Her Stepfather, Gary Hardy, Met Her Mother at Church, They Married, and He Began Stalking His StepDaughter, Mailing Her Porn and Sex Toys
I watched a television show about this story. The show is called “Evil Lives Here,” it was first broadcast on 3-21-2021.
The stepdaughter (now an adult), Sarah Garone, was interviewed, and she says she was a Christian as a teen, she is still a Christian, and her Mother met what was to be her stepfather at their church.
She says on this show that her stepfather seemed like a normal, nice, goofy guy and a sincere Christian.
This is more evidence for me – anecdotal – that you have to judge a man based on his character, not by if he identifies as a Christian and/or if he attends church weekly.
I have other news stories on my blog of men who were rapists who met their Christian women targets on Christian dating sites, and these other women victims also said that these men identified as Christian on their dating site profiles and seemed like genuine Christians.
Sometimes, pedophiles intentionally seek wives in Christian churches – they want to marry an adult woman so they look less suspicious.
I think the “equally yoked” teaching is a big waste of time for single Christian women who’d like to marry
I don’t mean to shame or bash Christian single women who believe strongly in equally yoked,
but if you insist on maintaining this rule of “I will only marry a man if he’s a professing believer,”
you need to prepare for the harsh reality that the man you marry, should you marry, may end up being a pervert, a looney tune, or abusive – or some combination of all.
But more likely than not, considering that churches for many years now have way more single women than single men, stubbornly abiding by “equally yoked” means that you will never marry.
And the men who identify as Christian on dating sites and apps tend to be or act crass, perverse, or obsessed with sex. These are not “Christian” men most Christian single women will want to date or marry.
I was a very devout Christian from my childhood until my mid-40s.
I am not “anti” Christianity now, I am not an atheist, but I took a step back from the faith years ago, and it’s been educational and very helpful.
When you step back from the faith, you are less much less beholden to charismatic types who claim to be Christian, (so you’re less apt to be fooled and manipulated by them), and you’re more open to question how the faith or the Bible has been interpreted by the adults around you, and you can see when and if a professed believer is using the Bible to control and manipulate you.
I learned years ago that most Christians – even well meaning ones – are quite ignorant about abuse dynamics (whether it’s workplace abuse, domestic abuse, or child sex abuse), as well as mental or emotional health issues.
Most Christians can give advice that is far too simplistic in these situations (e.g., “just read the Bible and pray more!”), or they will victim-blame you and shame you if you are having an issue.
Also, if you are struggling with a serious problem or pain – such as this lady being stalked, or you’re dealing with a death in the family – no, most churches and many Christians will not give you non-judgmental emotional support at those times. And it hurts that nobody wants to be there for you.
It’s also infuriating, especially, if, like me, you spent years previously giving emotional and practical support to hurting people who came to you over your life.
I mention this because this Sarah lady says her church and Christian friends didn’t really seem to understand her situation, and they didn’t give her much moral support.
I’m not surprised. And those parts of her essays or interviews really resonate with me. I know what it’s like to be hurt or to be abused, and when you go to friends or family with your hurt, just wanting to feel heard and seen, just wanting comfort and emotional support, they find excuses to not respond to your e-mails or phone calls, or, they victim blame you and tell you to “just get over it already.”
When I was younger, I was naive or trusting enough to just assume that if I’m ever hurt, of course I can trust fellow believers in Christ to phone or e-mail me once in a while to check in to see how I’m doing.
Certainly after my mother died when I was in my late 30s, I got no emotional support, not even from Christian friends and family who routinely came to me for emotional support over the years.
So, as I got older, I found out for myself – and after talking to other Christians on other forums and blogs – that more often than not, no, other Christians, even ones you’ve attended church with weekly for years, will not check in with you to see how you’re doing.
Many self professing Christians, just like secular people, are very self absorbed and only care about themselves and what is going on in their own lives.
So, I am sorry if this woman felt -and was in fact- unsupported by her church family and Christian friends back when this was going on, but I cannot say I am surprised.
I know if you’re hurting, or really stressed out, it can be immensely helpful and healing to have a trusted, empathetic friend (or family member) who you can call, and they will take your call, and just listen to you pour your heart out without judging you or giving unsolicited advice.
But the number of adults who will do this for another adult are very rare.
I used to be one of those adults, I was a very caring person who would drop everything to take hours-long phone calls from frustrated or sad friends and family.
But after years of doing that from a place of Codependency (I didn’t have boundaries), I was not getting my needs met in return, and I got burnt out.
I no longer have the patience, stamina, or interest in listening to other adults complain or cry for hours over weeks or months about their problems.
I’m also not altogether surprised by her story, that her own stepfather was a pervert who was mailing her sex toys and so on. I’ve spent the past several years doing a lot of research on Narcissism, Sociopathy, and a little in the areas of Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.
The more I research these topics, the more I believe that people can do the most vile, disgusting, weird things to other people or to animals.
This lady says she has found healing, so I am happy for her. I’m glad she was able to process what happened and move on and enjoy life again.
A lot of the traits her stepfather have do seem indicative of one or more Cluster B disorders.
I read a dating advice book a few months ago that educates readers on how to spot Cluster B persons and avoid them – it’s a dating advice book that I need to write a commentary on soon.
Suffice it to say, researching Cluster B disorders (which includes but is not limited to BPD – which is Borderline Personality Disorder – Narcissism, and Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopathy and psychopathy)) will definitely help you steer clear of a lot of these toxic people and educate you on how to manage them and deal with them if you must.
You will also need to research what makes you vulnerable to attracting or tolerating Cluster B’s in the first place, because a lot of Cluster B’s actively or else subconsciously feel out targets for their vulnerabilities to control them through those weak points.
For me, one of my key vulnerabilities that made me attractive to and putting up with Cluster B’s was being a Codependent (a very empathetic People Pleaser who lacked healthy boundaries and who didn’t recognize abuse as being abuse – my Mother taught me that people yelling and screaming at me was normal and acceptable behavior that I should just allow).
Anyway, be aware, especially if you are an unmarried Christian woman who believes in the “equally yoked” dating and marriage rule,
that abusive, perverted men attend church every week,
those men will say they are a Christian, they claim to believe in Jesus,
and they do “Christian” – like behaviors, such as quote Bible verses in their dating site and dating app profiles or in their conversations with you over e-mail or the phone or in-face dates.
None of that stuff makes them an actual Christian, however.
(Be sure to study the topic of Communal Narcissism. Some Narcissists are active church members who can appear very godly in a church context, or in volunteering at a charity, but they treat their family members or spouse like trash in private, behind closed doors. )
You can really only deduce if someone is an actual believer by getting to know them in person and observing them and their behavior over a year.
Note that contrary to a lot of religious and secular conservative rhetoric about marriage and parenthood, that marriage and parenthood do not improve someone’s character – sure didn’t keep this Gary guy from stalking and sexually harassing his own stepdaughter.
This does not mean I stand opposed to marriage or parenthood, only I do not think my fellow conservatives should keep making claims for marriage and parenthood that are not true.
And lastly, contrary to the Christian “how to get married” advice I was exposed to as a teen and 20 something, no, one does not have to be godly, or reach some level of perfection, before they can land a spouse, or before God will send them a spouse or “reward” them with one.
Plenty of un-godly, perverse, and abusive scum buckets manage to marry every year, even ones who are Christian and attend church, so God is not with-holding marriage from everyone.
(Link): Stalked by her stepfather for 10 years, this woman found a way to heal
In the wake of the #MeToo movement, Sarah Garone shared her experience of being stalked by her “sociopath” stepfather.
September 24, 2029
By Meghan Holohan
In 1996, Sarah Garone rushed to the mailbox and tore open a package addressed to her. The incoming freshman felt sure it contained news that she had made the cheerleading squad at her high school in Chandler, Arizona.
But that wasn’t it at all. Instead, it contained pornography sent from an anonymous person. Shocked, the then 13-year-old had no clue this delivery would be the start of nearly a decade of stalking and harassment.
Over the years, this mysterious person sent her anonymous love letters, hacked her email and shared her private messages, stole her underwear, sent her subscriptions to lingerie catalogs and mailed her a sex toy. Finally, in 2005, the police had a suspect; they asked her if she knew someone named Gary Hardy.
She did. He was her stepfather.
[She suspected something was ‘off’ about her stepfather Gary Hardy for years, but he was very good at gaslighting her and good at denial]…
At the time, the newly married Garone and her husband, Anthony, looked for support from their friends, who were mostly from a young adult Bible group. Yet, they received little help.
“No one understood the magnitude of it, and it would get brushed off,” Garone said. “It is such a bizarre — and it is a really difficult — incident for anyone to relate to.”
But the #MeToo movement, which started to go viral in late 2017, motivated Garone to open up. She was featured in an episode of the podcast “Criminal” and wrote an essay for The Washington Post. Talking about her experience has helped.
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