Thoughts Regarding the Essay “3 Things Every Single Person Needs to Stop Doing”

Thoughts Regarding the Essay “3 Things Every Single Person Needs to Stop Doing”

Over at SCCL, this Relevant editorial was under discussion – (Link): here, on Facebook. You may want to read the comments there – this is one of those times I am in agreement with some (or most) of the SCCL commentators

Here is the article itself:

(Link): 3 Things Every Single Person Needs to Stop Doing by Q. Ross

I feel some of the advice on the page is okay – the author, Ross, basically tells you if you’re a single who wants to be married, go out and live your life – go on a cruise or whatever, don’t just sit around waiting for your life to start. That’s not necessarily bad advice.

In her editorial, Ross coaches singles not to complain about being single, which is a point I don’t agree with. Singles should be permitted to complain about being single if it helps them cope with the hurt, stress, or frustrations of being single, especially if the single in question had wanted to be married.

Singles needs to be heard (included any negative thoughts or emotions they’d like to share about singleness), not shushed by Christians who are uncomfortable with strong emotion. Singles don’t need any more platitudes, either.

Where things go south is where she suggests that if you’re still single, it’s because you have something wrong with you – God, she implies, is waiting for you to meet some kind of criteria before he will send you a spouse.

For example, Ross writes this:

Instead of complaining, show God that you are content with him alone and then maybe He’ll trust you with a relationship. He wants to know that when He does bring someone into your life, you won’t bail on Him and worship the gift rather than the gift-giver.

//end excerpt

As I’ve said time and again on my blog, I’ve seen far too many losers, weirdos, and violent people – whether Christian or not – who get married to believe that God requires people to become wonderful, mature, godly, or what have you, to earn a spouse.

Continue reading “Thoughts Regarding the Essay “3 Things Every Single Person Needs to Stop Doing””

Dear Abby: Woman Worries Lazy Fiance Will Also be Lazy Husband

Dear Abby: Woman Worries Lazy Fiance Will Also be Lazy Husband

He’s not going to magically change just because you put a gold band on his finger. If you’re unhappy with him now, you’ll be unhappy with him after you marry him, if you marry him.

(Link): Dear Abby: Woman worries lazy fiance will also be lazy husband

Dear Abby:

My fiance, “David,” and I are getting married soon. We have been living together and engaged for a year, and together eight years. It takes him forever to get things done around the house or buy things we need. I have tried lists and constant reminders.

David recently lost his job and is interviewing to find another one. He loves sports, so he plays softball with his friend in a league, which takes up an entire day of the weekend. When he comes home, he wants to watch sports on TV. The house is old (it was my grandfather’s), and there’s always something that needs doing or fixing.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: Woman Worries Lazy Fiance Will Also be Lazy Husband”

Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex by R Pietka, and the SCCL Push-Back

Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex by R Pietka – via Relevant Magazine, and the SCCL Push-Back

The essay “Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex” by Rachel Pietka was discussed over at Facebook group SCCL (Link): here a few days ago.

The consensus by the SCCL readership is that the page – by R. Pietka – is that it’s awful. Many in the SCCL thread did not approve of it or agree with it.

I don’t know why the SCCL readership largely condemned the page, because some of it is right in line with the ex-Christian, or liberal Christian views, about sex and sexual purity.

I’ll give you a long excerpt from the page before discussing it a bit more below:

(Link):  Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex by R Pietka

What Christians need to remember about God’s design for sex.

…While the [Christian based sexual abstinence] movement is great at detailing— and exaggerating—the benefits of saving sex for marriage, it is dishonest about the challenges abstinence presents to couples who eventually tie the knot.

…Jessica Ciencin Henriquez recently detailed how the abstinence movement affected her sex life and marriage in a revealing article titled, (Link): “My Virginity Mistake.”

Henriquez relays how she pledged herself to Jesus at a purity ceremony at age 14, remained a virgin until she married six years later, and wound up divorced after she and her husband could not make things work in the bedroom.

Looking back, Henriquez states if she had not insisted on waiting for sex until marriage, she could have prevented her divorce.

Henriquez’s story is important because it highlights an issue the abstinence movement rarely acknowledges: sexual incompatibility within marriage.

While this issue may seem irrelevant, it is actually fundamental to traditional Christian beliefs about sex. The fact that sexual compatibility does not matter to Christians when choosing a spouse makes the shocking and countercultural statement that sex is not our God.

Continue reading “Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex by R Pietka, and the SCCL Push-Back”

Vietnam man, 44, stabs a wedding guest to death after he was booed off stage during a tragic karaoke performance

Vietnam man, 44, stabs a wedding guest to death after he was booed off stage during a tragic karaoke performance

I guess they take their karaoke real serious over there.

(Link):  Vietnam man, 44, stabs a wedding guest to death after he was booed off stage during a tragic karaoke performance

May 25, 2017

  • Nguyen Ngoc Diep, 44, was singing at wedding in southern Vietnam on Thursday
  • He was furious when a guest mocked his singing and stole his microphone
  • Diep began brawling with the guest, who ended up seriously injured in hospital
  • Attacker then stabbed another guest Le Hong An, 35, when he tried to stop him 
  • Diep has been arrested since going on the horrific rampage, local media said

A man at a wedding in Vietnam stabbed a fellow guest to death and seriously injured another after he was booed off stage during a karaoke performance.

Continue reading “Vietnam man, 44, stabs a wedding guest to death after he was booed off stage during a tragic karaoke performance”

More Americans Are Marrying People of Other Races Than Ever Before

More Americans Are Marrying People of Other Races Than Ever Before

(Link): More Americans Are Marrying People of Other Races Than Ever Before

On June 12, 2017, it will have been 50 years since the U.S. Supreme Court decided that Americans should in fact be allowed to marry a partner of whatever race they want. Since then, many American couples have availed themselves of that right, although white people remain much less likely to marry another race than people of other races, according to a new report from Pew Research.

…The newlyweds most likely to be intermarried are Asian or Hispanic. Almost 30% of Asians who married in 2015 wed someone of another race, and about 27% of Hispanics married a non-Hispanic, says Pew.

Continue reading “More Americans Are Marrying People of Other Races Than Ever Before”

“Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says by M. Solis

“Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says

(Link): “Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says – May 2017, by Marie Solis

Turns out, she’s just not that into you.

According to a paper from the National Bureau of Economic Research, fewer women are relying on stable, high-earning male partners to have children.

Researchers from the University of Maryland discovered this trend when they examined the fracking boom, a “positive economic shock” which they said caused wage spikes for non-college educated men. In the past, these kinds of income increases have been associated with accompanying spikes in heterosexual marriage rates, as with the coal booms of the 1970s and ’80s.

But that’s not the case in 2017.

Continue reading ““Marriageable Men” Are No Longer a Hot Economic Commodity, New Study Says by M. Solis”

Sologamy – Marrying Yourself

Sologamy – Marrying Yourself

Personally, I feel this is weird.

But I get it. Women get tired of people asking them, “When are you going to marry” as though a woman’s not truly valid until she gets a husband.

I note that many of my fellow conservatives are totally mocking it – but most of these people have been married for decades and are blind to how bad society idolizes marriage and shames anyone who is still single past the age of 29.

I wouldn’t marry myself, as I find it an odd concept, but I can see how other singles might do something like this to send the message they are valuable on their own, and they are tired of friends and family asking them when they are going to marry.

(Link):  Women across the world are ditching men for Sologamy, here’s why we have mixed feelings about this trend

(Link):   What is a ‘sologamist’ and why are people doing it?

Continue reading “Sologamy – Marrying Yourself”

She Married A Christian Psychopath She Met Via A Dating Site

She Married a Christian Psychopath She Met Via a Dating Site

There are times I am reading articles, not intending to make any blog posts here, but there’s something in the article that fits with this blog.

In this article, for example, which discusses how experts can spot psychopathy in children as young as age 3, there is a story about a psychopath named Carl.

(The link to the article that mentions the psychopath named Carl is much farther down the page. I wanted to talk about it first before linking to the page.)

The article says that as Carl gets older – around his 20s, I think – he becomes a Christian, meets a woman on a dating site, marries her, has a son with her, and has a few affairs on her, and later gets arrested.

I don’t think the wife in the story realized that the guy she was marrying was a psychopath, not at first.

Using dating sites can be scary – I’ve featured several articles on my blog of women who met men on dating sites who later raped, robbed, or murdered those women. (Sometimes, though not as often, some women use dating sites to rob or kill men.)

Next up, I don’t see the point in Christians promoting the “Equally Yoked” teaching any longer.

I know I have no desire to marry a guy who has been diagnosed to be a psychopath, and who will have affair after affair on me.

A guy who says he’s a Christian or who goes to church regularly is not any better than a guy who is not a Christian or who doesn’t go to church.

In my younger slightly more naive days, I know I likely would’ve given a man such as Carl more benefit of the doubt, had I seen him on a dating site and he proclaimed himself to be a Christian.

I now realize a man saying he’s a Christian doesn’t indicate much of anything. A man who says he’s a Christian can be a rapist, serial killer, or serial adulterer.

Continue reading “She Married A Christian Psychopath She Met Via A Dating Site”

The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan

The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan

If you’re a single woman who’d like to be married, you definitely need to read the following page. It’s very long but well worth the read.

I will only copy some excerpts from the page, not the entire thing.

(Link): The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others

He’s not a dating expert, nor an advice columnist, psychologist or relationship therapist. His expertise lies in the field of market research and he applies his scientific skills to educate women with all they need to know about men.

In his book, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others,” author John Molloy says that women will discover the proven facts and figures that will help them find and marry Mr. Right. Here’s an excerpt:

Is he old enough to marry?

This survey uncovered some interesting facts. The first was that there is an age when a man is ready to marry-the Age of Commitment. The age varies from man to man, but there are patterns that are easily identified:

  • …Once men reach age 47 to 50 without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically.

Signing off on the scene

When we conducted a focus group with 12 men who had just proposed to women, we learned that men were far more likely to marry when they got tired of the singles scene.

…They had not stopped dating. It’s just that they were no longer going to singles hangouts and trying to pick up women several times a week.

…There were two notable exceptions to the age guidelines: men who were balding or heavy. Losing hair or putting on weight often makes men look older, and when a man looks older in singles places, he is often treated by the women as if he doesn’t belong.

Bachelors for life?

It’s easy to spot a confirmed bachelor. He’s so used to living alone that he will list the pleasures of the solo life-coming and going as he pleases, not answering to anyone as reasons for not marrying. But there’s still hope.

Continue reading “The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan”

Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright

Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright

(Link): Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright

Excerpts:

…Except, for women, their mothering skills are becoming an increasingly relevant topic of discussion. In the past year, women have been told either implicitly or explicitly that traditional roles are the ones they should be most focused on fulfilling. We’re dealing with a President who has said “putting a wife to work is a dangerous thing,” because, “a softness disappeared.” He also said that “when I come home and dinner’s not ready, I go through the roof.”

….Being a parent is a source of joy and challenge and meaning for many humans of all genders. But it’s not the most important job there is. It’s not even technically a job, insofar as it pays no money. It is more like a very demanding volunteer position that you can never, ever get out of.

And, as rewarding as that position may be, producing a younger person is not necessarily the main contribution people make to the world. People can probably not tell you how many children Harriet Tubman or Marie Curie or Elizabeth Cady Stanton had, but they can, hopefully, tell you what they did.

Continue reading “Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright”

The Many Reasons That People Are Having Less Sex (2017 article via BBC News)

The Many Reasons That People Are Having Less Sex (2017 article via BBC News)

I have to say, even in spite of their citing a few studies here and there, I think some of these researchers are over-selling sex.

(Link): The Many Reasons That People Are Having Less Sex

Excerpts:

The average sex life appears to be dwindling – and it may reflect some troubling anxieties at the heart of modern society, says Simon Copland.

We live in one of the most sexually liberated times of human history. Access to new technologies over the past 40 years, whether it is the contraceptive pill, or dating apps such as Grindr and Tinder, have opened a new world of possibilities.

As the sexual revolution of the 1970s matured, societal norms shifted with it, with increasing acceptance of homosexuality, divorce, pre-marital sex, and alternative relationships such as polyamory and swinging.

Despite this, research suggests that we’re actually having less sex now than we have for decades

Continue reading “The Many Reasons That People Are Having Less Sex (2017 article via BBC News)”

What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better

What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better

(Link):  What If Marriage Is Overrated?  by Jesse Singal
– A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better

When I attended the American Psychological Association’s annual conference in Denver last August, the best and most well-attended talk I saw was by (Link): Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who studies single people.

For years, DePaulo has been chipping away at the commonly held belief — a myth, in her view and according to her research — that marriage offers unique happiness and well-being benefits. These findings are seriously overstated or misleading, DePaulo has argued, and if there weren’t so much intense social pressure to get married, a lot more people would be single, and many of them might be happier as a result.

Continue reading “What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better”

Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields

Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields

Please note this blog post has undergone some modifications here and there since I first published it – a few fixed typos, some additional thoughts have been added here and there.


Here’s the link to the editorial – below it, I will comment about it, then a bit later, provide some excerpts from it, followed by yet more critiques):

(Link):  When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield –  Let’s reimagine ways we can honor mothers without wounding others.   by L L Fields via Christianity Today magazine

Here are some of my thoughts about the editorial:

As I first began reading it, I had high hopes. I was optimistic.

It started out on the right foot but descended into a let-down where Fields is arguing for the status quo, which is inexcusable, especially after she admits she was educated, (after she publicly asked for feedback from women), as to how so many women find church Mother’s Day celebrations so painful.

(The summary of her piece: she doesn’t really care about your pain, you childless woman, or you women who are grieving for their dead mothers; she still wants her mother’s day carnation handed to her by a pastor, dammit, and culture doesn’t do near enough, she argues, to honor motherhood!
She would no doubt want to push back and say, ‘hey, I do care about other women’s pain’ – but no, she does not, if she is still arguing to keep Mother’s Day in place as-is. Please keep reading.)

First of all, motherhood is a choice for many women.

You chose to have a child. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it’s women who deliberately walk into a pregnancy and then spend 15 – 20 years complaining about how exhausting motherhood is.

Continue reading “Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields”

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

This is a nauseating page by a pastor in Maryland, named Sean Nolan, for the “Desiring God” web site. (You can see the link below.)

I will comment more about this guy’s essay BELOW it. So please scroll down for some of my commentary – most of which you can already guess if you’ve been to my blog before and have seen my previous posts about this “Equally Yoked” stuff.

(Link): Letter to a Friend Engaged to a Nonbeliever by Sean Nolan

Excerpts from the page:

Dear Kelly,

I was surprised by the recent news of your engagement. While I wish I could celebrate with you without reservation, I admit I have some. My greatest concern is that your fianceé does not know or love Christ. Because I love you and care about your future, I feel compelled to speak now rather than to hold my peace, knowing full well how you might receive my “peace.”

…As I have watched people walk down this road, I have noticed several common ways people justify marrying a nonbeliever. I want to address them…

Continue reading “Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness”

Husband Slept With Dead Wife For Six Nights

Husband Slept With Dead Wife For Six Nights

(Link): Heartbroken husband slept next to dead wife for six nights as family gave ‘beautiful and comforting’ farewell

A heartbroken husband has told how he slept next to his dead wife’s body in the same room for six days – because he did not want her to be taken to a mortuary.

Russell Davison, 50, decided he wanted to be in control of what happened to his partner’s corpse after she passed way from cancer on April 21.

Continue reading “Husband Slept With Dead Wife For Six Nights”

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

(I got a notification from Word Press that today is this blog’s Seventh Year Anniversary. Yay me, I guess.)

My views about divorce have changed over the last two or three years. I still think people should take marriage seriously. I don’t think I want to spend much time in THIS post discussing those changes – I’ll try to keep this short.

I was raised in a Christian tradition that taught that adultery was the only reason a person could divorce and not be in sin. Suffice it to say, I used to sort of buy into that view, too, but that was when I was younger and a little more naive about relationships and people.

Take the letter below as an example. The woman’s husband had an affair, and on those grounds, a lot of Christians (not all, but many) would say she has a “biblical” right to divorce the dude. Other than the adultery, based on what the wife says, the husband sounds like an arrogant, uncaring, selfish jackass.

Continue reading “Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)”

Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)

Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)

Being married or a relationship will not rid you of loneliness. I was engaged for years to a guy who was very self absorbed, and we did not connect emotionally.

As the relationship with this guy dragged on, I would sit in the same room as him and yet still feel all alone.

And I’ve read many online testimonies by married women who say the same thing – that though they are married, they still feel all alone, because their husbands make no effort to spend time with them, or for whatever the reason.

I’m just putting that out there, because American culture has this terrible tendency to act as though if you can just find the one right person and marry him (or her) that you will be instantly happy, fulfilled, and your loneliness will go away.

(Link): Why Do We Feel So Lonely  by Laura Petrecca 

Excerpts:

….There are more ways than ever to connect with others — yet many of us know the hollow ache of loneliness.

Loneliness isn’t constrained by age, gender, marital status or job title. CEOs feel it. So do cubicle dwellers. As do new moms, granddads, recent college grads and elementary school students.

…And yes, some of those Facebook friends who continually post photos of bar outings and extended family gatherings may be quite lonely, too.

…The prevalence of loneliness “is surprisingly high,” says John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, who has studied the topic extensively.

Continue reading “Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)”

So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine)

So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine)

The author comes down more on the side of singleness- she believes that singles have life a bit more difficult in the overall scheme of things, since they have to do everything alone.

Some of the comments by the singles in the comments section below are annoying. Some of them are the sort who were single until the age of 29, so they’re like, “Hey man, I know how tough it is to be single, I didn’t marry ’til age 29.”

I’m like, shut up. I’m in my 40s and have never married, my dear. Being still single at age 40+ is not the same as getting married off once you hit age 29, 30 or 35.

Just because you didn’t marry until you were 29 doesn’t make you an expert on what extended singleness is like.

People who marry by their mid-30s who act as though they know how hard or frustrating it is to still be single at 40+ annoy me to no end, and they piss me off.

Then you have your adult singles in the comments on the ‘Relevant’ magazine page whining things like, “Aw jeeze, you make singleness sound so terrible. Speak for yourself, I be lovin’ the single life.”

To those people, I in turn am like, why don’t YOU shut up, because some of us are tired of being single and would like to be married? Great for you if you have reached full peace and contentment in your singleness, but some of us still would like to be married.

Here’s the link:

(Link): So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine) by Lizzy Harford

Singleness is often viewed as an undesirable life stage. If you ask anyone in the Church, for the most part, they despair at their single years. Singleness is hard, often lonely and unwanted.

When you’re married, you’re working and living in tandem.

You and your spouse, though separate individuals, are living together, moving along the same path with the same goals. While God is the true source of our comfort and reliance, there is an added feeling of security in marriage that singleness does not have.

…But singles are inevitably going to encounter multiple instabilities not once, not twice, but perhaps numerous times, for as long as they are single and unable to afford living on their own.

Continue reading “So, Which Is Harder, Marriage or Singleness? (via Relevant magazine)”

My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

(Link): My parents excluded me when I was single — now they’re doing it to my sister (Ask Amy column)

DEAR AMY: I am a 35-year-old woman. I live in the same town as my parents.

My sister lives nearby. She married young, while I traveled and enjoyed the single life.

My parents spent a lot of time with my sister and her husband. They shared dinners, vacations and holidays. I have generally not been invited or included, as these were “couple things,” though I fail to see how Christmas is a “couples-only” event.

Continue reading “My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)”

Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)

Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)

There’s no point in being married if the guy you are married to is inept, self-absorbed, selfish, and/or abusive. Here’s another example of that:

Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share a positive experience I hope will help others. It’s what a relief divorce can be.

I was miserable married to my husband. I used to hear people on the radio talk about their beloved husband or wife, and my heart would twist with regret that I never felt that way.

I spent years almost numb because I was lying to myself about my marriage. I spent years reading books on how to improve our relationship, years going to workshops.

Continue reading “Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)”