views and thoughts on topics, especially ones pertaining to christianity – with an emphasis on how most christians either ignore or discriminate against unmarried christians – and how christians have turned marriage and parenting into IDOLS and how there is no true support for sexual purity, virginity, or celibacy among christians – this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don't debate dissenters ————-
Some Dude Lost His Virginity at Age 27 and Wants to Reassure Others It’s Okay to be a Virgin Later in Life. My Thoughts.
I’m in my mid-40s and still a virgin. I was engaged to a guy in my early 30s but broke things off because my ex was a stupid, selfish idiot. I have a normal libido. However, I was committed to staying a virgin until marriage, so the ex and I never consummated the relationship.
The older I get, the more annoyed or bemused I am by these stories I see online, where some woman or man tries to cheer on other people by saying, “And I didn’t lose my virginity until the ripe old age of 27!” (I think this article says the guy who wrote it is now age 44 or 42.)
Well, okay, but also, big fat deal. I’m in my 40s and still a virgin. I have met men and women on other sites who are age 50 and older and still virgins. So excuse me for not being blown away by some guy who is all, “And I didn’t start porking around until my late 20s.”
In the years I’ve been writing at this blog (and in years before that), I’ve seen so many people regret sex (they say as much in magazine articles, on blogs, and people I’ve talked to face to face). So many people feel pressured into having sex, so they end up having sex with an idiot or jerk, they regret it, or the sex they finally end up having (Link):is gross or (Link): terrible.
This is from a British paper, so I assume this guy is famous in the UK (I’ve never heard of him before):
A Song for All the Male ‘Ones’ (the Fat, Balding, Sexist, and/or Ugly Guys) Who Rate Women on Scales of One To Ten
I present to you the song “Numbers,” recorded by Bobby Bare some time in the 1970s or 1980s.
For all the male idiots out there who think they can and should rate what women look like on scales of 1 to 10.
This song is Doubly applicable to males who are fat, balding, and/or look like they fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down ~AND~ who think they deserve to date or marry women who look like movie stars or models.
The 50-year-old Oscar-winning actress openly spoke about the effects three divorces have had on her life.
“I have learned to deal with three failed marriages, which has not been easy, especially when there’s children involved,” Berry shared at Saturday’s 2017 City Summit and Gala (Link): via Entertainment Tonight.
Cheating Christian Man Tells Wife He is Not Built for Marriage – Take Carrie’s Advice On Cheating Jerks – Equally Yoked Is A Stupid Teaching
A Christian woman wrote to Pat Robertson, host of the Christian show ‘The 700 Club,’ with the following letter (you can view the video segment with this letter, as well as listen to Pat Roberson’s reply to her (Link): here (You Tube)):
[Dear Pat Robertson]
I married a man who I thought was a Christian … even though I knew he cheated on me a year before I married him.
He is addicted to porn and I just recently found out he was talking to another woman.
They both said they did not have sex, but I am crushed.
Is this adultery? What should I do? He says he wasn’t made for marriage,
Robertson basically tells her she does not have grounds to divorce the guy (I disagree with him. More on that farther below).
Newlyweds Forced to Be Celibate After Bride Diagnosed With Cervical Cancer Just Days After Honeymoon
I hope this woman’s health recovers. (The link to the news story about this woman and her husband is much farther below. I wanted to make a few observations first.)
Growing up, I often heard or read Christians say that if one remains a virgin until marriage, that the married sex will be regular and great – I never once heard Christians discuss the possibility of a sexless marriage, where at least one partner does not want to have sex, or cannot (due to health problems, job stress, or what have you).
A lot of people, Christians certainly included, mistakenly think that sexual sin is the province ONLY of adult singles.
Therefore, Christian sermons and materials rarely discuss the possibility that married persons may have affairs, use prostitutes or pornography. Christians tend to teach that sexual purity (including chastity and celibacy) are only for adult singles, even though the Bible teaches that sexual purity is also expected of married persons.
Many Christians are in error to assume that the “marry if you don’t want to burn in lust” verse, as written by Paul, should be translated to mean, “Married persons will never commit sexual sins once they marry.”
The only sexual sin marriage takes care of is pre-marital sex.
Obviously, if two people marry and have sex with each other after marriage, their sex is not fornication (pre-marital sex). However, I have example after example on my blog (especially in the “sex sins by married couples one stop thread”) of married couples who use porn, hire call girls, molest kids, have affairs, etc.
There is nothing intrinsic about being married that makes sexual sin impossible.
A married man may still view porn, rape little kids, or have affairs on his wife. Being married is not a fail-safe or guarantee measure of sexual purity, but many Christians continue to act as though it is.
Sexual sin is therefore generally associated by many Christians with ADULT SINGLENESS (with the state of being single), so that single women (such as myself) are ostracized by the Christian community (often under the Billy Graham Rule) as being “sexual temptresses,” although we are still virgins over the age of 35.
I, as a virgin adult woman, am ostracized and penalized by other Christians for something I have not even done (ie, had sex with a married man) – Christians just assume because I am single and female that I will want to lure a married man into bed. It is a very offensive view point that is common in churches and among Christians.
As for the allegations themselves – not just the STDs, but where he allegedly suggests that his girlfriend, Cathriona White, takes the “morning after pill” and that he texts her about sexual stuff while in the middle of a conversation about their deceased parents? Holy smokes, if this is true, this actor sounds like a real selfish and creepy jerk.
And this makes me glad to be a celibate single. No, I don’t want Herpes or Gonorrhea, no thanks. No, I don’t want to discuss bawdy sex stuff, certainly not in the midst of having a conversation about deceased loved ones, what the hell?
Love Does Not Have to Be Romantic or Erotic: Maleficent Movie
Usually, secular culture (including Hollywood) and Christian culture prioritize romantic (or erotic) love.
Jesus Christ taught in the New Testament that his followers are supposed to place him at the center of their lives, with spiritual brothers and sisters taking priority, or at least equal to, their family of origin (read more about that (Link): here).
Christians, however, continue to prioritize biological family or spouse over spiritual family, which alienates the widows, the divorced, and other Christians who are single or who don’t have nuclear families.
Every once in awhile, I come across a movie or television show that “gets it,” which gets that sometimes, friends or friendship means more than “family,” or more than a spouse. Sometimes, you’ll end up alone if you don’t have friends.
Or, sometimes the message presented in entertainment is that family is what you make it – meaning, the friends you choose to associate with, not the family you’re born into.
I’m not opposed to marriage. Part of me would still like to marry eventually, but, I so tire of the culture making the message out to be that the only true, valid form of love is romantic love (i.e., dating or marriage).
I watched the movie “Maleficent” on cable television the other day, and was pleased to see that this story acknowledges that sometimes, “true love” does not come from a Prince Charming, but from one person caring about another one in a platonic way.
Preacher Mark Driscoll Disparages Virgins and Virginity (Again)
If you have found this blog post by way of another source, please note that the person sharing it likely does not necessarily agree with all opinions expressed below.
I do not personally agree with ALL of Purity Culture teaching (or with how it is taught), but I still believe that Bible does prohibit sex except for married couples (married being ‘one man to one woman’).
Unfortunately, many of the anti-Purity Culture proponents I see online seem to think the Bible does not teach sexual ethics at all, or, they seem to feel that everyone should just ignore what the Bible says about sexual morality and do whatever they want.
This is the sort of post I would rather not make. It’s the sort of post I sit around hoping another blogger will address, but it looks like it falls to me.
Preacher Mark Driscoll has disparaged virgins and virginity before (see (Link): this post on my blog)- his views on adult singleness are also narrow and un-biblical.
As I’ve noted in a much older post (please see (Link): this post), about the only people I see defending fornication (pre-marital sex) are those who are either on an “Anti Purity Culture Crusade,” or are they themselves self-admitting fornicators.
How convenient that adults who have not lived up to the Bible’s standard of no- nooky- prior- to- marriage are the very same ones who shame adult virgins for being virgins, for wanting to marry a fellow virgin, and/or for being upset that their intended spouse is not a virgin.
I’m pretty tired and worn out by self-professing fornicators lecturing me (or people like me), a 40-something actual, honest- to- God virgin, about sexual sin, sexual standards, and grace.
Here is a link to the piece I am discussing in this post:
Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape
The guy in this story, Willis, is a married father who was on a “family values” type TV show, where he was passing himself off as being a good, Christian guy. He has been arrested for having raped a child years ago.
As someone who can be pretty critical of lots of Christians and “family values” rhetoric, I do think I should periodically mention when blogging about these news stories I do realize that not all Christians (or people who have traditional values) are scum bags.
However, these sorts of stories are common enough – stories about guys who claim to be Christ-followers or who are big advocates of “Family Values” who do end up being child molesters or wife beaters – that maybe Christians who are heavily vested in the culture wars might want to take a step back.
I will also remind readers how this story about a married man who is father to numerous biological children who raped a person shows that the Christian propaganda and stereotype that being married and a parent is necessary to being a good, godly, mature, or ethical person is a bunch of nonsense.
TBI agents carried out a days-long investigation of the charges against Willis, who is the father of 12 children, all of whose names begin with the letter J. The Duggar-like musical family were the stars of their own reality show about traveling the country spreading the Christian gospel and performing country music. However, due to poor ratings, TLC canceled the show in April.
Willis was apprehended in Kentucky where he fled in an attempt to evade arrest. He will be extradited to Tennessee’s Cheatham County Jail, where he will be held without bond.
Willis and his wife Brenda — like Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar — are (Link) Quiverfull parents, adherents to a Christian dominionist sect that encourages married couples to produce as many offspring as possible in order to raise an army of believers.
America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)
I don’t know how much of this I agree with, but it does pertain to topics I blog about frequently, so here it is.
I keep seeing conservative Christian men blame feminism for delayed marriage among men, and at least one Christian sociologist blamed Christian women for declining marriage rates, because he feels that single Christian women are unwilling to marry Christian male porn addicts – he argues they should marry porn addicts anyway (for real; see this post).
Yet another article I (Link):linked to previously blamed porn addiction – that men are getting their kicks from nude women online, so they don’t feel the need to date real life women.
This article is citing immaturity for why so many men are not marrying (the single men supposedly want to play video games all day long).
Where have America’s young men gone? According to Erik Hurst, an economist from the University of Chicago, they haven’t gone anywhere—they’re just plugged in.
In a (Link): recent interview, Hurst says that his research indicates that young men with less than a four-year degree (according to virtually all data, that’s an increasing number) are spending their days unemployed and unmarried, but not un-amused.
“The hours that they are not working have been replaced almost one-for-one with leisure time,” Hurst reports. “Seventy-five percent of this new leisure time falls into one category: video games. The average low-skilled, unemployed man in this group plays video games an average of twelve, and sometimes upwards of thirty hours per week.”
Hurst goes on: “These individuals are living with parents or relatives, and happiness surveys actually indicate that they [are] quite content compared to their peers, making it hard to argue that some sort of constraint, [such as that] they are miserable because they can’t find a job, is causing them to play video games.”
WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This
This story comes from NewsBusters, which is discussing a column written for Washington Post newspaper by columnist Kristen Page-Kirby about the new Ghostbusters movie.
The original Ghostbusters movie, released in the 1980s, contained four male leads. The reboot version of the movie, which was released July 15, 2016, contains four women leads instead.
Unfortunately, over a year or more ago, when news came out that there would be four women leads in the film, some of the sexist jerkwads who inhabit the internet started lambasting the movie all over You Tube, Twitter, and where ever else – not because the move was bad (it wasn’t even released yet), but because they were incensed that Hollywood was cramming some form of feminism down their throats.
Interestingly, I didn’t see as much backlash over the main character of the new Star Wars film, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” being a woman – Rey.
At any rate, I will be discussing two or three different topics in this post that are related to this new film, or mentioned by the conservative essayist at the NewsBusters site.
This is another story where I am in the middle. I can’t say as though I’m completely on one side or another in regards to some aspects of this story, depending on what is under discussion.
I am currently a moderate right-winger (I used to be more to the right than I am currently. In the last few years, I’ve been reconsidering if some of my former political and Christian beliefs are wrong.)
I’ve been more open the last few years to hearing the criticisms and views of liberals and Non-Christians – which is not to say I agree with everything I see left wingers and Non-Christians espousing or arguing in favor of.
I sometimes think secular, liberal feminists have good points on some topics, but I normally disagree with them.
As far as the Ghostbusters film reboot is concerned, I do think some of the backlash against the movie does in fact stem from sexism. But then, I do think some people may honestly feel that the movie is genuinely bad due to having a poor story line, or what have you.
I have not seen the movie yet. I don’t go to movie theaters that much anymore.
I usually wait until movies air on cable television; I’m willing to bet that this Ghostbusters reboot will probably be shown on F/X channel, or SyFy, or some other cable network in the next two years, and I have cable television, so I don’t know if I want to invest my time and cash into driving down to a theater to see this, since it will eventually be on television.
I saw the original Ghostbusters in a movie theater when it was in theaters in the 1980s. I was a kid at the time.
The original was okay, it was quite enjoyable and plenty of fun, but it was no movie masterpiece, so to all the men online who were griping about the reboot featuring all women leads: get the hell over it already.
And yes, you were, or are, being sexist douche bags about it. I don’t buy for a moment that ALL male griping about the film is based on non-sexist reasons, like shoddy trailers, or supposed poor CG work.
The vast majority of the professional reviews (and I have read a ton of them) for the new Ghostbusters film have deemed it “okay.” -Not terrible. Not great. But just “meh.” It’s so-so, most reviews have said.
What I don’t appreciate is that the columnist for WaPo who was discussing male backlash about the movie is using virginity as an insult.
Preacher Says in Sermon that Single Men Who Play Video Games Are Losers Who Have Retarded Spirits and This Creates Dating Problems for Women
According to this preacher, if you are an unmarried man who plays video games, you have a “retarded spirit.”
If you are a hetero single man, would you say that is a step up or a step down from being assumed to be homosexual, as far as assumptions, insults, and stereotypes about unmarried men go (especially ones by Christians)?
I do believe pastor Mark Driscoll (who is very sexist against women) has also said similar things about unmarried men, back when he was heading Mars Hill church.
I’m pretty sure that (Link): this is the church’s home page.
The pastor for an Arlington, Texas church tried to hide video of a sermon in which he blamed video games for dating problems within his congregation, (Link): the Friendly Atheist reported.
The Faith Christian Center had originally posted Pastor Gene Lingerfelt’s remarks on its Vimeo account. But the video was taken down after the sermon began to attract attention online, as seen below.
[The preacher in the video said:] “There are young gals in this church. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful young gals, and you know why they can’t get a date? ‘Cause that retarded spirit got onto young men.”
Yorgos Lanthimos’s allegorical rumination on finding a mate is witty, cruel, and deeply unsettling.
…Thus opens The Lobster, the stunning English-language debut of the Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos. A black comedy laced with moments of shocking cruelty, the film is a dystopian allegory about the human need to find a mate—a brilliant, if morbid, meditation on relationships in the age of the dating app.
Woman Book Author – Andrea Tantaros – Suggests That Single Women Are Miserable And Can’t Get Husbands Because Feminism. My Critique of Her Article / Book
(This post has been edited to add several new comments and a link or two)
If you are new to my blog: I am right wing, I don’t agree with most secular feminism, but I do think secular feminism is correct on a point here or there.
This article I link you to farther below is about a book a woman wrote (I believe she is right wing), and it reads like one of those “blame feminism” type works. The book is by Andrea Tantaros, and its title is “Tied Up in Knots: How Getting What We Wanted Made Women Miserable.”
I have not read the book; I have only read the author’s article about the book, which you see linked to farther down the page. I take it that her article is a sort of preview about what one can expect to see in the book.
This article argues that most women got what they wanted (via feminism), and they are miserable as a result: they are not getting men. Women want marriage and are not getting married. The women want to have great careers, but they also want a manly- man who will marry them and sometimes take care of them; they want a partner to share life with.
Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Guarantee for a Lasting Relationship – Contra Comic Chelsea Handler
The following blog post contains strong profanity in places and some frank sexual talk. —————————————–
Not that I object to this editorial per se, but it’s being carried by the same site (a pro-life site) that (Link): usually denigrates female virginity – because they put too high a premium on people pro-creating, and if a woman is remaining chaste, she is, in their opinion, in sin, or error or some sort, for not having sex and making babies, because supposedly, a woman’s only purpose in life is to make babies (even though the Bible no where teaches this concept).
But here is a guest editorial they are featuring where the author is defending a person’s right to sexually abstain, and it’ okay.
Our society is obsessed with talking about sex, regardless if you’re having it or not. Take for instance the recent March (Link): cover of People magazine, which featured the title, “Bachelor’s Sean & Catherine, Waiting for Our Wedding night.”
To make things a bit clearer, they added below the title, “No sex until ‘I do.’” The cover may intrigue those who scratch their heads, wondering in earnest why anyone would (gasp) wait to have sex.
Viral Virgin Brelyn Bowman Talks Purity Backlash From Christians, New Book ‘No Ring, No Ting’ (Interview)
I agree that those Christians (or ex Christians) who are opposed to sexual purity (virginity) lifestyles or teachings have gone overboard with it – as have some secular liberals.
Women (or men) who, of their own freewill, choose to abstain sexually are mocked or ridiculed for abstaining. (I have links with examples to this under the “Related Posts” section at the end of this post).
I think it’s very hypocritical for people to champion all sexual behaviors or choices of women EXCEPT FOR staying a virgin until marriage. Celebrity women can yak all day long about their sexual conquests on Twitter or in interviews, and nobody raises a fuss – but the moment a woman makes public that she’s waiting until marriage (or a serious relationship) to have sex, she will be faced with a lot of ridicule and criticism. Even by so-called feminists, who claim to respect all sexual choices of women.
I have blogged about this woman previously (Link): here.
Brelyn Bowman says she wasn’t surprised that people in the secular world disapproved of her posting a gynecologist’s purity certificate on social media after her wedding day last year. But she was shocked by the backlash that came from Christians.
The 23-year-old wife of gospel singer Tim Bowman Jr. says she made the decision to honor God by abstaining from sex until her wedding day. Soon after she proudly announced to the world on Instagram that she had remained a virgin until her wedding day by showing the certificate she presented to her father, a number of Christians responded in anger.
Bowman told The Christian Post that she was mostly surprised that many of those who left negative comments about her decision to show her father the results of her gynocological exam that revealed she was still a virgin before her wedding day identified as Christians.
“That’s what I couldn’t understand. So it was kind of like, why do we, as Christians, bash one another instead of protect one another and spread the message of God to those who may not understand?” she questioned.
“It’s OK for a girl who gets pregnant out of wedlock to say ‘OK, I’m pregnant’ and we celebrate the baby. But it’s not OK to say ‘Hey, I’m a virgin.'” she asserted. “Maybe the certificate wasn’t right, but neither was her getting pregnant. We still celebrate the baby.”
No, I Do Not Like Richonne (Rick and Michonne as Romantic Couple on television series The Walking Dead) – Sex Can Be Risky in the Apocalypse
This may be, perhaps, the only, or one of the very few, anti- Richonne blog posts on the internet.
To any Richonne Fans Who Are Reading This
If you have not seen my “About” page (and I currently have this stated at the top of the blog itself), I seldom permit dissenting views to be published on my blog.
Therefore, if you are a rabid Richonne supporter who leaves me a nasty, rude comment in response to this post, I likely will not publish it.
I don’t even bother to read the entirety of such posts – the moment I glance a few cuss words or rudeness in the first sentence of a post that is pending, awaiting me to grant permission to publish it, I hit the “trash can” button and delete it. I don’t even read the entire thing once I have ascertained it’s a vitriolic post.
So please, don’t waste your time or mine by composing one.
There is an addendum below addressing people on Twitter who were commenting to me how having Michonne, a black woman, in a romance with a white guy on this TV show, was supposedly oh- so- important. I have addressed those types of comments much farther blow (towards the end of the post, before the “Related Posts” section).
I did an internet search or two in the days after the February 21, 2016 airing of the zombie apocalypse show The Walking Dead episode in which the Rick Grimes character has sex with the Michonne character for the first time.
In the vast majority of reaction I see in blog posts or comments on entertainment sites that discuss “Richonne,” most people appear approving or enthusiastic about this TV show pairing. I cannot fathom why this is so.
I remain perplexed at the drooling, nutty, overboard enthusiasm so many TV viewers have for wanting to see TV characters date each other.
Further, if you dare disagree on these other sites about “Richonne” and admit to disliking “Richonne,” no matter how politely you state your views, many of these “Richonne” supporters become unhinged and vitriolic.
I happen to like the Michonne character and the Rick character – Rick has always been one of my favorite characters on the show. I have nothing against either actor who plays these characters.
However, I do not like or enjoy a Michonne-Rick romantic pairing.
I did not enjoy the show attempting to romantically pair Rick up with Jessie, either.
(Jessie was later killed by being eaten by zombies).
I mention this early on, as a lot of these Richonne fans wrongly assume anyone who dislikes “Richonne” must be a “Jessie – Rick shipper.”
The Rise of Delayed Marriage and Female Friendship – article from The Atlantic
Speaking of friendship: there is an account on Twitter whose owner sticks up for friendship and sometimes blogs against the Christian obsession with marriage or the stupid Billy Graham Rule. That account is (Link): Forbidden Friendships (@MenWomenFriends)
The Atlantic has a very long article about societal shifts concerning the delay or demise of marriage and the rise of female friendships, as they discuss it in the context of some television show called “Broads” that is about two lady friends. I’ve never seen the show.
The show’s new season asks what its heroines, Abbi and Ilana, are to each other: friends? Partners? More?
….Abbi and Ilana share, basically, what a lot of young women—and young men—share in this age of delayed marriage and emergent adulthood and platonic roommates and geographic peripateticism and economic prosperity and economic uncertainty: a friendship that occupies the psychic space that used to be devoted to spouses and children.
While the (Link): marriage plot may still, dissolved and distended, drive many of Hollywood’s cultural products, Broad City reflects friendship’s age-old, but also new, reality: The show is suggesting that its heroines are already, effectively, married. To each other.
…The women’s partnership [which is platonic; they don’t have sex with each other], crucially, is not merely a matter of social circumstance; they aren’t simply keeping each other company until their respective dudes carry them along to their Happily Ever After. They are each other’s Happily Ever After. The pair, as Ann Friedman (Link): put it, are “more obsessed with each other than they are with men.” They are very probably the loves of each other’s lives.
Which makes Broad City, on the one hand, yet more evidence that we are living, as TheWashington Post’s Alyssa Rosenberg (Link): put it, in “a golden age of female friendship.”