Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

The first half to two thirds of this video of what the speakers describe, how they describe the typical views of abusive men, is reminiscent of some Christian Gender Complementarians and their views, and what some complementarian adherents believe.

Especially if you are a Christian single woman who’s wanting to marry AND in particular you were raised by Christian parents or in a church that taught traditional gender roles (perhaps under the phrase or label of “gender complementarianism“) please pay special attention to the video below.

Under “gender complementarian” teachings (and just mainstream, evangelical or Baptist and Christian dating advice), Christian women have been taught to accept all sorts of toxic teachings and to accept on-going mistreatment from a spouse (and from other people in their lives).

Chances are good that if you’re a single Christian woman who was brought up to believe in gender complementarian teachings that you were heavily encouraged to adopt people pleasing or codependent behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes, which will make you attractive to abusers and people with personality disorders (many of whom can be abusive).

Additionally, if you do marry an abusive person (whether he is emotionally, sexually, verbally, or physically abusive) the majority of Christian churches and denominations teach women that divorce is not an option, not even in cases of abuse.

You (if you’re an abused wife asking a Christian for advice or help in regards to your marriage) will usually be told just to “submit more,” give your spouse more sex, and to pray about it – but none of those methods will change your spouse or cause him to stop abusing you.

There is nothing you can say or do that will get your husband to stop abusing you – (Link): nor is it your responsibility to try to fix or change your spouse in the first place.

You have to go into a marriage to a self professing Christian man knowing before-hand  that if your spouse turns abusive, that you must eventually divorce the guy, and you most likely won’t get any help or encouragement in that area from your church, church group, church friends, or pastor.

Most churches and pastors will shame, pressure, and guilt trip an abused wife to stay in the abusive marriage at all costs, because they value the institution of marriage above the safety and mental health of the abused wife.

If you’re a Christian woman in an abusive marriage, your church, church friends, and your preacher will never, ever give you permission to divorce – but you don’t need their permission or approval – you just need your own. It’s your life, not theirs.

(Link – to video on You Tube): Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

Excerpts, video description (from text below the video on the You Tube page):

I’m happy to interview Lundy Bancroft, author, and expert on male abuse behaviors and tactics.

Lundy has 30 years experience working in the field of abuse. His book “Why Does He Do That” is a one of the first I read and it helped tremendously.

Lundy is a lifelong advocate for the safety of women and children and it shines through in his books. You may be wondering whether you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist or an Abuser or someone who’s both.

Continue reading “Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast”

Staffers Quit Venue Church After Confronting Pastor With Allegations of Affair, Misconduct by L. Blair

Staffers Quit Venue Church After Confronting Pastor With Allegations of Affair, Misconduct

(Link): Staffers Quit Venue Church After Confronting Pastor With Allegations of Affair, Misconduct

Dec 23, 2021
by Leonardo Blair

At least eight employees of Venue Church, a fast-growing congregation based in Chattanooga, Tennessee, have reportedly quit their jobs over alleged misconduct by Pastor Tavner Smith, who is allegedly shown kissing a woman who is not his wife in a video that recently surfaced online.

Last Friday afternoon, staff and volunteers confronted Smith about the video recorded in North Georgia, The Chattanooga Times Free Press reported.

Two former employees and four volunteers or members previously connected to the church told the newspaper that the eight employees quit after confronting the pastor about a rumored affair with a church employee.

Continue reading “Staffers Quit Venue Church After Confronting Pastor With Allegations of Affair, Misconduct by L. Blair”

Inconsistent, Disappointing, and Cavalier Attitude Towards Sexism by Some Conservatives – Re: Woman Says A Man Groped Her Avatar in a Simulation

Inconsistent, Disappointing, and Cavalier Attitude Towards Sexism by Some Conservatives – Re: Woman Says A Man Groped Her Avatar in a Simulation

Most conservatives don’t support biological men being allowed into women’s only spaces, even if those men “identify as women.”  Most conservatives recognize how that is bad news for biological girls and biological women. (As a conservative myself, I agree!)

I often see male conservatives infuriated, alarmed, or incredulous over things like Democrats wanting to pass legislation to get women drafted into the military, or with biological men who identify as women (transwomen) getting spaces on women’s teams.

But so many conservative men, and a smattering of conservative women, often act dismissive of other forms of sexism.

Earlier today, I was on Twitter, I saw (Link): this Tweet by (Link): Seth Dillon, who I believe is a conservative (and possibly a Christian?).

Dillon was “quote Tweeting” a headline by the New York Post which reads, “Woman Claims She Was Virtually ‘Groped’ in Meta VR Platform.” Here is the link to the article itself on the Post.

Here is how part of that article, by Hannah Sparks, reads:

A beta tester has claimed she was virtually “groped” in the metaverse VR platform Horizon Worlds from Meta, the company formerly known as Facebook.

Meta revealed the incident on Dec. 1, saying it occurred on Nov. 26. The woman had reported the assault on the Horizon Worlds beta testing Facebook group.

“Sexual harassment is no joke on the regular internet, but being in VR adds another layer that makes the event more intense,” she wrote, according to the Verge. “Not only was I groped last night, but there were other people there who supported this behavior, which made me feel isolated in the Plaza,” the virtual environment’s central gathering space.

“Severe” encounters of online harassment — including physical threats, stalking and “repeated” harassment — are on the rise, according to a 2020 Pew Research poll, with the percentage of users reporting such incidents jumping from 15% in 2014 to 25% today. While much of it takes place on social media, VR is still nascent and already an apparent venue for harassment.

…Sexual harassment in virtual reality is sexual harassment in real life, full stop, experts have said.

“At the end of the day, the nature of virtual-reality spaces is such that it is designed to trick the user into thinking they are physically in a certain space, that their every bodily action is occurring in a 3-D environment,” Katherine Cross, a Ph.D. student researcher of online harassment at the University of Washington, told Technology Review.

“It’s part of the reason why emotional reactions can be stronger in that space, and why VR triggers the same internal nervous-system and psychological responses,” she added.
— end excerpt —

I am a conservative, not a woke-ster far leftist.

I don’t know how it is that so many conservatives are fine opposing sexism in some forms – such as biological men who claim to be women wanting entrance to women’s only bathrooms and so forth – but then turn around and mock a woman who discusses being sexually harassed in a virtual arena.

Continue reading “Inconsistent, Disappointing, and Cavalier Attitude Towards Sexism by Some Conservatives – Re: Woman Says A Man Groped Her Avatar in a Simulation”

Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health by Elizabeth Cohen

Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health by Elizabeth Cohen

(Link): Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health

Excerpts:

August 2011
By Elizabeth Cohen, Senior Medical Correspondent

…Feeling persistently resentful toward other people — the boss who fired you, the spouse who cheated on you — can indeed affect your physical health, according to a new book, “Embitterment: Societal, psychological, and clinical perspectives.”

In fact, the negative power of feeling bitter is so strong that the authors call for the creation of a new diagnosis called PTED, or post-traumatic embitterment disorder, to describe people who can’t forgive others’ transgressions against them.

“Bitterness is a nasty solvent that erodes every good thing,” says Dr. Charles Raison, associate professor of psychiatry at Emory University School of Medicine and CNNHealth’s Mental Health expert doctor.

What bitterness does to your body

Feeling bitter interferes with the body’s hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal and an author of a chapter in the new book.

Studies have shown that bitter, angry people have higher blood pressure and heart rate and are more likely to die of heart disease and other illnesses.

Continue reading “Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health by Elizabeth Cohen”

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son

Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son

I’m having a difficult time seeing how parenthood makes people more godly, mature, responsible, and ethical, as so many Nuclear Family promoters make it out to be.

Assuming this guy in this news article was married at one time (I’m not sure if he was married at one time or not – this article says he was engaged to be married)…

If you’re an older, single adult be aware that Christian dating advice books, blog posts, and pod casts that insist you’ve not been sent a spouse ever (or not yet) is because you don’t deserve one (because you’re not godly enough, not worthy enough, or whatever enough!)…

….news stories like this one show that if there is a God, he’s not with-holding spouses from child rapist and child murdering dirt bags, so I don’t think there is some kind of thresh-hold one must meet before God will send someone a spouse, or permit them to marry, or however you wish to put it.

(Link): Dad tortured son, 10, with taser dog collar and forced him to eat faeces

(Link): Boy in the Attic: Father Pleads Guilty After Raping & Torturing His Own Son to Death

A search warrant carried out on December 16, 2019, revealed multiple items of interest at the home, including a Taser, four Taser-style dog collars, and a combination lock located in the attic.

Authorities said Takoda Collins was covered in scratches and bruises stemming from a sexual assault. They also said that the boy was forced to eat his own feces.

…“Takoda was kept in a dirty, locked, dark attic and abused daily over the course of several years,” an affidavit read. “The interviews also revealed that Takoda was held underwater and gasping for breath prior to succumbing to his injuries.”

(Link): Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son

by Patrick Reilly
Sept. 10, 2021

An Ohio father has pleaded guilty to kidnapping, raping and murdering his 10-year old son, who was subject to years of “sustained extreme abuse and torture“ before he was beaten to death, according to prosecutors.

Continue reading “Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son”

Class Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM (Ravi Zacharias Ministry) Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors

Class Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM (Ravi Zacharias Ministry) Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors

(Link): Class-action lawsuit claims RZIM misled donors, covered up Ravi Zacharias’ abuse

(Link): Class-Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM Misled Donors, Covered Up Ravi Zacharias’ Abuse

(Link): ClassAction Lawsuit Claims RZIM Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors

By Anugrah Kumar
August 2021

Donors to Ravi Zacharias International Ministries have filed a lawsuit against the late Christian apologist’s organization, alleging their funds were funneled to women subjected to its founder’s sexual misconduct as he gave money and expensive gifts to survivors, including $40,000 toward on woman’s culinary schooling.

“Defendants bilked tens — if not hundreds — of millions of dollars from well-meaning donors who believed RZIM and Zacharias to be faith-filled Christian leaders,” claims the lawsuit filed in the federal court for the North District of Georgia. “In fact, Zacharias was a prolific sexual predator who used his ministry and RZIM funds to perpetrate sexual and spiritual abuse against women.”

Continue reading “Class Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM (Ravi Zacharias Ministry) Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors”

‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge by L. Blair

‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge by L. Blair

I am fairly sure I blogged about at least one of these guys a few years ago. Yep, I sure did.

(Link): ‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge

Excerpts:

by L. Blair
July 2021

Joe Burress, the 71-year-old founding pastor of Victory Church in Rochester, New York, also known as the “Fight Church,” has pled guilty to one of two second-degree sexual abuse charges against him three years after his son Paul Burress pleaded guilty to third-degree sexual abuse.

Court documents cited in a recent WHAM report say two teenagers accused Joe Burress of sexually abusing them in separate incidents while they were under the age of 14.

…In March 2018, Paul Burress, who was previously charged with four counts of forcible touching after allegedly groping three women in his Henrietta, New York, home, pleaded guilty to third-degree sexual abuse, a misdemeanor.

Continue reading “‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge by L. Blair”

Sex Abuse Allegations by Carl Lentz’s Former Nanny Put Spotlight on Hillsong (Church) Culture by R. Stone

 Sex Abuse Allegations by Carl Lentz’s Former Nanny Put Spotlight on Hillsong  (Church) Culture 

(Link): Sex Abuse Allegations by Carl Lentz’s Former Nanny Put Spotlight on Hillsong Culture

May 31, 2021
By Roxanne Stone

NEW YORK (RNS) — A former Hillsong NYC staff member has come forward with allegations that the megachurch’s former pastor Carl Lentz subjected her to “bullying, abuse of power and sexual abuse” over the course of seven years as she worked as a nanny in Lentz’s home.

“I felt trapped and silenced. I also felt so ashamed and I had been told not to say anything or tell anyone,” Leona Kimes, 37, told Religion News Service via email Sunday (May 30).

Continue reading “Sex Abuse Allegations by Carl Lentz’s Former Nanny Put Spotlight on Hillsong (Church) Culture by R. Stone”

Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

I don’t even know where to start with this story (see headline further below).

Too many Christians revere motherhood to the point they marginalize and shame any woman who has never had children (for whatever reason, whether from choice or by circumstance).

Additionally, a lot of hyper- pro- marriage conservatives, both secular and Christian, idolize marriage, and in the process, they sometimes shame singles for being single and say all sorts of insulting things about single and childless adults.

Both secular and conservative Christians who push marriage and natalism way too much often like to say that being married and being a parent are necessary states to make a person godly, more loving, ethical, and responsible.

They assume and like to spread the disinformation that all single adults are irresponsible, immature, immoral, or selfish.

So how funny it is to see news headlines below, which put a lie to those conservative stereotypes about marital or parental status.

(Not that I find it funny that the woman was stabbed; I sure don’t find that part of this amusing. I just mean to say that in light of the many news stories of (Link):  married people or (Link): parents who rape, kill, steal, or murder that one would think that Christians and secular conservative pro-family groups would stop promoting marriage and parenthood as “cures” for people or for the culture)

(Link): Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

Excerpts:

May 2021

A Texas mother was repeatedly stabbed in a “brutal attack” by her husband during an argument over attending church on Mother’s Day and he is now on the lam, police say.

In a statement released Monday, the Nacogdoches County Sheriff’s Office said they are now seeking help from the public in apprehending the woman’s husband, 43-year-old Rodolfo Madera Gonzalez, for aggravated assault with a weapon–family violence, which is a first-degree felony.

Continue reading “Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair”

Wisconsin State Judge Who Supported “Drag Queen Story Hour” for School Children Arrested on Child Porn Charges

Wisconsin State Judge Who Supported “Drag Queen Story Hour” for School Children Arrested on Child Porn Charges

Unlike most secular, ex-Christian, or still-practicing Christian progressives, I am more than happy to point out wrong-doing committed by progressives….

(i.e, unlike the majority of Never Trump Republicans, progressives, ex SBC member Beth Moore, author and blogger Jeri Massi, and ex-Christians,
I, who am a conservative who is unsure of what her current religious beliefs are,
don’t sit around acting out-raged over sins of conservatives, Christians, churches, and/or Republicans,
while ignoring, or trying to rationalize or downplay the sins of progressives, Democrats, Democrat politicians, or anyone who supports liberal or progressive views)…
…so I present to you this news story below:

(Yeah, “supporting drag queens at children’s story hour” would be a progressive- and- “Never Trump” cause,
not something that conservative or moderate churches, Republicans, or the majority of Trump voters would support;
– also note (hello, Stephanie Drury, Christopher / Chrissy Stroop, and other “Empty the Pews” doofi out there):
perverts and child molesters are known to not only participate in churches or to work as youth pastors,
but they are also known to join boy scouts, work in secular, public schools, and can found among ALL political and religious and non-religious groups):

(Link): Wisconsin State Judge Who Supported “Drag Queen Story Hour” for School Children Arrested on Child Porn Charges

March 18, 2021
by ShipwreckedCrew

Brett Blomme, Circuit Court Judge at Milwaukee County, currently assigned to the Milwaukee County’s Children’s Court — and the former CEO of the non-profit that promoted and helped fund the “Drag Queen Story Hour” project in Milwaukee — has been arrested on charges of possessing child pornography.

Continue reading “Wisconsin State Judge Who Supported “Drag Queen Story Hour” for School Children Arrested on Child Porn Charges”

Married Hillsong Church Administrator Sexually Assaulted Philadelphia Pastor’s Daughter: Report

Married Hillsong Church Administrator Sexually Assaulted Philadelphia Pastor’s Daughter: Report

Another example of how being married doesn’t make a person more godly, mature, ethical, responsible, or loving than remaining single.

Who, you may ask, teaches that marriage makes a person more loving, godly, etc, than being single (if you have to ask, you are probably married, because single adults already know)?

Why, a lot of conservative think tanks, Christian preachers, and other Christian talking heads, that’s who, such as but not limited to, “National Marriage Project,” Brad Wilcox, Al Mohler, Focus On The Family, and others. None of these marriage- idolating bozos care that the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better to remain single, or that Jesus of Nazareth was a single and childless adult.

(Link): Hillsong Church Sure Sounds Like an Abuse-Laden, Power-Obsessed Environment

….Anna Crenshaw, a student at Hillsong College who says she was once abused by a church leader as a child, was allegedly assaulted by Jason Mays, son of the Australian church’s human resources head, in front of multiple witnesses, one of which told her not to tell anyone about it.

Mays denied the incident, but because the other witnesses were able to verify Crenshaw’s account, Mays was placed on paid leave.

He is now in an administrative role with the church. “Reporting what happened was the issue, not what happened to me,” Crenshaw said.

(Link): Married Hillsong Church Administrator Sexually Assaulted Philadelphia Pastor’s Daughter: Reporter

Excerpts:

by Leonardo Blair
Feb. 12, 2021

Around the time they received complaints about inappropriate sexual relations between staff and volunteers at Hillsong NYC, the embattled Australia-based Hillsong Church was in the throes of investigating the sexual assault of a Philadelphia pastor’s daughter at its headquarters, a new report reveals.

Continue reading “Married Hillsong Church Administrator Sexually Assaulted Philadelphia Pastor’s Daughter: Report”