Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage

Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage

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Edit: here is a Part 2 to this post,

(Link): Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men

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This post of mine may contain some very frank language of a sexual nature, and possibly some cuss words here or there. I’m trying not to get all X-rated with it, but it’s not going to be a squeaky clean type post.

My blog is not Disney Land, all sweetness and light. You’re reading commentary by someone who was a Christian for YEARS who is now very disillusioned with the faith and all the nonsense being taught to Christians by guys like Regnerus and others.

I apologize to any Christians reading this who do not approve of strong language, but this guy’s editorial ticked me off, so a few choice words pop up here and there.

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This post by Mark Regnerus (linked to and critiqued farther below) has to be one of the most insulting, stupid, ill-informed works by a Christian I’ve ever read, and it’s chock-full of the usual Christian stereotypes I regularly critique here on my blog (concerning sex, dating, marriage, gender roles, etc).

I have agreed, at least partially, with this Regnerus guy in the past, with other articles he’s written, but I can’t fully stand behind this one.

This guy shows no respect for singleness, virginity, or celibacy in his essay – NONE. He tosses off a few passing comments claiming he respects singleness, but no, no, he does not. The rest of the essay belies that supposed respect for singleness.

What I will do is give you the links to each piece, followed by excerpts from each one, followed by my commentary below all that.

PART ONE. THE LINKS.

(Link): Porn and the Singles Panic by Gina Dalfonzo

That page is in turn referencing this one:

(Link): The Pornographic Double Bind by Mark Regnerus

PART TWO. EXCERPTS.

Here are excerpts from

The Pornographic Double-Bind by Mark Regnerus:

  • recently observed an online dispute over the matter of men, marrying, and pornography. A crestfallen young woman discovered her boyfriend “struggled” with pornography.
  • I’m never quite sure what “struggling” actually means, since it can be code for anything from shame at taking pleasure in women’s naked beauty all the way up to addiction to hardcore pornography. (There’s a difference.)
  • This young woman elected to remain in her relationship, but she counseled other women to consider the path of least resistance—leaving. Departing, she suggested, is the best option.
  • It wasn’t the first time I’ve encountered this. Not long before that, I sat around a campfire with a couple dozen enthusiastic young adults, listening to the women recount their list of relationship deal-breakers—porn was of course one of them—while the men sat by sheepishly.
  • While I’m sympathetic to their concern, I can also promise you that widespread departures—given the dour numbers on porn use—will only accelerate the flight from marriage in the Church and is likely to backfire on women (as many things tend to do in the domain of relationships) who would leave for pastures that may well not be greener.
  • I would never dream of telling anyone—devoid as I am of information about particular situations—what they ought to do about their boyfriend’s roving eye.
  • However, I have no trouble or qualms in declaring that collectively a categorical call to leave spells doom.
  • Young adults are waiting longer and longer to marry, and fewer are doing so.
  • To counsel further flight is like asserting that our Christian ancestors should have headed to the hills, as wealthy Romans did, to avoid the plague.
  • You can’t flee far enough, and the Church grew by gutting it out, staying put, and caring for the sick.
  • On the matter of men and pornography, the data suggest you cannot flee far enough. Lots of “prudent” decisions to leave will still lead us to the same place—a widespread marriage avoidance. There’s nothing wrong with being unmarried, but we fool ourselves if we think this is the obvious solution.
  • Male sexual behavior, always a bit difficult to pin down in one place, is moving steadily now in a direction either free of partners or else devoid of long-term commitment to just one woman, aided at every turn by technology. Outside the Church, the revolution runs uncontested, as account after account continues to reveal. Inside the Church, we still seem to have trouble admitting that men are attracted to naked women.
  • …But the gritty reality remains—the Church will have to learn how to navigate this, and press forward with grace and truth. Men and women have to forge relationships—marriage—with each other recognizing human weakness and fostering each other’s sanctification.
  • While pornography is certainly a problem, we cannot collectively bail on marriage. It’s too important to the future of the Church. Without a marrying culture in the West, chastity will falter on a scale we have not yet seen.

Excerpts from:

(Link): Porn and the Singles Panic [a response to Mark Regnerus’ post] by Gina Dalfonzo:

  • …As an unmarried woman, I fall into the target audience for such an argument [the one put forward by Mark Regnerus].
  • ….But having said all that, I find his advice highly problematic. He puts undue blame on women for the state of marriage and could easily be read as suggesting they stop turning away men who view porn.
  • …. Yet, he seems to recommend Christian women consider choosing as their life partners men who participate in a practice that exploits women, desensitizes users, and too often destroys sexual intimacy in marriage. If we take seriously Christ’s warning that to lust after a woman is to commit adultery in the heart (Matt. 5:28), that’s asking women to tolerate adultery.
  • …But unfortunately, there are plenty of the latter around, even among Christians. Having listed porn use as a “deal-breaker” in my own eHarmony profile, I’ve been scolded for my prudishness by a couple of those Christian men. Needless to say, I felt absolutely no desire to get to know them well enough for marriage.

    At this point I have to ask: What happened to all those voices I heard in the church when I was growing up, the leaders telling us women to keep our standards high, and to choose only a truly godly man to be the spiritual leader in our home and the loving father of our children? Here’s what happened: They saw singleness increasing within the church and started to panic.

    (Link): I’ve written before that today’s church puts marriage on such a high pedestal that singles are often made to feel second-rate. I can now add to this that we’ve put it on such a high pedestal that we’re hinting at Christians to compromise their standards just to achieve it. In other words, we’ve turned it into an idol. And that makes singles feel more isolated than ever.

  • No one cares. That’s exactly how it feels when, having been taught to seek God’s highest and best for your life, and take a stand for sexual purity no matter the cost, you see some Christian leaders start start to back away from that teaching. After all, nothing could be worse than a church full of single people—that particular cost is too high—so just lower your standards and get married already!

PART THREE. MY THOUGHTS.

Essentially, in this post by MR (Mark Regnerus), MR thinks Christian women should bend the rules, be flexible, and lower their standards, because Christian men cannot or will not control their sexual behavior.

He and those like him try to frame this lame-o, unbiblical view by couching it in terms of “nobody is perfect, after all,” and “we all sin and should extend grace to others”  rhetoric.

Sorry, but the Bible does not teach – and certainly not in the name of “grace” – that Christian women are supposed to lower their standards, or expectations of, morality in themselves, in each other, or in relationships, or in dating, just because a chunk of Christian men are failing miserably at sexual ethics these days.

I am not “anti marriage.” I am over 40, never married, but had wanted to be. I am a virgin.  I was wanting to wait until marriage to have sex (but lately have reconsidered; if or when I can get a steady boyfriend – and he doesn’t have to be a Christian – I’m okay with having pre marital sex at this stage, though I’m not going to go wild and sleep with any and every guy I meet or date).

Basically, MR’s (Mark Regnerus) post is one big long apologetic for Christian males who willingly get into sexual sin (specifically, on-going pornography viewing), or who choose to stay in that sin.

I always have to laugh when I see liberal Christians or ex-Christians claim on their blogs, forums, and Facebook groups, like they often do, that Christians supposedly idolize sexual purity and virginity, because they most certainly as hell do not.

Virginity and sexual purity are under withering attack by Christians, who are the very ones I’d expect to see defending it and encouraging it.

Christians (well, I’m “half-Christian” these days myself, or one-third, or 1/4th – whatever) are scolded by the famous, talking-head conservative Christians (such as famous Christian preachers, bloggers, and authors) for actually being virgins past the age of 25.

Christians who are celibate or who are virgins into adulthood are scolded by other Christians for actually doing what the Bible teaches in regards to sexual morality.

Yet other Christians cannot conceive of any adult making it to 30, 40, or older, and still being a virgin ~ they assume that life long virginity is an IMPOSSIBILITY, despite the fact that many Christians, such as myself, have in fact pulled it off.

Yes, we celibates or adult virgins are told in the midst of very condescending, Christian lectures to give the sexual sinners lots and lots of slack and give them second, third, and fourth chances, those poor babies.

At some point starting a few years ago, adult virgins or celibates began being shamed in conservative Christian content (blogs, sermons, pod casts, magazine articles, and so on) for being virgins, for having high, biblical sexual standards, and for having expectations that others who claim the name of Christ will also attempt to live by Christ’s teachings.

(How nutty and kooky are some Christians that they actually expect other Christians to, you know, do what the Bible teaches about sex, that is, to refrain from sex unless they are married, with marriage being to an opposite-gender individual?)

We adult virgins and celibates are told to bend the rules for each other, for the sexual sinners, and not to expect other self-professing Christians to abide by what the Bible teaches and actually live it out. (I’ve seen this in regards to sexually active homosexuals as well as to fornication among heteros.)

Regnerus is also asking women to put up with porn use by men; he is asking women who consider porn usage a deal breaker to re-consider and to go ahead date and marry men who are hooked on porn.

Women should not have to sacrifice, all for the sake of making the marriage number quota go up, because he’s in a tizzy about it.

Who cares if Christians stop marrying, anyway? The Bible no where makes a case that Christianity will crumble if Christians cease to marry.

The Bible no where makes the case that the survival of the Christian faith hinges on if or when Christian adults marry.

The Bible actually has some damn interesting things to say about the benefit of singleness to the faith (check that out in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7).

The Bible does, however, make the case that Christianity is spread through sharing the message of Christ to non-believers, and not from Christians marrying and having children.

And Regnerus, lean in and listen carefully: did you know that un-married, virgin adults can also share the Gospel with their neighbors?

Were you aware of the fact that Jesus no where said that only MARRIED people can share the Gospel with others?

That’s right. The Bible says that SINGLES may actually be more beneficial at the whole Gospel sharing and service thing than married couples (see again 1 Cor 7).

Christianity rises and falls on the information, the historic event and spiritual truth, that Jesus Christ is God, was killed on the cross for humanity’s sins, and was resurrected. That is the basis of the Gospel –  not the marriage rate among Christians.

Marriage does not equal the Gospel.

Marriage will not, cannot, and does not save anyone from sin, including sexual sin.

As I’ve remarked on this blog many times, I believe that Christians put too many restrictions in place regarding marriage (see links for examples to that at bottom of this post), to the point Christians are basically limiting the number of eligible men a single woman can consider marrying.

For example (there are even more links like this at the bottom of this post, under the “Related Posts” section):

For example, I believe that the demand that Christians marry only other Christians (the “be equally yoked” teaching) is detrimental to Christians, as it needlessly shrinks the pool of potential mates they may choose from.

This is especially true when every report I’ve seen the past few years says there are approximately three single Christian females for every unmarried Christian male.

That means two out of every three single women could not marry a Christian male if they wanted to. Mathematically speaking, it’s an impossibility.

If Christian single women want to marry, they will have to marry outside the Christian faith or else stay single.

I do believe that Christians need to strongly re-evaluate all the hurdles they have put in the way of singles who want to marry. There’s no doubt about that.

However, I do not believe in another extreme, where a Christian single woman who desires marriage should completely dump any and all standards, ethics, and preferences out the window, and certainly not to appease the true marriage idolators in the church, such as Mark Regnerus.

I also find this ironic: I have been told by many Christians (and sometimes not just face to face encounters, but also in blogs, magazine articles, and pod casts about marriage), that because I am single and desire marriage, that I have made marriage into an idol and that I should be content in my singleness and not lift a finger to even attempt to marry.

But there are some Christians who truly have made marriage into an idol.

It’s not the singles who desire marriage who are making it an idol, but rather, the marriage-obsessed preachers, Christians writers, and the Christian sociologists who fret and worry about the fact that more and more Christians are not marrying, so they are telling them to toss any and all restrictions and standards out the window – except the “be equally yoked” one.

I find it odd that these Christian pundits, who idolize marriage and are pushing singles to marry at all cost, to whomever as soon as possible, are willing to tell single, Christian women to dump all other ethical considerations out the window when selecting a mate, but most of them still stubbornly cling to the “be equally yoked” perspective.

(Of course, it depends on the particular breed of CMI, Christian marriage idolaters, which are under consideration or discussion.

There is a sub-set of CMI who keep erecting more and more barriers to single women who desire marriage, e.g., the idiots, who are usually ‘gender complementarians,’ who insist that single women should only marry a Christian man who is a “spiritual headship/ leader” material, etc).

In their bid to rush Christian singles to marry, these CMIs continually “bad mouth” and insult the state of adult singleness, when they should be supporting adult singles in practical ways and writing material that defends and upholds adult singleness.

Instead of seeing ten Christian editorials a month that read like so (and yes, it seems like 45 of these things are published every month by online Christian publications):

  • “Singles should marry right away, no matter what. Lose and dump any and all standards you have for mate criteria and marry the first guy who crosses your path. Singleness is abnormal, weird, and singles are losers.
  • Marry NOW, no matter what, and no matter to whom, as long as the guy has the label “Christian” It doesn’t matter if you are not compatible, or if he murders granny ladies for fun, marry that man NOW!!”

Or, conversely, you may see several Christian editorials per month that tells singles to marry NOW NOW NOW, but that also insist you, a single Christian female, can only marry a single man who is

  • your “spiritual head,” who also has only one arm, who also has six fingers on his left hand, his favorite meal is Tacos with a side order of fried squash, and his middle name must be “Henry,” and he has to be allergic to raisins and the man you marry must be a stamp collector of Swedish stamps.

-In other words, some Christians who are pushing marriage erect far too many barriers, many of which are too nit-picky, to women who desire marriage.

Instead, I’d like to see Christian articles which read thusly:

  • The Bible affirms adult singleness.
  • There is nothing wrong with being single over 30, and there is nothing wrong with desiring to marry, if you are single.
  • Bravo to you for not caving in and marrying just anyone to come down the pike. Bravo to you for not caving in to immense secular and church pressure to marry because culture treats singlehood like a disease and marriage like a deity.
  • Congratulations to you on staying a virgin into your 30s or older, too, applause to you!!

Christians – and I note these are usually married Christians – are forever depicting adult singleness as being a form of immaturity, of deliberately putting off adult responsibility, and they tend to assume the only “cure” for sexual immorality is to get all singles married pronto.

Regnerus actually says:

  • There’s nothing wrong with [Christian women] being unmarried, but we fool ourselves if we think this is the obvious solution [for dealing with Christian men who are habitual porn users].

If there is nothing wrong with being unmarried, why are you pushing for immediate nupitals, and sans standards in partner choice at that?

Why is staying unmarried not an obvious solution? I’m over 40 years of age and still single, and I had wanted to be married, but my life did not turn out that way.

My “Christian Prince Charming” that was supposed to be mine, I was told by preachers, Christian parents, and sermons, if I just prayed for him, waited, had faith, served in church, and tried eHarmony (dating sites), never did enter into my life.

And your idiotic, impractical, unbiblical, and dangerous solution is for me to escape singleness is to twist my hands in worry, become desperate, and marry any old guy who claims to be a Christian, even if he has an immense porn addiction?

Or if he crushes puppies for fun?  Or if he regularly steals candy from babies and is a serial killer?

Hey, maybe I can start writing lots of prison inmates who are in prison for life!

Yeah, I’ll hit on and flirt with the child molesters, child rapists, wife abusers, and killers, and when they get out in 15 to 20, I’ll marry one of them.

Hey, some woman married this deviant:

I guess Regnerus would approve! Hey, it doesn’t matter that this woman married this guy KNOWING damn well he has sexual intercourse with, and performs oral sex on, horses, but she is fine with it, as well.

All that matters is that this woman is MARRIED dang- gum- it, it matters not the character of her husband! Who cares if this guy thinks it’s acceptable to have sex with a horse, am i rite or what?

How about this lovely married couple:

Or this:

Or this:

If we’re going to teach women to eliminate some standards (on sexual purity, no less), might as well go all the way, shall we?

I mean, why not extend grace to men who screw horses or who are into wife swapping? Don’t those poor dears deserve a second, third chance from single, Christian women, too?

What, are we going to show favortism to Christian men whose favored form of sex sin is looking at nudie sites, but turn our noses up at wife swappers and dog and horse rapists?

I do think dog rape and such is far worse than men looking at adult, human women nudie trash online, but it seems like special pleading to me to ask me, a Christian single woman, to look the other way in regards to nudie sites but not consider child rapists or dog sex fetish guys.

Who is Regnerus to lecture me on what my boundaries, ethics, and criteria should be? This is MY life, not his.

These Christians who lament over the state of low marriage rates among Christian singles insult and denigrate singleness, which is heretical, since the Bible itself esteems singleness, celibacy and being childless.

It’s not the Bible which attacks or shames singleness, it’s the marriage idolaters such as Mark Rengenrus, Russell Moore, Al Mohler, and others.

These men would shame and lecture Jesus of Nazareth himself for being single and celibate past the age of 30, if they had access to a time machine and could visit Israel roughly 2,000 years ago.

If I held a contest in regards to which contemporary Christian I’d give a blue ribbon, a gold trophy, concerning offense views or commentary concerning sexual ethics and/or singleness, I am not sure who I would choose (links to more about each of these points at bottom of this post):

  • Russell Moore – who mocks virgins and virginity, and says that virgin adults have made virginity into an idol
  • Pat Robertson – says that virginity is not a big deal and is only expected of Christ’s mother, Mary
  • Mark Regnerus – tells Christian, single women that them holding biblical sexual standards makes them to blame for the explosion of singleness, does not hold Christian men accountable for their own sexual sins
  • Tim Challies – who ridicules and diminishes virginity and says that “even fornicators are virgins now,” and who basically says biblical sexual morals should be based on if or whether they hurt the feelings of sexual sinners

Regarding this quote or two by MR (Mark Regnerus):

  • I’m never quite sure what “struggling” [with porn] actually means, since it can be code for anything from shame at taking pleasure in women’s naked beauty all the way up to addiction to hardcore pornography. (There’s a difference.)
  • …Outside the Church, the revolution runs uncontested, as account after account continues to reveal. Inside the Church, we still seem to have trouble admitting that men are attracted to naked women.

No, I have to strongly disagree. Christians today are constantly harping on the bogus idea that “men are visually stimulated,” so preachers are forever bringing up “the porn problem” among men in their sermons and blogs, and they are constantly pressuring married Christian women to dress like hookers, and diet to stay stick thin, to keep their supposed “visually oriented” husbands turned on.

Married preachers are constantly referring to their wives as “smokin’ hot,” which is sexist, and to the point it’s become a Christian cultural cliche’ people are tired of hearing (see this link for more on that, off site link).

Believe me, the Christian church in America does NOT have a problem recognizing that men like looking at naked women, what rock have you been under, Regnerus?

Christians more than acknowledge that men are attracted to naked women (and has this guy never heard of pervy preachers such as (Link): Mark Driscoll? Go read The Church of Sex -off site link), it’s all they ever freaking talk about.

One hears more about male sexual preferences in the average sermon today, when not hearing about “vision casting,” or “how to have a great marriage,” than one hears about Jesus.

And why all this emphasis on the male gaze and what men want, sexually speaking?

Christians (and secular culture too) are in denial that women want sex, women like sex, and women are visually oriented.

Hence, my numerous posts on the topic, including, but not limited to these posts:

Regarding this part of MR’s comment:

  • …since it [the phrase “struggling with porn”] can be code for anything from shame at taking pleasure in women’s naked beauty

I’ve yet to hear of any Christian, even the very backwards, very legalistic IFBs (Ind. Fundy Baptists), equate “taking pleasure in a women’s naked beauty” with pornography. Where is Regnerus even getting that from?

All conservative Christians I’ve ever read or heard sermonize about sex (even the IFBs, who are ultra, hyper legalistic) go on about how God made women beautiful, sex is great, God invented sex, Christians should not be prudes about sex or nudity, yada yada.

I think the vast majority of people who use the phrase “struggle with porn”  (including Christians who use the term) are referring to people who habitually or consistently use pornography, say, for example, a married guy who, after his wife goes off to sleep, sneaks into the den to look at porn sites for a couple of hours (and this is a daily or weekly occurrence).

MR writes:

  • Without a marrying culture in the West, chastity will falter on a scale we have not yet seen.

No, it won’t. Adult virginity and celibacy are possible, they are not unobtainable goals or life situations. I’m over 40 and still a virgin. And I have a normal sex drive.

The Bible teaches that sexual self control is possible.

If someone is “burning in lust” (1 Cor 7 9) but cannot find a marital partner, it does not mean they are bound to have sex, that they are incapable of exercising restraint.

Being married does not “cure” a person of pornography addiction or usage – or from having affairs or visiting prostitutes, or from other sexual sins (see –this page– on this blog for actual examples). 

As a matter of fact, almost any time I have seen a “I’m a man addicted to porn, here is how I broke free” testimony on Christian television shows, the guy giving said testimony almost always says something like this:

  • I become a porn addict in my teen years. I thought once I got married to my wife, my sexual lusts and desires would be fulfilled in the marital bed.
  • And I did have regular sex with my sexy wife. The sex was good or okay.
  • But I still found myself sneaking down to the computer in the basement and looking at porn all night, several times a week.

It is an absolute fallacy to imply or state out right that marriage puts a damper on porn use or halts men from sleeping around with a lot of women.

I don’t know why Regnerus would even imply that being married is some kind of cure-all to porn addiction in his editorial, since I believe he said elsewhere on the same page he’s known of marriages that ended because the husband was an avid porn user.

MR (Regnerus) wrote,

  • They want to be in a relationship with men, but the men suddenly have more sexual options.

So do women, women have options, even in the current climate. I am a woman. I am not married.

I now realize that I don’t have to stay a virgin until marriage – I can have pre-marital sex with boyfriends, if I so choose, and which yes, I realize the Bible considers sin. But it’s still a choice one can make.

I, a woman, can look at porn (though I choose not to. I don’t see the appeal, and the porn business seems to exploit people).

There’s the ever popular practice of masturbation (remember, sex with another person is a luxury, not a necessity. I should maybe get that expression printed up on a T-shirt sometime).

It’s not like women are completely without options if the menfolk are so busy stroking their “johnsons” (or “wangs” if you prefer) to nudie photos on a nudie site that they don’t want to get it on with a real, live woman.

I’m also cautious of any essay that puts forward only one reason as to why people are not marrying, which is what MR’s seems to be doing.

I feel it’s wrong and simplistic to suggest the only or main reason singles are not marrying is because 90% of men are looking at porn and 99% of women refuse to marry porn users.

I’m also very put off by this – would feminists call it “man-splaining” what Regnerus is doing in this essay? I’m not sure if that is the term for it or not, but I don’t want a man (is he married? – I especially find it grating when married guys tell me, a never married, 40-something woman, what I should be doing about my single status, or how I should be seeking a mate, or whatever in relation to these subjects)…

I’m put off by this guy telling me I should go ahead and consider marrying a Christian man, even if I learn that said guy has a porn problem.

It’s not up to Regnerus to decide for me who I will marry and what mate criteria I will utilize. I will determine for myself who I want to marry, and how much if at all, porn use is a deal breaker.

Christians need to stop treating adult, single women as though they are little five year old girls who they can lecture and scold, especially about life choices such as whom to marry (if at all. Some women don’t want to marry).

Single Christian women are capable of making their own choices in life, and that includes when, if, and whom to marry, and if porn use (and level of porn use) by the man they are dating is a deal breaker for them.

And please. Stop with the “we’re all sinners, we need to show each other grace” and, “ladies, help those sinning Christian men in their sanctification journey” type crap. And yes, it’s total crap.

For one thing, I am not the Holy Spirit. It’s not up to me to help any guy with his “sanctification.” I don’t expect men to help me with my “sanctification” journey. Why are Christian men so freaking entitled? They are always demanding or expecting women to carry men.

Even God, according to the Bible, holds sinners accountable, and God also teaches even if he forgives you of your sin, you will still (usually) face earthly consequences for that sin – and that may be developing diabetes if you eat ten pounds of donuts a day, or going to jail if you rob the bank down the street.

That kind of rationale (‘we’re all sinners, show each other grace”) is dragged up constantly in other contexts by Christians, and sadly, even concerning rape cases and pedophilia that happens in churches or Christian universities.

Christians refuse to hold wife abusers or child molesters accountable for their sins because they believe “I’m a sinner too, who am I to judge this other guy,” or “all sins are equal” nonsense.

If I walk in on a grown man molesting a child, whether it’s in a church or some other setting, you know what kind of grace I will demonstrate to that man?

Here’s the kind of grace I will extend: my boot up his ass (possibly a blunt object through his skull, too) and a phone call to police to get his sorry, perverted ass hauled to jail (or the morgue).

And no, I’m not going to date or marry that child molesting piece of shit to comfort Mark Regnerus’ anxiety over falling marriage rates.

This kind of sick, twisted thinking goes on among so-called Christians, by the way. It really does.

A preacher in a church knowingly married a child molesting pervert (named Steve Sitler) to a young woman (named Katie Travis)You can read about that in a post at The Wartburg Watch blog entitled “The Real Doug Wilson Encouraged & Presided Over the Marriage of Serial Pedophile.”

You can google around to find that blog. Once there, you can use that blog’s search feature on the upper right to find the name “Doug Wilson” and search through all their Wilson posts to find the specific post I referenced above.

You can also read a bit about that revolting story (Link): here (on the Newwwest site).

MR wrote,

  • The challenge invades congregations as well: 26 percent of weekly church-attending men reported porn use within the past week.

And I am absolutely under no obligation to marry porn-using, porn-addicted Christian men.

These men choose to be married to their computer screens (i.e., the air-brushed, nude models on their porn sites).

That also leaves about 74% of church attending men who are NOT using porn.

And why does the man in question have to be a church attender? What if a woman finds a Christian guy who hates church and decided to quit (see (Link): this story for instance, off site link).

I agree with some of the commentators who remarked on the rebuttal of MR’s awful page on Christianity Today that they’d rather stay single than compromise on their values, or would rather marry a kind-hearted, non-porn addicted atheist than to marry a regular church attending, Jesus loving porn addict.

MR [Mark Regnerus] makes these sorts of statements in his editorial:

  • Contrary to what is sometimes asserted, women have the right to be annoyed or upset by porn.
  • …Breaking off a relationship because of pornography use can be a rational, justifiable, and moral reaction to a problem—the predilection for peering at nudity online…
  • While I’m sympathetic to their concern [of women who are upset by their sweetie’s porn habits]…
  • …I would never dream of telling anyone—devoid as I am of information about particular situations—what they ought to do about their boyfriend’s roving eye.

Yet, despite all those qualifiers and disclaimers, he spends the entire rest of the editorial arguing that women should go right ahead and stay married to these losers, or marry them if they are single, Because Marriage.

Because, OMG, marriage trumps EVERYTHING!!!

Christianity and American society will be come to an end if people don’t marry, the horror!!!

It doesn’t matter if you find out that your boyfriend has anal sex with three year old boys and decapitates them afterwards, because if he attends church on a regular basis, you should still marry that man, Because Marriage!!!!

Did you know that infamous, jailed mass murderer Charles Manson recently announced plans to get married? True. Here are some off site news reports about it:

So. She’s marrying a convicted, nutty KILLER, but hey, she is helping to make the marriage rate go up, so you go girl -?

And as if attempting to make marriage rates go up justifies nullifying Christian teachings, or in nullifying a woman’s personal preferences in mate criteria, or if she wants to stay single.

MR writes,

  • Young adults are waiting longer and longer to marry, and fewer are doing so.

The Bible does not command anyone to marry at all, nor does the Bible cite a command telling Christians they must marry by a certain age. So, why all the panic? God doesn’t panic over these societal shifts, why are you?

MR says,

  • the data suggest you cannot flee far enough. Lots of “prudent” decisions to leave [a Christian man who uses porn] will still lead us to the same place—a widespread marriage avoidance.

No, a Christian woman can consider dating and marrying Non-Christian men who are not regular porn users. That is a possibility.

Christian single women can also learn to accept their singleness, find other meaning in life, learn to enjoy life in spite of marriage not coming to pass, and move on with life (that’s what I’ve done).

MR wrote,

  • While pornography is certainly a problem, we cannot collectively bail on marriage.

Yes, we can.

Being married is not a requirement of the Christian faith, and 1 Cor 7 says there are advantages to remaining single.

Besides, people have already “bailed on marriage.” It’s done.

That ship has sailed. Writing editorials shaming women into marrying men they have no interest in marrying is not going to reverse the trend.

Also, Christians, stop with putting all the burdens on to the shoulders of WOMEN.

Women are constantly blamed by Christians for garbage like this – here the men are dropping the ball and screwing up, and women are being told to fix it. Nope. Men are creating this problem, men can clean it up.

I’d still like to be married eventually, even if that means being married to an atheist, but the older I get, I grow more and more comfortable with being single.

You’re not going to convince women to marry men they have no desire to marry, or whom they feel would violate their personal mores, and that holds true the older the woman becomes.

I’m tired of the Christians who are actually living out Christ’s teachings being told by Christians with an agenda (e.g., marriage pushers) they have to constantly cave in to, defer to, the Christians who are falling down on actually living out Christ’s teachings, who are living carnal lives.

This was a rotten, horrible article by Regnerus.

Regnerus also affirms the unbiblical stances that I see pop up often in Christian writing on these issues, that….

  • marriage is somehow more godly or preferable than singleness;

and

  • lifelong virginity is impossible, so everyone MUST marry or else they will inevitably fall into sexual sin

-and on a lesser note (several false, un-biblical views are tied up into this),

  • American Christians should be overly concerned with falling American marriage and birth rates, and therefore, all Christians should marry and have ten kids apiece, or else, the USA will be on the road to ruin and be over run by pagans, liberals, and Muslims

(And a reminder: I am a right wing Republican who does not agree with liberals on a host of issues. But I don’t believe in ‘beating liberals by out-breeding them” is a valid, sane, or good option, and I don’t see the Bible teaching the notion that Christians are to “out breed” folks they disagree with.)

It’s quite possible I have overlooked additional points I wanted to make about the dreadful piece by Regnerus, but if that is so, I suppose in future days, I can edit this post to add those thoughts. For now, I’d like to just publish this thing.

——————————

Related posts this blog:

(Link): Woman Partner Competes with Porn for Attention (Ask Amy)

(Link): America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

 (Link): Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men
(Link):  Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”

(Link):  Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry 

(Link):  Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44

(Link):  Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sex / Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex

(Link): Typical Erroneous Teaching About Adult Celibacy Rears Its Head Again: To Paraphrase Speaker at Ethics and Public Policy Center: Lifelong Celibacy is “heroic ethical standard that is not expected of heteros, so it should not be expected of homosexuals”

(Link): Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (they attack both concepts)

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link):  Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female?

(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Christian Blogger Tim Challies Teaches Heresy, that All Fornicators are Virgins and – Now Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link):  Married Female Christian Blogger Whose Mate Hunting Criteria is Guaranteed to Keep Marriage Minded Single Christian Men Single Perpetually

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): How Christian Teachings on Marriage/ Singleness/ Gender Roles/ Dating Are Keeping Christian Singles Single

(Link): 21 Year old, Devout Christian and Student, Children’s Minister Charged With Murdering Fiancée He Was to Wed in August; Made It Look Like Suicide – Christian Single Women: Another Example of Why You Should Abandon the “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching

(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

(Link):  The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link): Misuse of Terms Such As “Traditional Families” by Christians – Re: Kirk Cameron, Homosexual Marriage, and the 2014 Grammys

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): On Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): Pat Robertson says ‘Virginity Has Nothing To Do With Marriage’ and Says (Paraphrasing) ‘Virginity Was Fine For Mary But Not Applicable For Any Other Christians’

(Link):  “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

(Link):  Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link): Wife of Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

 (Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link):  Family as “The” Backbone of Society?

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

(Link) Have we made an idol of families? by A. Stirrup (copy)

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Study: Conservative Protestants’ Christians divorce rates spread to their red state neighbors

(Link):  Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link):  Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate and Virgin Shaming

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link):  “Because I was single I felt second class.”-by Chandin, former Mars Hill member & single, on Mars Hill church

(Link):  Single At Thanksgiving (humor)

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