Wagner’s Response to TGC’s Morris’s Review of “Non Toxic Masculinity” – and Morris is Incorrect About Singleness, Among Other Issues

Wagner’s Response to TGC’s Morris’s Review of “Non Toxic Masculinity” – and Morris is Incorrect About Singleness, Among Other Issues

TGC is the same group that brought us all that cringe, weird book about sex called “Beautiful Union,” whose author claimed that sex can point us all to God, which is a disaster for those of us over 30 who are still virgins and living celibately.

I had a few comments I wanted to make below this:

(Link):  A Response to Shane Morris’s TGC Review of Non-Toxic Masculinity

Excerpts:

[The review that Wagner is responding to is located here, on TGC’s site: Sexual Ethics Is More than Not Being Evil]

by Zachary Wagner

…I want to note some of my ongoing disappointment with The Gospel Coalition on their engagement with issues of sexuality, gender, and masculinity.

…For many of my friends who have left Christianity, the straw that broke the camel’s back was not merely that Christianity was sexually restrictive. It was the hypocrisy of those who condemned the culture’s sexual permissiveness while indulging in sexual sin themselves or excusing it on the part of Christian leaders and heroes.

…In particular, the juxtaposition between purity culture on the one hand and sexual scandal on the other has opened a floodgate of apostasy for Millennials in particular, including members of my family and many very dear friends. How should evangelical pastors respond to this? Morris has little to say on this point, but he seems to imply that defending purity culture and doubling down on its good intentions is the correct approach. …

This is pastorally irresponsible. Parents, pastors, and authors were the ones who should have known better, not teenagers with raging hormones and half-developed brains. The sons and daughters of purity culture have repeatedly been told that they were the problem. Any suffering or frustration or confusion they experienced was their fault, a result of their sinful and broken inclinations.

Four Friends Who Drugged Their Wives and Watched as They Raped Each Others’ Partners Now Face Jail

Four Friends Who Drugged Their Wives and Watched as They Raped Each Others’ Partners Now Face Jail

This is beyond wicked. It is beyond depraved.

And let this go to show that my fellow conservatives are in very deep, grave error in combatting anti-nuclear family, anti-marriage rhetoric by progressives by perpetuating falsehoods about the benefits of marriage.

Contrary to what most “family values” conservatives argue, marriage does not make every person who marries (or who becomes a parent) more ethical, godly, loving, or responsible.

The Bible does not teach that being married heals sin, or that marriage (or being a parent) stops a person from sinning.

The Bible teaches the only “cure” for sin is acceptance of Jesus as Lord and Savior.

Some of the men charged with raped mentioned in the article below also have biological children with those wives; these men are fathers, but parenthood did not make them more godly, mature, loving, or ethical.

Let such news stories also go to show that God is not with-holding spouses from single adults who don’t meet certain criteria. Contrary to what some teaching by Christians about marriage says, a person doesn’t have to be godly, perfect, or wonderful to “merit” a spouse from God.

God is allowing all kinds of trashy, disgusting, perverts to marry, like the men in the article below.

(Link): Four friends who drugged their wives and watched as they raped each others’ partners now face jail in Singapore

Nov 3, 2022
by James Callery

Four friends who drugged their wives, watched as they raped each others’ partners and congratulated each other for ‘putting on a good show’ face jail in Singapore.

One woman was raped several times over a period of at least seven years by different men while unconscious, having been drugged and blindfolded by her husband, Channel News Asia reports.

The case came about when the woman found naked pictures of herself in a chat on her husband’s phone.

The four men, who are under gag orders placed by the court, pleaded guilty on Monday to two charges each of conspiracy to rape, with various other charges taken into consideration.

They are K, M, L and N.

According to Channel News Asia, the main accomplice linked to their cases is a fifth man, J, who married his wife in 2008 and with whom he has four children.

Cop Named Detective of the Year, Who Is a Married Father, Only Gets a Misdemeanor Charge After Sending Sexually Explicit Messages to Someone He Thought Was a 14- Year- Old Girl

Cop Named Detective of the Year, Who Is a Married Father, Only Gets a Misdemeanor Charge After Sending Sexually Explicit Messages to Someone He Thought Was a 14- Year- Old Girl

This is a news story about a married guy who has a child of his own who was caught trying to engage in sex acts with someone he believed to be a teen girl – marriage does not make a person  more ethical, godly, loving, responsible, or moral.

Married people are destroying marriage all on their own, with no help from progressives.

That deviants like this man get married goes to show that common Christian teachings about marriage – at least in the content I saw when growing up years ago – is false; one does not have to become perfect, or improve themselves in some way, before God will grant the person a spouse or allow them to get married.

If God is permitting perverts like this man to get married, rest assured, he’s more than likely not with-holding a spouse from you over far lesser sins or mistakes.

This also belies the common misperception by Christians that married sex is so great and mind-blowing that married people won’t commit sexual sin. Despite being married, this married guy was trying to find a way to have sex with a 14 year old girl… obviously, being married doesn’t make a person immune from sexual sin.

(Link): California ‘Detective of the Year’ busted for sending sexually explicit messages in child sex sting

A veteran police officer who was named “Detective of the Year” in 2019 was charged with exchanging sexually explicit messages with someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl.

(Link): ‘Detective of the year’ accused of sending graphic messages to girl he believed was 14

(Link): One-Time ‘Detective Of The Year’ Allegedly Sent Sexual Messages To Woman He Thought Was A Child

(Link): California cop named ‘Detective of the Year’ only gets a misdemeanor charge after sending sexually explicit messages to someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl

August 3, 2022
by Melissa Koenig

A California cop who was once heralded as a Detective of the Year is now facing a misdemeanor charge after he allegedly sexted someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl.

Gregory Daniel Beaumarchais, 43, a married father of one, faces a maximum sentence of one year in prison on a misdemeanor charge of annoying or molesting a victim believed to be under the age of 18.

He will also have to register as a sex offender if convicted.

Authorities say the Santa Ana officer exchanged sexually explicit messages with someone posing as a 14-year-old girl on social media from December 2021 through January 2022.

Mom Dumped in Son’s Hockey Bag Allegedly Had Affair With Handyman Accused of Killing Her: Police

Mom Dumped in Son’s Hockey Bag Allegedly Had Affair With Handyman Accused of Killing Her: Police 

Not saying this woman ‘deserved’ to be murdered by this guy she had the affair with, but if she hadn’t have had an affair, maybe this would not have happened to her.

So… does being married make a person immune from sexual sin? Why no, it does not. Does being married make a person more godly, responsible, or ethical (as many hyper pro marriage advocates teach, such as Al Mohler and Brad Wilcox)? Nope, it does not.

This news story, and ones like it, also betray a common Christian teaching that married sex is so totally awesome (especially if you wait until marriage to have sex) that you will never, ever seek sex outside the marriage. Obviously, that is not so, because I frequently see news stories of married people who commit adultery.

I do feel very bad for her children – they will be without a mother now.

(Link):  David Bonola, suspected handyman lover, charged in Orsolya Gaal murder

April 21, 2022

The handyman lover of Queens mom Orsolya Gaal was charged Thursday with her murder – and police said he committed the “horrendous” crime during a fight her over their recently-ended on-off affair of two years.

David Bonola, 44, was already on the NYPD’s radar Wednesday evening when officers canvassing for surveillance video spotted him near the crime scene and took him back to the 112th precinct.

There, Bonola made “incriminating statements” about the slaying, NYPD Chief of Detectives James Essig said at a press conference.

He was charged with murder, criminal tampering and criminal possession of a weapon for allegedly stabbing Gaal, 51, nearly 60 times in the basement of her Forest Hills home with a kitchen knife early on Saturday, cops said.

…Bonola, who cops said has no prior arrests, was “a handyman who was employed by Mrs. Gaal” for about two years — and during that time they had “an intimate affair,” Essig revealed Thursday.

They had re-sparked their on-off affair earlier this month, just to break up again — and Bonola “came back … to speak about the relationship again,” added Chief Julie Morrill, who led the investigation.

(Link): Mom dumped in son’s hockey bag allegedly had affair with handyman accused of killing her: Police

Orsolya Gaal, 51, was stabbed dozens of times, according to police.

by Emily Shapiro

A New York City mother found stabbed to death inside a duffel bag was allegedly killed by a handyman she’d been having an off-and-on affair with for two years, the NYPD said.

The suspect, David Bonola, was arrested just before 1 a.m. Thursday, days after he allegedly dumped Orsolya Gaal‘s body in her son’s hockey bag, police said at a news conference Thursday.

I’m a Dominatrix and Most of My Clients Are Married – Women Would Be Horrified if They Knew What Their Husbands Are Doing by K. Bond

I’m a Dominatrix and Most of My Clients Are Married – Women Would Be Horrified if They Knew What Their Husbands Are Doing by K. Bond

This entire article made me want to barf.  🤮

This woman says that some of her clients are married men who have children… and they like having her shove objects up their (their = the married men who are also fathers) buttholes. They are gross perverts.

I see stuff like this and think, “You know, being single really isn’t so bad.”

Also: being married doesn’t, contrary to hyper-marriage-promoters such as Al Mohler and Brad Wilcox – make people more godly, ethical, or mature. Marriage actually seems to have the reverse effect on some people.

As I’ve said on previous posts, Christians need to emphasize that chastity (sexual purity) is for married people also, not just for singles.

When, on those rare occasions, preachers bother to address sexual purity, it’s usually from the perspective of they assume single adults are boinking around.

Preachers who give sermons mentioning sexual purity, or Christian authors who mention sexual purity in their books or blog posts, never, ever stop to consider that a lot of married people are doing perverted things like hiring Dominatrixes (Dominatrices? Have no idea how to spell that) to do things like shove objects up their anuses.

(Link): I’m a Dominatrix and Most of My Clients Are Married – Women Would Be Horrified if They Knew What Their Husbands Are Doing

April 7, 2022
by K. Bond

Sandy Star has a busy day at work ahead, but unlike many of us, she won’t be sat in an office, heading to meetings and doing a tea round.

Instead, the 47-year-old will be getting her rope, feathers and vibrators ready as a number of curious men swing by to experience a steamy session with a dominatrix.

Why Men Have More Orgasms Than Women by David Ludden (Hint: Male Entitlement is Involved. Notify Every Christian Gender Complementarian, Christian Patriarchalist, MRA, and Incel Ever)

Why Men Have More Orgasms Than Women by David Ludden (Hint: Male Entitlement is Involved. Notify Every Christian Gender Complementarian, Christian Patriarchalist, MRA, and Incel Ever)

The essay below, which references studies, mentions that male entitlement plays a role in why hetero men orgasm more in sex with women than women do.

This should be an eye-opener to every sexist, hetero man ever, including the sex-obsessed, marriage-obsessed, Christian gender complementarian and Christian Patriarchy rat bastards who already hold a lot of false beliefs about women and sex, such as,
“Only men want sex; women hate sex, women are not visually oriented and just want emotional connection, therefore, husbands unfortunately have to always nag their wives into having sex!”

(Link): Why Men Have More Orgasms Than Women – Real Clear Science

Full article on…

(Link): Why Men Have More Orgasms Than Women – Psychology Today

Some portions below in bold face added by me for emphasis:

by David Ludden –  Psychology Today
February 13, 2022

Key Points:

• • It’s commonly thought that men orgasm more easily than women due to biology, but research doesn’t support this contention.
  • Men are enculturated with a sense of entitlement, and this may play out in the bedroom as well.
  • Research shows that both men and women believe men are more entitled to have orgasms.

---

It’s common knowledge that men are more likely than women to orgasm during a sexual encounter. This is true in both casual affairs and long-term relationships. But why this is the case is not clear.

…It’s Not About Biology
As University of Michigan psychologists Verena Klein and Terri Conley point out in an article they recently published (Link): in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, this argument doesn’t hold water. First, there’s nothing about the clitoris to suggest that it’s less likely to produce orgasms than the penis since both have the same concentration of nerve endings.

Furthermore, women are capable of having multiple orgasms in short secession. In contrast, men are limited in the number of orgasms they can have within a given time period.

For reasons that are still unknown but highly debated, men experience a refractory period after each ejaculation, so multiple orgasms are out of the question. Given these facts, it seems that women should be having way more orgasms than men, not the other way around.

Since they ruled out biological reasons, Klein and Conley considered whether the gendered sexual pleasure gap could be explained by social attitudes about sex. They note that in Western society, men are taught to feel more entitled, whereas women are trained to act more deferential.

School Teacher Fed Cupcakes Laced With Her Husband’s Sperm to Her Students – also Charged With Child Porn, Child Sex Abuse

School Teacher Fed Cupcakes Laced With Her Husband’s Sperm to Her Students – also Charged With Child Porn, Child Sex Abuse

Try to convince me again, Al Mohler, Brad Wilcox,  Jim Daly, National Marriage Project, Focus On the Family, and other extreme pro-marriage persons and groups, how marriage supposedly makes people more godly, mature, and responsible – while factoring in news stories like the one below. Thanks.

(Link): Ex-teacher who fed students semen-laced cupcakes sentenced to 41 years

(Link): DISGUSTING TREATS Teacher sentenced after lacing cupcakes with her husband’s SPERM and feeding them to her students

A TEACHER has pleaded guilty to disturbing child sex crimes including lacing cupcakes with her husband’s sperm before feeding them to her students.

Cynthia Perkins, 36, faces 41 years in prison after taking a plea deal on Monday in exchange for testifying against her now ex-husband, Dennis.

…The Lousiana woman initially protested her innocence to 72 charges for various sex crimes.

Yet this week pleaded guilty to producing child pornography, second-degree rape, and mingling harmful substances.

The charge about harmful substances allegedly refers to an incident in which she used Dennis’ sperm to “season” pastries for Westside Junior High Schools kids.

(Link): School teacher fed students cupcakes laced with her husband’s sperm

Cynthia Perkins used her husband’s bodily fluid to ‘season’ pastries she gave out to her pupils. She’s been jailed for 41 years after admitting a series of charges, including rape

Feb 15, 2022
By Chris Murphy, Adam Cailler

A former school teacher is now facing up to 41 years in prison after giving her students cupcakes laced with her ex-husband’s sperm.

Cynthia Perkins had originally claimed she was not guilty of the crime, but has now changed her plea to guilty.

The woman was a teacher in Livingston, Louisiana, and also admitted to several other sex crimes, according to local news reports.

Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband

Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband

As I was saying on Twitter, the older I get, and I continue to see such news stories as the one in this post, the happier I feel to be single and celibate.

I cannot believe as I grew up that the evangelical / Baptist / Protestant culture brainwashed everyone to think that being single is “second best” and being chaste over the age of 25 was “impossible” or somehow “not worth it.”

I see so many people who, as teens or adults, are not happy from having sex outside of marriage, or they get married, and they have a sexless marriage, or their spouse abuses them.

You’re ultimately not going to find healing and hope in another person (i.e., a spouse).

This news story should be another sign to Christians who keep peddling false notions about singleness, dating, sex, and marriage that sexual purity is not for singles only.

You have married people out there who think it’s acceptable to work as “sex coaches,” or open their own “only fans” accounts, or to “wife swap” (see links under “Related” below for examples).

Churches need to remind MARRIED people that sexual purity is for them as well. It’s not single adults that are falling into sexual temptations left and right, it’s married couples who are.

I don’t approve of this married woman’s “sex coach” occupation, but no, I sure don’t defend the husband stabbing her to death over it, or for whatever reasons he had.

Note that these are two married people who had a couple of children together. The pro-marriage and pro-have-children Christians and conservatives are wrong to teach (as they do) that getting married and having children will always (or even usually) make people more godly, loving, mature and ethical.

I have many more examples on my blog here that demonstrate that marriage and/or parenthood do NOT make people more ethical, responsible, godly, loving, mature, etc.

(Link): Russian ‘sex coach’ was repeatedly stabbed in the head by her ‘jealous’ husband

Excerpts:

by Will Stewart
Sept 22, 2021

A Russian ‘psychologist and sex coach’ was repeatedly stabbed in the head by her husband who then threw her body from a 130ft-high building.

Rustam Mursalov, 24, confessed to killing his wife Alexandra Mursalova, 25, out of ‘jealousy’, according to reports.

Mursalova, who had two children with personal trainer Mursalov, worked with wealthy clients in St Petersburg.

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

I’ve read quite a bit about this “Sex Rescue” book, and it covers a lot of the topics I’ve been covering on this blog literally for years now.

Christians – especially the gender complementarians – operate under a faulty assumption that only men like and want sex, while women do not – so most of their sex lectures and sex material gives all sorts of sexist, awful advice, or tells Christians that women only have “emotional needs,” while women’s sexual preferences are never raised. 

Every pastor I’ve ever heard sermonize about the topic just tells men to occasionally cater to their wife’s emotional needs, but they don’t bring up what a woman may want sexually.

The Christian assumption is that all men are sex-crazed horn dogs, and the wives are obligated to have sex with their spouses, even if they are sick or not in the mood, etc.

I’ve discussed all that on this blog for years (and more), and this book apparently also discusses such issues.

(Link): Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue

Excerpts:

by Rachel Joy Welcher
June 3, 2021

The Great Sex Rescue sets out to correct harmful and unbiblical teachings on sex and marriage—specifically those messages perpetuated by the evangelical church and popular Christian books.

Not only that, it presents a way forward for couples who have suffered from these messages; a path that is guided by scripture and selfless love. 

…Sheila Wray Gregoire, along with her daughter, author and psychology graduate, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and epidemiologist and statistician, Joanna Sawatsky, bravely tackle these harmful teachings, with a high view of marriage, God’s plan for sex, and for scripture.

You may not agree with every conclusion or piece of advice, but this is a resource we need as we continue to deconstruct unbiblical teachings on sex, purity, and marriage. 

Welcher: It is clear from your writings that you care about female sexual flourishing; that you don’t want women left behind in marriage.
In The Great Sex Rescue, you cite example after example from popular Christian books where male sexual pleasure in marriage is prioritized and women are discussed merely as vehicles to accomplish this, rather than as equal sexual partners.
Why do you think the mutuality of sexual self-giving in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 has largely been ignored in Christian writings and teachings on marriage?
Were you able to trace this idea to a specific book, era, or misinterpretation of the passage?

Gregoire: Let’s talk numbers: women buy the books, and men don’t. I’ve read that 74% of nonfiction relationship books are bought and read by women.
Why don’t men buy these books? Men often don’t feel the same societal pressure to fix relationships, while men are also discouraged from thinking about their feelings very much.

How Evangelical Teachings Ruin Sex and Marriage For Many Women by L. Blair

How Evangelical Teachings Ruin Sex and Marriage For Many Women by L. Blair

Some of the issues discussed in this article and in her book are ones I’ve brought up on this blog over the years.

There is so much hypocrisy in Christianity, usually hypocrisy that works out in favor of men and to the detriment of women, especially in “gender complementarian” teachings.

Some of these teachings about marital sex, or marriage generally, can be directly or indirectly derogatory towards single, celibate adults (e.g., some Christians teach that having sexual intercourse is “necessary to know God,” while some preachers teach that to fulfill your purpose in life, you must marry.)

Here is the article about the book:

(Link): How Evangelical Teachings Ruin Sex and Marriage For Many Women

Excerpts:

By Leonardo Blair, Christian Post Reporter 

Evangelical blogger Sheila Wray Gregoire doesn’t care if her critics want to brand her a feminist. She wants the Church to know that “sex is for women too,” and ignoring that point can ruin sex, orgasms and marriages for women. 

New research shows that many evangelical women are unsatisfied in the bedroom due to some evangelical beliefs, and that’s the big takeaway Gregoire wants readers to get as she stages a scholarly intervention in her new book, The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended. 

Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online

Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online

Before I get to the link about the woman pastor who left pastoring to be a sex kitten on line:

I never, ever want to hear another Christian woman complain on a blog, in a book, a podcast, or on social media that the church “values virginity or sexual abstinence too much,” nor do I need or want to hear any more women talk about how much Christian sexual abstinence pep talks comparing non-virgins to “used chewing gum” made them feel icky.

Because the times have changed.

It’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly when the change happened, but sometime in the last 10 to 20 years, the Christian community stopped supporting sexual abstinence, and they’ve never truly supported adult virgins who remain single over the age of 30.

(They only gave lip service to supporting anyone who is a virgin / celibate, but in practice, they aren’t there for the sexually abstinent; they’re only there to serve the married-with-children people.)

We are living in quite the opposite age now.

The culture has changed. Most people, including Christians and churches, no longer support celibacy and virginity – but rather mock or insult these things. 

In light of the news stories like the one below, or about how, what is it, 70% of (Link): Christian American women comprise abortion seekers, or how up to half or more of the church see (Link):  nothing wrong with unmarried sex, any Christians out there (especially women – it’s usually women, seldom men) who complain that the church emphasizes virginity or sexual purity too much – are quite full of sh*t and have things totally backwards.

The church now openly supports sexual hedonism, and they shame or question adults who remain virgins until marriage.

Are there double standards, sexism, and problems within “Purity Culture” and how sexual purity is taught, or are there problems with the content of it? Yes, certainly.

But none of those issues suddenly excuse extra-marital sex as being fine and dandy.  And the Bible does not support extra-marital diddling.

You can criticize some of the excesses, sexism, or weirdness of Purity Culture and its teachings without completely tossing aside the principles of sexual propriety or without criticizing, shaming, or mocking those adults who are still virgins or celibate.

A word of warning: I am an (Link): ex-complementarian. But as someone who realized complementarianism was false and abandoned it, I did not become a liberal or embrace sexual hedonism as a result.

I disagree with this woman’s lifestyle who is mentioned below. Rejecting complementarianism does not automatically or necessarily turn a woman into a liberal, feminist, bimbo harlot.

I’m putting this warning in here, because the article mentions the woman in the article became a stripper after joining a church that was more egalitarian in regards to gender roles.

I would imagine a lot of complementarians would see that part of the article and say, or reason to themselves, “A-ha, this is what happens when a woman rejects Christian gender complementarianism!” – but alas, no, it is not.

Again, I rejected complementarianism many years ago, but I did not turn into a sexual hedonist or a bi-sexual stripper.

Another warning: If you’re a Christian, stop assuming that the reason why some leave the Christian faith is because they want to live in sexual hedonism.

Some people leave the faith not to indulge in sexual sin, which is a common and false assumption a lot of Christians have, but due to other reasons, ones having nothing to do with sexual sins, or going after some goal or dream in life that may be considered incompatible with the Bible.

People do have legitimate reasons for questioning the faith, ones that don’t have to do with wanting to be kinky. 

There may be some people for whom wanting to be lascivious is one (or a main) motive in leaving the faith, but that is not true for all.

Additional comments by me are below this:

(Link): Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online 

Nikole Mitchell, a mum-of-three, said she has always wanted to become an erotic dancer but she was brought up in a strict Christian family which put a damper on her dreams

by L. King

She has now come out as bisexual and carved a new career as a stripper, model and erotic dancer.

Thoughts Regarding ‘Both Purity Culture and Hook-Up Culture Failed Me’ by A. Murrish

Thoughts Regarding ‘Both Purity Culture and Hook-Up Culture Failed Me’ by A. Murrish

First, here is a link to the page I will be discussing:

(Link): Both Purity Culture and Hook-Up Culture Failed Me

I don’t care for this editorial.

For one thing it sort of spiritualizes the status of singleness, which is grating to any adult over the age of 35, who had hoped to marry, but is still single.

Next, the author points to the church as a solution for singles.

She is essentially telling marriage-desiring singles to lose themselves in church, to find belonging in church groups.

The problem with this is that for many never-married adults (and some divorced and widowed) over the age of 30, most churches either ignore adult singles, or they insult adult singles, because they are too preoccupied with promoting marriage and catering to the needs of married couples.