Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey

Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey

I’ve noted in older posts how terrible Christian advice on the subjects of dating, marriage, and relationships are – if you’d like to see my posts on those subjects, some of them are linked to below, at the bottom of this post under the “Related Posts” section.

By the way, I would ask you to click on this link below to go to the page and read it, but, be sure to scroll to the bottom of the page to read any posts by single adults who leave comments, including one comment by a 60 year old lady with the screen name “janep75_2173,” who has been divorced for 20+ years, on how badly her local church treats her for being single.

(Link): Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized

What’s missing from Christian books on dating, singleness, and purity

Excerpts:

…. [The author discusses having read numerous Christian books about dating, marriage, and relationships when she was a teen-ager]

….Our theology of singleness and the “not-yet-married” has gone unmonitored, unchanged, and unimpressive for too long. Much of it is built on outdated gender roles and unhelpful clichés that don’t apply easily to today’s dating world.

For example, many of these books assume that sexual attraction is the “burden” of men and not something women struggle with.

Or, many of these books assume that men will lead a dating relationship and women will follow. Others encourage men and women to avoid and fear each other to avoid “stumbling.”

Continue reading “Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey”

Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green

Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green

(Link): Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green

Excerpt:

Higher-income “single ladies” often push back against “patriarchy.” But the statistics don’t lie: Low-income, unmarried women face significant economic challenges when they stay single.


In a Wall Street Journal editorial this week, Bush administration press secretary Ari Fleischer wrote that “‘marriage inequality’ should be at the center of any discussion of why some Americans prosper and others don’t.” He cited statistics about the vast income disparities between single women and married women, regardless of race, and argued that these gaps would shrink if women stayed in school and waited until marriage to have kids.

At an Atlantic summit on female poverty on Wednesday, the women in the room would have none of that.

Continue reading “Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green”

‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better’ Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together

‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better’ Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together

(Link): ‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better” Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together

Excerpts:

After their relationships broke down, Jane Hoggarth and two other mothers decided to get together and create a ‘mommune’

…And so, more by accident than design, the women hit on a new domestic set-up: the “mommune”, as it is termed in America.

And for the next two years, the three of them and their six children shared their lives: Vicky in the spare room, Nicola a weekend resident and daily visitor. “We were a family,” Janet says. “We went to the supermarket together, cooked together, ate together, shared childcare. Our parents met.” The children, she adds, “became like siblings”.

Continue reading “‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better’ Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together”

The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener

The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener

In my few years of writing on this blog, I am still sometimes amazed at the comments I get, especially the remarks I get from the most innocuous of posts.

Never would I have imagined that linking to some article about a 105 year old woman who says she is happy and still alive at 105 because she has never bothered with men would induce someone to come on to my blog to leave me nasty and presumptive comments, but that is what happened.

This married woman named Gladys Wisener stopped by this blog recently, and she engaged in some singles-shaming under (Link): that post about a 105 year old single woman.

When Gladys began saying or assuming some weird, offensive, negative, or insulting things about me, and I understandably got irate and offended in response to her attitude and comments, and I let her know, she replies by telling me I sound “bitter.”

Because that’s what entitled married cows such as her do – they assume if you have a legitimate complaint against their obnoxious- married- people- attitudes and- presumptive- assumptions about you, they assume it can only come from a place of… wait for it… yes, that’s right, it must be due to bitterness.

And the unspoken assumption is that you, you single woman, must be bitter because you’re single and don’t have a husband.

In their thinking, bitterness could be the only possible reason you are correcting a married woman on your blog about singleness for being obnoxious.

Your anger cannot possibly be due to the married person’s hideous, insulting comments to you or about you or about singleness, no, it must be because you are not married!

If only you were married or in a steady relationship, you would not take umbrage at the married person’s condescending comments about you or your blog – married or engaged people would love to be on the receiving end of your lousy assumptions and comments and take them so well.

Continue reading “The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener”

Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle”

Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle”

(Link): Retired wartime nurse aged 105 says secret to long life is to ‘avoid men as they’re not worth the hassle’

Sep 2018

When asked for tips to live longer, Brenda Osborne said that men ‘aren’t worth the hassle’

A 105-year-old woman who lived through both World Wars says her secret to longevity was to stay single.

Continue reading “Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle””

How Sex Robots Could Revolutionize Marriage—for the Better by M. Adshade

(Link):  How Sex Robots Could Revolutionize Marriage—for the Better

Excerpts

Some elements of that social change might be easier to anticipate than others. For example, the share of the young adult population that chooses to remain single (with their sexual needs met by robots) is very likely to increase.

Because social change is organic, however, adaptations in other social norms and behaviors are much more difficult to predict. But this is not virgin territory.

New technologies completely transformed sexual behavior and marital norms over the second half of the 20th century. Although getting any of these predictions right will surely involve some luck, we have decades of technology-induced social change to guide our predictions about the future of a world confronted with wholesale access to sexbots.

Continue reading “How Sex Robots Could Revolutionize Marriage—for the Better by M. Adshade”

Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup

Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup

(Link): Learning to See Your Single Neighbor

The more the church recognizes our worth, the better we can integrate into the church.

…Doing life alone. I’m far from the only single Christian who is regularly exhausted by it.

Singles who have great family and friends and churches still regularly experience loneliness and feelings of powerlessness. From ordinary Saturdays to life-changing events, singleness can often make you feel like you are hiding in plain sight.

This is not how it’s supposed to be. In the kingdom of God, partnership is not reserved for married couples.

Continue reading “Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup”

The Millennial Caregiver – from WSJ – Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family

Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family

(Link): The Millennial Caregiver

The Call to Care for Aging Parents Comes Sooner Now

More millennials are responsible for their parents and grandparents, sometimes derailing careers and family life.

… As the country grows older, its caregivers are growing younger and more squeezed. Millennials now make up 24% of the nation’s unpaid caregivers, up from 22% of young adult caregivers in 2009.

…Their numbers are expected to grow and so, too, are their challenges.

Maria Aranda, an associate professor of Social Work and Gerontology at the University of Southern California, says caregiving responsibilities can come at pivotal times in the lives of millennials and threaten to derail expected milestones, like starting families and buying a house. “Those things are being eclipsed,” says Dr. Aranda, who conducted a study of millennials … who are caring for those with dementia.

Continue reading “The Millennial Caregiver – from WSJ – Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family”

The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters

The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters

(Disclaimer: I personally did not vote for anyone in the 2016 Presidential race, because I did not care for any of the candidates)

Wait. I’m confused.

Most Liberals insist other people date not based on personal preferences but on political correctness.

So, for example, pro-Trans activist Liberals yell and scream at CIS Lesbian women to date Trans women, even though many lesbians have made it clear they prefer to date other CIS (lesbian) women.

But now, liberals are not willing to date Republicans or Trump voters? They will supposedly date, or advocate that others date, people with penises who claim to be women, but they won’t date Republicans or whomever or whatever differing political persuasion? What?

(Link): The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers

Excerpts:

Trying to find love in D.C. can be tricky. If you’re a young Trump administration staffer, it might be near impossible.

GOP employees and other right-wingers have been complaining that dating in one of the most Democratic cities in America is a political minefield.

They’ve been called out, flipped off and told they are personally responsible for the death of democracy.

One 29-year-old lobbyist told Fox News that learning to date in a Trump world is “absolutely insane.”

 “It’s getting so bad,” the lobbyist, who asked to remain anonymous because she works with the administration, said.

Continue reading “The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters”

Joy Beth Smith Interviewed About Being a Christian Adult Single

Joy Beth Smith Interviewed About Being a Christian Adult Single

Joy Beth Smith wrote a book about Christian adult singleness called “Party For One” and was interviewed about it on the Christian program “700 Club.”

(Link):  The Subtle Art of Singleness

The Waiting

Joy Beth was raised by her mom and grew up in the Baptist church.

She participated in the True Love Waits movement where young girls betrothed themselves to Jesus and wore promise rings while saving themselves for their future husbands.

When Joy Beth was in 7th grade, she started writing love letters to this future husband and continued this practice for 10 years.  “I wrote letters all the way through college,” says Joy Beth.

She spent hours recording details of her life but one day at age 22, Joy Beth realized that she couldn’t imagine any man enjoying the experience of reading hundreds of repetitive letters.

Continue reading “Joy Beth Smith Interviewed About Being a Christian Adult Single”

Singles Discrimination, Complementarianism, Equally Yoked Teaching, and Spotting Predators in Church Video

Singles Discrimination, Complementarianism, Equally Yoked Teaching, and Spotting Predators in Church Video

Someone in a Christian discussion group posted this video (and I don’t want to link to the group or mention it by name, though you may be able to figure out which one it is, especially if you are already familiar with it), and the Christians on the discussion board talked about it:

(Link): When A Predator Shows Up At Your Church — Here’s What You Do!

That same video has also been making the rounds on other Christian blogs, sites, forums, and on Twitter.

The video is around 18 minutes long. I watched it a few days ago.

The video features a Christian woman who says a 50-something guy showed up at her church, a man who set off red flags for her, due to his weird behavior around the kids who were there at the church, including her own.

The man behaved overly-familiar with her kid, other people’s kids who were there, and he ignored the parents of the kids.

(1) First, I’m going to discuss what I believe this video has to do with complementarianism.

(2) Then I am going to discuss some of the disturbing comments about adult singles that were made in the Christian discussion group where I saw this video posted to, and next,

(3) I’ll move on to discussing, as mentioned by a woman or two in the group, about the creepy behavior single adult women have to put up with, even at church, and what this has to do with the Christian “Equally Yoked” teaching.

Continue reading “Singles Discrimination, Complementarianism, Equally Yoked Teaching, and Spotting Predators in Church Video”

Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner – Facebook Plans to Start Dating Service By E. Winkler

Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner – Facebook Plans to Start Dating Service By E. Winkler

(Link): Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner

Excerpts:

The search for a soul mate has become a big business. In the U.S., one in three dates now begins online. The global market for online dating services—about 500 million people—is expected to reach 672 million by 2019, according to research by Jefferies.

The business has been lucrative for the biggest player, InterActiveCorp and its listed subsidiary, Match Group, which owns Tinder, OkCupid and Match .com.

That explains why shares of IAC and Match nose-dived 20% and 25%, respectively, when Mark Zuckerberg said Facebook would enter the dating scene.

… The conventional wisdom among investors is that Facebook can do to IAC and Match what it did to Snapchat when it began Instagram Stories. There certainly are risks, but Facebook  has a tougher task in the dating game.

Continue reading “Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner – Facebook Plans to Start Dating Service By E. Winkler”

That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m Not Married 

That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m Not Married 

(Link): That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m Not Married

Excerpts:

  By Theresa Ukpo

… Recently, I had to ask a friend why I hadn’t seen her in a while.

…. “My husband doesn’t want us spending time together. He thinks you may be a bad influence since you’re not married and all. You know we just have different priorities.”

I don’t know what insulted me more, the idea that her husband had said this or that she’d believed it enough to adhere to this insidious request. But come to think of it, this rhetoric isn’t at all uncommon.

Continue reading “That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m Not Married “

Thoughts on the NRO Essay “Advice For Incels” by Kevin D. Williamson

Thoughts on the NRO Essay “Advice For Incels” by Kevin D. Williamson

About me and this blog:

If you are new to my blog: I have been a conservative my entire life. I’ve never voted Democrat. I was a Republican until a few years ago. I am no longer in any political party.

I sometimes critique secular, left wing feminists on my blog (such as but not limited to (Link): this post and (Link): this one), but there are times when I believe other conservatives get feminists wrong, and feminists are actually correct on some issues.

I was brought up in a traditional values, conservative, Christian family where my parents brought me to Southern Baptist churches as I was growing up, where I was taught to believe in gender complementarianism, which I did for many years, until I finally realized how (Link): wrong and sexist complementarianism is.

Because I grew up as a complementarian, I am quite familiar with what they think and why they think as they do.

My current religious beliefs are somewhat “up in the air,” as I am waffling between being agnostic, (or a deist), and the Christian faith. (Note: I am not an atheist.)

I am by no means anti- Nuclear Family, anti- motherhood, or anti- marriage, though I do posit that many to most conservatives – especially the religious ones – have gone to un-biblical lengths and have turned the Nuclear Family, marriage, natalism, and motherhood and fatherhood into idols which is wrong of them.

— end introduction to me and this blog —

I saw a link to this essay go through my Twitter feed today:

(Link): Advice for Incels by Kevin D. Williamson

On one level, this essay – “Advice for Incels” was okay.

However, I think that while the guy who wrote it has his heart in the right place, I think he gets a lot of things wrong and is naive about how Baptist and conservative Protestant and evangelical churches are for adult singles.

I’ve spent the last several years on this blog covering these topics – I’d encourage Williamson and anyone who read his NRO piece to read the books  (Link): “Singled Out” by Field and Colon and  “Quitting Church” by Christian author Julia Duin for even more information.

Continue reading “Thoughts on the NRO Essay “Advice For Incels” by Kevin D. Williamson”

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

As of 2018, the snotty entitlement and insensitivity of some mothers – and Christian men who support them – continues.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for a few years now on this blog. It makes me sad to see this still going on.

DefendTheSheep (person on Twitter) tweeted out a link to this reasonable essay imploring Christians to be more sensitive towards those who find the Mother’s Day holiday painful. Link to that:

(Link): Don’t Ask Moms To Stand in Church This Sunday

My problem is not with the essay itself.

As a matter of fact, I encourage you to click the link above to visit the page and read it.

My problem was with some of the hideous comments various people left below the page.

Some of the comments were just incredibly insensitive or very mistaken about why some people find Mother’s Day – especially when it’s celebrated during church services – to be hurtful or stressful.

Christians often like to teach that parenthood and marriage are necessary to make people more giving and loving and compassionate, but that is not so. The married parents leaving comments under blog posts such as the one I am discussing here are very selfish and entitled – being parents has done nothing to make them more loving, caring, or empathetic.

Continue reading “The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’”

Get Thee a Flawed Wife – A Letter of Encouragement—and Realism—to Christian Men Considering Marriage by Lore Ferguson Wilbert

Get Thee a Flawed Wife – A Letter of Encouragement—and Realism—to Christian Men Considering Marriage. by Lore Ferguson Wilbert

Overall, I’d say that the following essay is okay – not great, but okay – but I do differ somewhat from the author’s discussion about the “complementarity” of marriage. I do not believe that “men are from mars and women are from venus,” which the author seems to be implying. The author must be a gender complementarian. I am not.

(Link): Get Thee a Flawed Wife – A letter of encouragement—and realism—to Christian men considering marriage. by Lore Ferguson Wilbert

Excerpts:

…. My husband and I value marriage and singleness, so sometimes we end up encouraging our brothers toward a life of undistracted devotion for as long as they’re able and for the good of the kingdom.

But we also at times nudge one of our friends toward asking a girl out, help them process a break-up, or encourage one of them to more seriously consider the possibility of marriage with a “mere friend.” From the guys considering a relationship, we often hear refrains of hesitance: “Will we be good ministry partners?” or “Will she make a good pastor’s wife?” or “Will we be stronger as a couple than we are apart?”

For them and many other Christian young men, delayed marriage is common. The reasons are complicated and include (Link): unrealistic expectations, lack of confidence, (Link): a desire for financial security, aversion to commitment, general immaturity, or more simply, the inability to find or keep a compatible partner.

Continue reading “Get Thee a Flawed Wife – A Letter of Encouragement—and Realism—to Christian Men Considering Marriage by Lore Ferguson Wilbert”

Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time

Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time

I’ve done more than one post on this blog high-lighting and explaining how and why the Christian insistence on the “equally yoked” rule in regards to marriage leaves many marriage-minded Christian single women single over a life time.

If you are a Christian single woman who wants to marry,  take it from me, who was once a very committed Christian who was “relying on the Lord” for a husband (and yes, I even tried dating sites at one time), you have to take marriage where you can find it, even if that means marrying a Non-Christian.

There are simply not as many single Christian men as there are women, and the Christian single men who exist may (Link): not be marriage material, to under-state things.

You really have to look at a man’s character, not what religious label he slaps on to himself. An atheist man, or a Jewish man, or a guy who practices Wicca, or what have you, may treat you better than a guy who says he’s a Christian and who also attends church regularly.

(Link): Greg Laurie Tells Christian Woman in Long-Term Relationship With Nonbeliever: ‘Break Up With Him!’

April 2018

Pastor Greg Laurie of Harvest Christian Fellowship in California recently advised a Christian woman who’s in a long-term relationship with a nonbeliever that she should break up with him.

Continue reading “Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time”

Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

The “equally yoked” rule really makes no sense for single adult Christians, especially Christian women who’d like to marry, since (Link): so many self professing Christian men – even ones who read their Bibles daily or attend church weekly or work as pastors – are sexual deviants, wife abusers, or adulterers.

My parents taught me to seek out good mate material at local churches, because they felt the quality of people would be better at a church, as opposed to going to a bar to get dates with men.

However, I’ve seen far too many news stories of self professed Christian men who beat their wives, molest kids, or have been arrested for soliciting sex with animals, to think that Christian men are any more quality or safer than Non-Christian men. I also fail to see how churches are any safer to meet dates than a bar.

The whole post by Deborah Brunt is very good, but I only wanted to quote from part of it in my post:

(Link): Be wary of churches breaking the silence by Deborah Brunt

Excerpts:

[How churches and typical Christian preachers deal with sexual abuse in their churches]

Pastor-Man offers simple solutions for sexual abuse.

He calls men to be pure. He makes no distinction between the temptation to sexual sin, which both genders face, and the lifestyle of strong deception, sexual domination and violence that male abusers deliberately adopt.

Continue reading “Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry”

Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About, by B. Smith

Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About, by B. Smith

This article discusses how sometimes the single life can be lonely. The author is writing from a secular perspective.

I’ve said on this blog in years past that if Christians did their job properly, Christian singles would have their companionship needs met by the church, but Christians are too focused on meeting the needs of Married Couples and droning on about the importance of The Nuclear Family to give any thought to adults who remain single past the age of 25 or 30.

If Christians were doing their jobs properly, they’d be helping those singles who want marriage to get married – by hosting social events geared towards single adults, by asking their single friends if they could fix them up on dates.

Christians could also provide platonic companionship by inviting single adults over for dinner or out to the movies, but married couples usually don’t want single adults in the mix, sometimes because they don’t like “odd numbers” around the dinner table and the paranoia of Christians who believe in the moronic “Billy Graham Rule.”

Christian singles are left to their own devices as to how to seek out companionship. Most churches simply do not care to meet the needs of singles, but will tell them the church is not for them,  that the church does not exist to help single adults get their needs met.

Originally spotted this on Melanie Notkin’s Twitter:

(Link): Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About

Excerpts:

We often celebrate the power and pleasures of the single life, but skim over one of its harshest realities: loneliness

….In 1981, 26 percent of Canadians aged 25 to 29 were unmarried. In 2016 (the last yearcensus numbers were gathered), that number skyrocketed to 57 percent. During that time, the percentage of unmarried women in their early 30s jumped from 10 to 34 percent.

Continue reading “Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About, by B. Smith”

Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy

Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy

I pretty much detest this Christian view that, “God sent me a spouse!”

And wouldn’t you know that just a few days ago on “700 Club” there was a story on there on (Link): their Valentine’s Day (February 14, 2018) episode (at least I’m fairly sure it aired on Valentine’s Day, though I could be wrong on that) where this woman said she broke up with this dude, and she said she “felt the LORD” telling her to do so, that he “had something better” for her.

What’s worse than seeing these stories, or having a Christian show broadcast such stories, is for them to do so on Valentine’s Day, which may be a difficult day for some singles to get through.

Continue reading “Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy”