Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims
Behavioural scientist Paul Dolan says it’s time we reevaluated what success really means
Child-free women know that expecting something outside of yourself to bring happiness is a sure-fire way to end up disappointed
Christian School Teacher Whose Spouse Caught Her in Bed With Teen Sentenced by J. Salo
Does marriage make people more sexually pure, godly, loving, mature, or ethical, as so many Christians and politically conservative talking heads claim?
No, it does not.
This is the 100th millionth example on this blog of a married person who committed a serious sin.
Marriage does not make people more mature, godly, responsible, or ethical; “the family” or “marriage” will not save or fix a society.
Is married Christian sex “mind blowing,” as so much Christian teaching regarding sexual behavior suggests? Apparently not, if Christian wives like this feel the need to have sexual relations with a teen. Her husband wasn’t quite doing it for her.
Does someone have to obtain a standard of moral perfection, or some other criteria, before God will grant that person a spouse, as so many blogs, articles, and sermons by Christians suggest? No, obviously not, otherwise, this woman, who ended up being a skanky pervert, would not have gotten married.
February 11, 2019
A former Christian school teacher whose husband caught her in bed with a student was sentenced to prison, according to officials.
Andrea Nicole Baber, who taught at Logos Christian Academy, was ordered Friday to serve 20 months in prison for having sex with a student in Springfield, Oregon, (Link): the Register-Guard reported.
The 30-year-old educator pleaded guilty last month to rape and contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor.
‘I Almost Drove My Car Off A Bridge Because Of The Strain of Having a Family’
I’m not exactly anti-marriage or anti-family, but.
However. I am tired of how other conservatives or how 99% of Christians “hype” marriage, children, and “the family” to the point they act as though everyone should get married and have a kid, and if you do not, they suggest or state point blank, that you have failed culture and society, and you’re a big Loser. Christians especially behave as though getting married and having a kid is a commandment from God (it is not).
Being married and being a mother did not bring happiness to this lady.
And notice how this lady says that she and her husband didn’t have sex for a year.
I bring that up, because one teaching I heard or saw a lot in Christian sermons or books when I was a kid growing up is that if one remains a virgin until marriage, that God will reward you and your spouse with regular, “mind blowing” sex. The reality is, a person can remain chaste but then end up having lousy sex in marriage, or none at all.
Aimee and Davin Bradley, both 35, were at each other’s throats for the first three years of their daughter’s life
By Hayley Richardson
HAVING a baby can feel like the icing on the cake for some couples but for others the strain of starting a family can push them to breaking point.
Aimee and Davin Bradley, both 35, were at each other’s throats for the first three years of their daughter Autumn’s life and didn’t have sex for a year.
The Misguided Backlash Against ‘Purity Culture’ by G. Shane Morris
I agree with most of this editorial by Morris, but I have one slight area of disagreement, which I will discuss below the link and excerpts.
All in all, this is an excellent editorial, so you will want to click the link below to go to Patheos, where it’s hosted, to read it in its entirety, but please remember to come back to this blog post to read some of my comments much farther below.
by G. Shane Morris
[Author Morris discusses an anti-Purity Culture, anti- I Kissed Dating Goodbye editorial by Abigail Rine Favale, and refutes some of her arguments.]
…But one thing I’ve noticed is how many of those complaints come from people who admit they never took Harris’ advice in the first place. Favale is one of them.
She confesses: “I opted for more conventional forms of kissing and bade farewell to my virginity instead.” Nevertheless, she claims, “the ideas in Harris’ book influenced me—if not my habits, certainly my sense of self.”
It’s not clear what she means by this, except perhaps that she felt guilty about having premarital sex. No one needs Joshua Harris to experience the prick of conscience, though. Which is why one detects in recriminations against “purity culture” by those who openly engaged in impurity more than a hint of sour grapes.
Dear Advice Lady: ‘My Husband’s Been Having Filthy Online Sex While Wearing Women’s Panties And Now Someone Is Blackmailing Him’
I see stuff like this and think, “I’m kind of glad I never married.”
If this is what marriage is, NO THANK YOU.
As to all that conservative Christian garbage about how marriage is necessary to make people godly, sexually pure, and what not – this is clear proof that once again, no, it does not.
Marriage did not keep the guy in this letter from using porn sites, wearing women’s underwear while masturbating, and engaging in phone or e-mail sex with various women online.
MY husband has been blackmailed by a girl he was having online sex with and I only found out when I found a letter from the police saying their investigation was complete.
I am 32, he is 34.
We have been together for ten years and have two kids aged eight and six.
I confronted him and he told me the girl added him on Facebook and it quickly escalated to online sex and mutual masturbation talk.
Then she tried to blackmail him. He went to the police but didn’t tell anyone. I feel sorry for him but it feels like the final straw.
Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin
Because American culture has seen a rise in the number of people, even Christians, using pornography and engaging in other forms of sexual sins, I’ve seen a disturbing and curious trend among some Christians (writers, commentators, preachers) in the last few years to downplay the seriousness of sexual sin, and to try to convince other Christians to just accept sexual sin as a normal part of life and marriage now.
And the people who pay for this lowering of standards is usually women. Women are once more expected, by male Christians, to bear the brunt of male sexual sin. Christians are always asking Christian women to endure and put up with male Christian sexual sin.
A few years ago, I created this post: (Link): Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts and Regnerus believes as such because rates of porn use among Christian men have gone up quite a bit.
Regnerus feels if too many Christian single women refuse to marry Christian male porn users, then Christian marriage will come to a grinding halt, so, he feels, single women are obligated to marry a porn user, even if they really do not want to.
Not only have I seen articles saying that porn viewing has risen among single Christian men, but I’ve seen articles noting it’s on the rise among (Link): married Christian men (and (Link): women too).
Here are a few additional articles with numbers on Christian porn use:
Christian men view porn almost as much as non-Christians
According to the research approximately 64 percent, or two thirds, of U.S. men admit to viewing porn at least monthly, with the number of Christian men nearly equaling the national average. When divided by age “eight out of ten (79%) men between the ages of 18 and 30 view pornography at least monthly, and two thirds (67%) of men between the ages of 31 and 49 view pornography at least monthly. One half of men between 50 and 68 looks at porn monthly.”
The study claims three out of every 10 men between the ages of 18 and 30 are daily viewers of porn; three percent of women in the same age group purportedly access pornography daily.
— end excerpts —
Because sexual sins are running rampant among Christianity these days, it looks to me as though many Christians have given up, and they want to cave in to culture. They basically want to downplay or redefine certain sexual behaviors as not being so bad, not being truly unbiblical, or damaging.
Almost in all examples I have come across like this, where the male Christian writer is downplaying sexual sin or asking women to “put up with it,” the ones promoting these lax views are conservative Christians who believe in sola scriptura.
A June 2017 Viewer Tells Christian Host She’s Suicidal Over Being In Sexless Marriage for Twenty Years
Christians often tell people that if they reserve sex for marriage, the sex will be great and regular. When I was growing up, Christians never acknowledged that sometimes, for whatever the reason, some marriages are sexless.
Then there is this secular and Christian notion that only men want and enjoy sex, while it’s assumed that women don’t want or enjoy sex.
But here we have a letter from a married woman who says she is in a sexless marriage and is so distressed over it that she is suicidal. She says her husband only wants sex at most once or twice per year:
Very shortly after we got married my husband said he could take or leave sex. I was shocked but thought he’d lean more towards the take it rather than leave it side. We’ve been together for 20 years and have sex once or twice a year.
Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex by R Pietka – via Relevant Magazine, and the SCCL Push-Back
The essay “Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex” by Rachel Pietka was discussed over at Facebook group SCCL (Link): here a few days ago.
The consensus by the SCCL readership is that the page – by R. Pietka – is that it’s awful. Many in the SCCL thread did not approve of it or agree with it.
I don’t know why the SCCL readership largely condemned the page, because some of it is right in line with the ex-Christian, or liberal Christian views, about sex and sexual purity.
I’ll give you a long excerpt from the page before discussing it a bit more below:
(Link): Christians Are Not Called to Have Amazing Sex by R Pietka
What Christians need to remember about God’s design for sex.
…While the [Christian based sexual abstinence] movement is great at detailing— and exaggerating—the benefits of saving sex for marriage, it is dishonest about the challenges abstinence presents to couples who eventually tie the knot.
…Jessica Ciencin Henriquez recently detailed how the abstinence movement affected her sex life and marriage in a revealing article titled, (Link): “My Virginity Mistake.”
Henriquez relays how she pledged herself to Jesus at a purity ceremony at age 14, remained a virgin until she married six years later, and wound up divorced after she and her husband could not make things work in the bedroom.
Looking back, Henriquez states if she had not insisted on waiting for sex until marriage, she could have prevented her divorce.
Henriquez’s story is important because it highlights an issue the abstinence movement rarely acknowledges: sexual incompatibility within marriage.
While this issue may seem irrelevant, it is actually fundamental to traditional Christian beliefs about sex. The fact that sexual compatibility does not matter to Christians when choosing a spouse makes the shocking and countercultural statement that sex is not our God.
Woman Says She’s Been in Three Year Marriage that Has Not Been Consummated, Wants Advice
A letter or e-mail was sent from a lady to a Christian show called “700 Club” saying she married her husband three years ago, but the marriage has never been consummated.
I am not certain, but I believe this particular “Bring It On” segment in which this issue was addressed was aired on January 10, 2017.
I don’t think 700 Club has uploaded that episode yet. If or when they do, you can view it by going to their “Bring It On” You Tube channel (Link): here.
Edit: Okay, the video I am discussing can be viewed (Link): here (Sexless Marriage letter). It is the second or third letter on the video.
They may later upload it to the (Link): 700 Club Bring It On Video Page.
Edit. (Link): Same Video with Sexless Marriage Letter on 700 Club Site
The show host, Pat Robertson, basically told her to divorce the guy.
Frustrated Husband Chops Off His Genitals With A Knife After His Wife Hadn’t Had Sex With Him For A DECADE
Am I the only one who’s heard of the concept of masturbation? If your wife isn’t doing it for you, you can do it for yourself, if you know what I mean.
The article says every time this guy asked for sex, it was when he was drunk, and understandably, his wife was not interested in “getting it on” when he was drunk.
I guess getting married did not guarantee this guy a steady diet of sex, which runs contrary to what Christians tell you – that if you reserve sex until marriage, the sex will be recurrent and great.
(Link): Ohio Preacher Asked Men if they Performed Oral Sex on Spouses, Asked Males if they Had Large Penises, Asked to Look at their Penises, Asked One Actor if He Shaved His Pubic Hair, Encouraged Women Congregants to Get Abortions, Males to Get Vasectomies / Another Blow to “Be Equally Yoked” Christian Teachings
Why Do You Use Those Hash Tags With Your Tweets?
I actually had someone Tweet this question at me.
I posted a link to some news story about a man who was arrested for raping a kid or something of that nature. The man in the story I tweeted, if I recall right, was married and a father.
Someone asked me on social media,
‘What do your tags, which include “FamilyValues, Complementarianism, Christianity, Fatherhood, etc, have to do with this news story you tweeted?”
For all I know, the guy in the story I tweeted was NOT a Christian.
It’s quite possible the guy in the story was an atheist, for instance. (I usually read or at least skim the links I tweet, but sometimes, I just go by the headline.)
Here’s why I include certain tags:
Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids
Several Christian blogs have been covering this story lately.
A married Christian father named Peter Newman is reported to have sexually assaulted under-aged boys that he met at a Christian camp called Kamp Kanakuk in Missouri.
A guy named Joe White is the CEO of Kanakuk Ministries, which includes Kamp Kanakuk.
Newman, the reports say, invited some of these boys over to camp property in off-season, after hours, or to his home – sometimes under the pretense of having them over for Bible study.
According to online news, Newman told some of the boys if they allowed him to masturbate them (or vice versa), it would eliminate sexual temptation for them. These reports say Newman also went on to sodomize these boys or perform oral sex on them (or them on him).
If I am understanding the blog coverage and secular news reports correctly, even though the Christians who ran the camp knew (yes, they knew) that this Newman guy was allegedly fondling children, they did nothing about it.
Further (again, if I am understanding the coverage correctly) Newman was later hired to work at Fellowship Memphis Church, a church which (Link): also protected another known sexual deviant who preyed on girls and women within their church during church hours, despite the fact the folks there were aware of his deviant history.
Of course I find child sexual abuse to be horrible, evil, and deviant.
However, the focus of my blog is not child abuse per se.
I tend to focus on the topic of adult singleness and issues that may be of interest to singles – such as how Christians love to discriminate against, or otherwise ignore, singles, and how they promote this bogus notion that married parents are morally superior to single, childless adults. So, when I link to stories about child abuse, it tends to be in a way that relates to singleness.
When I was reading up on this story – mostly skimming articles, I’ve been a little busy lately to devote much time to writing posts for this blog – I noted how some of the promotional work for this Newman guy by Christians at the camp kept emphasizing what a godly, stand-up guy he supposedly is.
These Christian groups were saying he’s a real great example of “Family Values.”
At one point, the Christians (either the Christian camp or the church, I don’t recall which) had Newman work as a (get this!) speaker about sexual purity for teens at some Christian conference.
Continue reading “Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids”
Married Church Staffer Arrested for Secretly Filming Upskirt Videos of Girls, Women in Church Bathroom and While They Kneeled During Services – Equally Yoked is BUNK
Way farther below in this post is a link to a news story about a married church staff guy who was a pervert. (I think I first saw this news story via @watchkeep’s Twitter account.)
My Christian parents brought me up to think if I wanted to marry, that the best place for me to meet potential spouses would be at a church. I suppose the assumption with that is that the type of men who attend church regularly are going to be “safer” or better moral choices than the type of dude you might meet at a bar.
However, in the last few years of running this blog, I have seen (Link): so many news stories of church-going Christian men who get arrested for abuse or perversion, I now have my doubts about that.
Secondly, single women out-number single men in churches. I know that every church I’ve been to in person, I’ve been one of the few singles there. The only men in attendance and 80 years old, which would be fine if I were 80 too, but I’m not, and May December relationships (Link): make me want to barf.
Below is a news report of a church staffer who was caught secretly filming “upskirt” videos of girls and women in church bathrooms and during church services. That is bad enough as-is, but the report says that the church discouraged the women from contacting the police over this.
Five Things Every Married Man Should Stop Obsessing Over Around Single Women by J. Kamps
Thank you, Jean Kamps! Kamps is one of the very few married (Christian) women I’ve seen who comprehends how terribly Christianity, especially married Christian men, treat single women – the way most to all married, Christian men ASSUME (wrongly!) that all single women are minxes out to bed any and every married man we come across.
(These married Christian men must have some ego to assume I find them attractive enough to want to boink. I don’t. Women are visual too and have sexual desire, but we don’t want to sleep with any and every man we come across.)
Often times some of the assumptions Kamps is addressing here in an article by a married Christian man, are taught under the BGR “Billy Graham Rule.” I have blogged on this topic many times before. I will put links to some of those posts at the bottom of my post, under “Related Posts.”
Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps
Some parts of these posts tackle subjects I’ve mentioned before on my blog in the past.
(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps
(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 2] by J. Kamps
Excerpts from (Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps
Jasmine’s story is an example of Benevolent Sexism. Hostile Sexism is fairly easy to recognise. Benevolent Sexism is sneaky and far more socially pervasive. It parades around wearing a facade of chivalry, making out women to be weaker, lesser, diminished, objectified, by using what are perceived as good manners, male consideration, and role definition.
Benevolent Sexism operates on the fundamental belief that, whether observed in practice or not, there IS a gender hierarchy.
….Benevolent Sexism even uses compliments and praise to disarm and disempower women. “Women are kinder, gentler, naturally more loving. Women are not as strong as men, so they require protection. Women are not as naturally competitive.”
Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.
A lot of Christian teaching I heard while growing up – and even as an adult – suggested if you wait until marriage to have sex that the sex would be so worth it, because it would be FREQUENT and GREAT QUALITY.
Lo and behold if that is not the case. Here is the one billionth example on my blog.
Oh, let this go to show that women are interested in sex too, not just men – Christians often falsely teach that only men want and enjoy sex, while they also teach that women only want cuddles and to sip tea.
Q. Husband doesn’t initiate sex anymore:
I’m a 39-year-old woman, and my husband is 43. Our sex life has always been very good, and we each have done our own fair share of initiating.
However, in the past few years, the frequency of sex has really dwindled. Currently, as long as I do all of the initiating, our sex life remains great. If I don’t, no sex for months.
I’ve found myself becoming somewhat resentful, as it makes me feel like he no longer desires me or cares to make an effort. I’ve talked with him a number of times about this, and I only get the same responses over and over.
Newlywed Husband Divorces His Wife Hours After the Ceremony Because She Was Too Busy Texting Her Friends to Have Sex on Their Wedding Night
I was just remarking on my Twitter account about this that a lot of Christians, during sexual purity lectures, will promise people that if they abstain from sex until they marry that married sex will be regular and great.
Then you see news stories like this….
I was engaged while in my early 30s. The doofus to whom I was engaged did not meet any of my needs – not emotional or otherwise (I blogged about that a bit more (Link): here). It got to the point I found watching TV preferable to the ex’s company. I got more happiness and meaning watching TV, reading books, or what have you, than from him.
I recall reading a letter to Dear Abby or Ask Amy a few years ago (I might have posted this to this blog) from a husband who was perturbed that his wife spent all her time playing Farmville on Facebook rather than with him, and she seemed to prefer that to spending time with him.
Can I tell you, if you are a married guy, and your wife seems more interested in being online, or engaging in some other hobby to spending time with you, it’s more than likely due to the fact that she does not think you or your relationship is bad enough to leave, but she has to find other outlets to get her needs met because you are not meeting them.
Here are excerpts from
A husband divorced his wife hours after their wedding because she was too busy texting her friends to consummate the marriage.
The groom took his Saudi bride back to their hotel room after the ceremony in the city of Jeddah.
But when he tried to get intimate with her, he was pushed away by his wife because she was trying to respond to congratulatory messages from friends on her phone.
She became angry when he asked her to stop.
A relative told Saudi daily Al Watan: ‘The groom tried to get closer with her and more intimate, but he was shocked when she ignored him, not responding to his words and action.
‘When he asked her if her friends were more important than he was, the bride answered that they were.’
The argument became heated and the groom stormed out of the hotel, telling his wife that he wanted a divorce.
Gulf News, which cited Al Watan, reported that a court had referred the case to a reconciliation committee, but the husband insisted on a divorce.
(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles
(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages
Seven Truths About Marriage You Won’t Hear in Church by F. Powell
I first saw this link Tweeted by Jory Michah’s Twitter, who got it from Relevant.
Most of the page is pretty good, but as you know, I don’t accept the “Equally Yoked” teaching, which the author of this page advocates.
First of all, there has been a Christian man shortage in America for decades now, leaving Christian single women with no recourse but to marry Non-Christian men.
Secondly, I have (Link): news story after news story on my blog of professing Christian men who have been arrested for using child porn or for beating or murdering their wives – such being the case, a woman is just as well-off marrying an ethical, kind atheist man as she would taking a chance on a Christian single man (provided she can even find one).
(Link): 7 Truths About Marriage You Won’t Hear in Church by F Powell
Baptist Preacher Hires His Mistress To Set His Wife On Fire
This news story is another indicator of how the Christian “equally yoked” teaching is bunk: I’d rather marry an Atheist guy who would NOT burn me alive than marry (and be “equally yoked” to) a Christian preacher who would hire his MISTRESS to set me on fire.
(This article says this MARRIED Christian also stole money from his elderly mother. What a P.O.S.)
Also note how being married does NOT, contra what Christians teach, make a person more loving, responsible, godly, or mature.
And why is a 33 year old woman having an affair with a 71 year old man? GROSS.
(Yes, it’s (Link): totally gross). I guess she was just using him for his money – this article says he bought her a new car and paid her bills.
You quite obviously do not have to be godly or perfect to merit a spouse, as this jerk creep guy was married. (A lot of Christians teach that you have to earn a spouse by being a good person or by being godly or by being more “whatever.”)
That so many losers, deviants, and creeps get spouses, (even so many losers who profess belief in Christ), it goes to show that no, you do not have to achieve some level of perfection or godliness before God will send you a spouse.
Also note that both cheaters in this story are MARRIED. Christians often depict un -married women as being harlots who set out to bed married men (usually, though not always, this is done under the “Billy Graham Rule”), when in fact, it’s usually married people who have affairs with other married people.
How mind-blowing is married Christian sex (something that Christian assert) that this married Christian man was apparently seeking nooky with another woman (I presume he was boinking the other lady)?