in Feb. 2017

Wendy Griffith’s Singles Material on 700 Club Christian Show in Feb. 2017

Wendy Griffith is one of the lady co-hosts on Christian program The 700 Club. She seems okay, but as you all know, I don’t think anyone should take (Link): relationship advice from her host, Pat Robertson.

Griffith is in her 40s, has never been married, but would like to be married. (Like me!)

By the way, if you find me too cranky, mean, and foul-mouthed, you’d probably like her and her Twitter page. She seems like a very nice lady, but not nice in an annoying way.

I thought some of you visitors to my blog may be interested in this information.

I was watching 700 Club a few days ago, and there was a spot on there where Griffith was promoting a new book she has for single Christian women. She is also doing segments either on the TV show or on some Facebook group in relation.

I wasn’t watching the TV segment on this too closely, so I’m rather vague on what is going on.

I do know she has some sort of Facebook group under her name or in relation to 700 Club where adult singles can post prayer requests and read up on material for adult singles.

I will search the internet to see if I can find out more about what is going on with this

I can see she is discussing some of this singleness stuff on (Link): her Facebook page (as of Feb 2017).

Here is one post of hers for Singles Month:

(Link): Facebook: Should the Man Pay for the Date?

(Link): Facebook: The Dangers of Recreational Kissing

A tweet from her Twitter timeline about singles lead to this Facebook page:

(Link): 700 Club / Griffith Singles Video and Advice

Continue reading “Wendy Griffith’s Singles Material on 700 Club Christian Show in Feb. 2017”

Alpha Females Part 1 – Nothing New Under the Sun. Conservative Women Keep Issuing Same Sexist, Unhelpful Dating And Marital Advice to Women

Alpha Females Part 1 – Nothing New Under the Sun. Conservative Women Keep Issuing Same Sexist, Unhelpful Dating And Marital Advice to Women

This commentary will be divided up among a few posts. Here is part 1.

Visit Part 2 | Part 3 |  A Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience

Part 4

Introduction.

For those new to my blog:

I am a right winger. I was a Republican until recently. I am now a conservative Independent.

I was a conservative Christian for many years (I am no longer sure about what my religious views are), and I (Link): Am A Former Gender Complementarian (someone who believed in and lived out traditional gender roles, views which are based in large measure on incorrect interpretations and applications about gender in the Bible).

I sometimes agree with secular left wing feminists on some topics, but not always. At times, I disagree with secular and religious left wing feminists and have written several blog posts critiquing some of their views.


This series of posts is addressing author Suzanne Venker’s relationship advice, as I have seen her advocate for, in behalf of her book “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage.”

I myself am not, nor have I ever been, what she terms an “Alpha Female.”

I have always been what she refers to as a “Beta,” and guess what?

Being a Beta did not land me a spouse, dates, or make my life easier, more peaceful, less stressful, or rewarding, as Venker tries to reassure her female readers that it will. More on that in a future post.

As a conservative who is in her 40s and still single (though engaged at one time), I have been seeing these sorts of attitudes about gender and marriage that are discussed below in an article by Venker advanced by secular and religious conservatives since I was a teen in the 1980s.

There is an annoying, recurrent, and yes, sexist, motiff by conservatives to say the reason society has problems with marriage, dating irregularity, high divorce rates, and other relationship problems – is that women are at fault.

Women are always blamed for relationship trends and problems – and at that, usually by other women – and at that, by women who tend to be conservative and who publish books or articles about dating and marriage.

Continue reading “Alpha Females Part 1 – Nothing New Under the Sun. Conservative Women Keep Issuing Same Sexist, Unhelpful Dating And Marital Advice to Women”

If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)

Yeesh. If you are single, want to be married, and ever feel lousy or discouraged about being single still, you might want to check out the movie “Gone Girl.”

Or not. It may forever discourage you from dating ever again, LOL – which is why I put “maybe watch it” in the subject heading of this post.

What a creepy movie.

I saw it tonight because it came on one of the cable TV channels I get.

It stars Ben Afflec (however his name is spelled) married to some blonde lady. This movie contains twists and turns.

You start out feeling bad for the wife, because the husband looks like a cheating, insensitive, selfish, lazy, jerk.

But then as the movie goes on, you learn the blonde wife is no prize, either. You then also feel sorry for the husband as you start learning more about the sicko wife.

Continue reading “If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)”

21 Hilarious Solo Christmas Cards

21 Hilarious Solo Christmas Cards

(Link): 21 Hilarious Solo Christmas Cards

Here is just one of several images on their page:

funny_christmas_cards-12


Related Posts:

(Link): Single Woman Photographer Opposes Societal Marital Pressure with Mannequin Family

Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day to Be With Family by J. Roys

Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day to Be With Family by J. Roys

Yes. I’ve been noting on this blog for the last few years that Christians have turned the Nuclear Family into idols, and this comes at the expense of divorced, widowed, childless, childfree, and never married adults.

(Link): Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day by J. Roys

Excerpts:

Christmas this year falls on a Sunday, which has some churchgoers in a tizzy.

…Religion writer Amy Sullivan once suggested that the reason American Christians don’t normally go to church on Christmas is because we’ve adopted a civil religion that elevates the ideal of family “to a sacrosanct level.” The Norman Rockwell image of a family gathered around a tree, she argues, has become a Christmas icon that rivals baby Jesus.

“For most Christians,” she said, “Christmas is a day for family, not faith.”

I think Sullivan has a point. Recently, I was listening to a Christmas album by the a cappella group Pentatonix, which I absolutely love. But the lyrics to their song “That’s Christmas to Me” pierced my heart. The song is beautiful and nostalgic — and completely godless.

After talking about Santa and stockings and mistletoe, they croon, “The only gift I’ll ever need is the joy of family. Oh why? ‘Cause that’s Christmas to me.”

I love my family dearly. But Christmas is about the birth of my savior without whom I’d have no hope for the future. And to me, there’s no better way to celebrate Christmas than to join with my church family, as well as my natural family, to worship our savior.

But again, many Christians attend services on Christmas Eve. So, what’s wrong with foregoing church on Christmas Day? However, Sullivan notes that many Anglican and Catholic Churches similarly hold midnight masses or vigils the night before Easter. (My church does that, and it’s a highlight of my year.) But everyone still shows up the next morning for Easter services. No devout Christian would ever consider missing church on Easter! So why do we not have the same attitude toward Christmas?

As Scott McConnell, executive director of LifeWay, notes, “If Christmas falls on Monday through Saturday, churches might be closed on December 25 — but almost never on a Sunday.”

Still I wonder, how many will attend church on Christmas Day joyfully as opposed to dutifully? And how many church members will actually show up? Many churches, which normally hold multiple services on Sunday morning, are only holding one service on Christmas day.

…That’s my hope too. I fear we have replaced adoring God with adoring family on Christmas. And as much as I love family, and see it as an incredible gift from God, I love Jesus even more.


Related Posts:

(Link):  The Neglected God Calls Us to Reach Out to the Neglected at Christmas: God with Us and Them—Immanuel (Re: People Who Are Alone At the Holidays)

(Link):  Merry Christmas to Single People

(Link):  Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura (some people are alone at the holidays; they are not married, have no kids)

(Link):  Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again (Married people who have spouses with dementia)

700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage

700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul wrote that it is better to stay single than it is to marry. Jesus Christ himself never married.

The Bible does not extol marriage or pro-creation above singleness and being childless or child-free.

In spite of all that, today’s (December 20, 2016) episode of the Christian show The 700 Club, host Pat Robertson spoke poorly of singleness and said marriage is preferable or better than singleness.

On today’s episode of the Christian show The 700 Club, there was a segment about how millennials are reluctant to get married.

The show interviewed a few millennials, who are conservative Christians, about marriage.

One of these young ladies interviewed said, “It’s [marriage] is the most important thing.”

I would assume that young woman probably wants to marry some day. So did I when I was her age, but it never happened.

I am now in my 40s and have never married because the right guy never came into my life. I am single against my will, not because I choose to be.

Just because you want to be married does not mean you will marry. This is one fact these early-marriage advocates and other marriage-promoters never consider.

By the way, no-where does the Bible say that “marriage is the most important thing [in life].” I have no idea where that woman is getting that notion from, unless it’s being shoved down her throat by her conservative Christian church.

After the interview clips were shown, host Pat Robertson opined about how great marriage is, and in the process, he ran down singleness and singles.

Continue reading “700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage”

Love Is Patient: Rare Snail Finally Meets Mate Willing to Accept His Differences by K. Bender

Love Is Patient: Rare Snail Finally Meets Mate Willing to Accept His Differences

I think there may be a lesson in here somewhere for humans.

(Link): Love Is Patient: Rare Snail Finally Meets Mate Willing to Accept His Differences

Excerpts:

by K Bender, Nov 11, 2016

To the human eye, Jeremy doesn’t look that different from most snails, but to other snails he is rather unique.

Due to a genetic mutation, Jeremy’s shell swirls counterclockwise and his sex organs are located on the left side of his head, the opposite arrangement of most snails. According to (Link): NPR, this rare “lefty” look has made it nearly impossible for Jeremy to find a mate, because his sex organs don’t align with those of other snails.

Luckily, Jeremy found a friend in Angus Davison of the University of Nottingham, who is working with a team to find out what gene creates this one in 100,000 anomaly. One of the best ways to do this is to study Jeremy’s offspring. But first the snail has to have offspring, which requires another counterclockwise snail. 

To find a mate for the lovelorn snail, Davison asked the public for help on Twitter, attaching the hashtag #snaillove to his plea.

Continue reading “Love Is Patient: Rare Snail Finally Meets Mate Willing to Accept His Differences by K. Bender”

Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility by C. Woolgar

Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility by C. Woolgar

(Link): Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility

Excerpts:

July 2016

I was recently asked if the idea of ‘the One’ was biblical and I decided to blog about it as I think it’s essentially a question about how romance relates to hope.

...So: is the idea of ‘the One’ consistent with the Bible?

I’m going to say more no than yes.

It’s not that God never does bring ‘the One’ into a Christian’s life (he does), but specifically expecting that God will do this makes too many assumptions about life and how God works. And it encourages too many unhelpful behaviours.

Continue reading “Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility by C. Woolgar”

Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman

Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman 

I am infuriated at Robertson’s response to this Gail woman who wrote to him. I am trying to keep my language clean in this post, but I want to cuss up a storm.

A woman named Gail wrote a question to Christian television host Pat Robertson. You can view her question and listen to Robertson’s response below (I will embed the video in this post).

Gail wrote to Pat Robertson (despite the fact I’ve tweeted several times over begging women of America to stop asking him for relationship advice – dang it Gail, have you not seen my warnings??) and Gail asked Robertson a question.

Gail wanted to know why all her female friends are married but she is not, even though she’s prayed and asked God to send her a husband. Gail also said she is having financial problems.

Robertson went on to shame and scold this woman. He said (to paraphrase) that she had a lot of egotistical nerve expecting God to just answer her prayers and plop a husband down in her lap. Robertson told Gail if she wants a husband or financial help to go out and work for it.  He implied that she is at fault in some way.

Continue reading “Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman”

WHO: Single People Who Struggle to Find A Partner To Be Considered “Infertile”

WHO: Single People Who Struggle to Find A Partner To Be Considered “Infertile”

I’m taken aback by some of the cranky comments by people who disagree with this decision. Take for example this (source):

Josephine Quintavalle, from Comment on Reproductive Ethics added: “This absurd nonsense is not simply re-defining infertility but completely side-lining the biological process and significance of natural intercourse between a man and a woman.

Well, excuse the hell out of me, Ms. Quintavalle, but some of us find ourselves single by circumstance – we had hoped to be married in our 20s or 30s but just could not find the right guy. I cannot get pregnant now because I have no husband to have sex with to get pregnant, by, HELLO.

You’re saying women like me shouldn’t be able to get help we need or want in having a kid of our own, if that is what we want (I never cared if I had one myself or not, but some women really want one). There is just no sympathy from some people for the circumstances other people find themselves in in life. I didn’t plan on turning out single well into my 40s, lady.

I don’t think that adult singleness should be thought of in a derogatory fashion as a “disability” (God knows we get enough of that condescending attitude from churches as it is), but I don’t see anything wrong with it pertaining to allowing singles who want to have  kid.

I’m also seeing one or two commentators who assume that single adults are more “selfish” than married couples, which is untrue and is (Link): the reverse!

(Link):   People Who Can’t Find Sex Partners Should Be Classified as ‘Disabled,’ Says World Health Organization

(Link):  Being Single Is Now a Disability, According to the World Health Organization

By Rhett Jones

For the WHO’s Dr. David Adamson, one of the authors of the new standards, this move is about creating medical equality. He says, “(Link): The definition of infertility is now written in such a way that it includes the rights of all individuals to have a family, and that includes single men, single women, gay men, gay women.”

Continue reading “WHO: Single People Who Struggle to Find A Partner To Be Considered “Infertile””

Over 30, Single and Very Content – via Relevant

Over 30, Single and Very Content

(Link):  Over 30, Single and Very Content

Excerpts:

It doesn’t just need to be a waiting period until marriage.
– – – – – – – – – – –

I am over 30 and single. There, I said it! It was tough but phew, it’s out there, now you know. Excuse me whilst I go hide under a rock from shame or embarrassment or both

…You wait and remain optimistic and you pray regularly (verging on obsessively, might I add) for that spouse, someone who will be the other half of you but after realizing potential husband number 23 was also just playing you while doing the same to six other girls, you start to lose heart.
…How did this happen? You watch each of your friends get married and wonder what you did wrong. Is this punishment for something, am I not trying hard enough, am I simply not “enough”?

Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay

Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay

This was first brought to my attention by zolemica2 on Twitter. I appreciate her passing this along.

This was certainly a page I related to.  The author definitely captures some of the hypocrisy that married people engage in.

(Link): Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay

Excerpts:

…If you’re single, and you complain about being single, you’ll normally get some advice about learning to accept yourself before being able to be with a partner. The current model is work on yourself, “improve” yourself, when you’re alone then when you are sufficiently “un-broken” you will be able to attract a mate.

To admit that you’re unsatisfied being single is almost like an admission that you’re not ready to be in a relationship; if you’re not “complete” when you’re alone, you’re not worthy of a partner.

…[The author took all that advice and took on self-improvement.] But, I don’t think it made me any more datable.

Continue reading “Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay”

Sexual Morality in a Christless World – Re: Book by M. Rueger

Sexual Morality in a Christless World – Re: Book by M. Rueger


Please note: if my one time stalker John Morgan is still at this blog, don’t be surprised if he sees this post by me and either leaves comments on the blog posts I link to below, or else does a new blog post  on his blog mentioning this book. Why do I find this habit of Morgan’s annoying? Please (Link): click here to find out.


Someone did a post or two about a book by M. Rueger called “Sexual Mortality in a Christless World.” Here are a few links about it.

Please note: I do (Link): NOT agree with the “Gift of Celibacy” rhetoric, and it appears the author of this book uses that rhetoric in the book.

There are Christian singles who find themselves celibate not because they WANT to be but because they could not find a spouse. They are “Circumstantially Celibate,” as opposed to being “Deliberately Celibate.” Such celibates were not “gifted with Celibacy” by God, nor were they chosen or foreordained by God to be single and celibate.

(Link):  Sexual Progress

(Link):   Traditional sexual ethics vs. Christian morality

(Link):  An Excerpt from Sexual Morality in a Christless World

(Link):  Q & A With Rev. Dr. M. Rueger, Author of Sexual Morality in a Christless World 

(Link): Progressively  Regressive Sexuality: A Return to Pagan Morality (on Free Republic)

(Link):  Progressively Regressive Sexuality A RETURN TO PAGAN MORALITY (on BreakPoint)

(Link):  America’s Progressively Regressive Sexuality: A Return to Pagan Morality (copy on CNS)

Excerpts from

(Link):   Traditional sexual ethics vs. Christian morality by Gene Veith

And I have some additional comments below this excerpt:

The Rev. Dr. Rueger includes a fascinating treatment of sexual morality in the Greco-Roman world.  The wide practice of homosexuality in that classical culture–specifically, pederasty, the sexual use of young boys–is particularly illuminating.

 He also treats sexual morality in the ancient Hebrew world, which was not without problems of its own (such as easy divorce).   The Christian perspective on sexual morality, he shows, has always been counter-cultural.  It took its shape from consideration of our identity in Christ.  

He says that those who are hailing a “new” sexual morality that has progressed past “traditional values” have it exactly backwards.  The “traditional” sexual morality exemplified in the ancient world was one of promiscuity, homosexuality, pederasty, prostitution, and rape.  In contrast, Christianity offers a “new” perspective on sex, one that challenges culture in a way that is truly progressive.

…His approach is not just laying down the Law, insisting on a moralism that no one can live up to.

I will say that this one comment –

His approach is not just laying down the Law, insisting on a moralism that no one can live up to.

-Sets off a red flag for me.

Depending on how the author of that blog post means it, and how that concept the book author uses it, it may be the same spin I see from Christians often – that sexual purity, or celibacy, is an (Link): “heroic feat” that (Link): only a few, who have been gifted by God, can manage. This view (Link): is incorrect.

I’m over 40 years of age, I most certainly have a libido, and it’s sexual self control that has kept me a Virgin this long. It hasn’t been due to prayer; not God’s grace, not purely “faith in Jesus,” and other vaguely spiritual talk that Christians often apply to this topic.

Staying a virgin is based on one’s personal choice; there is no spiritual mumbo-jumbo involved. God did not wave a magic wand over me and remove my sexual desires.

If I can do it (and I’ve done it), anyone can – but most choose not to because they are lazy and lack self discipline.

(Note I am talking about consensual sex here. Too often, anti-sexual purity crusaders like to muddy the water by conflating sexual abuse with consensual, extra-marital sexual behavior.)


Related Posts:

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link):   Typical Erroneous Teaching About Adult Celibacy Rears Its Head Again: To Paraphrase Speaker at Ethics and Public Policy Center: Lifelong Celibacy is “heroic ethical standard that is not expected of heteros, so it should not be expected of homosexuals” (ie, it’s supposedly an impossible feat for any human being to achieve)

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link):   Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Christian Author Dan Navin

(Link): Singleness Is Not a Gift

(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married

(Link):  Seven Truths About Marriage You Won’t Hear in Church by F. Powell

(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

(Link): Candice Watters and Boundless Blog Gets It Wrong / Christian prolonged singlehood singleness singles ignored

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Permissiveness, Cheap Grace, and Easy Forgivism Run Amok in Christianity – Dallas Preacher Todd Wagner Says Christians Can Use Heroin (parallel to topic of sex, celibacy) / Why some Christians turn agnostic

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link):  Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling,  Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

I’m a 32-Year-Old Virgin, and I’m Living the Feminist Dream by K. Bryan

I’m a 32-Year-Old Virgin, and I’m Living the Feminist Dream by K. Bryan

Parts of Bryan’s essay resonated with me. There are different reasons I decided to abstain from sex, but avoiding things such as sexually transmitted diseases, having to spend money on birth control, and men using you for sex just to dump you the next day were a few of my own reasons, and she cited one or more of these reasons in her essay.

(Link): I’m a 32-Year-Old Virgin, and I’m Living the Feminist Dream by K. Bryan

Excerpts

My name is Kate. I’m 32 years old. I’ve never had sex.

When I was young, I always imagined I would be married by 25 and have a brood of kids. Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew to “make disciples,” and I thought it would be cool to take that verse literally and have 12 kids. I wanted enough kids to fill a baseball team, a hockey bench and a big house full of love.

That obviously didn’t happen. Or it hasn’t happened yet. But I love my life. …

Do I feel a void because I’m not married and I don’t have children yet? Sure. Do I wish I were having sex? Of course.