Can American Congregations Learn To Embrace The Uncoupled? by E. E. Evans
One or two points I’ve made at this blog going back years, is that churches are so obsessed with married parenthood, that even if you are currently married with children, if your children die, or if they age and move out of the house, your church will not be as welcoming to you, because you no longer have young children at home.
If your spouse dies, your church will have no use for you, and the remaining married couples will no longer hang out with you; they will view you as a potential threat and “marriage wrecker,” and they will practice the “Billy Graham Rule,” so married persons at the church will shy away from you, refuse to be seen alone with you, lest other members just assume you two are having an affair.
If you’re a married person, your spouse may die young, your spouse may develop dementia, and you will go from partners to care taker and patient, or, your spouse may divorce you – you need to develop friendships outside of your marriage.
Churches will not help you out in that area – they view all single adults, whether you are never married, widowed, or divorced, as being threats; they won’t want to be seen with you or invite you out anymore.
(Link): Can American Congregations Learn To Embrace The Uncoupled?
Excerpts:
by Elizabeth E. Evans
[The article discusses what I’ve been blogging about here for ten or more years: the number of single adults is growing, more adults are either opting out of marriage or delaying age of first marriage – and yet many churches either ignore singles to fixate on married with children couples, or they shame single, childless adults for being single, childless, which will not make more marriages happen.
The article also mentions that churches continue to face declining memberships, but many churches try to off-set the loss by appealing to young, nuclear families]
… The emphasis on family ministry, however, is stuck in the demographics of midcentury America, when houses of worship were thriving. “The church model that worked in 1960 doesn’t work anymore,” said Peter McGraw, a professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Colorado at Boulder and author of the recently published “Solo.”
In an environment where churches are hoping to attract and retain members, McGraw argues, “Why do anything that marginalizes a large group of your congregation?”
…That includes, he suggests, not only creating inclusive congregational groups, but details like making sure that promotional materials such as emails and newsletters target everyone.
Evangelical churches seem to be the most dedicated to pursuing families as members — or creating families out of their unpaired members.
… Younger singles aren’t the only ones looking to be included. Lindy Dimeo, 68, a retired crisis pregnancy center director, is a member of Blue Ridge Community Church, a small evangelical church near Charlottesville, Virginia. Dimeo and her husband played in the worship band together, but after he died, she took a few months off. “At the time it was hard living a single life in a family-oriented culture.”
… Mainline Protestant churches also have room for improvement, said the Rev. Jennifer Schultz, pastor of Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Los Alamitos, California.
…But Schultz believes Christian communities are playing catch-up when it comes to welcoming singles, whether young adults, widowed or divorced. “One of the gifts of the church is that it has the potential to be a community for a variety of people. But I do think maybe we’re kind of behind the ball on that.”
McGraw suggests congregations reevaluate their tactics to redefine “family” to include broader feelings of community.
You can read that article in its entirety (Link): here
Said one commentator at the bottom of that page:
by Jane King
When I lost my husband several years ago, I just assumed that I would continue on at my 170 member evangelical church. “We are a family,” was often preached from the pulpit and at first, that seem to be the case. But, as the weeks and months went by, it became apparent that I, as a widow, was no longer valued as a person there. In fact, I remember joking with a friend that the only two things I was allowed to do at church anymore was write checks and keep my mouth shut. As much as I loved that church, I eventually left. It still breaks my heart.
Related:
(Link): Single Adults Why They Stay and Why They Stray (from church) Book Excerpts
(Link): When Marriage and Motherhood Become Idols by J. Oshman
(Link): Would Jesus Shame Single Christian Women? [No, He Would Not] by G. Dalfonzo
(Link): Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire
(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway
(Link): Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”
(Link): Discipling Healthy Male/Female Relationships in the Church Part 1 by Wendy Alsup
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): Celebrating Milestones in the Lives of Single Adults – by Anna Broadway
(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?
(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier
(Link): Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini
(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’
(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One
(Link): Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by B. DePaulo
(Link): Middle-Aged Women Face a Crisis of Discipleship by M. VanLoon
(Link): Welcoming Singles Into Your Church by E. Metaxas via Gina Dalfonzo
(Link): Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine
(Link): Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)
(Link): Why Aren’t More People Getting Married? Ask Women What Dating Is Like. by A. L. Sussman
(Link): The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan
(Link): Valentine’s Day Without A Valentine (Single on Valentine’s) by D. Ryan
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
(Link): The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin – Why Women Are Still Single in Their 30s and Older
(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo
(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t
(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)
(Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by S. Hamaker
(Link): What Churches Should Do for Singles by T. Campolo
(Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)
(Link): 2008 Audio Interview with Julia Duin About Christian Singles
(Link): The Problem with Platitudes – for Christian single over 35 years old never married
(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1
(Link): Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber
(Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults
(Link): Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host (Pat Robertson) Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband
(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison
(Link): Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows
(Link): Christian Couple Dies in Helicopter Crash Hours After ‘Fairytale’ Wedding
(Link): Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her
Christian Pundit 