Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky

Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky

American society stopped “slut shaming” people for having sex outside of marriage many years ago, contrary to what the anti-sexual purity “Ex-vangelicals,” liberal Christians, Christian feminists, and other groups argue on blogs and twitter.

The trend has been the opposite in years past: adults who are celibate and single are often ridiculed or thought of as weird losers if they’re not in a romantic relationship and not having sex.

Our culture went from “Slut Shaming” years ago to “Celibate and Virgin Shaming.” (I have examples all over this blog, look for them).

Here’s an essay by a guy who didn’t lose his virginity until his late twenties. It’s another anecdotal piece of the pie demonstrating how our sex saturated culture shames people who are not having sex.

(Link): Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 

Excerpts

by Noah Berlatsky
April 2018

The man who murdered ten people in Toronto with a van, like the 2014 Isla Vista killer, considered himself an “incel,” or involuntary celibate.

Incels are men who blame the world, and especially women, for the fact that they are virgins, or aren’t having sex as often as they want.

They see women as manipulators who choose powerful but shallow men, and unfairly ignore and even torment good guys like themselves.

Resentment becomes an excuse for misogyny, and sometimes, for violence.

In the aftermath of the Toronto massacre, some people were quick to use the killer’s celibacy as an insult.

Teen Girls On The Pill Are More Depressed (2019 Study)

Teen Girls On The Pill Are More Depressed (2019 Study)

(Link): Teen Girls On The Pill Are More Depressed (2019 Study)

Excerpts:

Teenage girls on the pill are more likely to suffer from symptoms linked todepression, according to a new study.

Researchers found that 16-year-olds taking oral contraceptives reported more depressive symptoms – such as crying and having problems with sleep and eating – than those that did not.

Doctors say depressive symptoms can be subtler than diagnosed clinical depression, but are much more common and nonetheless have a profound impact on someone’s quality of life.

Urgent Warning For Users of Tinder and Other Dating Apps as Rapes and Sexual Assaults Stemming From Their Use skyrocket (2019 Australia)

Urgent Warning For Users of Tinder and Other Dating Apps as Rapes and Sexual Assaults Stemming From Their Use skyrocket (2019 Australia)

(Link): Urgent Warning For Users of Tinder and Other Dating Apps as Rapes and Sexual Assaults Stemming From Their Use skyrocket (2019 Australia)

Australians who use dating apps such as Tinder have been warned about the increasing amount of sexual assaults were linked to the online service.

NSW police have confirmed one in five sexual assaults within Sydney’s party spots in the CBD, Kings Cross, Darlinghurst and Newtown happened after an arrangement to meet through a dating app.

I Have a New Twitter Account – “sololoner3” – Update: They’ve locked this one down, too, for whatever reason. Update: I’m now “muddypig6” on Twitter

I Have A New Twitter Account – sololoner3

My new Twitter account: (Link): sololoner3

Update:  this one as of today, Oct 5, has also been locked down. I don’t know why.

Update 2 or 3. (I’m losing track at this point):

I have yet another new Twitter account, seeing as how Twitter locked down “sololoner,” “sololoner2” – so now, I have been reincarnated as…
(Link): muddypig6

So, currently, you may follow me at “muddypig6,” until they lock THAT one down, in which case, I’ll have to come up with yet another one, time permitting

(My initial twitter is @sololoner2)

Yes, I created a new Twitter account because the idiots at Twitter put my initial account on lock down. I don’t know why.

I’ve been down this road with Twitter before on other Twitter accounts I have, and when they do unlock other accounts I have, it takes them any where from two to four months.

Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident

Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident

Did being a father and being married make this man in this news story “more of a human,” as Southern Baptist (Link): Al Mohler would argue?

Did being a parent make this man more godly, mature, ethical or sexually moral, as so many conservative pro-family think tanks would want you to believe?

After seeing news stories like this one, do you really think God withholds spouses from people until they become more righteous, loving, or less sinful, as a lot of conservative Protestants and Baptists teach? I’d say “no.”

(Link): Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident

On Wednesday, jurors in Oklahoma convicted a 45-year-old father in the 2017 death of his ex-cheerleader daughter, whom he’d initially claimed accidentally shot herself in the face.

A Cleveland County Court official tells PEOPLE the jury deliberated for nearly four hours before returning the guilty verdict against Ronald Lee McMullen Jr., of Norman, of the first-degree murder of 22-year-old Kailee McMullen.

One’s Premarital Beliefs On Casual Sex Can Jeopardize Their Marriage, 2019 Study Finds

One’s Premarital Beliefs On Casual Sex Can Jeopardize Their Marriage, 2019 Study Finds

(Link): One’s Premarital Beliefs On Casual Sex Can Jeopardize Their Marriage, Study Finds

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — We all have a past, and romantic histories can often be a sore spot among lovers in a committed, long-term relationship.

No one wants to hear about a current partner’s past sexual experiences, but a new long-term study finds that an individual’s personal beliefs on casual sex, even long before getting married or meeting their significant other, can make it much harder to stay happily married in the future.

Researchers from Florida State University investigated several factors likely to lead to a marriage’s ultimate success or failure, and identified pre-marital beliefs and behaviors pertaining to uncommitted sex as a major red flag indicating a marriage is not so likely to last.

Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’

Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’

(Link): Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a virgin at 34’ 

DEAR DEIDRE: SIMPLY put, I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a virgin at 34.

I am a big guy, 6ft 6in and with a large build and I find it almost impossible to meet women who want more than just friendship.

Employer Is Liable For Worker’s Death After Sex on Business Trip: French Court

Employer Is Liable For Worker’s Death After Sex on Business Trip: French Court by D. Matthews

(Link): Employer Is Liable For Worker’s Death After Sex on Business Trip: French Court

A French court ruling set a new precedent for employer liability for accidents during business trips after ruling that a railway construction company was responsible for its employee who died after having sex on a business trip.

A man identified only as Xavier in court documents died of a heart attack at the home of a woman with whom he had just had sex, ABC News reported.

Sex-Mad Americans Are the Most Unfaithful Spouses in the World by M. Hodge

Sex-Mad Americans Are The Most Unfaithful Spouses In The World by M. Hodge

But conservative Christians and conservative think tanks who have turned the Nuclear Family and Marriage into Idols they worship insist that Marriage is Good for society.

They also keep insisting that Marriage makes adults more godly, mature, empathetic, responsible, and sexually ethical.

But look here, according to this article, married American couples lead the world in the amount of extra-marital nooky on an adultery site.

So much for marriage making society better and causing adults to be sexually pure, mature, godly, empathetic, or ethical.

(Link): Sex-Mad Americans Are The Most Unfaithful Spouses In The World 

by M. Hodge 
Sept 2019

THE US has the most unfaithful spouses in the WORLD with over 25 million sex-mad citizens using cheating website Ashley Madison.

The infamous adultery site, which hit the headlines in 2015 after a massive data leak, has shared some startling statistics with Sun Online.

The dating site, whose motto is ‘Life is short. Have an affair’, says that a whopping 25.5m Americans have used their service since its launch in 2002. 

In fact, the US has more than double the cheaters than second place Brazil – with has 10.3m Madison users – and more than the next eight countries put together.

 Christoph Kraemer, an Ashley Madison Managing Director, told Sun Online why he believes the firm’s platform is so popular with yanks.

He said: “We find that in countries where they are a lot of social norms such as lots of traditional views on relationship and marriage – we tend to particularly well. “In those kinds of societies, quite often people are left feeling trapped in their relationships.

Single. Dating. Female. Pastor: 5 Things I Want the Church to Know

Single. Dating. Female. Pastor: 5 Things I Want the Church to Know

Some of what the author writes in this is applicable to all single women, not just to women who work as pastors.

(Link): Single. Dating. Female. Pastor: 5 Things I Want the Church to Know 

Excerpts:

Recently, I was invited to participate in a panel on singleness at a Christian conference. I shared my experience as a single woman pastor and how single clergy can feel isolated in a church culture where marriage is the default.

It was the first time since university that I had an honest, direct, public conversation about singleness in the church.

We hear countless sermons about marriage, but singleness is not often addressed publicly in Christian communities.

1. Single pastors (especially women) often feel invisible. Let’s find ways to be more inclusive of the stories and experiences of single folks in ministry. 

‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

(Link): ‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

Dear Polly,

I’m a huge fan, and I’m so grateful for your writing. There is one area, however, where I think you may have a blind spot, and that is the absolutely terrible plight of trying to find love on dating apps.

Your general advice about the pursuit of love always resonates:
Build a life alone that you love; hold onto your belief that love exists even when it makes you feel vulnerable and uncool; if you meet someone you think you like but they’re tepid or not fully invested, go ahead and tell them to fuck off.

I now read this and think, “Yep, got it, great advice, duly noted.”

My execution is sometimes imperfect, but I remain fully convinced that you are right about these things.

However, that belief doesn’t change the day-to-day, grueling nature of what “being open to love” in 2019 entails.

I am 35 years old, and I have been on and off dating websites or apps for almost a decade.

During that time, I’ve met a very small handful of people I ended up caring deeply for, or felt I could deeply care for, but for various reasons it has never worked out.

Married Mother and Lawyer Reveals She Works As A Part-Time Prostitute

Married Mother and Lawyer Reveals She Works As A Part-Time Prostitute

 

A lot of Christians falsely promise that marriage will make a person more godly, mature, ethical, and responsible.

 

A lot of them also said in their teachings – at least when I was a teen and in my twenties – that if one remained a virgin until marriage, that the married sex would be frequent and excellent.

 

But here is a news story about a married woman (who is also a mother), works as a lawyer, yet she also spends part of her time getting paid to have sex with other people. Did being married and a parent make her more sexually ethical? Nope.

 

 

(Link): Married Mother and Lawyer Reveals She Works As A Part-Time Prostitute

 

 

Married Mother and Lawyer Reveals She Works As A Part-Time Prostitute

Christians will falsely teach people that being married will make them become more godly and mature, and as they will supposedly be getting plenty or regular, great sex with a spouse, they’ll never commit adultery or other sexual sin ever.

At least, I was exposed to this sort of teaching from Protestant and Baptist sources when I was a kid, teen and twenty something.

But as we can see via this news story below – and stories like this one – no, it’s not true. 

Marriage and motherhood did not cause this woman to be more godly or mature, nor did married sex keep her from having sex with other people – and getting paid for it.

(Like): ‘Sex is fun, and I can get paid for it’: Married mother and lawyer reveals she works as a part-time PROSTITUTE and once made $55,000 at a brothel in Nevada in just THREE WEEKS

A criminal defense lawyer has opened up about her life as a part-time prostitute, revealing she once made a whopping $55,000 in just three weeks.  

Katherine Sears, a married mother of one from Des Moines, Iowa, started working as a prostitute three years ago at the age of 27. With her husband John Sears’ approval, she spends three weeks at a time working at a brothel in Nevada, where prostitution is legal.  

‘I like sex. Sex is fun, and I can get paid for it,’ she told KCCI of her side hustle, which she hopes to help decriminalize by sharing her story. 

Woman Collapses In Agony As She’s Savagely Caned For ‘Having Sex Outside Marriage’ In Front of Indonesian Crowd

Woman Collapses In Agony As She’s Savagely Caned For ‘Having Sex Outside Marriage’ In Front of Indonesian Crowd

It seems that at least once per year, I see these headlines go through my social media account of some Islamic nation caning a woman for having had sex outside of marriage.

(Link): Indonesian woman collapses in pain as she is flogged for ‘showing affection in public’ in the country’s only Sharia law province

(Link): Woman Collapses In Agony As She’s Savagely Caned For ‘Having Sex Outside Marriage’ In Front of Indonesian Crowd

by Debbie White

THREE “canoodling” couples were cruelly whipped in a humiliating public punishment in Indonesia for violating local Sharia law.

After the backs of the six men and women had been flogged more than 20 times each, some collapsed, bleeding, crying with severe pain and had to be carried off stage, say reports.

‘My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men’ – So Hetero Marriage is Responsible For Creating More Homosexuality

‘My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men’ – So Hetero Marriage is Responsible For Creating More Homosexuality

Obviously, a lot of conservative Protestant, Baptist, and evangelical and secular conservative talking points and propaganda about the nuclear family and marriage are not truthful or accurate.

Here we have a married guy who has been married to a woman for 45 years, but now, he’d like to have sex with men (see link/letter much farther below).

Your average conservative Christian would have you believe that marriage makes people more godly, mature, and ethical.

Those marriage and nuclear family conservative and Christian advocates would have you believe that once you marry (they always assume you will marry, they usually take no notice of adults who remain single over the age of 30), that you’ll be having sex with your spouse, and that the married hetero sex you have will be regular and of great quality.

Obviously, this man being discussed below who is married to a woman didn’t make him any less reluctant or less interested in having sex with other men.

It’s become apparent with each year I get older and see more and more news stories and advice columns like this one, that being married is not, contrary to what most Christians teach and believe, a guarantee for sexual satisfaction in life, nor does it guarantee happiness or make a person better or more godly, responsible, or mature.

It’s also evident that Marriage and The Family are not going to fix the culture, as so many talking Christian heads keep arguing.

And, another kicker that I find even more annoying and amusing in light of this article / advice column below:
A few years ago, I saw an editorial or two where the conservative or Christian authors were blaming heterosexual single adults for the seeming proliferation of homosexuals in our culture, or for the widespread acceptance of homosexuality.

Those conservative commentators were trying to blame Hetero singles (yes, heterosexuals) for homosexuality becoming more commonplace in the USA. (You can read one of those posts (Link): here.)

But here we have a letter from a Hetero married guy who wants to be Homosexual. This is not an un-married man. He is not already homosexual. He was married TO A WOMAN and yet STILL wants to engage in homosexual sex acts.

Obviously, adult singles of the Hetero (or Homo) variety did not “cause” this guy to go LGBT – he’s already married to a woman and by his own account had been having hetero married sex for 45 years… and yet, he wants to have sex with other men. Singleness and single adults can in no way be blamed for this.

(Link): My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men

By STOYA and RICH JUZWIAK
SEPT 05, 2019

Dear How to Do It,

I am a 68-year-old man who has been married to a woman for 45 years, with three grown kids.

Over the course of our marriage, we have been very active sexually, but for various reasons over the past five or six years, our sexual activity has declined dramatically.

Husband and Wife File For Annulment After Both Realising They Were Homosexual

Husband and Wife File For Annulment After Both Realising They Were Homosexual

(Link): Wife File For Annulment After Both Realising They Were Homosexual

Scott Turner-Smith and wife Jo Turner said it was a “hoot” to sign their nullity petition and admitted their brief marriage was a ‘mistake’

A husband and wife have filed for an annulment – after they both realised that they are gay.

What’s Causing Women To Join the No Fap Movement?

What’s Causing Women To Join the No Fap Movement?

(Link): What’s Causing Women To Join the No Fap Movement?

Excerpts:

A Reddit forum dedicated to abstaining from masturbation has over 450,000 members – and about 5% of them are female

by Katie Bishop
Sept 2019

…Kristel is a follower of (Link): NoFap, a platform that encourages its users to refrain from masturbation. She claims her new lifestyle has led to a complete physical and mental reformation.

“After starting NoFap I felt more motivation, more willpower and more discipline,” Kristel tells me. “I decided to take part in the movement because I like challenging myself and I wanted to prove that I could accomplish this.”

The flippantly named NoFap community has gained a strange prominence since it was founded in 2011 by Pittsburgh web developer Alexander Rhodes.

Inspired by a small study that suggested that male testosterone levels rose after seven days of abstinence from ejaculation, followers avoid masturbation in order to “reboot” their brains.

Having first gained momentum among men in Reddit forums and backwaters of the internet, the community regards NoFap as a sexual health program to combat porn addiction.

Alton Brown Opens Up About His 2015 Divorce and Leaving the Southern Baptist Church

Alton Brown Opens Up About His 2015 Divorce and Leaving the Southern Baptist Church 

(Link): Alton Brown Opens Up About His 2015 Divorce and Leaving the Southern Baptist Church

Alton Brown has come a long way since his 2015 divorce.

In the latest issue of PEOPLE, on news stands Friday, the Good Eats star opens up about his split from ex-wife DeAnna Brown for the first time.

“We really went separate ways in our lives,” he says. “We changed, the world changed, and she went one way and I went the other way. I think we’re probably both a heck of a lot better off where we are.”

Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single by L. Gottlieb

Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single by L. Gottlieb

Oh yes, I’ve been through this (what this advice columnists discusses below).

I’m the single lady who has had to sit and endure listening to women friends in relationships either bitch, moan, and gripe about their husbands or boyfriends every time they phone me or meet me in person, or they forever gush about how great and romantic their husband or boyfriend is.  And both scenarios are horrible.

Either way you look at it, it’s unbearable as a single woman who wants to be married to have to sit and listen to some married cow  (or cow with a boyfriend) either brag about how great her man is, or complain about how thoughtless, stupid, mean, or selfish he is. Neither scenario is a win for the single woman who wants to have a boyfriend or husband but can’t get one.

In the last few years, I’ve personally come to terms more with being single in spite of having wanted to be married, but I remember the long years of what it felt like to listen to married women friends (or friends with boyfriends) complain incessantly about their significant other. It felt terrible.

With a few of them, I did speak up and remind them I’d like to be married, that I wish I had a husband to complain about like they did (or conversely, I’d drop hints that me listening to them gush excitedly about their upcoming wedding was hard for me to listen to, since I was single, lonely, and I had no wedding in my future).

The only thing I ever got out of these women was a “deer in the headlight” look – it didn’t compute with these insensitive, self absorbed dolts that they should neither excessively or frequently complain nor excessively or frequently gush about their husbands to a woman friend of theirs who was single and didn’t like being single. Didn’t compute with these self obsessed idiots.

They’d just stare at me oddly as though they didn’t understand what I was conveying, and they would then prattle on more, complaining (or praising) their husband or boyfriend.

A message here to married women and women with boyfriends: your single women friends who are single and who hate being single do NOT want to listen to you go on and on about your man, your relationship, your wedding, your anniversary, etc, whether it is positive or negative. Please keep it to yourself – at the least, keep it brief and infrequent.

(Now that I’ve been on better terms with my single status, no, I still don’t like listening to women friends endlessly go on and on about their boyfriends and husbands. I get bored, and I find these women to be very self absorbed, they seldom take an interest in me or my life.)

Also, message here for the married ladies (or women with boyfriends): stop USING your single lady friends.

You married women (or women with boyfriends) only phone or want to hang out with us single ladies when your husband (or boyfriend) is out of town for his job, or you’re in a nasty fight with him, so you call us up, you call up your Single Lady Friends, to talk to us, or to hang out with us.

But the minute your man gets back in town, or you patch things up, you drop us single lady friends like hot potatoes. You are using your single women friends, which is not okay, you shallow, selfish cow. Stop it.

(Link): Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single

Listening to my friends talk about their relationship problems is getting really tough.

LORI GOTTLIEB
JUN 3, 2019

Dear Therapist,

How do I tell my friends I really don’t want to hear about the problems they are having in their relationships? It is really hard for me to listen to them complain about their spouses or significant others when I am fighting hard to accept being single.

Indonesia to Make Sex Outside Marriage Illegal

Indonesia to Make Sex Outside Marriage Illegal

(Link): Indonesia to Make Sex Outside Marriage Illegal 

Gay marriage is not recognised in the country

by Tom Allard

Indonesia is poised to pass a new penal code that criminalises consensual sex outside marriage and introduces stiff penalties for insulting the president’s dignity – a move rights groups criticised as an intrusive assault on basic freedoms.

The world’s most populous Muslim majority country has substantial Christian, Hindu and Buddhist minorities, but has seen a recent trend towards deeper religious piety and conservative Islamic activism.

Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls by S. Jackson

Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls by S. Jackson

News stories such as this one are one reason why I’m not entirely enthusiastic to advise Christian single women to look at churches as a venue to meet men to date and marry – there are too many weirdos, perverts, and abusers who attend churches, and you might end up with one, if you use churches are a place to meet other singles.

(Link): Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls

by S. Jackson
Sept 17, 2019

The pervert was caught dancing with a seven-year-old girl

A convicted child sex offender who joined a local church group and befriended young girls has been jailed.

Gordon Sanderson was caught dancing with a child after he became involved with the Baptist Church in Musselburgh, East Lothian, Scotland, last year.

Sanderson picked the child up and swung her around while also encouraging the girl to wrap her legs around his waist and place her arms around his shoulders, the Daily Record reports.