Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Danger of Victimhood Mentality

Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Dangers of Victimhood Mentality

I wanted to explain a few things before I paste in excerpts from the article about victimhood by Gunderman, so nobody will misunderstand my views upfront.

I do think there are actual victims out there in life, including in the Christian church context. I am not denying that.

I recognize that sometimes painful or unfair things happen to all of us in life, and sometimes those painful things are due to other people’s cruelty, incompetence, negligence, or sins against us, and not due to any personal moral failings or choices we make.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people through no fault of those people. One can be more sinned against than sinner.

A few years ago, there was a guy on Twitter with several accounts (he seemed to be a Christian), all of which were disgustingly used to mock victims of church abuse or of sexual abuse whose churches tried to cover up the abuse.

I think he later deleted these accounts, or his accounts received so many complaints from others that Twitter deleted them all.

One of his Twitter accounts used the name “Victim Princess,” as if to suggest that any and all women who spoke out against abuse they received by their churches or by Christians was nothing but entitled, petty whining with no merit. I was appalled by his account.

This guy would do things like actually tweet rude or nasty comments at Christian women on Twitter who discussed how their church covered up their abuse by other church members.

Politically, I am a conservative, and I do not agree with the vast majority of liberal or progressive “woke,” intersectional identity politics, which is largely based on victimhood mentality.

In progressive identity politics, different identity groups end up competing for “who is the most oppressed and biggest victim in life,” which creates (not solves) all sorts of problems.

However, while I do think that the “woke” go over-board with their grievance culture mentality, that does not mean that people who complain about having been hurt in life are always lying, exaggerating, or trying to get special accommodations.

Out of Knee Jerk Dislike of Wokeness, Among Other Factors, Sadly, Too Often, Too Many Conservatives Minimize Actual Abuse

While some progressives over-play the “victim card” to exploit and manipulate others, it is still wrong for conservatives to deny, minimize, or to reject altogether that churches do usually cover up sexual abuse in their midst or by their members.

It is wrong for conservatives to fail to acknowledge the reality that most pastors and churches do in fact fail domestic abuse victims and constantly enable abusers.

I do think that most churches are insensitive and incompetent at handling abuse among their members, and that should change.

There is such a thing as a victim. People can be exploited, hurt, and abused by other people – that is not something that “woke” liberals and progressives are making up.

I’m a conservative who has been taken advantage of and bullied through my life by school mates, my ex fiance, siblings, co-workers on jobs, etc., and this through no fault of my own.

Victims do actually exist.

Conservatives can and have been abused and mistreated on an individual and group level, whether by liberal and progressive persons and policies, or by their spouses or bosses on jobs.

At one time or another, we’ve all been bullied, abused, harassed, exploited, or on the receiving end of rude or cutting comments, regardless of our identity or political beliefs.

It is therefore unrealistic and cruel for conservatives to act like any and every person who claims victim status is a sensitive snowflake or is lying about it.

Flip Side of Coin: People Who Choose to Stay in Victimhood Status (yes, it’s ultimately a choice), Refuse to Move Forward

However, I have seen people, and groups of people, who – whether they are actual victims or not – wallow in victimhood status and victimhood mentality, and this is not acceptable, either.

Some of those still participating in the “exvangelical” (ex-evangelical) tag over on Twitter in 2022, which has been going on for several years now, are one example of this.

I’ve seen so many people, under that “exvangelical” tag,  as well as non-ex-evangelical people I once befriended online,
or people (including family members I’ve had, real life friends and co-workers) who may have been honestly victimized and wounded in childhood or adulthood, but they remain “stuck” in their rage, anger, and hurt – they still think of themselves as victims, and they want to be viewed as victims.

They want to be endlessly coddled and validated.

These are people who are very resistant to, or who refuse to take, the only avenue out of the pain, regret, anger, and disappointment and into joy, peace, and happiness – which includes, after a period of grieving and anger (that comes to an end and does not go on indefinitely),

  • accepting, once for all, what happened to them,
    realizing that remaining focused on external causes and other people (ie, their abuser or abusive church) is keeping them “stuck,”
  • to make a deliberate decision at some point to move forward, whether they “feel like it” or not
    (i.e., to no longer stew in anger, to ruminate, stew in past wrongs done against them, to dwell on how life is unfair, to dwell upon the idea they are a good person who didn’t deserve the abuse, etc),
  • to realize in order to change their life for the better, they will have to look inwards,
    which will allow them to get to the next healing point…
  • take personal responsibility for their life, healing,
    and realize if you want your life to change,
    you will have to get active and make changes yourself
    – sitting around all day doing things like watching TV or complaining to people on social media about how life, your former church, God, or your abuser, treated you so unfairly
    (even if any and all those things are in fact true, ie, you WERE treated horribly and unfairly)
    – won’t ultimately help you in the long run, it won’t make the necessary changes;
    complaining frequently, and receiving validation that, yes, what happened to you was horrible and wrong, and yes, you were a victim who didn’t deserve abuse, will only offer temporary emotional relief but will not produce long lasting inner peace and happiness

Stewing in anger, hurt, and regret and enjoying or wanting to receive validation that one did not deserve to be abused, is all but a step in the overall journey of healing.
It is the first step… but too many victims want to stay in Step One forever and ever, rather than moving through the rest of the steps.

Yes, there should be time limits on how long you are angry, ruminating, and upset and wanting to receive validation – a lot of therapists and victims (and former victims) get upset when this view point is stated, but it’s true.

Maybe that time limit is different for each victim and should not be rushed – which is fine.

HOWEVER, I do not support any person staying mired in “victimhood land” perpetually.

Staying in step one – never getting over or past the anger and hurt, refusing to let go or from even considering to do so, being addicted to external validation like it’s a drug one craves and needs – is one huge component of what keeps people trapped in depression, anger, pain, and from enjoying the rest of their life.

If you feel perpetually wounded, hurt, or angry, as long as you keep shifting blame towards those outside you (even if yes, those others deserve that blame), as long as you continue to dwell on being angry at your abuser, at God, life circumstances, or former churches that treated you like trash, you’ll never be able to move on and enjoy life again.

You have to look inwards in order to move forward, and that is a choice one has to make, because it won’t instantaneously happen.

Furthermore, your emotions will never magically change on their own; you will never “feel” like getting up, making changes, and moving forward. It’s a matter or choice and self discipline.

So if your mindset is, “I will make changes and move on when I feel like it, when my emotions change,” that is never going to happen.

Moving on is more a matter of will.

While I do think there are actual victims out there (and anti-woke conservatives need to be sensitive to these persons),
I’m also aware of legitimate victims who cannot or who refuse to move on,

-and there are persons with Covert or Vulnerable Narcissism (a personality disorder – more about that on this blog (Link): here and (Link): here), a hallmark of which is holding a life-long self-pitying, victimhood mentality – these people, of their own accord, are mired in depression and misery of their own making, because they refuse to look inwards and take personal responsibility.

Covert Narcissists, for one, prefer to point the finger of blame for their misery at their family of origin, God, and / or their former church, ex-spouses, and so on. They never want to look at how their attitudes or actions keep them in a limited, unhappy situation.

Sorry for that very long intro, but I didn’t want anyone to get to the following link and excerpts and think by posting it that I am in denial that yes, at times in life, sometimes people have legitimate pain and grievances and can be honest to goodness victims.

I do believe there are honest- to- goodness victims out there and that these victims deserve compassion, empathy, and justice,
but – however –
I am also aware that, unfortunately, some people, whether legitimate victim or not, will milk and exploit a “victim” label to lash out at others, to demand special treatment (at the expense of others), and that  clinging to a “victim” identity and view of themselves will cause them to remain stuck in unhappiness.

I have more commentary below this link with excerpts:

Pathologies of Victimhood – the Essay

(Link): Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – Victimhood Mentality

Excerpts:

by Richard Gunderman
November 13, 2022

[Piece opens by discussing the late Sacheen Littlefeather, who claimed to be a Native American but who was actually of Mexican descent. She wanted to be viewed as a Native American to depict herself as an undertrodden member of a victim class.
As someone who actually is part Native American, I don’t view myself as a victim, so I find her ploy strange]

…Everyone has experienced genuine victimization at some point in their lives. Some have been the victims of political persecution and violent assault, while others have suffered lesser slights, such as bullying, verbal insults, and interruptions when speaking.

Most of us have also experienced situations where presumed victimhood stemmed from a mistaken assumption—for example, a driver who “cut off” a fellow motorist by abruptly changing lanes might appear to harbor malicious intent, but it might turn out that he was merely attempting to get to the hospital as quickly as possible to be with an ailing loved one.

Some among us, however, have a habit of adopting a posture of victimhood too easily and too often, a tendency that can damage communities, interpersonal relationships, and supposed victims themselves.

Continue reading “Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Danger of Victimhood Mentality”

I’m Child-Free by Choice So No, I Don’t Want to Look After Your Kids by Jana Hocking

I’m Child-Free by Choice So No, I Don’t Want to Look After Your Kids by Jana Hocking

This is interesting… it’s (the essay below, via New York Post) presented from a secular vantage, so I’m not sure what the religious beliefs are here, or if everyone discussed is an atheist or what, but I can tell you as a former Southern Baptist, former evangelical Christian, that most Christians exploit single, childless adults and assume that all single, childless adults ADORE children, are only good for free babysitting services. And that is all false.

While I am pro-life on abortion (I don’t support abortion), I do NOT enjoy being around babies, toddlers, and little kids and have no interest in babysitting them.

The false, condescending idea that all single, childless adults should babysit the children of married couples for free at any and all times and LOVE doing it!!, is very, very common among Baptist and Protestant Christians (I’ve never been Roman Catholic, so I cannot speak to that).

But often in their sermons, podcasts, books, or literature about singleness (if and when the Christian idiots bother to address adult singleness at all, because they usually ignore the topic),
they always advise single adults (especially women) that they should help their “married with children” couples in their lives (especially in their churches) by babysitting their children for free. How obnoxious.

But it’s a very common theme that turns up in Christian thinking.

Years ago, I did a blog post here about a totally obnoxious, hideous post published in “Christianity Today” magazine by a married-with-kids woman who started the editorial out nicely enough, when she talked about how churches treat single, childless adults like trash (yes, they do), but then that wonderful opening transitioned into a vomitous, disgusting explanation at how churches should value single, childless adults for all the free babysitting they can provide nuclear families.

Seriously.

Just when I thought I had found a wonderful essay uplifting and affirming single, childless adults, and acknowledging how horribly Christian culture mistreats single, childless adults, married bitch has to go and ruin the essay by making it into another gross, “single adults are only good and useful for the services they can provide to married parents, like babysit my kids for free, since I’m a mother to toddlers, I have no immediate family near me, and the parenting leaves me exhausted all day!” spiel.

This below sounds like the secular version of that.

And it’s so wrong. Damn it all, am I ever sick and tired of married- with- kids couples acting as though their single, childless friends have life so much easier then they do and that these single adult friends “owe” babysitting services to them. It pisses me off to no end. And I’m also effing sick of Christian culture for upholding this same singles-exploiting crap in their books, tweets, You Tube videos, sermons, etc.

(Link): I’m child-free by choice so no, I don’t want to look after your kids by Jana Hocking

By Jana Hocking, News.com.au (in New York Post)
Oct 13, 2022

Look, there’s no polite way to put this: Dear people with kids, look after your own damn children!

There, I said it.

This fury has been quietly raging in me for a couple of years now. It started when a few of my girlfriends started coupling off.

Sure, I’ve managed to come to peace with the fact that once my friends find their special person, I’m probably not going to see them for a couple of months. At least until they’ve come out of that honeymoon period.

I’ve never complained, because I’ve secretly hoped they would understand when I too, went through that phase. It’s exciting, and lusty and totally worth dumping your friends for a few months of lovey dovey ridiculousness.

But then something happens once they start having kids.

We singletons become less friends, and more servants to you and your children. Think I’m being extreme? I’m really not!

Continue reading “I’m Child-Free by Choice So No, I Don’t Want to Look After Your Kids by Jana Hocking”

They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud – Christians: Please Learn the Red Flags, Research Cluster B Personality Disorders

They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud – Christians: Please Learn the Red Flags, Research Cluster B Personality Disorders

Before I get to the links way below about a self-professing, devout Christian man who was allegedly swindling customers out of their very expensive purchases:

For any of you super trusting people out there – especially if you consider yourself kind, decent, empathetic and/or a Christian (though what I say below is also applicable to kind-hearted Non-Christians as well):

Please, please educate yourselves and accept reality.

There ARE people out there with what are called “Cluster B” personality disorders (such as NPD, malignant narcissism, or, they’re on the narcissism spectrum, or they are sociopathic or psychopathic) who cannot, or will not, have empathy (and on top of an empathy-deficit, sociopaths lack a conscience, too).

Not all of these Cluster B personality disordered persons are serial killers, as is often assumed(*) – but they all lack remorse and empathy and will use and abuse those in their paths, even their own spouses and family members! (*Some Cluster B personality disordered persons love to financially scam other people or financially exploit them, for instance.)

The primary drivers and motivations of Cluster B persons are control and dominance of other people.

These people can be your neighbor, sibling, parent, spouse, a friend, your boss, or a co-worker.

These dangerous persons can work as church pastors, doctors, school teachers, veterinarians, psychologists, therapists, plumbers, IT professionals, UPS delivery persons, mailmen, hair stylists – any and every occupation, even “care based,” charity based, or church ministry related ones!

These people have learned to “pass” as normal. They will pretend to be normal. Many will act as though they have compassion and empathy for others, but they do not.

Just because someone is working in a care-based occupation doesn’t mean they have empathy and are warm, nurturing, and have your best interest at heart.

Some narcissistic or sociopathic persons who work as therapists or as social workers INTENTIONALLY undermine their patients or others in their care. That’s one reason you must be careful when shopping around for a mental health professional, should you want to see one for treatment.

Some of these personality disordered persons will do things like say they are a “Jesus-follower,” a Christian, they will even volunteer for charity work, attend church regularly, and “play act the part” of loving, devoted Christ follower while simultaneously committing financial fraud (or other sins and crimes) against you or others.

And they do NOT CARE AT ALL how much it hurts your feelings or hurts you financially.

They are not sorry, and they never will be. They do not experience remorse or sorrow for how they hurt others.

Even the non-personality disordered abusive persons out there have very large entitlement attitudes, so their view on relationships is that being mean, lying, nasty, and controlling of or to you is getting THEIR needs met for them, their abusive behavior of you is working well for them, so why bother to care about you and your needs and how YOU are being hurt by them in the process?

They feel they have no reason to change for the better (this is from their perspective).

There is nothing you can do to fix, change, save, or help such persons (even most therapists agree such persons are beyond help or fixing), nor is it your responsibility to fix or change them.

Avoid them as much as possible. No amount of compassion, love, attention, pity, or empathy from you or someone else will change or fix such persons.

No amount of church attendance, Bible reading, or exposure to the Gospel or the teachings of Jesus will heal, change, or fix them.

This includes the marriage context: a wife being “more submissive” or “loving” towards a narcissistic or sociopathic husband will not “heal,” change, or fix the husband and cause him to stop hurting his wife.

Please do some research, and stop allowing people to take advantage of you! Look for the red flags.

Perhaps start out by reading books such as “The Sociopath Next Door” by Stout

(though, caution: in an otherwise very good and educational work, I think she sugar coats her descriptions of narcissism in her book too much – narcissists, especially at the moderate to high end of the spectrum, are essentially watered-down sociopaths, so far as I am concerned,
but, in her book, Stout makes narcissists sound more lovable, redeemable, reachable, and friendly than they actually are,
which contrasts what I’ve read in a lot of research by other mental health professionals and accounts by narcissistic abuse survivors who all specialize in the topic of narcissism),

or “Husband, Liar, Sociopath – How He Lied, Why I Fell for It & the Painful Lessons Learned” by O. N. Ward,
or “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself” by Shahida Arabi.

There are many other books – and free online articles and videos – that describe all these issues.

Just because someone claims to be a Christian and acts really sweet, caring, and nice does NOT mean they will NOT abuse you financially, or will not abuse you physically, verbally, or sexually in private.

Because such people do exist, and they will abuse or exploit you.

Stop thinking the best of people, stop being so trusting, stop assuming that because someone talks favorably of Jesus that this must mean they are trust-worthy, and stop giving people third, fourth, and more chances if they’ve already hurt or lied to you twice!

Stop rationalizing their behavior, stop excusing it on the basis they told you they are having a bad day, they’re under stress, or they were abused as a child (whether they were or not still does not excuse their abusive or dishonest behavior).

Such attitudes and behaviors on your part, where you keep forgiving, pitying, trusting, and grant repeated chances and do-overs, is what enables alleged frauds like the guy in the article below to scam you in the first place.

I am not victim blaming anyone who has been abused or targeted by any of these abusers or scammers.

Here is where I am coming from:
I just want to pull my hair out in frustration in particular at how Christians, in their sermons, books, social media, blogs, and their attitudes, frequently encourage or pressure behaviors or attitudes in believers that encourage them to be very susceptible to attracting abusive people or con artists, or from eliminating them from their lives once they encounter them.

Christians are setting other Christians up to be attractive and easy targets and prey for sociopaths, narcissists, and other troubled and dangerous people.

Misguided Christian teachings about grace, forgiveness, compassion, helping one’s neighbor, turning the cheek, the “no divorce for any reason” teachings, and giving second chances, and Christian complementarians especially are really bad about this.

Christian gender complementarians promote “gender complementarianism,” where they strongly condition girls and women to adopt beliefs and actions that are indistinguishable from Codependency (ie, which includes things like lacking boundaries, being passive, etc), which makes girls and women reluctant to engage in perfectly healthy and normal actions, such as standing up to abusers or bullying behavior, and leaves them vulnerable from recognizing abusive behavior as being abusive in the first place.

Secular culture of course also re-enforces such harmful beliefs and behaviors in girls and women as well, via traditional gender stereotypes (see the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker for some examples; research by others has also been done in this area going back years with the same results being shown).

(Link): They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud

People around the country who have paid Matt Sowash thousands of dollars for the small dwellings after seeing him on TikTok say he never delivered on his promises.

by Sept 20, 2022

By Deon J. Hampton

DENVER — A man who had been convicted of bilking investors out of thousands of dollars and who professed his love for God while selling tiny homes online swindled homebuyers out of their life savings for dwellings that were never delivered, three alleged victims said in lawsuits filed in federal and state courts.

Developer Matt Sowash, founder of the Colorado-based nonprofit Holy Ground Tiny Homes, promoted the small residences on social media, including to his 80,000 TikTok followers, with short videos portraying an upbeat, God-fearing man selling the American Dream — affordable homes with financing and no credit checks.

“For people that can’t pay for a house all at once, we can finance you. Holy Ground Tiny Homes. Get yours today,” Sowash said in one TikTok video.

“Great house, available now, around $45,000 is what this goes for. Come in and take it away,” he said in another video, wearing a T-shirt adorned with “Faith Over Fear.”

Sowash said in an interview that he never set out to take advantage of homebuyers, but he’s not sure he’ll be able to build the 250 homes already paid for, in full or in part.

…A plaintiff in one of three lawsuits filed against Sowash said in an interview that the builder’s persuasiveness and Jesus-loving persona convinced her to part with her hard-earned cash.

“That’s part of what sold me. He’s charming, convincing and I believe in God,” said Clara Virginia Davis, 24, an elementary schoolteacher in upstate New York.

Continue reading “They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud – Christians: Please Learn the Red Flags, Research Cluster B Personality Disorders”

Pastor Appears To Berate Congregation For Not Buying Him A High-Priced Watch In Viral Clip

Pastor Appears To Berate Congregation For Not Buying Him A High-Priced Watch In Viral Clip

It didn’t become clearly apparent to me until after my mother died when I was in my late 30s just how incredibly selfish, self absorbed, and narcissistic people are, including Christ-professing Christians who may even attend church regularly.

Yes, I had brief flashes and intuitions in my youth and 20s and 30s prior to my mother dying that people could be jerks or selfish and so on, but I did not realize HOW COMMON it was among so many people, including Christians, until after my Mom died.

Until Mom died, I had assumed that most people (Christians in particular) were empathetic people I could turn to if I was ever hurting, in a bind, and in need of emotional support (and my Mom kind of led me to believe I could count on other people, especially family, for support) – boy wow was that expectation ever shattered.

The Christians I went to in my grieving process time (whether extended family of mine or people I met at churches I attended) were insensitive, callous,  unempathetic, or selfish (some acted like sparing 30 to 60 minutes of their time every several months for me to to talk to them about me missing my Mom would be a huge, huge burden to them).

I know better now. I really had my eyes opened to the fact that most people, including Christians, are selfish, unempathetic tools.

In light of all that, I can’t say as though I am shocked by the selfishness and entitled attitude of this church preacher:

(Link): ‘False prophet’ pastor berates congregation for not buying him pricey new watch 

August 17, 2022
By Natalie O’Neill

Time for a new preacher!

A Missouri pastor was caught on camera berating his “broke” congregation for failing to buy him an expensive Movado watch — sparking criticism that he wants to make a profit, not be a prophet.

Pastor Carlton Funderburke of the Church at the Well in Kansas City was giving a fiery sermon about “honoring God’s shepherds” when he scolded his followers for being too poor to give him the pricey timepiece he’d requested, according to now-viral TikTok footage.

(Link): Missouri pastor says congregation is ‘poor, broke, busted’ for not buying him a luxury Movado watch

Carlton Funderburke, the senior pastor at Church at the Well, issued an apology video Tuesday for his “inexcusable” remarks in an Aug. 7 sermon.

August 17, 2022

A Kansas City, Missouri, pastor who said his congregation was “poor, broke busted and disgusted” for not buying him the luxury watch he wanted has issued an apology after his remarks caused a stir on social media.

Carlton Funderburke, the senior pastor at Church at the Well, issued an apology video Tuesday for the “inexcusable” remarks he made in an Aug. 7 sermon.

Continue reading “Pastor Appears To Berate Congregation For Not Buying Him A High-Priced Watch In Viral Clip”

Experts Can Sometimes Be Wrong On Their Topics of Expertise, and Experts Sometimes Disagree with Other Experts in the Same Field – It’s Okay To Disagree with Experts

Experts Can Sometimes Be Wrong On Their Topics of Expertise, and Experts Sometimes Disagree with Other Experts in the Same Field – It’s Okay To Disagree with Experts

People or organizations who are regarded as being experts in one field or another can be incorrect at times; therefore, one should not uncritically accept anything and everything “experts” have to say.

Sometimes, experts disagree with other experts in their field on the same topic.

When such situations arise, which expert should I believe, Expert 1 or Expert 2? And who is to say?

If you say I should listen to Expert 2 on topic Z and ignore Expert 1, why should I take your word for it?

What makes you the final arbiter on who is right or wrong on an issue, and why should I automatically bow the knee to what Group X says on Topic Z, just because you believe that Group X are experts or that Group X are even generally regarded by others as being experts?

One has to use critical thinking as one goes through life.

I do respect giving some amount of credence to people who have higher education and/or life experience regarding a topic, so I am by no means an advocate for applauding ignorance or for totally ignoring and disregarding what “experts” have to say on whatever subject matter they have chosen to specialize in.

Experts Sometimes Have Political (or other) Agendas and Will Use Their Platform and “Expert” Credentials to Lie About, Distort, or Omit Facts

I am not opposed to taking into consideration what so-called “experts” on a topic have to say, but I’m old enough, with a college degree and enough life experience accumulated, to know that sometimes experts are wrong – and sometimes, experts have agendas.

An example or two here:

Covid-19 Virus

Progressives and liberals often slant scientific news and findings to bend to the will of the Democrats and progressive values and causes: Covid is a good example of this.

Progressives have politicized science and medicine to determine how and who should wear masks, should schools be closed and for how long, who should be vaccinated (they press even those who are not likely to get or die from Covid to get vaccinated).

Continue reading “Experts Can Sometimes Be Wrong On Their Topics of Expertise, and Experts Sometimes Disagree with Other Experts in the Same Field – It’s Okay To Disagree with Experts”

Pastor Who Resigned Over Adultery Accused of Taking Virginity of Purity Ring Wearing Teen Girl on His Office Floor

Pastor Who Resigned Over Adultery Accused of Taking Virginity of Purity Ring Wearing Teen Girl on His Office Floor

This news story is 50 levels of gross and terrible.

If you’ve visited this blog before, you should know the drill:

Being married and/or a parent, contrary to what many churches and socially conservative think tanks teach, is NOT a guarantee of making a person loving, ethical, godly, or responsible.

(Not that marriage or parenthood are horrible or wrong, but neither life station necessarily produces upstanding, loving, ethical citizens, either.)

Self professing Christian men fail so often, and sexually exploit so often, that churches need to start re-evaluating their “male headship” and “complementarian” teachings, because obviously, men are not fit to lead, and, the “Equally Yoked” rule is a waste of time (and quite possibly a misapplication of a Bible verse).

If you’re a single Christian woman who was raised (as I was) to believe in “Equally Yoked” (Christians should only marry other Christians), and that church would be a good, safe place to meet “Mr. Right,” this goes to show that you’d be better off chucking those teachings to the curb.

The professing Christian man you meet at your corner church is not necessarily going to be any more stand-up than the non-Christian Joe Blow you meet on Tinder or Match.

This pastor, or his church, mischaracterized statutory rape as being “adultery.” Churches really need to get on the ball about this – stop depicting statutory rape as being “adultery.” This was not a case of “adultery.” (Edit: The articles say that the woman’s age at the time – 16 – is legal. But the nature of it, the age gap – it looks like he exploited her.)

I think the pastor in this story was or has been married for years – this goes to show that the standard Christian advice to singles I used to see all the time that says you, the single, have to obtain some level of perfection or spirituality before God will permit you to have a spouse is false.

If God allows deviants like this pastor to get married, rest assured, He is probably not with-holding one from you because you don’t read the Bible often enough, or whatever.

(Link):  ‘I was just 16 when you took my virginity on your office floor!’ Astonishing moment Indiana woman, 43, stands up in church to accuse married pastor of grooming her as a teen – forcing him to ADMIT IT in front of stunned congregation

May 24, 2022
by Jennifer Smith

A 65-year-old Indiana pastor has stepped down from his role in the church after admitting he had an affair with a 16-year-old girl in front of his entire congregation. 

Pastor John Lowe II stepped down from the New Life Christian Church after being confronted on stage by Bobi Gephart, a 43-year-old woman who came forward with a microphone to tell their church in Warsaw, Indiana, how he’d groomed her as a teen, starting when she was 16 – the legal age of consent in the state.

…He begged for the church’s forgiveness, then received a standing ovation. 

Bobi then stormed towards the stage with her husband, Nate, to say it ‘was not just adultery’ because she was so young at the time. 

(Link): Pastor Who Resigned Over Adultery Accused of Taking Virginity of Purity Ring Wearing Teen Girl on His Office Floor.

By Leonardo Blair, Senior Features Reporter

May 23, 2022

A Warsaw, Indiana, pastor who drew a standing ovation from his congregation after telling them he was stepping down because he committed adultery with one person at least two decades ago drew their wrath minutes later after a woman tearfully alleged she was only 16 when the pastor took her virginity on his office floor while she sported a purity ring.

Pastor John Lowe II told his congregation at New Life Christian Church and World Outreach on Sunday that he needed to make the confession because it was the “biblical” thing to do, according to a (Link): Facebook Live broadcast shared by Maisey Cook.

[The pastor – Lowe – stood before his church during a service and confessed he had committed adultery years prior.]

…  He [Lowe] painted himself as a hypocrite who applied discipline to others for sexual failure while hiding his own.

He asked the church for their forgiveness and announced that he would step aside and face discipline from the church.

…Soon after he stepped down from the pulpit, a woman and her husband went to the pulpit to address the congregation. The woman said that what Lowe did was not just adultery but a crime because she was only 16 when he took her virginity in his office 27 years ago.

While the age of consent in Indiana is 16, a person who is at least the age of 18 in a position of supervision or trust that engages in any sexual activity with a child over the age of 16 but under the age of 18 commits child seduction, according to state law. …

Continue reading “Pastor Who Resigned Over Adultery Accused of Taking Virginity of Purity Ring Wearing Teen Girl on His Office Floor”

Thousands Question 63-Year-Old Pentecostal Bishop’s Marriage to Teen in His Church (There is a 43 Year Age Gap)

Thousands Question 63-Year-Old Pentecostal Bishop’s Marriage to Teen in His Church

 April 20, 2022

I actually meant to blog about this earlier. I saw a few people mention this on Twitter about two or three (or more??) weeks (or months?) ago, I guess it was.

This is gross. I have never, ever agreed with “may-december relationships,” where someone is more than 5 or 6 years older than their partner. I think they’re nasty. 🤮🤢

Creepy doofus mentioned below has been divorced THREE TIMES. Three. 

Let this go to show you that Christian dating and advice books from years past (I don’t know if they still do this) that advise singles who want marriage that God won’t permit you to marry until you achieve some level of godliness, maturity, or perfection are obviously in error, since creepy perverts like this guy manage to make it to the altar THREE TIMES (or, I guess four, if this is wife four?)

(Link):  Bishop, 63, defending marriage to teen in Iowa court

Excerpts:

DES MOINES, Iowa — Bishop Demetrius Sinegal, the founder of an advocacy organization that works to expose clergy abuse, flew in from Texas and called for a full investigation into the November 15th marriage of Des Moines Bishop Dwight Reed and Jordan Reed of the Christ Apostolic Temple. Dwight is 63-years-old and Jordan is 19.

“This marriage tears at the very fiber of the social construct of the African American family. Children are taught to respect their grandparent contemporaries not to marry them,” said Sinegal.

Iowa law states the minimum age to marry without parental consent is eighteen but Bishop Sinegal claims Jordan’s paternal grandfather came on one of Sinegal’s many online platforms alleging clergy abuse. “He came on and emphatically condemned this marriage. His words and I quote were ‘Her father sold his daughter out and pimped her out for his own self-gain.’”

(Link): Thousands Question 63-Year-Old Pentecostal Bishop’s Marriage to Teen in His Church

Excerpts:

April 20, 2022
By Josh Shepherd

Thousands are calling for an investigation into a Pentecostal church bishop in Iowa who married a teen in his church.

An outside clergyman accuses the bishop of “gross abuse of power” and years-long “grooming” of an underage congregant. And some of the teen’s family members and fellow church members also say they’re concerned she is a victim of clergy abuse.

Continue reading “Thousands Question 63-Year-Old Pentecostal Bishop’s Marriage to Teen in His Church (There is a 43 Year Age Gap)”

Pastor Used Scripture Trying to Coerce Congregants Into Sexual Relationships, Prosecutors Say

Pastor Used Scripture Trying to Coerce Congregants Into Sexual Relationships, Prosecutors Say

I’m not sure if this guy is married or not, as the articles don’t seem to say. If he is, you know my take: contrary to Al Mohler and other marriage idolaters, marriage doesn’t make anyone more godly, ethical or mature, as they often claim.

Also, you don’t have to achieve holiness or perfection to merit a spouse from God, as some Christian dating advice books used to say.

Lastly, “equally yoked” is a waste of your time, Christian single ladies, and, tied in with that point, contrary to what my well-meaning Christian parents taught me, church is not a good or safe place to meet single men to date or marry, since the few that attend turn out to be perverts.

(Link): Pastor Used Scripture Trying to Coerce Congregants Into Sexual Relationships, Prosecutors Say

April 1, 2022

By Michael Gryboski, Mainline Church Editor

A pastor charged with inappropriately touching multiple women tried to use Scripture to coerce female churchgoers into sexual relationships, Delaware’s Department of Justice has claimed.

Bishop Major Foster, a former pastor at Philadelphia Pentecostal Holiness Church of Ellendale, faces pending charges of unlawful sexual contact. Prosecutors are asking women to contact local law enforcement if they’ve been abused by the pastor as they now have “reason to believe that additional victims may be unidentified.”

In a statement Thursday, Delaware authorities say that reports made to law enforcement allege Foster “attempted to use scripture to coerce female parishioners into sexual relationships, made inappropriate comments, and instigated prolonged hugs during which he made inappropriate sexual contact with his victims.”

Continue reading “Pastor Used Scripture Trying to Coerce Congregants Into Sexual Relationships, Prosecutors Say”

More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release

More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release

(Link): Hillsong pastors say they warned Brian Houston about Carl Lentz’s immoral behavior, were ignored

By Jeannie Ortega Law, Christian Post Reporter

Former Hillsong pastors Zhenya and Vera Kasevich allege that Hillsong founder Brian Houston was made aware of Carl Lentz’s immoral behavior, yet refused to address his actions due to the church’s culture of “secrecy.”

(Link): More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release

Excerpts:

March 28, 2022
By Hannah Frishberg

These shepherds are running to greener pastures.

Yet another set of Hillsong megachurch pastors stepped down this weekend, following the resignation of church founder and former leader Brian Houston last week, as well as the release of Discovery+’s three-part docuseries on the church, produced in association with The Post.

“After much prayer and pastoral counsel, we have decided to withdraw from Hillsong Church,” Terry, 57, and Judith Crist, 60, the now former lead pastors of Hillsong’s Phoenix, Arizona, branch wrote congregants in an internal Friday email that has been viewed by The Post.

Continue reading “More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release”

More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release

More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release

(Link): Hillsong pastors say they warned Brian Houston about Carl Lentz’s immoral behavior, were ignored

By Jeannie Ortega Law, Christian Post Reporter

Former Hillsong pastors Zhenya and Vera Kasevich allege that Hillsong founder Brian Houston was made aware of Carl Lentz’s immoral behavior, yet refused to address his actions due to the church’s culture of “secrecy.”

(Link): More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release

Excerpts:

March 28, 2022
By Hannah Frishberg

These shepherds are running to greener pastures.

Yet another set of Hillsong megachurch pastors stepped down this weekend, following the resignation of church founder and former leader Brian Houston last week, as well as the release of Discovery+’s three-part docuseries on the church, produced in association with The Post.

“After much prayer and pastoral counsel, we have decided to withdraw from Hillsong Church,” Terry, 57, and Judith Crist, 60, the now former lead pastors of Hillsong’s Phoenix, Arizona, branch wrote congregants in an internal Friday email that has been viewed by The Post.

Continue reading “More Hillsong Pastors Step Down Following Leader’s Resignation, Doc Release”

Southern Baptist Executive Committee Agrees to a Resolution with Jennifer Lyell

Southern Baptist Executive Committee Agrees to a Resolution with Jennifer Lyell By Bob Smietana (via Roys Report)

So long as SBC members continue to conflate being pro-sexual-abuse victim and anti-complementarianism with being “woke,” far left, and secular feminist, they will never eradicate, or make much of a dent into, their problems with sex abuse cover ups.

An individual can be in support of sexual abuse victims, reject complementarianism, and yet, also be opposed to progressive positions, politics, and secular feminism. (I for one, remain a conservative, though I rejected complementarianism years ago. I am not liberal, leftist, or “woke.”)

(Link): SBC leaders apologize for mishandling Jennifer Lyell’s sex abuse case

(Link): Southern Baptist Executive Committee Agrees to a Resolution with Jennifer Lyell by Bob Smietana (via Roys Report)

February 22, 2022

Southern Baptist leaders announced Tuesday that they had reached a resolution with a sexual abuse survivor whose story was mishandled when she came forward in 2019.

Jennifer Lyell, a former publishing executive for Lifeway Christian Resources, told Baptist Press in 2019 that she had experienced abuse for years at the hands of a former Southern Baptist seminary professor. She made her story public out of concerns her abuser was still in ministry outside the Southern Baptist Convention.

Instead, the abuse was characterized in a news story as a “morally inappropriate relationship.” As a result of the backlash from that news story — for which Baptist Press, the official SBC news service, later (Link): apologized —Lyell (Link): lost her reputation, her job and her health.

Continue reading “Southern Baptist Executive Committee Agrees to a Resolution with Jennifer Lyell”

Carl Lentz’s Alleged Mistress Speaks Out in Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed Trailer: ‘Toxic’

Carl Lentz’s Alleged Mistress Speaks Out in Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed Trailer: ‘Toxic’

Update Below

(Link): Carl Lentz’s Alleged Mistress Speaks Out in Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed Trailer: ‘Toxic’

February 16, 2022

The Discovery+ docuseries premieres on March 24

Hillsong Church was a star-studded house of worship, but scandal has overshadowed its charismatic brand of Christianity in recent years. Now a Discovery+ docuseries, Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed, delves deep into the headlines — including former pastor Carl Lentz.

Once a spiritual confidant of Justin Bieber, Lentz was ousted from Hillsong in November 2020, ending a 10-year tenure because of what the church described as “moral failures.”

Soon he publicly admitted to being unfaithful to his wife Laura, whom he married in 2003 and with whom he shares three children.

Amid the fallout, Ranin Karim, a New York woman who said she met Lentz at a Brooklyn park in May 2020, alleged she was his mistress.
“It was the most toxic thing I’ve ever had to deal with,” Karim says in the newly released trailer for Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed, which Discovery+ will stream in three parts.

Continue reading “Carl Lentz’s Alleged Mistress Speaks Out in Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed Trailer: ‘Toxic’”