Christian Woman Married Christian Man She Meet Via Dating Site Who Tried to Murder Her After Their Divorce – Spotting Those Cluster B Red Flags

Christian Woman Married Christian Man She Meet Via Dating Site Who Tried to Murder Her After Their Divorce – Spotting Those Cluster B Red Flags

I am watching an episode of the true crime program “Evil Lives Here,” one which first aired in 2023. The tv guide blurb for this episode reads:

Sara Pitcher thinks Shawn Spink is a man of God, but she’ll soon endure three-and-a-half hours of pure terror to save herself from the darkness within him; police believe Sara’s survival is a miracle – even so, her life will never be the same

The woman in this true crime episode, Sara Pitcher, is a Christian, and she indicated at the top of the episode that when she was looking for a boyfriend or husband on a dating site, she was very clear about what she was looking for – she seemed to suggest she would only date or marry another Christian.

So, she meets Shawn Spink on this site, and they got to know one another. She said he seemed to be a genuinely good guy who really loved God, and she said he knew the Bible well.

When they were thinking about getting married, she wanted a church wedding, so the church required them to get pre-marital counseling at their church, so they met with a counselor.

During this meeting, Sara says (this is my paraphrase of what she said) that Shawn was acting belligerent, he was talking over her, he would speak up and correct her in front of the counselor and say, “that never happened, here’s what happened…”

At one point, Shawn excused himself briefly to use the bathroom, leaving Sara alone with the counselor, who advised her that she should not marry Shawn. Sara rationalized away the counselor’s concerns and continued to date Shawn and consider marriage to him.

Sara says she and Shawn started praying together, attending church together, and reading the Bible together.

There again, notice – this guy she was dating and planning on marrying, Shawn, gave off all the external signs that he must be a Christian. A true Christian. A real Christian.

But he ended up being abusive to her – keep reading, as I’ll get into that later.

I already spotted several red flags before they got around ten or so minutes into the show.

Her now ex husband, Spink, displayed some classic Cluster B personality traits.

A lot of Cluster B disordered or traited persons, whether they are Sociopaths, Narcissists, or BPDs or whatever else (there’s also Psychopathy and HPD), will try to rush you into a relationship or some other huge commitment (like moving in together or having children together) at a very fast pace.

(Once they have you in that committed space, their behavior will often change, and they will become physically, sexually, financially, and/or physically abusive. It may start out as controlling behavior before it escalates.)

And that is exactly what happened in this story – Sara says they “moved fast.”

They went to church regularly, but, his now ex wife said on this show, “he didn’t live that out in his daily life.”

They eventually got married.

When a worker guy stopped by their house to repair something and then left, Shawn asked Sara about it, she replied it was the worker guy there to fix something in their house, Shawn got angry at her, and told her to never invite another man into their house, not even repair guys.

The way this incident was described on the show, Shawn’s anger about it came across as borne of jealousy, paranoia, and it was an over-reaction. No man should be that upset about his wife having a repair guy into the house to fix whatever in the house.

He later engaged in marital rape. He forced himself on her sexually.

Sara found a black punching bag Shawn put in the basement of their home where he had painted her name, “Sara” in white letters on it (the TV show displayed a photo of this).

She asked him about it, and he said he would never actually hit her – he’d rather hit the bag than hit her.

That was just plain weird and troubling. If your husband puts up a punching bag in your house with your name painted on it, he’s sending you a message – and it’s not a loving, normal message.

This guy became more controlling and abusive after they married, and some of  his other behavior became a little more irrational and strange, in other words.

This is also very common of Cluster B persons.
Once they have you trapped in a relationship that is tougher to dissolve or get out of, because you are married, or they’ve socially isolated you, or you’re financially dependent on them, that is when the abuse starts or escalates. Many of them are paranoid, easily jealous, and very controlling.

After awhile – she either separated from him or divorced, she moved out, he tracked her down and tried to suffocate her with a trash bag. He stabbed her face through the trash bag; he was trying to stab her through her eye but missed.

I will include a few links below about this news story.

I personally feel that the “equally yoked” rule as applied to dating and marriage is a waste of time for Christian single adults, especially for women.

I’ve got other examples on my blog of Christian single women who meet purportedly single Christian men in churches or on dating sites, and these Christian men end up being pedophiles or abusive.

You’re better off marrying a kind-hearted, moral, Non-Christian man than a man who professes Christ, even one who attends church regularly and who knows and can quote the Bible, who will end up abusing you, raping you, and trying to murder you by suffocating you with a trash bag.

There are more comments and resources below this link and excerpts:

(Link):  Arizona man who assaulted, stabbed ex-wife sentenced to life in prison

Excerpts:

Prosecutors argued had Sara not fought for 3.5 hours, she would have been killed and she deserves to live the rest of her life without looking over her shoulder.

August 2022

PHOENIX — Sara Pitcher will never look at trash bags the same. It’s been nearly four years since Shawn Spink, her ex-husband, tried to suffocate her with one.

The trash bag was just one of many weapons he used on that September day back in 2018. Another was the knife Pitcher bought him on their wedding day.

“I can still hear the crunching of the knife going into my skull,” Pitcher said.

A Single Mother, Who Was Raised Evangelical Christian, Speaks Out On How the ‘TradWife’ Lifestyle Led to Her Divorce

A Single Mother, Who Was Raised Evangelical Christian, Speaks Out On How the ‘TradWife’ Lifestyle Led to Her Divorce

No matter how secularists or Christian gender complementarians try to market 1950s sexism (aka “traditional gender roles” or “biblical womanhood”) to women, it ends up destroying women, especially if the woman is married to an abusive man.

I was brought up in the Southern Baptist and Protestant Evangelical faith culture, I was brought up to believe in the Christian doctrine of “gender complementarianism,” which is secular, 1950s era traditional gender roles, and although I never married, being raised in that manner created all sorts of problems for me, from the time I was a child into my adulthood, which I don’t have the time or space to get into here.

Suffice it to say, once I realized that traditional gender roles and gender complementarianism are bunk, not mandatory, sexist, and are largely un-biblical and I no longer had to live by them, my mental health improved, I developed boundaries, I became assertive, and at long last, happy.

If a woman chooses of her own accord to marry and raise children and finds some happiness in that, that is more than fine by me, but where this becomes an issue is when
1. culture or religions suggest that marriage and motherhood are a woman’s only purpose or goal in life,
2. when they shame women who cannot or do not marry or have children, or,
3. when women who are wives and mothers build their entire identity or purpose around their spouse and kids – what will you do, married mom, when your husband dies of a heart attack at age 37, develops dementia at a young age, gets hit by a car and dies, or your children grow up and move out of the house?

(Link): A single mother speaks out on how the ‘tradwife’ lifestyle led to her divorce

February 27, 2024
by By Taylor Nicioli, CNN

Sporting retro ’50s hairstyles and cinched aprons, “tradwife” influencers have taken over a pocket of the internet.

These traditional wives who showcase 30-second videos of homemade sourdough bread content, and other glimpses into the making of a perfect home, are no ordinary stay-at-home moms. They steadfastly believe in traditional gender roles. That means staying devoted to housework and taking care of the children — and being subservient to their working husbands.

Enitza Templeton of Littleton, Colorado, embodied the tradwife lifestyle for 10 years. At 4 a.m., she would start making bread and begin prep for the day’s meals — always from scratch. The mother of four would do all of the household chores, while her husband focused solely on breadwinning.

Now, after escaping a life that was “miserable” and “unfulfilling,” Templeton shares her story with her social media following and podcast listeners — to help other women who find themselves in similar situations and want a new life.

“Social media can make everything look really pretty, because it’s a 30-second clip, but 30 seconds out of 10 years really omits a lot of the ugliness in those relationships,” she said.

 Templeton, now 41, said she was raised as an evangelical Christian, believing that a husband had authority over his wife. But today, she is a divorced single mom by choice and advocates for women who wish to break free from a relationship dynamic that all too easily can create an extreme power imbalance.

The world of traditional wives
Tradwife influencers romanticize and glamorize the period before and directly after World War II — a time when most women were homemakers. Some tradwives also take a stance against the feminist movement, believing only men should be in the workplace while women focus on homelife.

Like any relationship, the tradwife arrangement does not always make for a happy couple with no family issues. Templeton felt as if the daily menial tasks were meant to distract her from her lack of autonomy and independence, and the pressure to be perfect was bearing down on her.

…In the world of traditional wives, the husband has the authority when it comes to financial choices. But the control can stretch even farther, in which some women cannot leave the house without permission, and in some relationships, punishments are put in place.
The arrangement allows room for financial abuse, holding all money and power over the other person’s head, and emotional abuse, which leads to one partner losing their self-agency and confidence, said Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counselor and professor and chair of Northern Illinois University’s department of counseling and higher education in DeKalb, Illinois.

…At 24, Templeton began to feel the pressure of needing to get married as soon as possible. Shortly after she got married at 26, she had her first child and quit her job to become a full-time homemaker.

Married Father, SBC Pastor, Who Wrote Complementarian Marital Advice Books With His Wife Fired After Flirting With, Texting, Other Men and Underaged Boys

Married Father, SBC Pastor, Who Wrote Complementarian Marital Advice Books With His Wife Fired After Flirting With, Texting, Other Men and Underaged Boys

Southern Baptists, and other conservative, Christian groups adhere to something called “gender complementarianism,” which is essentially a very unbiblical, toxic, sexist world view and interpretation of the Bible.

I was raised Southern Baptist and considered myself one until my late 30s or so, I guess (I cannot pin point an exact date or age when I decided the SB is not for me).

Southern Baptists who buy into comp (gender complementarianism) frequently teach women that divorce is forbidden, that they must unilaterally submit to their husband (even if the husband is physically, emotionally, verbally, financially, or sexually abusive). They also issue shoddy dating and “how to get married” advice to Christian singles.

So, this news headline showed up recently about a Southern Baptist pastor and elder who, his employer, a Southern Baptist church, says, has a pattern of being a sexual predator. This married guy – and he’s married to a woman – was texting other men, and at least one minor male.

Complementarians always promote their version of marriage (where the man gets all the authority in the relationship, and the wife is supposed to “joyfully submit,” even if her husband is abusive) is the best, most godly, productive, happiest version of marriage – but then they are quick to brush aside any and all examples that disprove this claim and this marketing tactic.

I have an example on this blog from a few years ago about a man who wrote marital advice books who murdered his wife (he shot her in the head), and a man who worked as a marriage counselor or some such job who murdered his lady fiancee. I also posted news stories about the woman who wrote romance novels who murdered her husband.

I find it so ironic and disturbing that people who write books or lecture other people about how to have healthy, safe marriages end up being pedophiles, rapists, or they murder their partners.

If your church, gender doctrine, or lifestyle includes instances that undermine what you’re espousing, maybe it’s time you re-evaluate your views, your life, how you think life, marriage, or dating is meant to be handled, and stop peddling those views. Have more humility.

I myself rejected gender complementarianism over 15 years ago – it’s flaming, hot, sexist garbage that is un-biblical and does not work.

You’ll notice that being married and a parent did not make the man in this news story more mature, ethical, responsible, or godly.

God did not with-hold a spouse from this guy, so obviously, God doesn’t have some kind of rule in place saying a person has to achieve some level of godliness or whatever other quality before He will allow them to marry or send them a spouse.

Anyway – complementarians need to realize that complementarian interpretations of the Bible are false, and they need to realize they’ve been giving wrong, stupid advice to not only married people about marriage for years, but also that they’ve been giving stupid, wrong advice to single people about how to get married and how to date.

(Link):  Famous self-help podcaster and author is ‘devastated’ after her Texas church pastor husband was exposed as ‘predator’ who ‘sexually exploited three MEN and teenage boy’

A self-help podcaster has shared her devastation after her pastor husband was fired over claims sexually exploited three men and a teenage boy.

…On February 11, elders at the prominent Austin church revealed that they had fired Ivey due to ‘inappropriate and explicit ongoing text messages with an adult male.’

… Elders from The Austin Stone explained in a message posted on Sunday that they had fired Aaron Ivey over a series of ‘abhorrent instances,’ revealing that the most recent shocking revelation was not an isolated incident.

(Link): Aaron Ivey, Pastor and Husband of Podcaster Jamie Ivey, Accused of ‘Indecent’ Texts with Men

Excerpts:

by Roxanne Stone
Feb 12, 2024

The Austin Stone Church, a multicampus evangelical church in Austin, Texas, announced on Sunday that it had dismissed its head worship pastor after discovering he had engaged in “inappropriate and explicit ongoing text messages with an adult male,” according to a statement from the church’s elders.

…After firing Ivey, the elders said, they then discovered that Ivey, the husband of bestselling author and popular podcaster Jamie Ivey, had a history of texting with men, including one who had been underage at the time of the explicit texts, according to the statement.

“Since then, we have uncovered multiple similar instances with different individuals dating back to 2011 that show a very clear pattern of predatory manipulation, sexual exploitation, and abuse of influence,” the statement said.

The elders detailed a timeline of texts they had discovered, alleging that they began in 2011 with the exchanges with a minor, which they said they had reported to the “appropriate authorities.”

(Link): Texas SBC Pastor Aaron Ivey Fired for ‘Clear Pattern of Predatory Manipulation’

Excerpts:

February 12, 2024
By Stephanie Martin

On Sunday, Feb. 11, elders at The Austin Stone Church in Austin, Texas, revealed that they had fired Aaron Ivey, a pastor and elder, due to “inappropriate and explicit ongoing text messages with an adult male.” Ivey, 45, had been pastor of worship and creativity at the church, which has six locations in central Texas. The Austin Stone Church is affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC).

According to a statement from church elders, they learned of the “disqualifying situation” on Feb. 4 and, after reviewing the text messages, terminated “Aaron’s eldership and employment” the next day.

(Link): Aaron Ivey, pastor and husband of podcaster Jamie Ivey, accused of ‘indecent’ texts with men

Elders at his Austin, Texas, church said in a statement announcing his dismissal that they had discovered a ‘very clear pattern of predatory manipulation, sexual exploitation, and abuse of influence’ by Ivey.

Feb 11, 2024

(RNS) — The Austin Stone Church, a multicampus evangelical church in Austin, Texas, announced on Sunday (Feb. 11) that it had dismissed its head worship pastor after discovering he had engaged in “inappropriate and explicit ongoing text messages with an adult male,” according to a statement from the church’s elders.

Pastor and Wife Hold on To Faith as Both are Struck with Deadly Cancers

Pastor and Wife Hold on To Faith as Both are Struck with Deadly Cancers

As I said on “X” about this story earlier: I am sorry this couple has cancer – I hope they recover – but they have two or three kids – and so this belies all the hyper- marriage, hyper- parenthood, hyper- nuclear family dreck I hear from fellow conservatives – they’re all the time suggesting that if you just get married right away and crank out ten kids, you will have never-ending happiness, no problems in life, and life will be a walk in the park.

That is not the reality of life. You can get married and have a kid and still get cancer and die.

Hopefully this married couple will pull through, but they both have cancer, and they’re parents.

The husband in this story says he got into a car accident the day he got engaged to his wife-to-be!

Again, contrary to what excessively pro-marriage conservatives maintain, getting married (or about to get married) will not keep you safe, healthy, or happy! Married and engaged people can also end up in car accidents, get cancer, or get raped, murdered, laid off from jobs, etc.

(Link): Pastor and wife hold on to faith as both are struck with deadly cancers

Excerpts:

by Leonardo Blair

After spending years trying to fight Follicular Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, Cory Schibler, the worship pastor at Beacon Baptist Church in Bryan, Texas, is now facing a deadly mutation of the cancer as his wife, Crystal, now grapples with a grave cancer diagnosis of her own.

…Still, the 37-year-old husband and father of a 10-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old son says, “we really do have faith that God is bigger than our circumstances and so just trust that whatever happens, we’re going to continue to praise Him.”

In a GoFundMe campaign seeking to raise $50,000, Schibler recounts how two weeks after he and his wife got engaged in 2012, he discovered he had Follicular Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma “only by divine intervention.” …

“The day we got engaged, we had a car accident, and in the course of receiving treatment in the emergency room, the doctors found what they thought was cancer,” he recalled.

Dear Abby: My Wife Is a Slob and Is Letting Herself Go – I’m Disgusted by Her – The Internet Really Puts to Rest Old School Christian Assumptions on How to Get Married

Dear Abby: My Wife Is a Slob and Is Letting Herself Go – I’m Disgusted by Her – The Internet Really Puts to Rest Old School Christian Assumptions on How to Get Married

Well, well, well, lookie there, another example of how marriage did not end up being a never-ending Fairy Tale of Happiness, as so many of my fellow conservatives keep saying it is.  😂

I have other examples on this blog, going back years, from both men and women who wrote to advice columnists saying their spouse was fat, sloppy, or slobby, and some of them were considering divorce.

Based upon what this guy is saying about his wife, she sounds like she MIGHT be a Communal or Self Righteous Narcissist – she has a few traits from either one.
Those types of Narcissists are very judgmental towards others, and they are often involved in a religious community – not because they really care about God or helping others, but they like getting their good works acknowledged by others.

They like the attention and accolades they receive for doing charity work and so on.

I see letters like this one and realize, if all these smelly, selfish awful people manage to get married, there’s no reason God is with-holding spouses from Christian singles who wanted spouses but never got one.

I used to read “how to get married” advice type books and articles by Christian authors when I was in my late teens and into my 20s, and occasionally into my 30s, and some of it (much of it, I guess) all said that before God will ‘gift’ you a spouse, that God was waiting for you to clean yourself up, clean up your life, fix yourself, become a better person and so on.

Some of these books also gave sexist, double-standard advice to single women, such as, “You won’t attract a man if you’re a slobby fattie, because God designed men to be visually oriented, so start starving yourself today, start an exercise regimen to attract a husband, but remember, Jesus loves you for your HEART, so don’t stress out about your physical looks.”

That I’ve seen so many secular and religious couples consisting of at least one very overweight person, I don’t think God is with-holding spouses from overweight people or people with other flaws.

I think it was far easier for Christians to peddle that garbage relationship advice back before the internet was a thing (which is when I read or heard it the most often), because it was harder to get a feel for how common this sort of thing was just from the people you knew around you back then.

Now, with the internet (and also learning about toxic personality disorders), I’ve been exposed to a ton more articles, letters to advice columnists, who write in often about how their male or female spouse is selfish, fat, a slob, incompetent, abusive, or perverted.

By this point in time, after everything I’ve seen, read, and heard, you cannot convince me that God is not permitting some people to marry because they are not godly or loving enough, or because they’re not skinny enough, or whatever reason.

I have seen far too many uglies, fatties, perverts, abusers and weirdos get married over the years, some via news reports, for anyone to be able to convince me that God keeps some singles from marrying because they lack some great quality or have a bad one.

(Link): Dear Abby: My wife is a slob and is letting herself go — I’m disgusted by her

by Dear Abby
December 2023

DEAR ABBY:
 Is it normal to be disgusted by your wife’s lack of concern about her appearance and her belongings? My wife drives a $50,000 car that never gets washed and is so filled with “stuff” that seldom can she take even one passenger.

Her side of the bedroom is just as bad. She never makes the bed and can no longer get to her dresser because there are so many clothes piled in front of it. It’s the same down the hall.

In addition to plowing things aside or piling them in a spare room, her messes take over the house.

She also doesn’t take care of herself. She often doesn’t shower for days. Her clothes are frumpy, and I can no longer count how many pounds she keeps adding.

Single Woman, 38, Reveals Her Horror at Being Rejected by a Matchmaker Who Said She Was Too ‘High Strung’ and Needed to Become ‘Softer’ to be ‘Worthy of Love’ (It’s Good To Have Walls Up – Avoiding Toxic Partners)

Single Woman, 38, Reveals Her Horror at Being Rejected by a Matchmaker Who Said She Was Too ‘High Strung’ and Needed to Become ‘Softer’ to be ‘Worthy of Love’ (It’s Good to Have Walls Up – Avoiding Toxic Partners)

There are no guarantees for finding love, romance, or marriage.

There may be things one can do to potentially attract more mates – for example, if you’re a big obese fatty, for example, if you lost weight, you may attract more people who’d be willing to date you (that goes for men and women).

If you never, ever brush your teeth and have awful breath, that may be why you’re repelling so many mates. If you’d begin regularly brushing your teeth, maybe you could attract more people.

I think a person can possibly increase his or her chances of snagging a partner, if he or she is really lacking in some area, but I don’t think there are fool-proof, 100% guaranteed ways to get dates or married.

If you have a personality disorder or have their traits (narcissism or BPD, for example) I think you’re SOL when it comes to dating or friendship.
(SOL = Shit Out Of Luck)

If you have Cluster B disorders or traits (e.g., narcissism, BPD, or sociopathy) your relationships will keep imploding over and over, and it’s all YOUR fault, though due to your hideous personality style or disorder, you will forever remain blind to your OWN faults and keep blaming everyone around you for YOUR mistakes and flaws, so you will never take steps to correct the characteristics that keep driving other people away.

I grew up in a Baptist context, where I constantly heard or read in Christian sermons, books, and magazines, that if I wanted to be married one day, I should do “X, Y, and Z.”
Well, I did “X, Y, and Z” but I remain single into my 50s, so obviously, following certain sets of rules or advice are not guarantees you’re going to get married.

It doesn’t matter if the advice is secular, feminist, anti-feminist, or Christian, none of it is a guarantee.

The woman in this story says she is more an “Alpha” type, so she is seeking an “Alpha” type man, she does not want a doormat.

The matchmaker actually told her (or implied) that all men prefer “Beta” women.

I’m old enough now, and I’ve read enough articles about relationships, abuse dynamics, divorce, personality disorders, etc, to tell you, that each person has their own set of preferences, and no, it’s not true that all or most men prefer “soft” women or “women without walls.”
I’ve seen plenty of men say in interviews that they wanted an “Alpha” woman to marry, or someone who was their equal.

Healthy people prefer other Healthy people to be friends with, or to date, or to marry.

If someone is with you only or primarily because you’re “Beta,” (or because you are “soft”), I would be very leery and cautious, because people with Cluster B disorders or who have those traits (Narcissism, BPD, sociopathy) love to dominate and control other people.
Those are people who can and will abuse you if you’re the “soft” type; those types of people have low to no empathy, and they will NOT meet your needs over the course of the relationship (they will only meet some of your needs up front to seduce you at first, to entrap you into a relationship – that happens during what is called the “love bombing” phase).

You can follow this matchmaker’s advice, if you’re a single woman, and still end up single.
There is no relationship advice on the planet that is guaranteed 100% effective all the time for every person.
You can follow all of someone’s “rules” and principles and still end up alone and single – it happened to me, and I’ve seen it happen to other single men and single women, too.
I’ve had visitors to this blog (that is, other never married adults who are over the age of 35) say the same thing under other posts I’ve done.

The article says a lot of people were siding with the matchmaker on this one, but I don’t know. I cannot blame the single lady for being offended or upset by what the matchmaker said or did.

Not all men want to date or marry “soft” women, I hate to break it to this so-called dating or matchmaking expert.

By “soft,” I think most people are actually referring to stereotypical, American 1950s feminine ideals: that is, they are referring to Codependent, people pleasing behaviors and attitudes, where the woman is highly submissive and doesn’t insist the man meet her needs in return (though she does want him to occasionally meet her needs).

Ultimately, the only types of men who favor passive, people pleasing, and Codependent traits in a long term partner, are abusers, and men with Narcissism, BPD, and Sociopathy – and those are all toxic men no woman should date, marry, or befriend.

Many controlling, abusive men, or ones with disorders or who are on the spectrum (such as Narcissists) want you to have low or no walls (this is also true of abusive women, or women with Cluster B traits or disorders).
They will rush you quickly into a relationship and move too fast.
So, it’s good that this woman has walls up and doesn’t trust someone instantly and takes her time in getting to know them.
If anyone is telling you that having walls is a bad idea, run away in the opposite direction! Those are either Cluster B types themselves, or they are the Enablers of abusers and Cluster Bs.

If you’re dating someone, and you feel as though the person you’re dating is rushing you, moving the relationship too quickly, and they’re asking you to take your walls down and rush (emotional or sexual) intimacy, tell them to SLOW DOWN and to respect YOUR timetable and YOUR boundaries.
And if they refuse to slow down or rage at you for asking any of that from them, or put on a show of hurt, that is a RED FLAG.
You may want to consider breaking up with that person.

A normal, healthy person will respect YOUR walls, they will respect your boundaries, and they will be happy to slow things down, if it puts you at ease.

I have more comments in this post, below this long excerpt:

(Link): Single woman, 38, reveals her horror at being REJECTED by a matchmaker who said she was too ‘high strung’ and needed to become ‘softer’ to be ‘worthy of love’ – after she paid $350 for a consultation

Dec 12, 2023

A single woman has revealed that she was rejected by a matchmaker who implied that she was too ‘high strung’ and needed to change to be ‘worthy of love.’

Danielle Fewings, 38, a digital marketing specialist from Philadelphia, went viral on TikTok after venting about her fruitless consultation with the unnamed dating expert.

‘When we met, I told her what I was looking for and told her a lot about me,’ she explained as she did her makeup in the video.

‘I tried to highlight some of my core qualities, including the fact that I am very, very Type A, organized, [and] I like to be the leader.

‘I told her the types of things I like doing. I also told her I was looking for a man who was also a leader because I don’t want to always be the leader, believe it or not.’

Fewings said she wanted a partner who was at or above her income level, driven, ambitious, and ready to get married.

She admitted that the matchmaker might have picked up on the fact that she was a ‘little high strung,’ but she insisted she was not a ‘stressed out or anxious person.’

‘I’m just high energy, Type A. This is who I am,’ she said. ‘She was asking me: “Do I meditate?” No. “Do I journal?” No. “Do anything woo?” and I said, “No, in fact, I’m not even on the same planet as woo.”‘

When asked what she didn’t like in a man, she told the expert that she ‘could never really be with a beta type.’

‘I specifically used the word “doormat.” I said I would chew them up and spit them out,’ she recalled. ‘And her response was “well, I married that type of man.”

‘She was saying that men really like a soft woman, and I should try some of these vision boarding, journaling, meditating type of things. [But] I’m never going to be that type of person.’

Fewings also shared how the matchmaker told her she had ‘some walls up,’ but she felt it was ‘perfectly normal’ for her to be guarded when meeting someone for the first time.

Marine Newlywed Couple Killed in Wrong – Way Crash with Alleged Drunk Driver

Marine Newlywed Couple Killed in Wrong – Way Crash with Alleged Drunk Driver

Condolences to the friends and family of this couple.

For the purposes of my blog:
Marriage, contrary to excessive-pro-marriage propaganda often issued by my fellow conservatives, is not a guarantee of happiness, purpose, or great health – or a long lasting life.

This couple also had children, and the same is true of parenthood: parenthood is not a guarantee of happiness, meaning, or having a long life.

(Link): Marine newlywed couple killed in wrong-way crash with alleged drunk driver

By Yaron Steinbuch

A newlywed Texas couple was killed in a wrong-way crash with an alleged drunk driver as they were returning from a reunion with other US Marines.

Kristen Huddleston, 35, and her husband, Jared Huddleston, 42, were traveling in their SUV along Chisholm Trail Parkway in Fort Worth shortly after midnight Sunday when they were struck by a car going the wrong way, WFAA reported.

The couple, both Marine veterans, were pronounced dead at the scene.

Andrew Adamson, 27, the other driver, was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and was placed in police custody.

Christian Woman Who Had Never Had Sex Before Getting Married Shares ‘Five Tips for Celibate Brides’ on Their Wedding Night by K. Karruli

Christian Woman Who Had Never Had Sex Before Getting Married Shares ‘Five Tips for Celibate Brides’ on Their Wedding Night by K. Karruli

I’d like to add that women want and enjoy sex too, sex should be enjoyable for women (not something done out of obligation), so women deserve orgasms from their husbands, and some women may not climax (or not easily) from ‘penis in the vagina’ form of sexual activity.

Women are not obligated to give a man sex, not even their husband, any time and every time the husband wants sex – maybe the wife is not in the mood, she’s depressed, she’s feeling sick – whatever.
The sexes can be flipped here: as I’ve blogged about many times, there are a lot of wives with higher sex drives than their husbands, and they write in to advice columnists about how they’ve not had sex with their husband for weeks or months, and they miss having sex (if your problem is that severe, maybe one or both partners need to get a physical check up or see a marriage counselor).

Masturbation exists, so if your partner isn’t in the mood or is under the weather, you can still get yourself off.

Sex is not just about what men want and male preferences, contrary to what so many sexist ass clown Complementarians like to teach in the sermons or books about sex, men, and marriage.

(Link): Christian woman who had never had sex before getting married shares ‘five tips for celibate brides’ on their wedding night – from how to deal with nerves to avoiding discomfort

Excerpts:

by Kelsi Karruli
November 11, 2023

A Christian woman who was a virgin up until her wedding night has given her five tips for ‘celibate brides’ to use on their special day.

Alicia, 23, and Josh Tucker, 29, frequently boast about their love for each other and God online.

The Canada-based lovebirds – who tied the knot in 2020 –  waited until their wedding night to sleep together.

Now three years later, Alicia has opened up about their first time having sex on their special day and shared the five things she wished she knew at the time.

She lifted the lid on her tips and tricks in a video posted to her YouTube account captioned: ‘Wedding night tips for the celibate brides.’

Alicia said: ‘It can be a lot, all the anticipation leading up to the wedding night. So, I’ve compiled a list of five things you should know before your wedding night.’

Her first tip was to be open with your partner in the days leading up to the first time you have sex to ease any worries.

She explained: ‘So if you have a little bit of nerves about sex hurting you for the first time, definitely voice that to your fiancé.’

The 23-year-old noted that by being open with your partner, they will be able to ‘support’ you better.

…However, Alicia noted that discussing ‘certain things’ with your partner would help you feel better.

She noted that her second tip was so ‘practical,’ but not many Christian women knew about it.

Alicia emphasized the importance of going to the restroom after having sex.

Divorce Lawyer Reveals Why Getting Married in Your 20s is a Big Mistake by T. Knight

Divorce Lawyer Reveals Why Getting Married in Your 20s is a Big Mistake by T. Knight

You can always count on one or two people to jump in below such articles to say, “But I got married at 21, I’m 65 now, and my spouse and I are still going strong!,” (🙄) or “My grandma married grandpa when she was 20 and he was 27, and they’re still going great.” (🙄)

Anecdotes aside, I don’t think early marriage is a good or wise idea for most people – especially these days, when people are experiencing prolonged adolescence. You should already know who you are and have good, strong boundaries, before you even think about marrying, and most people are still figuring out who they are in their 20s.

(Link): Divorce lawyer reveals why getting married in your 20s is a big mistake

by T. Knight

Tip #1: Say I don’t.

Boston lawyer Tyler Summers, who specializes in divorce and prenups, revealed why young adults shouldn’t get married in their 20s.

In a 26-second TikTok clip with 3.5 million views, he explains why young adults should wait until they’re at least 30 to tie the knot.

“In your 20s, you’re still finding yourself,” Summers mentioned in the clip posted July 7. “You have no idea what you want long-term.”

Summers believes that people in their 30s have a better understanding of themselves and have financial stability, though.

“People that get married for the first time when they’re 30 they’re further longer in career,” he added. “Perhaps they have some money, they’re more mature. They are ready to have a long-term committed relationship.”

Couples who get married in their 20s are 50% more likely to divorce than couples who wait until they’re older, according to a 2016 study by Psychology Today, which noted the best age to get married is between 28 and 32.

“The person you marry at 21 is a very different person at age 28,” Summers continues.

The Horrible, Contradictory Christian Advice on How to Marry That Keeps Single Christian Women Perpetually Single – excerpts from a piece by Gina Dalfonzo

The Horrible, Contradictory Christian Advice on How to Marry That Keeps Single Christian Women Perpetually Single – excerpts from a piece by Gina Dalfonzo

I wrote a blog post a few years ago that was shared on some Reddit page or something, and it got really popular, because it resonated with a lot of people, and it’s similar to this essay by Dalfonzo that I’ve just seen today
– my older blog post on this topic points out how a lot of Christian advice on how to marry contains contradictions and actually is perpetuating the ongoing issue of protracted, unwanted singleness by single adults who’d like to marry.

I, too, was a Good Christian Girl for many years – I was sweet, kind, I used to be complementarian, had good, traditional values, and I followed the Christian advice I heard and was subjected to while growing up on how to get married:
I waited, prayed, trusted God, attended churches with singles classes, and I even tried joining eHarmony by my mid 30s, and none of that advice worked.

I am in my 50s at this stage and have never married. (I was engaged when younger but broke things off with the guy.)

It’s not just Christians who give out bogus dating advice that puts women in double binds or makes things impossible for women – the occasional secular dating or “how to get married” advice book is guilty of the same thing (I have linked to a few such examples below, under the “Related” heading).

Here are some excerpts from the article:

(Link): The Good Christian Girl: A Fable

Excerpts:

by Gina R. Dalfonzo
July 19, 2010

Once there was a good Christian girl who dreamed of growing up, getting married, and having children. She read all the right books and did all the right things. She read about how she was a princess in God’s sight and how he wanted the very best for her. She committed herself to sexual purity, to high standards, and to waiting for the good Christian man that God was going to bring her.

[The essay goes on to summarize a lot of the incompetent, bizarre, and contradictory messages and “how to get married” advice that many Christians peddled in church sermons, books, and You Tube videos, etc, for years;
the author mentions how when you’re a teen girl or early 20s, Christians tell you to be picky, to have high standards, to hold out for a great, godly guy, but when you’re still single into your mid 20s or later, they then accuse you of “being too picky,” etc – in other words, single Christian women cannot win no matter what they do in this situation, and will still get blamed]

… The girl was given to understand, from various quarters, that it was girls like her, girls who delayed marriage, that were the trouble with her generation, with Christianity, and with the country in general.

Report: Planned Parenthood Opposes Child Marriage Ban in California – Makes Leftist Criticism of Republicans on Same Issue Kind of Moot

Report: Planned Parenthood Opposes Child Marriage Ban in California  – Makes Leftist Criticism of Republicans on Same Issue Kind of Moot

One can, I suppose, argue if Planned Parenthood is just a money grubbing, money- making mill, or if they are progressive activists – or maybe there’s some overlap, they’re progressive money grubbers who are profiting off of people’s fornication – but – I find this interesting.

In years past, I’ve seen pro-choice abortion people, including, sadly, some self-professing Christians (!!!) point out the sins and shortcomings of Republicans, conservative Christians, or any conservative, by mentioning that a subset of conservative Christian Republicans tried to shoot down age-of-consent laws from child marriage years ago (this may be one news item about it:  (Link):  Child marriage ban bill defeated [in a Republican controlled legislature] in West Virginia House, March 2023 )

The progressives point to that instance as evidence that all conservatives, Republicans, and Christians are groomers, child molesters, and that they all support child marriage.

Granted, I’ve seen an off-shoot, fringe of wacko far, far right conservative religious types who are very sexist and groomer-y and who all fine and dandy with a grown-ass adult man of age 25, 30, or older, dating or marrying 16 year old teen girls (barf!),
but this proclivity towards pedophilia, hebephilia, and child marriage seems more systemic on the left side of the aisle than it is among the right – other than far right fundamentalist Baptist Christians, I’m hard pressed to think of too many other conservatives or Republicans who’d support grown men dating or marrying teen girls.

However, I often see the left – under “queer theory” – trying to repeal age of consent laws or cultural norms, and trying to normalize the sexualization of children, or of adults having sexual relations with children.

You can see it all over headlines on social media, and every time progressives do gross things such as support grown men twerking half nude in front of first graders at libraries or drag shows, etc.

Furthermore, some progressives are into something they call “trans age,” which means, grown men who identify as an age six year old girl argue that they are a six year old girl and should therefore be allowed into spaces for girl children and be allowed to associate with little girls.

Of course, I condemn child molesting, grooming, etc, regardless of whatever person or group is engaging in the activity or defending or promoting it, whether it’s far right kook Baptists, or progressives with their LGBTQ crap and their “queer theory,” etc.

It’s not okay to sexualize children or allow grown men to date and marry girls, regardless if the person wanting this is a liberal, a conservative, an atheist, a Muslim, a Christian, a Democrat, or a Republican, or whomever it may be.

(Link): Report: Planned Parenthood Opposes Child Marriage Ban in California  

August 9, 2023
by Katherine Hamilton

Abortion giant Planned Parenthood is opposing a proposed child marriage ban in California, Newsweek reported.

“Dozens of survivors of forced or child marriages traveled to California’s state Capitol in Sacramento last month to protest the state’s existing laws. Dressed in wedding dresses with their wrists tied and mouths taped shut, they called on state lawmakers to finally outlaw the practice,” the report states. “California, a solidly Democratic state, was on track to be the first to pass an absolute ban on marriages for children under 18.
But the legislative proposal was met with opposition from liberal organizations like Planned Parenthood, the Children’s Law Center and the American Civil Liberties Union.”

“Among their concerns is that a total ban on marriage of minors could be a slippery slope and impede constitutional rights or reproductive choices, including access to abortion,” the Los Angeles Times reported.

California and Mississippi are the only two states in the nation where there is no minimum age requirement for marriage. Most states have a minimum marriage age of 16 with parental consent, with some variance around the country, according to the report.

The Shiny, Happy People Program about Bill Gothard and the Duggar Family on Prime – Why Women Stay In These Awful Marriages and the Victim Blaming Aimed at Them by Christian Abuse Survivor Advocates

The Shiny, Happy People Program about Bill Gothard and the Duggar Family on Prime – Why Women Stay In These Awful Marriages and the Victim Blaming Aimed at Them by Christian Abuse Survivor Advocates

A few days ago, Amazon Prime made available a several program long commentary and investigation into the Duggar family (of “19 Kids and Counting” fame), as well as the teachings the Duggars followed, which were created by Bill Gothard and IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles) and ATI (Advanced Training Institute).

A lot of Christian parents raised their children under Gothard’s IBLP and ATI teachings, and many of them say as adults that they were damaged by those teachings.

Several of the women say when they were children or teens and worked under Gothard at his headquarters that they were sexually harassed. The show says at least one woman claims that Gothard, or his brother (I don’t recall which) raped her (the brother also worked with or for Gothard and this ATI / IBLP organization).

The purpose of my post here is not to give all the ins and outs of toxic Gothard teachings, but to note one or two aspects from the show. Before I do that, if you need or want some more background about any of this, here are a few links:

(Link): These are the most shocking moments from ‘Shiny Happy People’ everyone’s talking about

(Link): Why Isn’t Jinger Duggar in ‘Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets’ Documentary? Reason Revealed

(Link): ‘Shiny Happy People’: Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar Call Doc ‘Derogatory’ and ‘Sensationalized’

(Link): Josh Duggar’s cousin Amy says his wife Anna is ‘in a very broken place’ and has ignored ALL offers of help – 18 months after father-of-seven was found guilty on ‘worst of the worst’ child porn charges

Before I get to the main point of this post – which would be “Christian abuse survivor advocates” who regularly harshly criticize Anna Duggar or women like her for staying in abusive marriages, I wanted to address one or two other issues first.