The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

(Link): The Art of Being Single

Excerpts:

March 2019

After Katie Tomaszewski divorced at the age of 28, she felt ashamed to be alone.

So she did what she thought a single person should do: She over-dated, over-worked and over-socialized, inviting friends over for dinner nearly every night because she was afraid of being lonely.

“It was constant socializing and constant distraction,” says Ms. Tomaszewski, now a 36-year-old Pilates instructor in Chicago. “I became desperate and depressed, looking for someone—anyone—to save me from being alone.”

Yes, it can be tough to be single. But a new study published this past December in the Journals of Gerontology offers hope for those who are struggling.

Singles today are more satisfied with their lives than singles in the past, the study found.

Continue reading “The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein”

Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up

Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up

A week or two ago, movie actress Emma Watson declared herself “self partnered,” rather than use the word “single” to describe her relationship status.

Watson got some amount of confusion or ridicule for using that term. As a never-married woman, I found the term a little strange, but hey, if it works for her, fine by me.

I was engaged for several years, from my late 20s into my early 30s. My ex fiance was a self absorbed idiot. I am better off single than in a relationship with a loser like that. 

Anyway, there have been a few editorials defending Watson on this point, such as this one:

(Link): Emma Watson looked shame in the face and won

Excerpts

…”I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel,” she told Vogue in an interview published this week. “It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

Now anyone might be forgiven for being blindsided by the “consciously uncoupled”-esque vibe of that remark at first glance. Indeed, many outright jeered. “Self-partnering means you can’t get a bloke, right?” suggested British TV host and, we can only assume, self-appointed relationship expert Piers Morgan.

“What’s wrong with being single?” Twitter users demanded.

But isn’t that kind of the point? If society was kinder to single women, and our associations with the word “single” were generally more positive, there wouldn’t be any need for Watson to coin the phrase.

Continue reading “Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up”

‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

(Link): ‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

Dear Polly,

I’m a huge fan, and I’m so grateful for your writing. There is one area, however, where I think you may have a blind spot, and that is the absolutely terrible plight of trying to find love on dating apps.

Your general advice about the pursuit of love always resonates:
Build a life alone that you love; hold onto your belief that love exists even when it makes you feel vulnerable and uncool; if you meet someone you think you like but they’re tepid or not fully invested, go ahead and tell them to fuck off.

I now read this and think, “Yep, got it, great advice, duly noted.”

My execution is sometimes imperfect, but I remain fully convinced that you are right about these things.

However, that belief doesn’t change the day-to-day, grueling nature of what “being open to love” in 2019 entails.

I am 35 years old, and I have been on and off dating websites or apps for almost a decade.

During that time, I’ve met a very small handful of people I ended up caring deeply for, or felt I could deeply care for, but for various reasons it has never worked out.

Continue reading “‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky”

The Man Using Equations To Find Love

The Man Using Equations To Find Love

(Link): All you need is maths? The man using equations to find love

Mathematician Bobby Seagull has tried to use numbers to solve his romantic difficulties. Is he on to something?

by Ellie Hunt

They say love is a numbers game. Bobby Seagull – the mathematician who rose to fame as a finalist on University Challenge in 2017 – took them literally.

A few years ago, he sat down to try to work out why he had been so unlucky in life. “I was 32 or 33, I was single, I loved maths and science – I thought: ‘Can I use maths and science to help me?’ It was a genuine, earnest attempt.”

Inspired by Peter Backus – a Manchester University economics lecturer who in 2010 wrote a paper titled Why I Don’t Have a Girlfriend – Seagull used the Drake equation, developed to estimate how many intelligent alien civilisations there might be in the galaxy, to determine his number of potential partners. “You start by assuming there’s infinitely many, then you keep on making the pool smaller and smaller.”

….Numbers have long factored into the dating game, even for those who have a ropey grasp on them. We might wonder, of a couple’s particularly serendipitous origin story: “What are the chances?” Or we might console someone who is unhappily single that “it only takes one”.

Continue reading “The Man Using Equations To Find Love”

High Schoolers Who Don’t Date Are Less Depressed Than Their Counterparts Who Do (2019) Study Says

High Schoolers Who Don’t Date Are Less Depressed Than Their Counterparts Who Do (2019) Study Says

(Link): High Schoolers Who Don’t Date Are Less Depressed Than Their Counterparts Who Do Study Says

Kirsi Goldynia, CNN
Updated 2:45 PM ET, Wed September 11, 2019

(CNN)Dating is a normal part of adolescence — and a formative one at that. Decades of research have suggested a link between romantic relationships and identity development as teenagers mature into young adults.

But a recent study published in the Journal of School Health reveals that adolescents who choose not to date fare as well as, or better than, their coupled counterparts in social and leadership skills.

They’re also less depressed.

Continue reading “High Schoolers Who Don’t Date Are Less Depressed Than Their Counterparts Who Do (2019) Study Says”

New York City Woman Turns 107: ‘The Secret’ Is ‘I Never Got Married’

New York City Woman Turns 107: ‘The Secret’ Is ‘I Never Got Married’ 

(Link): New York City Woman Turns 107: ‘The Secret’ Is ‘I Never Got Married’

Louise Signore celebrated her birthday on Wednesday and credited her long life to staying single

August 1, 2019

A New York City woman celebrating more than a century of life has some advice for other women looking to someday do the same: Don’t become a bride!

“I think the secret of 107 [is] I never got married. I think that’s the secret,” Louise Signore told WCBS with a laugh. “My sister says, ‘I wish I never got married!’ ”

Continue reading “New York City Woman Turns 107: ‘The Secret’ Is ‘I Never Got Married’”

Letter to Advice Columnist: ‘I’m A Virgin Age 55 and I Worry My Life is Wasted’

Letter to Advice Columnist: ‘I’m A Virgin Age 55 and I Worry My Life is Wasted’

I’m less perturbed by this guy’s homosexual orientation and more by his ageism. What is it with older men (LGBT or hetero) who insist on only boinking or dating and marrying much younger people?

And by the way: it’s a sad, sad misunderstanding and misconception by a lot of people that all people (or most) who are virgins or never-married by the age of 30 or 40 are all LGBT. That is not true! I too am a never married adult, am still a virgin, yet I am a hetero. I am NOT LGBT.

(Link): Dear Coleen: I’m a virgin age 55 and I worry my life is wasted

by C. Nolan
July 2019

Growing up in a small village community, I never felt comfortable declaring how I felt and only two or three people know the truth about me

Dear Coleen
I’m a 55-year-old gay man and I’ve known about my sexuality since my teens, but I’ve never had any sexual experiences or relationships with anyone.

I’m still a virgin and I keep my sexuality a closely guarded secret.

Continue reading “Letter to Advice Columnist: ‘I’m A Virgin Age 55 and I Worry My Life is Wasted’”

The War Over Marriage Is Raging; Single People Are Winning by B. DePaulo

The War Over Marriage Is Raging; Single People Are Winning by B. DePaulo

(Link):  The War Over Marriage Is Raging; Single People Are Winning

Excerpts:

Once again, the claim that marriage is greedy has people riled up

July 11, 2019

To everyone who has been rooting for, and working on, the telling of a more accurate and affirming story about single people, and the shattering of myths about married people, there is good news: We are winning.

Continue reading “The War Over Marriage Is Raging; Single People Are Winning by B. DePaulo”

Study Says More American Couples Meet Online and in Bars Now than Through Family, Friends (2019)

Study Says More American Couples Meet Online and in Bars Now than Through Family, Friends (2019)

I think it’s sad, frustrating, and unfortunate for Christian singles who’d like to marry that so many churches and Christians do NOT want to take practical steps to help marriage-desiring singles to get married.

And as this study shows, when that happens, when friends, family, and church community refuse to get involved, people use bars and dating sites.

I don’t understand the Christians who promote the “Equally Yoked” rule and yet won’t help Christian singles who’d like to marry – if you’re an “Equally Yoked” advocate (I am not one), wouldn’t you want to ensure that your Christian single friend marries another Christian, rather than take her chances and dates Non-Christians she meets on dating sites and at night clubs?

(Link): Online dating, now the most common way for couples to meet, is desegregating America

(Link): Our Deepest Fears Realized: Most Couples Meet Online Now

Meeting online is trending upward, and fewer and fewer people are meeting at work, school, or through friends or family.

Continue reading “Study Says More American Couples Meet Online and in Bars Now than Through Family, Friends (2019)”

What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

The following article (book review) from Christianity Today covers several topics about singleness and the church I’ve been pointing out on this blog for literally years now.

One big point it brings up that I have: there are more single Christian women in the church than there are single Christian men. This means if a Christian single female insists upon following the “equally yoked” rule (that states a Christian may only marry another Christian), she will remain single.

If you are a single Christian woman who desires marriage, it is imperative you ditch the ‘equally yoked’ rule. You must learn to judge men based on their character, not what their stated religious beliefs are.

(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

Excerpts:

New survey research sheds light on how believers navigate the stickier matters of dating and marriage.

July 10, 2019

Over the years, Christians have produced and read far more books on how relationships and singleness should work than on how these things actuallydo pan out. Vicky Walker’s new book Relatable: Exploring God, Love, & Connection in the Age of Choice, based on a survey of more than 1,400 people, aims to change that.

Walker writes from a more-or-less Protestant British perspective, but American Christians will find much they recognize.

Over the course of 12 chapters and several appendices, Relatable covers everything from the history of marriage to typical teachings on gender roles to, of course, sex. But she also gets into stickier matters like the role of technology and the church’s significant sex-ratio gap—the latter a topic that raises questions of dating outside the faith.

Continue reading “What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway”

Missing Tinder Date Woman Found Cut Into 14 Pieces, As Murder Suspect Blames ‘Rough Consensual Sex’ – by S. Lock

Missing Tinder Date Woman Found Cut Into 14 Pieces, As Murder Suspect Blames ‘Rough Consensual Sex’ – by S. Lock

(Link): Missing Tinder date woman found cut into 14 pieces, as murder suspect blames ‘rough consensual sex’

July 2019

A WOMAN who was murdered and found dumped in garbage bags after failing to return home from a Tinder date was cut up into 14 pieces, a court has heard.

Sydney Loofe, 24, was savagely murdered and dismembered before she was found dead and dumped in a field in December 2017 near Edgar, south-west of Omaha, about a month after she disappeared.

Aubrey Trail, 52, and his girlfriend Bailey Boswell, 25, have been chargedwith her murder.

Continue reading “Missing Tinder Date Woman Found Cut Into 14 Pieces, As Murder Suspect Blames ‘Rough Consensual Sex’ – by S. Lock”

People Using Tinder and Other Dating Apps Are ‘More Likely to Develop Eating Disorders, Take Laxatives or Use Steroids’ To Get Bodies Like ‘Unrealistic’ Celebrities

People Using Tinder and Other Dating Apps Are ‘More Likely to Develop Eating Disorders, Take Laxatives or Use Steroids’ To Get Bodies Like ‘Unrealistic’ Celebrities

(Link): People Using Tinder and Other Dating Apps Are ‘More Likely to Develop Eating Disorders, Take Laxatives or Use Steroids’ To Get Bodies Like ‘Unrealistic’ Celebrities

Excerpts:

May 2019

People who use dating apps such as Tinder may be up to 27 times as likely to use drastic or unhealthy techniques to try and stay slim.

Deliberately vomiting, taking laxatives and even using anabolic steroids is more common among dating app users, a study found.

Researchers found ‘unrealistic’ desires to look like celebrities on television and social media are driving people to damaging behaviour.

Continue reading “People Using Tinder and Other Dating Apps Are ‘More Likely to Develop Eating Disorders, Take Laxatives or Use Steroids’ To Get Bodies Like ‘Unrealistic’ Celebrities”

Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest: 2019 Study

Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims

(Link): Women are happier without marriage and children, says new study

Behavioural scientist Paul Dolan says it’s time we reevaluated what success really means

(Link): Wondering why unmarried women without children are happiest? Listen to mothers and wives

Child-free women know that expecting something outside of yourself to bring happiness is a sure-fire way to end up disappointed

Continue reading “Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest: 2019 Study”

It’s Not Too Late, And You’re Not Too Old

It’s Not Too Late, And You’re Not Too Old

I saw a Tweet by a lady the other day who said she is in her late 50s, that she would very much like to be in a serious relationship (she’s tired of being single, I think), and she was feeling discouraged because her friends are telling her that she is ‘too old to have a serious relationship at her age.’

No, she isn’t, and no, it’s not.

First of all, may I suggest that if you are constantly surrounded by recurrently negative friends and family, and ones who complain a lot and are fault-finders, who do things like talk negatively about your hopes, dreams, and goals, who tell you that your dreams will never come to pass, that you begin by limiting your time with these people?

Research has shown that it’s better for your mental health and increases your chances of success at whatever your goal is if you more often than not surround yourself with regularly positive people, and ones who support you and your goals.

If you are someone going through a difficult time right now, whatever your situation is, it’s not true that “you are too old” or “it’s too late” for your goal or dream in life.

This is for you.

(Link): Don’t Give Up On Your Dream

(Link): This Bride Found Love and Got Married At Age 93

(Link): 80 Year Old Bride Marries for First Time in Nursing Home

Continue reading “It’s Not Too Late, And You’re Not Too Old”

What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

Pierce is a Christian stand-up comic.

There is an embedded audio file on the web page I am linking you to:

(Link): What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

When it comes to comedy and faith, Chonda Pierce is unashamed.

Her bold, tell-it-like-it-is style has audiences begging her for more stories, and she delivers in the new documentary, Unashamed, in theaters May 7 and 9.

“It’s interesting, my life right now,” Pierce shares in a new interview. “I have my third documentary, and I’m still alive. You know, usually they do documentaries for dead people.”

Continue reading “What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating”

Dating App Horrors: The Untold Story | A&E

Dating App Horrors: The Untold Story | A&E

The A&E channel is airing a program about people (mostly women) who have been raped, robbed, or murdered by men they met for dates via dating sites.

From what I gather so far about this program, the show is high lighting that dating sites are not legally responsible for your safety, nor do they care to be, and there are all sorts of crazies and violent people using these dating sites.

By the way, one of the serial rapists mentioned on this show was a married man – so much for the conservative think tank and Christian propaganda that marriage makes people “better” or more responsible and ethical.

(Link): Dating App Horrors: The Untold Story | A&E

(Link): Dating App Horrors – About

(Link): Match.com predator stabbed a woman who dumped him after they dated for just 10 days then drew up a ‘kill list’ and murdered another girlfriend he met online: TV show explores the dark side of finding love on an app

-After Mary Kay Beckman’s partner died, she decided to go on Match.com
-Through the site, she met Wade Ridley and they went on a few dates in 2010
-After 10 days, she decided to stop seeing Ridley and moved on
-In January 2011, Ridley attacked her, stabbed her 10 times and left her for dead
-In February 2011, Ridley murdered Anne Simenson, another woman he met on a dating app
-Beckman’s story is part of an upcoming episode, ‘Dating App Horrors: The Untold Story’

(Link): Georgia woman recalls meeting serial rapist from dating app in doc: ‘He just looked like a normal, nice guy’

by Stephanie Nolasco

Kelly couldn’t have predicted that a clean-cut, charismatic suitor she met on a dating app was a serial rapist living a double life.

Continue reading “Dating App Horrors: The Untold Story | A&E”

Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

The following piece at The Atlantic (“The Happiness Recession”) was written by marriage-idolater and anti-singleness bigot of The Institute for Family Studies, W. Bradford Wilcox, and co-writer Lyman Stone.

I’d like to remind any new-comers to this blog that I am a life long conservative. I am not a liberal.

Marriage Is Not A Guarantee For Good or Regular Sex

This moronic essay actually suggests that single adults having less sex is what has led to them reporting higher rates of unhappiness, if I’m understanding things correctly.

This, astonishingly, from a right wing organization, (Link): The Institute For Family Studies, that claims to promote “strong families,” and good Lord knows they are obsessed with promoting marriage, even if that comes at the expense of singleness.

The members of this organization regularly publish materials intended to scare, guilt, shame, or pressure single adults into getting married, because this organization exists to promote the nuclear family: hetero-marriage where the couple have children.

Continue reading “Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019”

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

I am a never-married woman who is over the age of 45, and I am childless. I had wanted to be married but never found the right guy, so I remain single.

I was a very devout Christian for many years, until a few years ago.

I did a blog post about (Link): another editorial on Christianity Today’s site, where a married woman with small children wrote a long piece extolling the virtues of single, childless women:
but only in the context of how she found single, childless women useful to her because they could provide her with free babysitting services that she could not obtain from her biological family, who lived 1,000 miles away.

Here again, in April 2019, is another editorial in the same vein: a piece that extols the wonders and virtues of how single, childless women can or should meet the needs of married women, especially married ones who have children and need free babysitting services and emotional support.

Now, if you’re the sort of single, childless woman who sincerely enjoys babysitting married women’s children, that is fine by me. But I am not one of them.

I’m not opposed to single, childless women caring for, or taking an interest in, other people’s children, if they so desire.

I am opposed to this when this is one of the only options presented to Christian women, however.

Continue reading “Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse”

Actress Charlize Theron Says She’s Been Single For a Long Time and is Shockingly Available

I have older posts on this blog pointing out that just because a person is considered Marriage or Dating Material by American cultural standards – thin, pretty, wealthy – does not mean she (or he) will have success at dating (or marriage).

Here we have Charlize Theron, who I’d think most people would agree is a very beautiful woman, AND, she has a successful career, is probably very financially secure (due to her movie making career), yet, she’s not had a date in ten years, she says!

(Link): Charlize Theron Says She Wants Someone to ‘Step Up’ and Date Her (Exclusive)

Excerpts:

April 2019

Charlize Theron is ready for her next relationship.

ET’s Kevin Frazier spoke with the actress and her Long Shot co-star, Seth Rogen, at CinemaCon in Las Vegas on Thursday, where she revealed that she’s waiting for someone to “step up” and date her.

Continue reading “Actress Charlize Theron Says She’s Been Single For a Long Time and is Shockingly Available”

Valentine’s Day: The Unromantic Origins of the Holiday by S. Barr

Valentine’s Day: The Unromantic Origins of the Holiday by S. Barr

(Link): Valentine’s Day hasn’t always been flowers, chocolate and saccharine romance

…While some may be vaguely aware that the occasion takes its name from a priest called Saint Valentine, they may not be acquainted with the full history of Valentine’s Day, which is decidely less romantic than one may expect.

Valentine of Terni was a Third-Century-priest who ministered to Christians in ancient Rome. Various accounts exist detailing the events that led to him becoming a martyr and subsequently being named a saint by the Catholic Church.

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day: The Unromantic Origins of the Holiday by S. Barr”