Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos

Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos

(Link): Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos

Excerpts:

Being single is not necessarily a problem to be fixed, but it often gets treated that way. In women’s magazines that trumpet how to find your soul mate. In rom-coms where the hot mess of a single protagonist ends up with a man. In conversations in which married friends presume that their single friends would automatically be better off with a partner, any partner.

But what’s a single person to do when what she needs most is … to stop getting so much unsolicited advice?

Continue reading “Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos”

I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)

I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)

(Link):  I’m in my 40s, want to marry, but never like a guy more than a year. (Letter to Advice Columnist)

Prudie advises a letter writer who is fortysomething, wants to marry, but never likes a guy for more than a year.


[Dear Prudie]:

Q. Uncertain: I’m in my early 40s, never married, no kids, but always wanted both. I’m in a relationship of 10 months. The guy could not be sweeter or a person of better character.

He loves me and treats me well. I was so in love the first six months but he is increasingly getting on my nerves—he is a bit quirky and goofy. And I don’t always find it amusing; increasingly I find it irritating.

Continue reading “I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)”

Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy by E. Scott

Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy

(Link): Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy by E. Scott

All over the internet today, you’ve probably seen some iteration of the following headline: ‘marriage is good for your health, so you’d better hurry up and get hitched unless you want to die young in some horrible way.’

Everyone’s talking about a new bit of research, which suggests that married people have better health than poor, sad, unhealthy singletons.

[Articles suggest that single adults live unhealthier life styles]

Why? Because single people are bloody miserable, apparently.

Continue reading “Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy by E. Scott”

I Wore a Wig to See If Men on Dating Sites Really Do Prefer Long Hair Over Short Hair by K. Dougher

I Wore a Wig to See If Men on Dating Sites Really Do Prefer Long Hair Over Short Hair by K. Dougher

Oh geeze, this is a Cliche’! As a woman I got this one all the time, even in Christian articles and books on dating and marriage (usually ones that were complementarian in nature, that were big promoters of traditional gender roles) – they all declare that all men prefer long hair on women, so, the authors all say, you should grow your hair long to get a boyfriend, or else, you will die single and alone.

Well, over most of my life, I’ve worn my hair short or medium. Long hair is a pain in the ass to take care of. Takes too long to shampoo, comb, style, blow-dry, so a big no thanks.

This lady’s experience went to show that men she came across on dating sites preferred her with SHORT hair.

She started this experiment assuming that she’d get more interest with her hair long, but that was not the case.

(Link): I Wore a Wig to See If Men on Dating Sites Really Do Prefer Long Hair Over Short Hair by K. Dougher

Excerpts:

…when I recently found myself single and on Tinder for the first time, I couldn’t help but wonder (in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice): Do men on dating sites prefer short hair or long hair?

…By the end of my little experiment, I had to conclude that not only was my hypothesis completely incorrect, I was also apparently carrying around an incorrect assumption about the way men view women with short hair.

This forced me to take a moment to unpack my reasons for this.

Continue reading “I Wore a Wig to See If Men on Dating Sites Really Do Prefer Long Hair Over Short Hair by K. Dougher”

Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People Do Not by V. Larson

Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People Do Not by V. Larson

(Link): Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People Do Not by V. Larson

Excerpts:

…Except for one thing: single people still don’t have access to the legal benefits and protections the government grants to those who get married.

….Spouses in the US can pass on Medicare, as well as Social Security, disability, and veterans and military benefits. They can get health insurance through a spouse’s employer; receive discounted rates for homeowners’, auto, and other types of insurance; make medical decisions for each other as well as funeral arrangements; and take family leave to care for an ill spouse, or bereavement leave if a spouse dies.

These privileges are unavailable to the unmarried in the US, yet most single people would benefit if they were.

Continue reading “Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People Do Not by V. Larson”

Single Workers Aren’t There to Pick Up the Slack For Their Married Bosses and Colleagues by B. DePaulo

Single Workers Aren’t There to Pick Up the Slack For Their Married Bosses and Colleagues

(Link): Single Workers Aren’t There to Pick Up the Slack For Their Married Bosses and Colleagues by B. DePaulo

Excerpts:

Too often, employers believe that single, childless people are emotionally untethered and financially untroubled, which means they ought to be free to stay late, travel on weekends, show up on holidays, and take whatever vacation slots married employees haven’t already claimed— all of which puts singles in a highly unfair (not to mention undesirable) position. It’s time that employers stopped taking advantage of single employees—and started recognizing the truth about their lives.

Single people have important ties to friends, family, and community

Negative stereotypes about single people hold that they are isolated, lonely, and focused only on themselves—perfect candidates to come in to work, or to stay there, when no one else wants to. But research shows otherwise.

…In fact, single people do more to maintain their relationships with their friends, neighbors, siblings, and parents than married people.

…Single people are rooted in their communities and towns in significant ways. They participate in public events more often, and take more music and art classes. They volunteer more than married people do for a wide variety of organizations.

The financial fragility of people who are single

Years before my employer mindlessly presumed that I had no one to support, my mother was widowed. But he never stopped to consider whether she needed my financial support. Other single people are providing support in other ways—for example, quietly accumulating college funds for their nieces and nephews, or welcoming them into their homes when times are tough.

Continue reading “Single Workers Aren’t There to Pick Up the Slack For Their Married Bosses and Colleagues by B. DePaulo”

Florida Man Faked Stage 4 Cancer to Lure In The Ladies

Florida Man Faked Stage 4 Cancer to Lure In The Ladies

(Link): Florida Man Faked Stage 4 Cancer to Lure In The Ladies – May 2017

Several women are accusing a Florida man of faking stage 4 cancer and manipulating them to get food, money, and shelter, just weeks after his wedding to a long-lost love went viral.

Ken Boyer, 60, of Palm Bay, first gained notoriety when (Link): WKMG-TV covered his wedding to a Missouri woman named Michelle Kimbrel in May. Boyer claimed he “reconnected” with Kimbrel on Facebook a few weeks before they tied the knot.

When Boyer’s story went viral, women across Florida started contacting the station, claiming they recognized Boyer as a former fling.

Continue reading “Florida Man Faked Stage 4 Cancer to Lure In The Ladies”

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

This is a nauseating page by a pastor in Maryland, named Sean Nolan, for the “Desiring God” web site. (You can see the link below.)

I will comment more about this guy’s essay BELOW it. So please scroll down for some of my commentary – most of which you can already guess if you’ve been to my blog before and have seen my previous posts about this “Equally Yoked” stuff.

(Link): Letter to a Friend Engaged to a Nonbeliever by Sean Nolan

Excerpts from the page:

Dear Kelly,

I was surprised by the recent news of your engagement. While I wish I could celebrate with you without reservation, I admit I have some. My greatest concern is that your fianceé does not know or love Christ. Because I love you and care about your future, I feel compelled to speak now rather than to hold my peace, knowing full well how you might receive my “peace.”

…As I have watched people walk down this road, I have noticed several common ways people justify marrying a nonbeliever. I want to address them…

Continue reading “Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness”

Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)

Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)

Being married or a relationship will not rid you of loneliness. I was engaged for years to a guy who was very self absorbed, and we did not connect emotionally.

As the relationship with this guy dragged on, I would sit in the same room as him and yet still feel all alone.

And I’ve read many online testimonies by married women who say the same thing – that though they are married, they still feel all alone, because their husbands make no effort to spend time with them, or for whatever the reason.

I’m just putting that out there, because American culture has this terrible tendency to act as though if you can just find the one right person and marry him (or her) that you will be instantly happy, fulfilled, and your loneliness will go away.

(Link): Why Do We Feel So Lonely  by Laura Petrecca 

Excerpts:

….There are more ways than ever to connect with others — yet many of us know the hollow ache of loneliness.

Loneliness isn’t constrained by age, gender, marital status or job title. CEOs feel it. So do cubicle dwellers. As do new moms, granddads, recent college grads and elementary school students.

…And yes, some of those Facebook friends who continually post photos of bar outings and extended family gatherings may be quite lonely, too.

…The prevalence of loneliness “is surprisingly high,” says John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, who has studied the topic extensively.

Continue reading “Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)”

Why is it So Hard For Women to Make New Friends? by G. Kovanis

Why is it So Hard For Women to Make New Friends? by G. Kovanis

(Link): Why is it So Hard For Women to Make New Friends?

Excerpts:

…It turns out, I’m not alone in feeling so alone.

“A lot of people have that feeling,”  says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist who writes about friendships…

It turns out, I’m not alone in feeling so alone.

“A lot of people have that feeling,”  says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist who writes about friendships…

…Says Shasta Nelson, founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship matching site in 65 cities across the U.S. and Canada, and author of “Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness” (Seal Press, $14): “I believe we have an epidemic of unacknowledged loneliness.”

Especially, it seems, among women.

Continue reading “Why is it So Hard For Women to Make New Friends? by G. Kovanis”

Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane

Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Z. Zane

Here is the link:

(Link): Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane (excerpts farther below)

This piece was written by a man, and he might be a homosexual, based on the stock photo illustrating it, which shows a man walking down the street and laughing with another man – after skimming more of the article, yes, he appears to be homosexual (he talks about dating men).

If this guy is homosexual, I can say as a hetero woman, I related to most of what he wrote.

I am a recovering codependent – and it sounds to me as though the guy who wrote this page, Zane, is also a codependent, or was one at one time.

Codependency usually seems to affect women, but some men can be codependent also.

A lot of stereotypes women are expected to live out and uphold by churches, Christians (under “gender complementarian” or “biblical womanhood” teachings), and secular culture, are actually facets of codependency, and some examples of that are: being passive, compliant, thinking it’s selfish to put yourself first and get your own needs met, and so forth.

If you continually put the needs of another person ahead of your own, you will grow resentful of it eventually, and either explode in anger at the other person or break things off (such as seeking a divorce).

Continue reading “Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane”

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

I have several topics I’d like to address here. I’m going to discuss death, grief, dating, how men are too fixated on women’s looks, etc, and so on, all in the same post.

I learned from watching the Christian program “It is Written” today (Feb 2017) that the wife of Christian TV host Mike Tucker, Gayle, died. I’m not sure when the episode was first filmed or first aired.

You can read a transcript of that episode, “From Grief To Hope” (Link, off site): here.

You might be able to watch that very episode or one like it here: (Link, off site): Coping with Grief.

I see from an online obit that Gayle Tucker passed away in April 2016.

I am sorry for his loss.

I lost my mother, and it hurt a lot.

(Link, off site):  Gayle Tucker, Beloved Marriage Counselor on Faith For Today TV, Dead at 60

April 2016 –  The prominent Adventist television personality dies after a brief struggle with pancreatic cancer.

(Link, off site):   Beloved Christian TV Host, Couples’ Counselor Dead at 60

I learned a few years ago that the hosts and backers of “It Is Written” are SDAs (Seventh Day Adventists).

I also learned from a glance over google search results that Mike Tucker is a Seventh Day Adventist.

Part of SDA theology is something called “Soul Sleep,” a view that I totally disagree with and find discouraging and cruel.

Continue reading “Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks”

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married 

I just re-watched a re-run I had forgotten about. It really resonated – maybe not so much at the time, when I was in my 20s when it first aired, but now that I’m in my 40s and still single, like the character in the skit is, I totally relate.

I will embed the scene below in this post, that someone posted on You Tube (I so hope the video is never pulled down. Sometimes, videos are removed due to copyright infringement claims.)

“Everybody Loves Raymond” is a television situation comedy show that started around 1996. I used to watch it every week and still remember the characters and one or two of the episodes.

This show takes place, starts out, in the late 1990s, before many Americans had the internet – dating sites were still a good ways away, and cell phones didn’t really catch on until around the year 2,000 or a bit later.

Even when dating sites first came out and caught on, many singles did not want to use them.

Even up to around 2005 or so, there was a stigma attached to dating sites. If you used one at that time, you didn’t really want anyone to know, because they might think you were desperate or a loser.

I started watching “Everyone Loves Raymond” again in re-runs about two weeks ago – it comes on some of the local cable channels. If you’re like I am – single over the age of 35 and had expected and wanted to marry – you might really relate to the embedded video in this post, too.

To set it up for you if you’re not familiar with the show:

The show is about a guy named Ray who is married to Debra. Ray’s parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street from Ray and Debra.

Ray’s older brother, Robert (a.k.a. “Robbie”), is a police officer who lives with his parents – the guy was married to a woman name Joanne(?), and if I remember correctly, she won the house in their divorce. Joanne dumped Robert for a guy Robert arrested.

For a long time, Robert was too broke and too depressed to live on his own, so he lived with his parents. Eventually, Robert meets Amy, and they get married. But for a good long time, Robert, who is in his early 40s, is single, can’t seem to meet the right woman, and hates being single.

Continue reading “‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married”

Alpha Females Part 3 – Being a Beta Female Does Not Work, It Won’t Get You Dates, Or Keep Your Marriage in Good Shape

Alpha Females Part 3 – Being a Beta Female Does Not Work, It Won’t Get You Dates Or Keep Your Marriage in Good Shape

This commentary will be divided up among a few posts. Here is part 3.

(This post may be edited in the future to re-word things, polish things, add new thoughts or links)

Visit Part 1. | Part 2 | A Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience

Part 4

Introduction.

For those new to my blog:

I am a right winger. I was a Republican until recently. I am now a conservative Independent.

I was a conservative Christian for many years (I am no longer sure about what my religious views are), and I (Link): Am A Former Gender Complementarian (someone who believed in and lived out traditional gender roles, views which are based in large measure on incorrect interpretations and applications about gender in the Bible).

I sometimes agree with secular left wing feminists on some topics, but not always. At times, I disagree with secular and religious left wing feminists and have written several blog posts critiquing some of their views.

This series of blog posts is addressing the dating and relationship advice of author Suzanne Venker, who wrote a book called “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage” which she has lately been marketing online and on TV news shows.

Here is one article by Venker about her relationship views:

(Link, off site):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker


Venker, the author of “Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love,” relies on a lot of anecdotal commentary to bolster her arguments in her article on “Fox News” site – I can only assume her book is filled with much of the same nonsense…

BEING A TRADITIONAL FEMALE, WHICH VENKER AND OTHERS BASICALLY EQUATE WITH BEING A DOORMAT, DOES NOT WORK FOR RELATIONSHIPS

I have anecdotal commentary in the other direction based on my own life, that of my mother’s and that of other women, to counter Venker’s arguments.

(Update: Please see (Link): my response to Venker here: she is fine with using her personal life experience in articles or books to sell other women on the notion they should be “Beta.”

However, when I produce examples in this post on MY experience – of how being Beta did not make my relationships better – she dismissed this approach on Twitter. Her using her personal experience to back up her view is acceptable to her, but not when others do the same thing to back up their views.

That is inconsistent. If she can appeal to her personal experience to make a point, so can I).

Here is an excerpt from the page by Venker:

….Indeed, my mother was the quintessential alpha wife. An alpha wife micromanages, delegates and makes most or even all of the decisions. She is, quite simply, the Boss.

— end excerpt–

Yes, I grew up quite the opposite from Venker. My mother was the total opposite of Venker’s.

MY MOTHER

My mother was the very sort of woman Venker advises other women to be. My mother in turn raised me to be like herself, which I was, up until my late 30s or early 40s.

My mother was the sweet, docile, doormat who catered to my father’s every need. My mother was definitely the opposite of “The Boss.”

My mother made home-cooked meals for my father most nights. She did not have a job outside the home.

My mother was the stereotypical womanly woman, passive, non-confrontational, soft-spoken woman that conservatives are forever applauding and pressuring other women to be like.

Continue reading “Alpha Females Part 3 – Being a Beta Female Does Not Work, It Won’t Get You Dates, Or Keep Your Marriage in Good Shape”

Young Single Women Try to Appear Less Ambitious To Attract A Mate – via WSJ

Young Single Women Try to Appear Less Ambitious To Attract A Mate – via WSJ

Link to the article:

(Link): Young single women try to appear to appear less ambitious to attract a mate

My comments about this article from the Wall Street Jounal (excerpts from said article are much farther below):

Single ladies who want to be married:

The kind of man you will attract if you minimize yourself, play yourself off as vapid, helpless, or ditzy, is NOT the sort of man you should want to be dating or marrying in the first place.

Further, if anything, the problem is the reverse.

If you are a woman with money in your savings account, or are employed and earning a pay check, you must be aware of men who are out to use your for your money – it happens. Our culture often paints women as being the gold-digger, but I have often seen the reverse situation.

Since I’ve been a little girl, most of the couples I have seen (cohabitating, dating, or married), including my ex fiance, have consisted of men who prey on ambitious women for the woman’s money. A lot of men seem to like and be attracted to ambitious women.

There are a lot of lazy men out there who are male gold-diggers: they leech financially off their wife or girlfriend.

I have an Aunt who works full time to pay all the bills, while her husband sits around in dirty overalls in a recliner watching football on TV all day, when he’s not down at the corner bar drinking beer with buddies. I have other examples I could cite, but that should be sufficient.

Single women: you need to be true to yourself, as the old saying goes.

If you get to my age (mid-40s), you will have a sh*tload of regrets if you played down your true skills, talents, and quirks over your life- all because you thought you had to do so in order to get dates or get married.

Never, ever downplay your true life goals, hobbies, interests, or intelligence to lure men to you. It won’t end up how you think it will – you will end up attracting a user, abuser, creep, or a self-absorbed sexist who doesn’t care about you, your life, or your goals.

If you end up single, it’s not the end of the world. You will get by just fine. You will find other things in life to preoccupy your interests and time other than romance, if you never get a husband.

Continue reading “Young Single Women Try to Appear Less Ambitious To Attract A Mate – via WSJ”

Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan

Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan

This was originally sent to me by a Twitter friend of mine, ymmarta. So thank you to ymmarta to sending this link my way.

The following is written by a woman who has never been married, engaged, or had a boyfriend.

(Link): Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan

Some excerpts:

I’ve never been in a serious relationship despite my desire to one day marry. God is teaching me to hold that desire loosely.

 … This is my story, this is my song: I am a 30-something single woman and I have never been in a dating relationship. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never brought anyone home to meet my family. I’ve never been pursued or even sought after.
Continue reading “Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan”

Talking With Both Daughters and Sons About Sex – article via NY Times

Talking With Both Daughters and Sons About Sex

You will notice that this study which is mentioned below describes how sexual stereotypes influence how parents teach their kids about sex: daughters (girls) are encouraged to be abstinent and to delay sex, but not boys.

I see this same exact (sexist) pattern among Christian families: Christians buy into secular stereotypes that girls should be as sexually pure as the freshly driven snow and Christians wrongly assume females lack a libido, but males are assumed to be sex-starved horn-dogs who lack control, and boys are not generally expected to remain celibate.

Ergo, females are taught in Christian sermons and other Christian content to sexually abstain. Christian boys don’t generally receive as much pressure or sermonizing on abstaining. There may be something “off” about Christian teachings about sex, since they are mirroring secular cultural assumptions about gender and sex in these matters.

On the other hand, regarding other (non sexual) topics, I can see how Christians might BENEFIT (or, ironically, be MORE in line with the Bible) if they went along with secular mores instead of with their incorrect biblical interpretation of some topics. But on this issue, they sound quite similar to secular culture, and are off they mark, I believe.

(Link): Talking With Both Daughters and Sons About Sex – via the New York Times

Excerpts:

If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)

Yeesh. If you are single, want to be married, and ever feel lousy or discouraged about being single still, you might want to check out the movie “Gone Girl.”

Or not. It may forever discourage you from dating ever again, LOL – which is why I put “maybe watch it” in the subject heading of this post.

What a creepy movie.

I saw it tonight because it came on one of the cable TV channels I get.

It stars Ben Afflec (however his name is spelled) married to some blonde lady. This movie contains twists and turns.

You start out feeling bad for the wife, because the husband looks like a cheating, insensitive, selfish, lazy, jerk.

But then as the movie goes on, you learn the blonde wife is no prize, either. You then also feel sorry for the husband as you start learning more about the sicko wife.

Continue reading “If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)”

21 Hilarious Solo Christmas Cards

21 Hilarious Solo Christmas Cards

(Link): 21 Hilarious Solo Christmas Cards

Here is just one of several images on their page:

funny_christmas_cards-12


Related Posts:

(Link): Single Woman Photographer Opposes Societal Marital Pressure with Mannequin Family

Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day to Be With Family by J. Roys

Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day to Be With Family by J. Roys

Yes. I’ve been noting on this blog for the last few years that Christians have turned the Nuclear Family into idols, and this comes at the expense of divorced, widowed, childless, childfree, and never married adults.

(Link): Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day by J. Roys

Excerpts:

Christmas this year falls on a Sunday, which has some churchgoers in a tizzy.

…Religion writer Amy Sullivan once suggested that the reason American Christians don’t normally go to church on Christmas is because we’ve adopted a civil religion that elevates the ideal of family “to a sacrosanct level.” The Norman Rockwell image of a family gathered around a tree, she argues, has become a Christmas icon that rivals baby Jesus.

“For most Christians,” she said, “Christmas is a day for family, not faith.”

I think Sullivan has a point. Recently, I was listening to a Christmas album by the a cappella group Pentatonix, which I absolutely love. But the lyrics to their song “That’s Christmas to Me” pierced my heart. The song is beautiful and nostalgic — and completely godless.

After talking about Santa and stockings and mistletoe, they croon, “The only gift I’ll ever need is the joy of family. Oh why? ‘Cause that’s Christmas to me.”

I love my family dearly. But Christmas is about the birth of my savior without whom I’d have no hope for the future. And to me, there’s no better way to celebrate Christmas than to join with my church family, as well as my natural family, to worship our savior.

But again, many Christians attend services on Christmas Eve. So, what’s wrong with foregoing church on Christmas Day? However, Sullivan notes that many Anglican and Catholic Churches similarly hold midnight masses or vigils the night before Easter. (My church does that, and it’s a highlight of my year.) But everyone still shows up the next morning for Easter services. No devout Christian would ever consider missing church on Easter! So why do we not have the same attitude toward Christmas?

As Scott McConnell, executive director of LifeWay, notes, “If Christmas falls on Monday through Saturday, churches might be closed on December 25 — but almost never on a Sunday.”

Still I wonder, how many will attend church on Christmas Day joyfully as opposed to dutifully? And how many church members will actually show up? Many churches, which normally hold multiple services on Sunday morning, are only holding one service on Christmas day.

…That’s my hope too. I fear we have replaced adoring God with adoring family on Christmas. And as much as I love family, and see it as an incredible gift from God, I love Jesus even more.


Related Posts:

(Link):  The Neglected God Calls Us to Reach Out to the Neglected at Christmas: God with Us and Them—Immanuel (Re: People Who Are Alone At the Holidays)

(Link):  Merry Christmas to Single People

(Link):  Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura (some people are alone at the holidays; they are not married, have no kids)

(Link):  Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again (Married people who have spouses with dementia)