Joy Pullman at The Federalist is At It Again: This Time, She’s Promoting ‘Bedroom Evangelism,’ Which is Not Biblical

Joy Pullman at The Federalist is At It Again: This Time, She’s Promoting ‘Bedroom Evangelism,’ Which is Not Biblical

As a moderately conservative individual, I agree with much of the content published at The Federalist, but certainly not all. This is one of those times when no, I don’t agree.

The name Joy Pullman looked familiar to me, and sure enough, a few years ago, I did a post or two criticizing (Link): one of her other articles.

This time, I am disagreeing with this following piece at The Federalist by Joy Pullman;
I will put some excerpts in, and below that, discuss where my areas of disagreement are
(and it’s a super long excerpt – my comments will be way, way below):

(Link): Christianity’s Growth Problem Isn’t Politics, It’s Our Failure To Have And Evangelize Children

Like just about every other Western Christian body, as well as the United States, the SBC is left to squabble over shrinking slices of a dwindling pie.

by Joy Pullman

The New York Times put out a lengthy preview of the Southern Baptist Convention’s top controversies heading into their annual meeting this week in Nashville, Tenn. Members of the nation’s largest evangelical denomination are weighing the future of their religious body amid numerous theological controversies.

… Decline Stems From No Babies, Not Being Too Trumpy
The Times reports that one of the SBC’s concerns is “15-year decline” in members, both through potential theological schisms intertwined with politics, such as critical race theory, and through an aging and thus declining membership.

….While the Times makes much of contrasting the SBC’s political conservatism with its forecast of demographically decisive American leftism, it doesn’t note that the SBC’s decline is directly related to following broader American culture, instead of Christian beliefs, on a keystone of institutional vibrancy: fertility.

China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids

China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids

(Link): China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids

A once-in-a-decade population census has shown that births in China have fallen to their lowest level since the 1960s – leading to calls for an end to birth control policies. But some in China say these policies aren’t the only thing that’s stopping them.

Despite being hassled by her mum about it, Beijing resident Lili* is not planning to have children any time soon.

The 31-year-old, who has been married for two years, wants to “live my life” without the “constant worries” of raising a child.

“I have very few peers who have children, and if they do, they’re obsessed about getting the best nanny or enrolling the kids in the best schools. It sounds exhausting.”

Lili spoke to the BBC on condition of anonymity, noting that her mother would be devastated if she knew how her daughter felt.

But this difference of opinion between the generations reflects the changing attitudes of many young urban Chinese toward childbirth.

I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson

I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson

Before I paste in excerpts from the article (see farther below), I wanted to say, yes, it’s unfortunately common for family and friends to shame you about being single; it’s common for them to poke fun or ask questions about “why aren’t you married yet?” or “why don’t you have a boyfriend?,” and so forth.

Now, I’m not sure of the author’s (Thompson’s) age of this piece I am excerpting below, but if you are a single adult reading this, and you find yourself nodding along in empathy and solidarity, because you too know what it feels like to be pressured or shamed by friends and family for being single, I wanted to point out that this shaming, guilt tripping, mockery and so on, doesn’t last forever.

I am now in my late forties; most people will stop questioning you and mocking you about “why aren’t you married or dating anyone yet” at some stage of your life, probably in your mid-40s.

You will have to endure a lot of the annoying, at times hurtful, mocking, innuendo, shaming, teasing, pressure, and so on and so forth, in your younger years.

The mid 30s seem to be the height of this singles shaming and ridicule for most people (based on anecdotes I’ve seen from other single adults over the years).

Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)

Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)

Below: another article (this time from The Christian Post) seemingly advocating for the good ol’ days when, supposedly, most women got married by the age of 21 and popped out 10 kids apiece and lamenting at how folks just aren’t quite into marriage now as much as they used to be.

Such articles inadvertently suggest that being single and/or childless are somehow “wrong,” immoral, dangerous for society, or “second best.” They are sometimes (Link): intentionally or inadvertently singles-shaming.

Seems that about once a year, every year, some secular conservative or Christian group or person releases some kind of editorial bemoaning delayed marriage.

You can count on these things appearing regularly. Just like death and taxes, or the sun rising in the east tomorrow.

To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up. (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)

To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)

It seems like at least once a year, some editorial, pod cast, article, tweet, or blog post appears some where, usually by a married Christian man (can be by a woman, but it’s usually by a man, one who graduated from college prior to the advent of the CD-ROM and Atari 2600), who shames, pressures, (or claims that the Bible teaches that) single Christian adults should only date or marry other Christians.

Much of what I say in this post will be repetitive for anyone who has actually, regularly visited this blog of mine in years past, and for that I apologize, but some themes bear repeating.

There is one new angle to this I will add – kind of.

Here’s the new twist, which I’ve not thought to come right out and say before:

If you are a Christian, especially a married one who has been married for many years, who believes in the “equally yoked rule” (or sometimes, it’s stated as “do not be unequally yoked”) when opining about dating and marriage, I want to know, what specifically are you doing to help single Christians, especially single Christian women, who desire marriage, to get married?

What concrete, practical steps are you taking to get singles married?

What have you done for single adults lately? Hmm?

An applicable music interlude: (Link, You Tube video): What Have You Done For Me Lately?, by Janet Jackson

Giving advice, or quoting Bible verses, at singles about marriage, relationships, Jesus, or contentment, does not count.

Nor does tossing out Christianese platitudes to singles help or count, such as, “Remember, the LORD will be your husband,” “Trust in the Lord and his timing, and He will send you a spouse,” or, “find contentment in your singleness, and that is when the Lord will send you a spouse.” 

Telling Christian singles to “just get out there more,” “volunteer at church more,” or “try dating sites” doesn’t count, either.

Birth Rates Will Drop, People Will Stay Single Longer…. Scientists Predict How Society Will Change in a Post-COVID World

Birth Rates Will Drop, People Will Stay Single Longer…. Scientists Predict How Society Will Change in a Post-COVID World

(Link): Birth rates will drop, people will stay single for longer and women will sexualise themselves more: Scientists predict how society will change in a post-COVID world

Excerpts:

October 2020

Psychological fallout from the pandemic will cause birth rates to drop, people to stay single for longer and women to sexualise themselves more, experts have predicted.

Experts from the US reviewed 90 studies to help them predict how COVID-19 could shift social behaviours and gender norms — even among those not infected.

They expect planned pregnancies to decrease in response to the global health crisis as people defer marriage and kids, leading some nations’ populations to shrink.

Supporting Singles and How Churches Can Help Singles Get Married – Lessons from Match-Making by B. Lea

Supporting Singles and How Churches Can Help Singles Get Married – Lessons from Match-Making by B. Lea

A caveat here: there are some singles who are happy being single and do NOT want church friends fixing them up with other singles.

Yet other singles do want to be married, but they’d rather not church friends or other Christians fix them up.

The bottom line is, before you try to play match-maker for a single adult you know, ask them for their permission first! They may say yes, but they may say, “no thank you.”

Many Christians – especially married ones (and they usually married in their 20s) are very hesitant to help their single friends get married, especially not in a church setting; they erroneously believe it would be turning church into a “meat market.” I guess they’d rather Christian singles try to meet other singles in bars or night clubs – but given how many pedophiles and creeps frequent churches, maybe that wouldn’t be a bad idea.

At any rate, getting married generally does involve human effort, but most Christians act as though God will just magically make a spouse appear at a single woman’s doorstep.

That’s not how it works.

You married Christians out there should be fixing up your single friends with other singles who would like to get married (with everyone’s permission). Dating sites are not a guarantee. 

(Link): Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking’ Offers Wisdom for Christians

Excerpts:

by B. Lea
August 28, 2020

Introducing singles can help build the local church.

 

…Nearly half of US adults say dating has become increasingly difficult in the past 10 years, according to a new (Link): study from the Pew Research Center. Perhaps there’s a fresh case to be made for Christian matchmaking.

 

It is worth clarifying the definition of matchmaking in this context. The process is voluntary…

 

…It is worth clarifying the definition of matchmaking in this context. The process is voluntary…

Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

As to the part of this article that talks about how to be happy as a single adult (which I did NOT excerpt on my blog, but which does appear in the article): please take the section that talks about meeting other people’s needs with a grain of salt.

Christian women in particular are already subjected, quite frequently, to deeply codependent messages passed off as “biblical” from churches, Christian blogs, books, and pastors (Link): that neglecting one’s own needs to meet the needs of others is godly, wonderful, loving, meaningful, and will bring one joy.

However, this is not always the case.

You can actually suffer burn out, resentment, and exhaustion if you never get your own needs met – even while you may be running around doing charity work, helping your neighbor, and meeting other people’s needs.

So where this article advises you to volunteer, help other people, etc, to keep your happiness levels up, take that advice with a grain of salt and only practice it in moderation, if at all.

(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

Excerpts:

July 29, 2020

New research into happiness and well-being reveals what really matters.

…The upshot of the study [from Michigan State University] was that “…staking your happiness on being married isn’t a sure bet,” as co-author William Chopik reported.

That is, the lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn’t differ in their level of happiness.

Do You Feel Shame About Being Single? By John Amodeo, PhD

Do You Feel Shame About Being Single? By John Amodeo, PhD

(Link): Do You Feel Shame About Being Single? By John Amodeo, PhD

Excerpts:

If find yourself single, are you ok with that or distressed by it? Do you feel judged by others — or perhaps judge yourself for your current status?

Growing up in our society, it’s hard to avoid the message that being married is required for happiness. We may feel pressured to believe that if we’re not in a partnership, there’s something wrong with us — that it’s shameful to be single.

Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

A few weeks ago, Sheila Wray Gregorie, who maintains a Christian martial advice blog, shared (Link): this on twitter.

A woman who runs yet another blog (called (Link): “True Love Dates”) featured a post by a single adult woman who I guess posted under a pen name, or as anonymous.

This single woman explained in her comment that, no, it’s not God’s will for all single women to be single, and for so many Christians to keep mouthing this assumption or repeating it in their sermons, books, or blogs is hurtful and discouraging to some single women who’d like to be married but who have not met the right person.

I too have done several posts over the years attempting to correct some of the wrong, hurtful, or insensitive teachings and attitudes that a lot of Christians have about singleness –
– such as, (Link): God told you to marry your spouse;
or, it’s (Link): God’s will for most to marry;
or that (Link): single adults exist only to serve married couples;
or that (Link): unwanted and protracted singleness is a “gift” God bestows upon some. (There are so many Christian fallacies about singleness.)

Here is the featured content for this post, and I agree that Christians need to stop saying that singleness (especially unwanted protracted singleness) is “God’s will.”

(Link): Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will?

Excerpts:

[by Sheila Wray Gregoire]

If you’ve never been married, does that mean that it was always God’s will that you would be single?

I think we talk about that a lot–that people are “called to singleness”, as if God decides before you were born, “Oh, I’m going to make sure that Jennifer doesn’t get married,” or “I’d prefer Stacey never meet the man of her dreams.”

Now, I do believe that God puts on some people’s hearts to be single, and to dedicate their life to a singular purpose to serve Him, in which singleness is necessary.

But I don’t think that’s the majority of people who are single.

Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

I have been blogging about this topic, and ones pertaining to it, for several years now. It’s no mystery to me why women have been leaving the church in droves the last ten or more years.

(If you’d like to see just a few of my posts explaining why the Christian faith, or more specifically, churches, are a huge turn-off to single women, please see some of the links to my other blog posts below in this post, under the “Related Posts” heading.)

However, most Christians only obsess over smaller numbers of MEN leaving church; they don’t seem to either notice or to care that single women have been dropping out as well.

One of the few things this article highlights is that the “equally yoked” rule is a waste of time for women of faith who’d like to be married.

If you are a Christian woman, and you’d like to marry, it is vital you give up a hope or strict rule of marrying only a Christian man – otherwise, you are more than likely to remain single.

Secondly, and obviously, too many churches have made marriage and parenthood into idols and benchmarks of adulthood, so that any woman who doesn’t marry or have kids is ignored or viewed and treated like a child. That needs to change. Single women should be valued and recognized in their singleness. 

I can also see how gender complementarianism (traditional gender roles) are also keeping these Christian women from getting married: they have internalized the idea that being anything other than the Christian gender complementarian woman (i.e., a passive doormat) hinders them from getting a husband, and worse yet, some of the men they’ve met in church actually do feel that way.

Christians need to toss out the regressive stereotypes (which are snuck into Christian teaching under heretical gender complementarian teachings) if they are truly concerned about declining marriage rates and would like to actually help marriage-minded single women to get married.

Not all women naturally fit into the gender complementarian ideal, which means they may not get married, if everyone insists all women must be gender comp to merit marriage. (The Bible does not hold up women being passive or being gender complementarian to merit a husband; it is church members who promote this false view.)

(Link): Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

Excerpts:

…. It turns out that in both countries, single Christian women are leaving churches at increasingly high rates. In the UK, one study showed that single women are the most likely group to leave Christianity.

In the US, the numbers tell a similar story.

Of course, there is a distinction between leaving church and leaving Christianity, and these studies do not make the difference clear.

Regardless, leaving – whether it be your congregation or your faith — is a difficult decision. Women stand to lose their friends, their sense of identity, their community and, in some cases, even their family. And yet, many are doing it anyway.

What or who is driving them out?

Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck

Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck

(Link): Lonesome duck: Dating ad seeks match for man’s grieving bird 

(Link): Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck

BLUE HILL, Maine — There’s no Tinder for waterfowl, but that didn’t stop a Maine bird owner from trying to find a match for a mourning duckling.

One of Chris Morris’ ducks, Yellow Duck, lost its mate to a hungry bobcat a couple of weeks ago at Morris’ yard in Blue Hill. Morris, a 31-year-old special education teacher, drew up a singles ad for Yellow Duck and placed it on a community bulletin board at a local grocery store.